#79 Mole Man Mischief

Episode 79

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J & Z have Spencer from Got-Moles back on for round 2.. and it’s an absolute mess. Check out the video as there is some good stuff you need to see.
actually there was something really interesting this guy you’re already laughing i haven’t finished my story i just keep looking at your face it makes
me [ __ ] like okay perfect okay no i’m serious this so this lady was in the metaverse and she got sexually assaulted
in the metaverse and then she tried to follow a lawsuit that she got like sexually assaulted did she win she got money how much i don’t know but i think
i way too much how much i read the article one dollar bro i’m about to be a [ __ ] sexual assault victim in the
metaverse no but there’s a guy there’s one guy i’m not kidding you so he’s buying all this real estate in the metaverse i
don’t know but like he made a good point though he’s like the reason i’m doing it he’s like because i think in the future the metaverse and all these technologies
are gonna get so good that no one wants to live in the real life they’re just gonna come home and come to this
that part kind of makes sense man yeah but it’s like i’m a real estate owner oh what properties well it’s
fictional but property number one six two zero nine okay welcome back slap takes us around
lunch table episode 79 episode 79 and ladies and gentlemen we have a atlt
alumni and a very special guest that if you’ve been here long enough you already know he was on ladies and gentlemen give it up for spencer hill spencer hill
he’s back he’s [ __ ] bad god you’re so beautiful i’m so sweaty there’s so much
first and foremost let’s start off with some sponsors um aperture oceans bringing ideas and ads to life and also
wanted to shout out liv stallion never be tamed wellness and fitness page started by our atlt’s own founding
member brandon body auto uh streams monday through friday brandon spelled the usual way body auto
b-a-t-t-i-a-t-o on instagram or you can look it up on instagram live stallion stanley’s about the usual way live
without the e and we instead of doing the next sponsor we have the own guy to do his own
sponsorship spencer what what do you do ladies and gentlemen of the puget sound area and the world
i am here to tell you all about got moles we are the world premiere prestige pristine
you said pristine last time prestige oh from prestige pristine as well uh basically we’re going to get rid of
your moles don’t let moles ruin your yard your foundation your home just you guys want to hear a crazy story
about moles all right we’re going right into it all right so i went to this house the other day
beautiful home huge plate glass windows and one of them was shattered and i’m like a mole no
window window i think gophers do that they do the creatures yeah no this huge huge
mole and uh they hit it with the lawnmower and it shot a rock into their glass window how much do you cost them
that’s how big is the window 12 grand 12 grand for a window one window cristal more money more problems
man anyways give us a call we’ll take care of your mole problem and they’ll make sure you got no moles
no mo oh god you know what hearing it from the horse’s mouth the
moles mouth if you will all right so it is a absolute pleasure
to have spencer hill back on the podcast you know you all loved him y’all wanted him back and there’s a lot of them to
love and i love that too i guess that’s a fat joke
yes [ __ ] you i want to do something that he did real quick
yeah like the pixar thing jumping on the letter yeah you got a [ __ ] hump it’s way cooler when you did it okay so uh
spencer last time on the last episode we talked about got moles okay the prestige
[ __ ] fortune 500 company there’s pristine okay is there soon to be listed on the nasdaq
buy stock now yeah it’s going worldwide so public how much more do you have well it’s more stock they call it more mud
how many quail pelts do you have yeah oh that’s
have belts but foreign thinks they do wait no they have pelts i think those fur animals have pillows no pouts are when you skin the animal and then use it
as a pelt but birds i’m only what are you gonna use pelts for what are you gonna use a bird skin for a [ __ ] patch well no
because okay me and him were at this thing and they were talking about alternative currency and [ __ ] and so then i’m drunk as [ __ ] i’m like what the
[ __ ] we gonna do exchange 12 pel [ __ ] quail pelts for [ __ ] 16 spencer boys
this is [ __ ] stupid man 20 spencer bucks yeah 20 spencer bucks okay so i got to ask you so state champ is here
state champ is back state champ is here i want to talk about i want to talk about your roots i know you were a mechanic for a while all right machinist
a machinist a machinist yeah now i heard from people
you were an uber driver at one point ah dude no way come on look how did you hear
that and people decided it wasn’t for me i think you guys probably who was uber
it was uber eats yeah i had this i had this there we go dude i had this piece of [ __ ] honda civic and it was beat and
uh i’m like oh you know what this is gonna be great i told my wife i’m like
god promotion at work instead of sitting on the couch and watching tv we’re going to go do
ubereats we’re going to help other people do that hell yeah so i bought this car it was like 1500 bucks i buy this car and i’m like
this is great we do like five deliveries was it the car that i bought okay good no oh [ __ ]
so you made money off me that’s an accord bro okay true but i would have ubereated that [ __ ] dude yeah [ __ ] it
so anyways i start doing this ubereats thing and uh
first night goes great i take my wife we go out we do like five we made like seventy dollars i’m like that’s awesome
yeah then the next night i’m headed to school i was going to college i got a college degree dude you have a college degree
yes a bachelor’s in business i thought it’d be like arts or something no that’s [ __ ] like that’s where he has an
article the [ __ ] does that i don’t know am i too close i feel like i’m too close he’s like i have a liberal
arts degree actually so anyways i’m like hold on hold on you have a bachelor in business yeah
no [ __ ] yes so i’m talking to a college holy [ __ ] i also have a ged dude oh
okay not as impressive but we can see how we made the leap but equally is cool
it makes the degree more impressive yeah so we’re good so i’m i’m on this delivery i’m headed to school i’m like
i’m gonna freaking do some deliveries i text my wife i’m like i’m doing these deliveries she’s like do it make that money baby you know that’s well i set my
