#76 Psychedelic Scriptures

Episode 76

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J&Z talk about the 4th of July, missionaries, honey buckets, GMO rice, and top 5 waters.
[Music] and we’re [ __ ] live
i don’t even know what episode this is man isn’t it [ __ ] i don’t even know i think it’s 77 well i can tell you in a
few seconds she’s up at this stand dude yeah i don’t know the stands are crazy
and we 76. all right you ready jay
oopsie just picked a whole bouquet of oopsy daisies yeah we did
did you did you sleep good last night why well i don’t know what it’s asking i
usually sleep like a rock to be honest i i did i was just asking if you
did you not sleep well i slept amazing why oh there’s a reason you’re asking
no i thought i heard
on your feet the front part of your foot i’m saying you’re like but you like you only go
the only time my walking sounds loud is when i’m wearing my work shoes because they have the leather soles anyways but
i didn’t say it was it is heavy on the heavier side okay why did you ask if i slept good because i thought i heard
people walking around at night no because i you went to bed first and then i went to bed before me and alex were up
for a while and then i just went to bed and i was just asking i didn’t see anything oh no i because i heard you i
heard you have a very distinctive like sticky thing you heard it in sticky feet i don’t have sticky no it’s like
it’s like no you don’t have sticky feet but like it you have like tentacles and they’ll grab onto the wooden i’m not a
little [ __ ] sticky hand it’s just hilarious i think it’s because they’re like really grippy
like you know like your pita pine tar on them sometimes i actually got a i got a pedicure this weekend
okay and doesn’t mean you can’t have grippy feet no okay so here’s the thing i’m not
i’ve never had one yeah let’s yeah i heard earlier i’m like wait yeah why [ __ ] aaron was like
oh like can we do something together i was like yeah i figured you know
lunch no but uh yeah she’s like yo let’s go get a pedicure i was like all right
so were the ladies vietnamese or something why are all why are all the ladies i don’t know you know what i mean
they’re all small asian ladies yeah which i was just i was having is it because is it because like i thought i
died in heaven when i walked in is it like the cultural thing to give happy endings maybe i was happy i’m not saying they
all do i’m just saying i feel like a lot of them are i think you missed i walked in there and i thought i died
because i walked into a room full of asian women there’s no way they were all attracted no they they weren’t there
no but uh did do your headphones sound off to you um they sound alright to me um i will do
this though are we are we recording this whole time yeah well we did no intros so uh no we’re just gonna keep it going let’s do the intro now [ __ ] it okay uh
welcome back slap this this is rum lunch table episode 76 um first and foremost
we wanted to thank our first sponsor aputure oceans bringing ideas and ads
out of the grave to life um and also shout out jordan
obaya for the awesome video from the fourth of july thank you for that vnt it’s on instagram uh we’ll get the bill
no i’m also shout out live stallion never be
tamed and now he’s doing it look at that isn’t it no i was
around i was mocking you i’m not uh it’s live stallion not live snakes live
stallion never be tamed wellness and fitness page started by atlt’s own branded body auto you can look oh
streams monday through friday you can look them up on instagram stallion live spell live stallion’s about the usual way brandon spelled the
usual way body honestly b-a-t-t-i-a-t-o and his pictures he looks like a [ __ ]
yeah yeah i i feel like brandon looks like the if millionaire mentor had a mascot
you know i love brandon oh no i love him to death it’s just oh i love the death buddy
[Music] last but not least check out [ __ ] got moles
guess what if you got moles not the ones on your back i’m talking about the ones in your yard
you got the moles in your yard this guy this [ __ ] savage the hammerschlagen
king also the state champ will come personally to your yard
servicing northern seattle to southern tacoma uh he is your premier mole exterminator
he makes sure you got no moles no no boom z
here’s the thing first off uh what are you what are you drinking well i think this is something jordan
left because only he drinks i think elise left that from the from the when we went to aunt sherry’s
i don’t think so maybe well jordan always brings these the white cloth surges and they’re not [ __ ]
yeah i grabbed the last two things that weren’t aaron so i don’t get crucified uh this
is a uh yes way rose spritz uh do you want to try it i haven’t i’ve
never tried one i haven’t tried it um i’m gonna assume this is bailey’s you already opened it what do you mean try it i haven’t zipped it yet i opened it
okay interesting