ass on the couch eleven dollars make that eleven dollars is it really that so my car broke down dude that’s why
certain ones that are very selective of what they pick because depending on what i didn’t know i was just it was like a video game like things just pop up and
they’re like ding eleven dollars and i’m like [ __ ] yeah you know like i’m just you’re going to is that but that’s why if i i don’t know
ubereats much because it’s so expensive but if i do when i’m feeling lazy i tip i tip a big tip because any driver
around will want will want the [ __ ] tip and they’ll hit it if it’s low if you lowball them you’re obviously after though if you obviously if you’re in
like a highly populated place no i’m saying when you check out of uber eats there’s a percentage of what you tip otherwise
and then it goes into the cost and then you buy i’m saying if it’s obviously a highly populated area like a big city then yeah you can find one anytime but
like if there’s if it’s a normalcy there’s not as much around unless it’s a big one a lot of them won’t click it because it’s like dude i’m making four
bucks in this why the [ __ ] would i do that okay so i didn’t know it was a car broke down i was thinking you were an uber and i was just i wish that would be
myself hopping into the uber with you and i don’t know how that would go like hey dude you want to do a burnout you ever seen a [ __ ] dirty mask do it
i thought you were about there i thought if i say you want a bump bro you want a bump so okay you shitty weed okay did
you have five stars cocaine same thing oh you don’t do a bump of weed i don’t think you might i don’t think so
nobody does bumps a weed anymore that’s a snort week you’re not that much older than this
i’m like you [ __ ] tweak dude he’s making edibles he just throws the whole nug in the batter he’s like
that one i don’t do edibles like that one person like that one person just wants to get [ __ ] up about your snort and [ __ ] in the kitchen cabinet and see
if it gets you high what do you think this oven cleaner does if you snort it interesting thing oven cleaner can help
you make counterfeit money interesting i heard that from me oh yeah that makes sense because we tried it okay so
anyways [ __ ] uber car breaks down i picked up this ramen from a place maybe it was fun i don’t
know anyways car breaks down overheats in the parking lot i call the people they’re like oh my god that’s terrible i
call them that’s terrible they’re like yeah okay we’ll just send out another driver so i’m like stuck here while my car’s overheating and i’m
just like [ __ ] i’m eating these people’s food so i just went in just started eating all this
[Laughter] you ate their food yeah
okay honestly at that point the day is going so bad it’s like what he’s like okay what’s happening what’s
worse i’m gonna lose 11 bucks am i gonna get fired from uber fired me bro they did well they did
how’d they find out you ate it they just were like you know what you know what you’re never riding transportation you didn’t still deliver it at half eaten
did you my car was [ __ ] blown up dude so with like yeah i
[ __ ] piggybacked it there dude okay but it’s like okay he doesn’t eat it it’s like oh my core broke down but i’m sure i got i’m glad i got those people
they’re [ __ ] ramen i would have [ __ ] eat it too it’s like i definitely got a credit you know those people ordered chick-fil-a and they were
happy yeah yeah that’s that’s like going off a cliff and holding the break it’s like you’re already [ __ ] who cares i hate
their food yeah so okay i do have to ask you as a some semi-experienced ubereats driver say someone got a thing of fries
and you can smell those babies in the in the car i’ve heard this story before i’m eating the fries really do you grab a
couple [ __ ] you like i’m eating your i can’t be an uber driver how many do
you do before it’s like okay this might be noticeable it depends what it depends on what size here’s what i do dude so my wife worked at mcdonald’s so what i do
is i pull the [ __ ] fry out and i take a picture of it and i send it to my wife and i’m like how many fries can i get
she counts them yeah and she looks at me she’s like you can get at least a dozen out of that i’m like [ __ ] she’s like take six home for me yeah and i do well
the trick is a lot of the shorter ones are at the bottom and then the long ones if they stay dangled out it looks like there’s more than there actually is you
position them in the room what i see it in you i never worked at mcdonald’s i worked at dickie’s barbecue
actually at one point in my life i was a pit master those green beans are it was a pig the
green beans are good it was pit boss boss pit boss pit master yeah pit master sounds cooler yeah no no he was good you
are a little bit bad because that season the okay honestly i’m not kidding you i did actually like
that [ __ ] [ __ ] microwaved no dickies barbecue not at the only thing at that place that is
actually like mike but it’s like because like some of the sides they come in like the bags that are refrigerated then you
put and then you heat them up but even though some of them aren’t that bad but like the meats 100
are cooked and actually in a smoker like because the night before you put them in there and then whoever opens in the
morning takes them out so like the brisket the pork the ribs all of it is actually legitly dude when he worked at
dickies i ate like a king dude i could come down there dude i’d give him like eight different things of course i’d
give him like eight different things all right a small fry and a small drink military discount
he’d pay three dollars for like forty dollars with the food dude and then i bring him out like a wheelbarrow of waffle fries the waffle
fries were banging those they were bangs as [ __ ] they got a white trash discount there yeah possibly actually that’s
right you know that’s something to talk about when i so you and i talked on the phone earlier today we were talking about the
episode you know [ __ ] figuring this out why did you want a wheelbarrow you asked me if i had a wheelbarrow and you
wouldn’t tell me why wait whoa time out my memory might just serve really well here if i remember correctly last time right
here you did blow up a wheelbarrow tire didn’t you with uh
no i owed you beer dude and i was being lazy i wasn’t gonna carry it in here wait wait wait wait then you were like
just bring one cake you brought two cases of beer yeah so why do you need a wheelbarrow yeah it’s
i was gonna bring more than two cases well you should have oh you were like just bring one case so i brought two and that was better than
one but i was gonna bring like two i mean they were the first time i bring a wheelbarrow full of [ __ ] beer that
would have been funny yeah beer delivery and then i was gonna wheel it in here then we probably would have had it
sitting right there i have a question um this is a little off topic
no i will not make out with you it’s really bad it’s really bad that’s awesome um so let’s just say this i think i’d say you and jack are decently
closed correct so if we so twice so it was a time so if
jack is in a scenario like he’s gonna die in the jack dies and the only way to
rev to like save his life is you gotta eat his ass
jack dies really [ __ ] my butt [ __ ] you you’re dying you’re not gonna eat my butt not a
chance for my life i don’t know what you’ve been eating why is that through my butt you know so you’ve been eating i have
yeah are you gonna eat my ass okay my life is to save your life yeah yeah i care about you that much no
i’m not eating no if he’s dying and they’re like okay a guy has a gun to his head and he’s like z’s gonna die unless you eat his ass
sorry i’m spreading him and i’m going jack dies every time no [ __ ] you died dude i have
a virgin butt i’m like sorry you know we have teams
you wouldn’t eat my butt no he didn’t say how long you’re gonna die maybe i’m sorry and then a little lick
is this like a pride week is this because you guys at bride week i [ __ ] hate you with your pride [ __ ] are you an
ass eater
i mean no not a big ass why did you pause ask dude are you guys asking i mean out of
the shower out of the shower so there’s so there’s like stipulations yeah i mean i’m not gonna eat a sweaty [ __ ] i mean if i’m
hammered drunk like my wife is [ __ ] that’s also not a one-night stand probably because i’m like oh yeah
he’s at the cookie
we’re camping she hasn’t shared for four days i’m hammered drunk and i’m just like get over here the state champ is in
the room you know i mean i got the belt on and everything i made out of bottle caps that i found
wait what i don’t know i’m just you know i thought you’re serious i mean i’d say that it’s definitely a
new generation thing yeah you’re gonna die from eating butts no i’m not gonna eat
your ass you’re gonna no i don’t want you to eat my ass you i’m not you’re dying and the cure is wrong with you yes
you asked me that [ __ ] you should ask god okay how about this would you eat mine
save me to save you if i have to leave this i can’t [ __ ]
this might be the gayest thing that’s happened to me i mean that’s not true i’ve seen you do some gay [ __ ]
i have to save yourself
i was worried about you guys kind of like being a little yeah so it was everybody except we live with our two girls they might actually cover dude that’s a
cover no they don’t i think they covered each other too much yeah jesus i mean okay okay how about this
no does your wife have like a best friend or like a friend yeah she’s like no she has no idea okay so if like if if
there’s scissors or something like are you going to watch
this is spiraling what the [ __ ] did you sign me up for i
mean are you gonna like hop in the closet and look at the blinds like no i’m leaving dude oh get out of here
you’re not gonna touch happen i’m gonna go [ __ ] no i’m not [ __ ] jumping in dude no no you don’t you know why that’s
a bad decision because guess what and then if you do that then she has something
over your head it’s like okay well you know you were jumping in is yes actual like i’ve been sabotaged anybody
watching okay help me out wait hold on this okay we do we do have we you said no
you’re fine no it means yes no seriously he’s a watcher rape we do
have something that i actually think we wanted to get your thoughts on because we were kind of having a hard time figuring out i think you could sell atlt
rape whistles i mean i mean i have fun while you’re getting raped like
that’s awful it’s like wow i got raped but i’m so glad i got the hlt rape whistle guys guys it has the atlt logo
on it like i’m okay i’ll forget all honestly i don’t know much about the field but
i will say this i think it’s just a normal whistle time and time time we do in fact have a picture that we
need explained by you we do um jack [ __ ] jack jack has a picture we need
to have explained speaking of this is funny the gayest thing you’ve ever done i actually thought this was the gayest
thing you’ve ever done because i actually have a really important and we’ll put this on the screen for the viewers can you explain that first
explain this picture to me you know you look you look like a transvestite lumberjack
oh wait no don’t don’t worry there’s actually two here so i didn’t see you so we have a wide screen shot whoever’s taking these pictures did really good
but then sons of [ __ ] we also have a sophie here you [ __ ] that is not a [ __ ] selfie you [ __ ] so i’m
gonna say two things one that’s cinnamon so cinnamon i’m gonna ask you a couple questions
here one your outfit looks like it’s from the 50s which is beautiful i love that i don’t know where you got it
that’s it show that to the [ __ ] camera all right you’re sons of [ __ ] no that’s uh
you’re a [ __ ] we’re in the little house in the prairie you get that so can you explain
so you know what the clampers are hold on you did just say that talking about
eating my ass to save my life was the gayest thing you’ve ever done but here is the stack up here i am looking at you
with a bob but by the way the hair looks great on you you should grow it out um yeah i agree it looks beautiful on you
and there i have you dressed as a woman yeah he has a haircut probably some [ __ ] dude
that’s my product because he thinks this is the case i’m like
i knew i blamed my guy for that we were remember you asked me like hey you guys are pretty close after this i don’t [ __ ] know dude
sabotage sabotage here’s a [ __ ] seven mine mine never did me like that mine was just call and response because i
just thought of the gay scene my informant sent me some worse [ __ ] and this is what i chose so
oh yeah so anyways uh do you know what the clampers are clampers e klampus vitus is that like clamping
andy andy schmidt sheesh he’s a clamper clamper yeah what does that mean do they
clamp things no the clampers is like a group of it’s like the pardon me the eagles
only it’s a group of guys basically like back in the day they love a good vice yeah well it’s a drinking group
oh okay uh their their whole goal is to get drunk so they’re very productive historical society with a drinking problem okay