rose spritz the initial taste not the best aftertaste not bad
it’s a rose spritz initial taste not the best after the initial taste it felt like i was eating a firecracker like i
thought i was drinking copper for a second it tastes like there’s a [ __ ] 88 pennies sitting at the bottom that’s how
they sell it yeah well uh yeah that’s we’re not sponsored by yes
way rose so i’m gonna give my honest opinion uh not the best maybe work on your uh the packaging’s great and
packaging is nice yeah i think that’s why she bought it so good job to you uh z we just had the fourth of july how was
your [ __ ] fourth man well i was with you so it was good well you were gone the whole weekend but i was here for the fourth well it
was it’s the fourth of july weekend you know oh you’re talking about the weekend yeah so how’s my fourth and it was yeah yeah
you know um we did have a good time uh what i recall from previous years
um i do want to know from the audience is it is it okay to shoot guns
during the fourth i i i think like like if you’re in a suburb
you can get away with it i’m sure people do it i mean but well especially drive-bys and everything that’s the best time to do it um because everyone’s like
oh it is there’s someone just getting gun down the street ah it’s a good firework over there no i mean it’s not safe but i mean
yeah you can if you want to i mean i think that it is interesting that any other day of the year you hear those
sounds you’re like [ __ ] you know the freaking i think it also depends where you are though like i feel like up here
if i hear it i’m like i’m like oh gunshot okay if you’re in compton yeah it’s probably not a good sign
but i’m saying they hear it all the time we live in us do we should we live in a suburb you were is it a suburb
technically yeah i think so we have a lot more yard between us though technically
they’re technically suburbs i think okay so in suburbia that we live in uh
but if i heard it like in the next house yeah i’d be alarmed with that fourth of july noise on like a
january weekend but not january and weekend could be new year’s
[ __ ] you’re right okay on march weekend it could be you [ __ ] st patrick’s day uh uh a march weekend it would startle
you correct i mean if it was close yeah if i just heard it i wouldn’t care so someone breaks in the house okay i’m
gonna ask you a question someone breaks into the house you’re sitting and you’re you’re laying in your room okay yeah
and you hear and as you said earlier you know my footsteps so you know it’s not me you know it’s not aaron you know it’s
not alex okay because i hear someone break in obviously it’s nothing you’re like a break in your own house okay well no maybe they’re like a tiptoe thief
okay okay anyways what what what are you doing what am i doing you grabbing a bat you
grabbing a gun i mean what’s i’m grabbing anything i can grab and i’m [ __ ] him up what do you mean there’s charging in what if they have a gun and
you don’t have a gun what am i supposed to do sit there and wait for them to get me yeah are you going to are you going to say i’m going
to corner camp i’m in a corner camp and i’m going to watch my you’re going to stay on the heady i’m gonna watch i’m gonna watch crosses yeah i have the
element of surprise he says he doesn’t know the layout of the room you know what i mean he doesn’t know that’s the one thing gave him her side if someone breaks in your house they don’t know
like what they’re right they don’t know been there before oh that’s very true but i would just hide
but honestly i would just if i knew he was coming toward the door i only had seconds to
i had seconds to react uh first thing i would do kick alex off into the little edge off
the side throw blankets on her back shut the [ __ ] up and then scoot over to the door bam he opens the door he creeps him oh i got him now yeah
bam [Laughter] tea bags
yeah did you hear that like a [ __ ] salmon did you see that uh tea bagging on video games might be considered sexual assault if that’s the case you
and i have a lot of prison time but it’s not a thing dude it’s not a thing but people are talking about it it’s not a
[ __ ] thing speaking of funny things do you see that [ __ ] nazi who was 100 and [ __ ] one got charged with like
three thousand murders for us records of that well no i read into it it was actually very very interesting some
historians had dug up some um like manifests and like in in a specific
like concentration camp of like because they have like information of who worked there but like undocumented so germany
and they’re gassing jews by the millions but they have expert level record keeping is that what
you’re saying i mean it’s it’s the military they have very good record keeping [ __ ] it was probably files that were found at the place and they
probably were examining it out of historic historians and they found this guy and then they found that this guy was still live living in the states and
like hey this guy’s not getting away with it even though he’s 101 i don’t even give a [ __ ] now but and then he was telling him he was
telling them he didn’t do it he was like i was just like and like a forced labor like that’s what the initial thing was
he’s like oh i worked there it’s like a farm i was forced to work and then they found his name i guess on some
like document that was able to incriminate him basically it was just like a seating chart or something and they’re like we got him i’m sure it was more than that of course i’m just saying
at 101 like why waste taxpayer dollars i mean the guy’s i mean he’s got one foot
in the coffin at this point i mean i i i still feel like he never really answered for him so yeah i get it i mean he’s in
heaven so send a few guys to his house [ __ ] kill him i just said he’s in heaven’s
waiting room he’s in hell’s waiting room yeah yeah but apparently actually technically there is no unforgivable sin besides
selling your soul to the devil so well i mean yeah i don’t think that’s an excuse well i’m gonna mow these people down and then that’s it’s forgiven
yeah i don’t know the uh well let’s talk about hitler no i’m
kidding um i i don’t know i think yeah i think he needs to answer for his crimes but at
the same time he got away with it for so long that it’s just like i mean this dude is literally one foot
out the door like i mean yeah but i think it’s more of like he literally got to live his life without any
justification for it so that is true but at that point i feel like he just got away with it i mean yeah but that’s the
thing it was so like sitting in his house watching those tv in those days though it’s like dude you
can’t track people down and you’re like that like you can today what was that show we were just watching [ __ ] i don’t know we watched a lot of shows oh
no we were watching the [ __ ] uh the murderer thing i finished the second john casey john
casey that was it’s a very have you finished it very good no i i finished the first there’s only three episodes
yeah dude dude it’s it’s actually crazy how the [ __ ] like how the audi like i
didn’t even know they had all this like it’s like the audio recordings of him talking about it there’s videos of
him in the jail like it’s just like what no it’s it’s [ __ ] nuts well what was even crazier that i noticed is it
was like yeah we didn’t even know that in like this state he was convicted of sodomy and it was like you guys didn’t
know because there’s no like database of records oh yeah because they mention that in there they’re like there’s there was no like station to state like in
other states communication they’re like exactly what they said your memory is [ __ ] impeccable sometimes it
sometimes is because i just watched it and that’s exactly what they said their communication between stations yeah you cutting between states like education
like you could call them but like why the [ __ ] like it wasn’t electronically known between the two so you’d have to like you’d have to like randomly so i’m
gonna call minneapolis and tell them that this man is a exactly sodomy which is weird because i looked up sodomy okay
because i actually didn’t know what it was okay do you know what sodomy is yeah it’s in the ass
no isn’t it it’s okay it’s actually kind of crazy okay isn’t it like oral only or something with like a child
no it’s not even a child well it’s a person okay i could totally be wrong i thought
okay okay do you remember that like gay marriage was illegal for a long time yeah yeah forever
especially back then in the 60s and 70s yeah until like 2012 or something yeah for a long time sodomy is still a crime
in some states apparently it’s anal sex oral i said up the ass you said no or bestiality
yeah i said up the ass you said no oh i was thinking that but that wasn’t the only thing oh okay but that’s crazy yeah
that’s nuts i’m not even i mean i’m not gay but i’m like yo if it’s two consenting adults you know
i mean i don’t give a [ __ ] what you do yeah all right are you a candle wax kind of guy you know little oh
i can’t no i don’t think i’ve ever had a desire to do that i’ve never done it but i
think have you have you ever known listen this is good have you ever like like had a candle and like it gets on
you like to this date no seriously i wouldn’t i don’t think that would be something like
i’d be like dude i need to do this but it’s like i could i could maybe i’m seeing i saw the wolf of wall street
when he was with that i knew that’s what you’re thinking of venice that is
[Music] no baby california
no i think that i think that um if my girlfriend
had a girlfriend um if my girlfriend obviously um had like a
candle which i don’t know why i’d be laying on my stomach yeah would it be her yeah
hmm either way i’m just saying it’s just like i’m i’m i’m a man of simple taste i don’t need i know i’m just saying i’d be
down because i have poured it on my hand before as like a child but like what i want it on my like back i don’t think so