pardon me it’s kind of like a a if they decided to all make their own little band basically like it’s a bunch of dudes who
are willing to in in history’s name get really drunk
and do stupid [ __ ] uh what historical things are they referencing uh they like they plaque
like the eagles hall is in wilson’s plaque by them they find all these places that are historical and they make them a historical so what does this have
to do with you dressing up so that was for the the witters ball witter’s ball is for the widows right
and there was four tickets left and the only way to find this [ __ ] yeah i don’t know the widow’s ball where was that
witters winners winners ball it was at a place that sounds like an std right the claw
no so anyways the only way i could go is that as like there was four tickets left
for this thing and the only way it was sold out it’s a sold out of it it’s just sold out of it so this is like a madison square garden the only way we could go
is if i went as it’s called the ecv it was the ecv eclampsis vitus e-clamp and
the reason they made it that is because they wanted it to be like a longer name than like the masonic lodge right they were like sonic laws yeah e-clamp is
okay more so so it was like more ridiculous how ridiculous can you be right so they like and this group of
people like they could they were like you’re not masons you’re [ __ ] trash and they were like yeah [ __ ] you so they made their own like vests and they put
like soup can lids on their [ __ ] they were like the most ridiculous yes exactly and they were like [ __ ] we’re
gonna be so ridiculous that we don’t give a [ __ ] about any other group of people like if you don’t like us [ __ ]
you so i can agree with it but i feel like they probably dressed a little too flamboyant they party [ __ ] hard no
they wear red shirts and black vests but there’s any soup cans on them that’s seems right this guy says like we always
watch i was joining the the ecv and this guy says hey the only way you can come is if you
come as my buddy’s date and i’m like [ __ ] challenge accepted dude
where did you find the dress yeah my mom dude that makes sense my [ __ ] value
village i don’t know i called my mom up i’m like hey this guy says the only way i can come is this his [ __ ]
date and i’m gonna what’s called yeah e-clamp is vitus okay and uh what’s
he tv honey i didn’t even join i never even joined what’s easy i never even joined i did that whole thing they dude
those guys got in a bunch of fights and like acted like sounds like up your alley that sounds like the state champ
state champ is retired from that he has not retired anyways yeah so we went to that and uh
i went as another dude’s date it was you know cinnamon this was the gayest thing yeah so can we you guys are the gayest
people i’ve hung out with in my whole life on the flip side we’ve all crossed dressed so you
i see what’s happening here i see what’s happening here oh set me up all right okay so what’s
next what’s next on the [ __ ] agenda i gotta hold this piece of [ __ ] i’m gonna get i’m gonna get punched
across the table but it’s good content well it’s an away game for you you know yeah yeah i didn’t even know what i was showing up
for jack went behind my back and yeah i will say i did i did i actually back
yo but that’s as far as i’m going to go back back him up on what no he wanted to dig he wanted to dig dig dig dig dig i
was like i was like no no no no no [ __ ] dude he is a isn’t he could have had fun we’re going to edit that so that
he’s gone so it sounds like he said we cancel you yeah i’ve been hold on hold on hold on you’re a digger
you know what you don’t know pull up the text and i’m saying okay we’re not gonna don’t mention that i’m
like we’re not gonna talk about this the whole time no we just said not talk about the first thing no look at i did if you’re gonna say which side i was i
was definitely on his side okay i sent him the picture i said i was [ __ ] crying bro he said
omg is there any way that after we can have that edited out on the screen who gave you that jim chesley and then i
said some things and he said i can already tell you some things i’m not going to add that in she said i can already tell you now that’s a clip you
were down for that that part i’ve said you told you listed like seven years oh she’s sending me all this stuff oh i
have all this [ __ ] and i’m like dude no we can’t mention oh who’s my wife you expose [ __ ]
it’s my fault i actually kind of already told him she knew yeah she knew um suspense you got dude i got nothing i
did that um so state champ okay so actually we’re gonna give you your first promo here
spencer’s talking about the state champ podcast it’s probably gonna flop you know he doesn’t have what we have here
but that’s okay you know and that’s a typical spencer thing you know what i mean well he doesn’t want us on because we’re too gay yeah
that’s why he wants a separate yeah this is a fact yeah he’s like okay okay
so he’s starting a podcast so check it out uh i actually own the domain names which i will resell to him for a thousand dollars um
damn it which i really sell i wish i had known when i was getting myself into it which i will resell him to a hell of a
workout a hell of a markup um so spencer state champ so we already heard about hammerschlagen okay we already heard
about some things okay we were stressing we heard about that was that state champ [ __ ] state champ does not cross dress
state champion that’s the state [ __ ] [Laughter]
oh man oh cheers to that yeah yeah cheers to the state [ __ ]
okay so state champ man what else do you have we need okay you say he’s retired i
say he’s just going through a sabbatical all right so let’s see here give us another little
what does the state champ get into you say he’s your alter ego he gets you into some interesting situations you told us
about a hammer schlagen is it a mental disability do you guys know about my do you guys know about the state champs tattoo you have is it a [ __ ] stamp no
it’s worse it’s a state it’s a champ stamp dude do you know about the champ stamp
no i don’t i got a champ stamp once you have a you’re tattered on you the
state champ no show it please you want to see it he’s on your house yeah i knew it’s on yours
yeah show us god this is the gayest episode i actually wasn’t gonna say let’s see it jack’s like
let’s [ __ ] see it all right i gotta take these off wait what dude wait you have to you have
to have to stand face like you have to stand on that’s what you have to do you have to stay on the fireplace let her buck let her [ __ ] up
that is also one of the games he’s ever done it’s pretty [ __ ]
you’re just hiding your own insecurity you’re a [ __ ] rat letter
tell us the story around that tattoo please god damn it well we can’t monetize this episode we
just showed you yeah okay tell us the story about the letter buck
you ever drink pendleton whiskey yes it says letter buck on the bottle oh is that your favorite that’s it used
to be so yeah we were just getting drunk and everybody was getting tattoos and
barracks tattoos barracks tattoos like a prison tattoo yeah yeah
you know oh this is in the army yeah that’s not what they say what do they say that’s the marines isn’t it i think
it’s you think you were in it i think they changed it dude they changed is that way isn’t the marines are wrong
yeah they used to be hua hua semper fi no that’s the marines dude [ __ ] marines
are way cooler his [ __ ] girlfriend’s a marine and so we just kind of like stick to it yeah semper fi is like just
nuts yeah the marines they [ __ ] do they they wouldn’t take me really
yeah i tried you were just too good criminal record oh that happens yeah wait so on the flip side i feel like so
anyways like a [ __ ] shitload of pendleton whiskey and then uh
yeah there somebody produced a tattoo gun everybody was getting tattoos and so you have hepatitis b now as well in fact
yeah yeah that’s it how far do the letters go like in hip size b c i’m saying they
just stop at c for everything they ever thought something did they just stop it
hmm i have all of them trust me there’s more no is it like i don’t know do you actually have hepatitis i didn’t mean to
make fun of that i didn’t know now oh are you going to get tested for that have you been tested
maybe we should both get tested i’ve never been tested because i didn’t think i don’t know man
now i’m starting to think i should i don’t know so you but you got like a prison tat in the barracks
yeah basically and you i feel like you should have got like get her done or something that would have been a lot cooler dude
my mom my mom saw it and she was just like i hope you don’t go to why’d your mom see your ass why not
mom mom mom you gotta come see this i think she saw a picture on twitter it’s a nice hat honey and she was just
like god i am so proud of you she [ __ ] does the whole mom like let me wipe it off for you
she’s a sweet woman i love her oh you didn’t meet her didn’t you i did yeah
she’s actually very cool yeah super cool i mean we talk once in a while exchange you know oh she probably gave you some
[ __ ] dirt on me too didn’t she no she didn’t yeah not everyone gave me dirt i actually did um find something that was
[ __ ] hilarious oh here we go no actually this is on me no oh thank god no that’s that’s his
yeah get up that’s [ __ ] up dude that’s how it’s gonna say i’m not kidding before this before this so i was i don’t know if you know what you
know what etsy is yeah okay so there is some very [ __ ] up [ __ ] on etsy
like i’m not kidding you there’s like some cockroaches there’s no there there is everything from custom hangers for
middle-aged moms to [ __ ] rings and um i’m not kidding you so uh no no this has something to do
with you though okay so not the cockroach no no here’s the thing so this because they’re hillcocking remember
remember the last episode we talked about mike you know what would be [ __ ] funny dude if we had like a daniel boone you know daniel had the
right tools out of out of a [ __ ] mold yeah so we have a guest i buy one we have a
gift for you no [ __ ] way he didn’t if you had that no no no no here’s the thing here’s the thing so i take back
everything so i found this i found this thing and it wasn’t exactly like the daniel boone hat but like
it had more fur on it
did you guys actually buy me no i okay he doesn’t even know about this i’m saying i was just looking and i found was this slippers
no imagine heads you stick your feet in but it’s closed like this dude if you’re not seeing that on etsy i’ve seen it on it
slippers okay i was just curious if like they actually
had like actual i’m so not seeing the ones so are you the supplier time dude story time okay are you the supplier no
these moles okay but i used to i know of a guy that uh in the bowl game yes i
know of a guy in the whole game he’s a back alley mole guy but yeah he used to [ __ ] he got arrested for
selling grams no he was he was making golf club head covers out of moles dude
animals is that like the like highest stage you can i met this guy one time i like he popped the trunk of his car and
it smelled like death like my girlfriend’s car smells now
similar similar yes i know the smell worse
so he’s making more golf club i don’t know if he’s even alive is that a good business who’s all this i don’t know why
would he just use other cheaper materials and sell those as customers have you felt them all no you got me a mole
okay so anyways we wanted a state champ moment thank you for showing us the mole i really appreciate that we want to stay
champ aspca is going to be knocking on our door for animal cruelty or something you’re gonna get pita we’re gonna cut
that outside uh well whatever you want it in don’t you i don’t give a [ __ ] it’s good publicity
oh wait i do have something to ask you about so last episode we talked to you about got moles right see me right now
i’m looking at you because i know he’s about to do some [ __ ] i’m not even i’m not even he’s [ __ ] shiesty he he
is a little he’s a little bit so you called me and said you’re digging trenches now but the trenches are for
the moles can you [ __ ] explain that so i did this one they fall in the trench
does that make sense they don’t know what’s yeah they’re going to well no it’s like in world war one where they had the trenches they could run no
spencer can run through them and i’m doing barriers dude so i’m i’m being barriers like trevor’s the movie trump
has you ever seen old movie tremors yeah when they built those berries because those those warm creatures went around and then it killed them running
yeah similar but they don’t die when they run into the baby or they just can’t go any farther yeah basically like i’m i’m digging a trench four feet deep
i bury this barrier i backfill it and then the moles can’t get in yeah yard so then like you have them
trapped you have them cornered on the outside not trapped but they can’t get in a yard or kick it in that makes sense actually the opposite of trapping
interesting it’s deflection it’s deflection mole deflection it’s preventative yeah i mean i don’t
know i’m tired of killing moles dude i’m trying to deflect the moles at this point in my life so now you’re just getting them away to someone else’s yard