maybe the little cause then you clean it up after this well i usually do anyways not on my back
dude if you could um oh god what no i’m just
go ahead go ahead i was gonna say something actually it actually was very true and it makes complete sense okay that
don’t this is so often i don’t know how this pops in my head this is gonna be ridiculous yo this is it sucks is it yeah it’s terrible
um isn’t it true that like like janitors are some of like wisest
people [Music] i or doesn’t it seem like that like
they’ve seen a lot of [ __ ] in there you know what i mean i have also um like i’ve never met a janitor that i was like
wow that guy’s a piece of [ __ ] never never i think and i meant like school janitors not talking like random janitor at the
[ __ ] airport or something or like kfc or something yeah well i think that’s the workers that do that but yeah um
this is what i’m gonna say he’s got the big key ring he’s got all the answers yeah there was an episode of house okay
and i’m gonna i actually think this might have some truth to it there was this guy absolute [ __ ] genius right
okay absolute absolute genius is this good will hunting hey buddy we gotta
get off the old are you telling me the plot of goodwill hunting no no
no this house absolute genius and then he falls in love with this girl but he’s so smart and she’s so [ __ ] stupid
that he just can’t stand her so what does he do he [ __ ] her and then leaves smart guy would but no he stayed no i’m
kidding uh he he really wanted to like love her but she was just an idiot you know he’s like
it’s so hard so like remember uh triple c’s not that we did them but you know uh
it was cold yeah dxm tripping um so this guy just chugged cough syrup
all day every day because it would get him high and then he would love her right oh [ __ ] and then he became a fedex
shipper the dream next step yeah yeah so where
i’m going with this is like he was drawing like fractals of different [ __ ] chemicals and [ __ ] but for love
he did this so maybe all the janitors we know are just in love and that’s it i’ll be honest with you
that is so [ __ ] dumb you can see where i’m connecting this i don’t see where you don’t see it all i
see what you’re trying to say thank you you see wrong i see you’re trying to say it’s just but it’s like i don’t think that’s applicable to
i’m so janitor they’re all geniuses they’re just high i would say i think if we’re looking at
the big picture they’re probably all pretty [ __ ] stupid technically i mean maybe not like
but you know like if you get older you get wiser anyways but in your own way what is the worst
job like so there there there’s a line right where it’s like i will degrade
myself this hard like what’s the lowest you’ll go yeah below this i’m just gonna off myself kind of thing i mean
i’m only a few rungs above probably where i’d no but come on you’re a successful man
that’s a relative term um but i would say it’s all about i said a few wrongs i didn’t say i won wrong i said a few rungs i’m a few rungs before where i
would just kill myself um i let’s keep him on suicide i think i would draw the line at i mean can you
really narrow down one specific job but i will say this poop if i found my way i was about this was about to say you know
the honey bucket drivers that go to the outhouses and they stick and they suck the [ __ ]
like this and they go in there i mean first of all they actually get paid like 28 29 bucks an hour which i still don’t
think it’s worth it but i get they have the long no wait it’s twenty it’s like 25 it’s 25 i know they have the long glove when they when they have to reach
in septuagint thank you tampons you don’t pay dude even at work like when i go to people’s
yards and there’s an outhouse i avoid it at all costs like even going in there i’m like
it’s just so [ __ ] shitty you know what i do actually this is a fact the interesting thing i do whenever
i this isn’t every hour house i’ve ever been in why do that for once that’s what i was going to say i do that for one but
what i do is is i whip your dick out before you go
no i start peeing before opening so that’s already going no i so what i do is unravel toilet paper every every time
i’ve done this ever since i ever first went one i unravel all the toilet paper and i cover
all the [ __ ] i can see in there so i can’t see it really i can’t do it wow well because now honey buckets have the
little plastic urinal to the side i’ve i’ve never used that yeah i always use that because when
you’re peeing in the straight poop it can there you’re in the splash zone but yeah that’s why pete i kind of angle it
when i go underneath i’m saying every new honey bucket now every new honey bucket the model gt3
if you’re looking it has new rafters so you can [ __ ] hang on it great ventilation um they’re so [ __ ] gross
if you’re looking at the toilet when you look to the left there’s this little like bulbous thing it looks like it