which gives you more business jesus damn you’re smart it’s always a [ __ ]
catcher there’s always an agenda there’s always an agenda with you you got me baby i love that okay so i do want to know okay spencer
we got you on the podcast here i want to know what you were like as a child no like i know you wrote the short bus you told
us that earlier i feel like you were definitely a bully for one what the [ __ ] yeah yeah can you tell me i had to walk
both you [ __ ] up dude what made you kidding maybe not you you look scrappy i’d have [ __ ] you up good
good i bring up one thing and now i’m just a [ __ ] antichrist
uh like what god give me your computer chip money nerd yeah
what what got you on the short bus what got me into special ed i didn’t say that
that’s what the [ __ ] it is okay so like my dad dude my dad got me into special did he rub your head and you like
freaked out or what happened i wish that’d been way [ __ ] cooler no dude i had terrible grades and i was just a bad
kid and i was getting in trouble and my dad told the school that i was [ __ ] on the spectrum and they were like really
were you ever tested wait so you’re [ __ ] i am [ __ ] really yeah well this is our first i guess [ __ ] isn’t
the right word sorry moment this is our first special needs guest okay no actually um
hey next month thank you dad the whole staff behind the camera here just clapping i was failing out of school and
my dad was like this is i’m gonna save it my dad’s a fixer he’s a big surprise in a way it worked because then you went
to college after somehow yeah so he he pretty much called the school so you’re a special needs kid who has a degree in
business that’s amazing
yeah special income with a bachelor’s degree in business that sounds like the twilight zone
what’s going on [Laughter]
no you didn’t you oh i’m not first yeah you became you could not make up a
funnier [ __ ] canceled after that i’m i’m pretending to be [ __ ] like
[ __ ] you just said you were oh yeah well you at the time in school but i’m saying either way i feel like the
goonies here like hey you guys
[Music] [Laughter]
you’re doing so well that’s one of the best movies ever okay such a good movie yeah i rode the
short bus like when did the transition happen from the big bust of the short bus
did that crush it as far as it sounds it was way cooler the bus ride’s so much shorter you got a bus
bus in the you drove the short bus you’re the king of the retards i tried big ones too oh my god
now we’re definitely getting canceled yeah okay okay so no special we’re have to cut some of this out but i’m saying
when you walked outside with your little lunch pail in your backpack and the big one didn’t show up and the little tiny
ones showed up how’d they make you feel oh i knew my dad was like you know what’s gonna happen to you you’re gonna ride the [ __ ] short bus boy did did they use
the wheelchair lift to get you in i wish that would have been so much cool like he doesn’t like stairs you’re too big
for the stairs boy i wasn’t saying you’re big i was saying mentally i love that
mentally big mentally big you’re just too smart well no like those [ __ ] there are
people who are like you know have a condition all right doctor phil let’s go and they can go in a helicopter go over
a whole landscape and draw the whole thing i don’t have that do you ever see that um
speaking of helicopters there was this lady she was like i just can’t think you should speak it
out look at that she wasn’t okay she was an older lady no she wasn’t become a helicopter
identify as a apache helicopter she was out hiking somewhere remote and she had
like a medical emergency no so there’s a video of it you can look it up it’s [ __ ] hilarious so she had a medical
emergency they airlift her but obviously to airlift the helicopter oh my god and puts down like a little stretcher to put
her on strap around and pull her up but like the line was like because it’s so windy it like toiled up like curled up
the line so when it hits the ground it doesn’t move obviously they put her on it then they hoist her up and go she
spits she’s spinning at like 1200 rpms she’s spinning she’s going nuts she got [ __ ] up now she
rides a short bus yeah exactly like did you drive her here yeah i’ve dropped her
off [ __ ] okay i have another i have another question for you spencer so you were in the army right which by the way
i respect you for your i don’t [Laughter]
[ __ ] yeah you got any like i was joking war stories well my girlfriend was in the army so war
stories i don’t have any war stories you didn’t like you know going to afghanistan kill
some people no honestly i don’t think there’s any comedic part of that even if he did there’s no no
that wasn’t you know okay
the roast of spencer hill the state champ let’s go right now because he you ready because he didn’t go into a war
zone it’s it’s funny what was the best case scenario if he did like if he told him
if he faced a life changing yeah dude i killed like 50 kids
what was the best case scenario i ate my way out of the army okay what guy what story what guy goes into a war scenario
and does something he regrets and comes like dude it was sick man that’s not what i was expecting it was just i was just like oh we’re still raising stories
i ate my way out of the army like children children i
so basically look i got hurt when i was in the army and uh the [ __ ] army didn’t acknowledge it as an army and you
would have went pro by your acl yeah so anyways uh i found this loophole that if i got fat as [ __ ]
look at me baby i think you look great yeah i just got too fat i just ate two
dinners every night you know [ __ ] damn blizzarian and they kicked me out you know what dan blizzarian is i do
that guy because obviously he like tried to be an abc i went to bud has ever heard his story he’s a way more yeah he went to bud’s twice i know and then he
said okay he said in an interview okay because obviously you know all about him yeah okay and he’s like i went to what’s like yeah
both my legs are basically broken and then i went to hell weak and did it again with two broken legs that is not
true there’s no way i didn’t do any of that i just ate my way out of there there’s no way there’s no way
there’s no way yeah look i got i got out of the army because i was too fat what are they
i mean after so long you just be like [ __ ] it not even after so long after like you know six months they were like yeah
you’re never gonna lose this weight you’re out i weighed like 200 pounds so is that in like an honorable or just honorable discharge oh there you go yeah
i kept all my benefits no [ __ ] so i did like three years in the army so you can have a usaa bank account yep that’s
pretty cool i could go to the va i can do [ __ ] whatever you want yeah but uh yeah yeah basically i just got
fat to get out i signed a six-year contract my first contract really so like when you went really um
was it pretty like was the [ __ ] pretty strenuous to get in like the training and [ __ ] or
yeah i mean not dude i went through like i went through a lot of [ __ ] i was in uh went there like
they call it rasp rangers uh assessment selection program went to airborne school
went to a bunch of [ __ ] the next thing you know your your boys got his hand on your ass cheek tattooing you [ __ ] yeah
yeah the way that happened at the army right in the barracks sure did that’s not gay okay yup yup
not gay at all okay when he’s doing the tattoo everybody he has to lean on his hand all right now
i’m seeing some [ __ ] that’s happened to me in my life that was a little bit gay all right now did you guys [ __ ] shine a light on all these
things i’m saying okay you know when you’re doing tattoos you gotta spread the skin did he ever just like like you know dude another dude had to
shave my ass in order to [ __ ] do that tattoo really you couldn’t shave your own ass dude what the [ __ ] i mean
i’m fat dude i was fat but you said but you said you weren’t cause you’d get fat to get in the army yeah but i was already fat
fat or fluffy husky what am i now dude what am i now am i husky you’re fluffy no you’re you
are not fat now i think you’re husky you guys are being nice let’s go on next question
question has been called no i’m just saying like okay so the boy’s giving you the tat all right
yeah there was two two boys giving me the tag wait you want to give shout outs shout outs colton krills
my first love yeah and devin foley devin foley yeah he did one letter which one did he do i don’t
[ __ ] it was obvious listen it was like [ __ ] no letter number did you do i
don’t know i don’t know letterbox that’s i thought
it might have been the v is there a v did you see [ __ ] i haven’t ever seen it
it just said let her buck let her buck maybe i don’t know maybe the u and thought it
was a v maybe it was a little sharp yeah have had i should have had him do like uh you should have had an art major not
a [ __ ] you know so that he knew yeah you yeah yeah not a v i mean the next time you’re recording you have to
select he should have done it in like bubble letters like how girls write or something yeah not [ __ ] kindergarten
i think like that’s just kindergarten a lot of girls do write the same way and they write so slowly i think there’s an apostrophe in there too somewhere
i didn’t see it like let er and then maybe like uh and it just grounded itself into a freckle well maybe he was
it might be gone now maybe my ass swallowed it maybe maybe he was starting another leg he’s
like actually this is not a good place for it let’s move over a little bit yeah it wasn’t double-spaced no i love that so when when you were
getting that like how are you feeling like hammered hammered drunk as [ __ ] so
you said there’s two guys that’s four hands on your anus at one time i mean nobody touched my anus yeah okay
just be real dude let’s be [ __ ] real just your cheeks how do we get there
just your cheeks how do we get there because he [ __ ] loves that he loves
it he does does he’s like we’re just bringing it out isn’t he something he is let’s talk [ __ ] about jack yeah
[Applause] i’m not talking [ __ ] i’m just saying sabotaging you for the past hour no big
deal i had one question that i said okay what’s the picture he’s been getting sauteed for 30 minutes straight i think
yeah [Laughter]
when you were um when you were a kid did you ever were you a big not a big movie person
but i’m saying did were there things that you watched that you like were your favorites
like whether movies or shows little house prairie yeah dude name a couple all right or cartoons like what the [ __ ]
dude i never watched a little house on the prairie what the [ __ ] dude looney tunes was badass
oh yeah i watched recently uh wasn’t the chicken racing the fast and the furious the original one
it is so bad well there’s like 12 now first
it was like paul walker vin diesel whatever that i don’t [ __ ] know anything
a camaro no that was the second one the first one though so [ __ ] corny that was my dude when i was at the time it
was 14 or whenever that came out 13th that was the coolest [ __ ] movie ever they were street racing they had
underglow i was like my whole life depends on this okay the thing is they they did a great job within the like after that one for the
few like the tokyo drift it was it was sick but then it got too much but if you go back watch tokyo
drift and you watch oh no it got way too much but if you go back and watch those and you see how corny they are oh you’re
like you watch [ __ ] it’s just like what the i’m sorry i’m just gonna say after you get in a series
to number seven like it might just be time to like unless you’re star wars no way because i don’t know what’s your favorite movie
i don’t watch a ever of movies he always says i know i say like i told text someday i was like f a cotton and he was like what the [ __ ] is
that i’m like dodge ball dodgeball dodgeball i don’t watch that it’s a bulls let’s see if it pays off for him
exactly i just the problem is i watch too many movies so like if someone asks me what my favorite one is i can’t pick one there’s no way there’s no what is
your answer there’s genres too i have my favorite war movies like my favorite
i see what you’re saying you know what i mean like i love i love st pepe ryan i love banana brothers but that’s a show you know i
just there’s so many things dude gran torino favorite movie gran torino great i can’t i can live with that i can’t
quote what he says in there right now but i’ll i can quote it after that that’s my favorite it says a lot of racism good period my dad loves it i’ve
never seen it but i mean like if if there’s a movie that like okay maybe it’s not the best movie ever made but in
its own way it’s yeah yeah yeah what is the one where he’s like screaming at the asian people
oh that seen that okay great [ __ ] movie great he’s [ __ ] hilarious i mean if i have to pick one movie grandpa desert island
grand touring no you wanted to go top five here’s my top one gran torino well we’re not doing a top five because i forgot i know
but i’m just saying that’s perspective number one that’s another that’s the thing when people ask
top five movements like you have so many that are spread out we have like comedies over here then we have the war