looks like a like like a clove of garlic that was hollowed out
and you pee in there like it looks like clove of garlic that was just cut in half like vertically
yeah it opened so a [ __ ] yeah you gotta pee in the [ __ ] and it
uh if you look to the left there’s that bulbous thing there and they have a little pipe going down yeah that’s the yeah yeah it’s a little you
know it’s perfect i’ll never poop in an outhouse because you know what happens that log goes down what goes down must
come up and that [ __ ] blue [ __ ] is gonna come up right how about that so you you you drop your phone in one of
those are you grabbing it really quick are you leaving it and one of those i’m leaving it really yeah the thing the thing is i
would say i would leave it but i feel like i didn’t have a payment
i feel like why get a new phone i have apple care theft plus loss yeah yeah yeah so i
think i’m okay as funny as it was the first time it was stolen by the honey bucket yeah but no i feel like my
impulse would be like to grab it but i i feel like i would not know have you ever dropped anything in
the throat yes my phone i’ve dropped my keys did you feel like if you did it faster
and then and then you like and your pants are still around your ankles you [ __ ] while you’re like please don’t come in you’re just [ __ ] sitting
there watching yeah i’ve dropped things in there but okay oh here’s a good one so you drop your keys in the honey bucket okay and you’re like out
somewhere it’s like you need them are you going to call a [ __ ] person like a locksmith out and [ __ ] like that
and you have to you have chip i’m assuming your key that’s going to be a absolute [ __ ] [ __ ] and you have to wait hours are you going
to do that or are you going to [ __ ] fish them out here is what i know and i’m going to answer this truthfully and you’re somewhere obviously not close
yep yeah i feel like you’re i’m going i’m grabbing him and this is why the phone no because one you can easily get
it replaced my phone backs up to icloud every night not gonna lose [ __ ] okay
my keys though even if you lose [ __ ] it doesn’t [ __ ] matter at that point just like i can get another phone no problem well
i’m very sentimental about my pictures and [ __ ] on here so i’m saying that it’s already backed up i know that if i drop
this it’s fine yeah yeah yeah my keys though i’m gonna assume that i’m there with people
and i’m responsible for those people if those keys go in first okay i don’t know i care about
that i’m just saying get him out i’m fishing them out first i’m gonna do a little head turn for the little pump sink you know with your feet so i can
wash my arm off a little bit because dude the heart oh [ __ ] it i mean it’s gotta be like you have like a dude if you have like a cut on your you are dead
and that [ __ ] gets in there you are so i have to look at myself for injuries first that’s
why i mean that’s what i would do like i haven’t cut my finger no [ __ ] way okay let’s say that’s what they did in the vietnam war if we are at a honey
bucket and it’s and i drove somewhere we’re obviously drunk so i’m just sticking my hand in
all the chunks hitting your arm dude it’s a honey buck it’s got to be like but yeah you really don’t know how far it goes
but you could what you could do you could grab a stick and like fish around for something so i’m okay they’re right here i feel like i mean you pull out a
big old [ __ ] freaking [Laughter] i got one
pulling a turd the size of a trout no but okay so that’s the answer like okay you’re out somewhere
i’m fishing for it okay with my arm the second drops i’m going for it yeah i think here’s the thing is would you
throw up oh 100 what if you couldn’t find it like are you are you staying consistent like are you going to fish
around there for minutes depending on how deep it is my head is not going underneath oh yeah
yeah what if you have to like i’m doing one because if it’s sitting at the bottom because obviously it’s heavy it’s going
to be at the bottom you’re like and your head’s like i mean how determined are you getting your keys bro
device on our keys like they have on boats yeah like a little uh water wing yeah i
uh i’m just saying like if i’m digging like my head’s up here like i’m breathing yeah yeah i was just saying like it’s not gonna be like let’s say
you leaned over and your keys are in your front pocket like you leaned over and it fell in there like okay i think my reaction time would be good enough
that’s not the [ __ ] scenario it’s just it’s i’m digging for him okay that’s all i did
i’m digging for him phone me too yeah oh did you know i actually thought straight up
new okay sorry in in [ __ ] vegas we were at the
snoop dogg thing i couldn’t find my phone i looked around for like 5-10 minutes it was in bailey’s purse okay i’m saying i didn’t know that
i’m saying i totally lost it looked for it came to terms with the fact that i lost i remember that and