movies like how could you leave saving private ryan out of out of a top list if if you like action warnings leaving
ryan’s privates i thought it was it’s a classic it’s a great movie it is the first time that i uh bought that
movie accidentally i think i was about in fourth grade and my mom was like no it wasn’t we were on vacation in phoenix
and my mom was like you’re not watching that so i went to the whatever kid camp they sent me to
and my [ __ ] mom watched it i came back my mom’s just like but no think about this for how long ago
was how well done was that movie oh [ __ ] it’s great absolutely insane like have you seen the the pacific
yeah yeah great that they discontinued the binge or abandoned brothers because when i was banded brother’s great when i
was younger my dad about like modern day marines that was
pretty [ __ ] badass it was a movie or a show a show were you in it no no oh
i did i did um you’ve been in a movie no fury fury a couple guys that i was stationed with
were like one of them was on uh what was the the cut movie the cut show
if you’re waiting if you’re on the survive in the cut do you know that you survived the cut it’s on discovery channel i went to or i was uh
plus one of the guys that i was stationed with is that when they have the guys that are like trying to get through boot camp in like hell week and they like
recording it and yeah people even okay so one of the guys that i was stationed with was on surviving the cut sniper
school and he made it but he wouldn’t let them film him so they said that he failed that was pretty funny but he he’s
a sniper he’s a bad [ __ ] that’s [ __ ] nice and then the other one um was ranger school and one of the guys
that was my whatever top in charge of us he was on there he was a [ __ ] dude sergeant
silk silky smooth get a lisp my name is sergeant what what rank were you in this [ __ ]
dude i got out of the army as a private baby that’s not bad you shouldn’t say out as a private i just uh you know i
[ __ ] up got a little bit of trouble they know these honorable discharge is the important part honorable discharge got va home loans that’s all that
matters that is a weirdo that is yeah i know i’ve got the benefits that’s one dude i get that no it’s beautiful because you
know it would be shitty if you went in there and then this animal just hurts so it doesn’t [ __ ] matter if you and i lost my leg or something you know yeah
that would be [ __ ] shitty that would be very shitty no just a regular dude because i know i know like a few people that went into the army like from high
school it’s like and then they got disarmable discharge like so why the [ __ ] did you go in there that pretty much makes you like a felon you
basically become a felon really if you have a dishonorable you’re [ __ ] because it hangs over your head yeah you’re just losing like a purple heart
with an honorable source okay purple heart is like yeah you got wounded on a deployment or
you got wounded on like uh whatever something like that okay yeah i didn’t get any of that
but you got i got an army achievement medal but the important but also good thing about that is i’m saying anyone
because employers do love hiring people from the military because they know they’re disciplined blah blah or whatever the [ __ ] they just love that
[ __ ] they really do but i’m saying it but if you have a dishonorable it’s like okay so this guy was a soldier and he [ __ ] up so it’s
well [ __ ] [ __ ] uber obviously loved that so that was yeah yeah yeah uber was my hottest [ __ ] ever yeah we’re at an
hour [ __ ] hour okay and then we had fun yeah we did that that was a [ __ ] time i had fun
oh you’re wet after after jack brought up the cross-dressing and [ __ ] you know like yeah you know it
had to happen we’re gonna have words we will yeah you’re gonna meet the state [ __ ] champ good i’ll take them on
well uh thank you every guys for i thank you everyone for listening make sure you check her check out patreon
patreon.com you’re on the lunch table make sure you check out slash uh got moles
got dash moles.com for your premier mole exterminator we got him right here he finally paid his salary that’s due for
the promotions we’ve been doing got a lot of clients from us dude probably 90 of my business came
from you guys exactly you know i owe you guys a lot you know you know even though so then the cross-dressing is we’re even
we’re out we’re yeah i heard how much you made on that on that website i charged them nothing
and you know what yeah crossdressing yeah yeah um [ __ ] dude spencer where can they
find you man a couple places you can find me at uh www.gotdashmoles.com
if they can’t on the world wide web on the world wide web google me uh also uh
i’m on facebook they can find me at silk road and what it’s applying it’s black market
black market thing how do i get in there you don’t want to get in there it’s not it’s it’s i do it’s alpha bay market
i’ll say that link yeah after don’t get a torrent browser all right z where can they find you oh they can
find me at isaiah underscore lezzy on instagram or you can find jack and i both of our instagrams on the around the
lunch table instagram page ladies and gentlemen thank you so much for listening um do you want to do the patreon that we didn’t do at all this
whole time i just said it oh you did wow okay holy [ __ ] uh patreon.com slash around the lunch table and um yeah make
sure you go get the summer collection is still available still ready to go uh atltstore.com
um for all your summer collection needs and summer accessories so if you haven’t done it go do it now
anywhere on it yeah is there anything else you’d like to add spencer i [ __ ] love you guys i love you too
bro i love you good to have you on here anyways guys thank you so much for listening patreon listeners
we will we didn’t do in one um exclusive episode this week but obviously you’re getting whatever ones early but we’re
gonna do one this week for the exclusive that only you will again just like last week and if you didn’t notice there is
one exclusive episode for the patreons already spencer are you a patreon no i’m an apple
subscriber well you should do both yeah thanks bud i’m just kidding i love you
okay but it is there it sold those patrons um there is already one exclusive episode only you can see already
and there will be another one so thank you guys for listening it’s hot it’s [ __ ] here we’re getting the [ __ ] out of here love you guys see you next week
and see ya [Music]

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Episode 79