then i had my apple store open and i was like i’ll do this when i’m sober when i i was like ready to just order another
one and have it sent to vegas because i do overnight shipping i was like i’ll have another phone tomorrow [ __ ] done and that would have been ballsy though
i’m saying i was drunk though so i was just like oh i was like do they have one day shipping in vegas yeah cool boom i was like i’ll send it to the mirage room
[ __ ] 16032 boom and then yeah but that’s one of those things where you overthink [ __ ] when
you’re drunk 100 yeah you have you get your phone back you get back the room here’s your phone
sir i’m not signing for that what would you take would you take it though i mean because if you have apple
carrots stefan lost prevention i mean i’d probably just give it to aaron but it’s not the big one so you know i don’t really care about that no the thing is
no but here’s the thing she has like the eight plus right yes she doesn’t have an old one yeah the screen doesn’t go edge to edge like
the new ones do the screen is the same size it’s just not the phone isn’t as big yeah it’s just it’s
it’s cosmetic it’s [ __ ] ahead it’s all in your [ __ ] it’s all in your [ __ ] head man
these [ __ ] people man you just you know people get this little thing about them where they like
figure out their ways and they the hills that people are
the hills that people are willing to die on is insane it’s absolutely ridiculous man like what
give me an example i don’t know i do know but i can’t say it’s
ridiculous oh i see what you’re saying guys some of the hills that people are willing to die on it’s like i’m looking
at you like i’m not gonna respect you anymore just say it
say you were wrong it’s ridiculous
it’s [ __ ] stupid man like i i even gave you a compliment the
other day if you’re backed in a corner you’ll finally admit you’re wrong but there are people out there that are just
like no and it’s just mind-boggling i know
exactly mind-boggling it’s like
what’s weird is i couldn’t imagine being in their head looking in my eyes
and then doing that and my expression says it all that i know like there’s a lot of hills i’ll die on but i’m
logically backed by like logic and facts i’m like hey this is why i will die on this exactly
i’ll die on this just because yeah just because you don’t like it yeah and it’s like if i could see my expression
through your eyes i would know in two seconds that you know that i know you’re lying or you know that i know that
you’re not like like that i know what i’m talking about you have no idea it’s like
it’s like it’s like a game of poker like yeah you don’t they don’t know what you got but you know what they got yeah exactly and it’s like like the amount of
confidence i’m exuding right now exuding yeah a good word thank you is it exuding or is it
exacerbate no that’s not enough that’s not it i should have started with exuberating exuberance yeah i think
you’re right slowly
exuberating is a word i think you’re right i think you’re right to become exuberant thank you google
to become exuberant it’s like on those math tests when you don’t know what to put
how many watermelons when it tells you um like maybe like you walked by and saw someone else’s answer but it’s like show
your work for correct answers just you just write have you ever do the thing do you ever do the thing i just write my notes i scribble it out and then like
plus plus zero zero zero that is right here and then circle it’s at the bottom there you go all this chicken scratch there i got it yeah or it’s one of those
story problems where it’s like how many watermelons did jimmy end up with well jimmy ended up with a lot of watermelons
by the way hey bailey this sucks yeah it’s it’s [ __ ] bad pretty sure i lied to you the first time i tried it and
said it tasted good it [ __ ] smells like [ __ ] i’m gonna hit with the white clothes so i have a tongue i love the can though i’ll tell you that it looks
clean no she buys things for the packaging which is a typical white girl thing uh the uh i do have a top five for
us so uh top five funerals you’ve ever been to what
wait do you have a top five oh i was about to say if you did i was i just came up with that you know what top five
funerals off the top dude damn games okay it was [ __ ] lit dude gam game’s funeral was [ __ ]
crazy um we i i did think i’m a top five the grandmas were dancing we weren’t
well she wasn’t but um i was gonna say so we weren’t gonna do a top five but i just thought of something and try to
think this in your head top five water bottles like waters and you go to
a gas or a store i already know exactly that’s not easy okay your top five
i don’t think i can go five to one but i go one to five you have to go five to one [ __ ]
okay number five essentia okay it’s one of those where the gas station only has
like aquafina and you’re like okay i’m not that confident is not bad yeah but that’s a poor man’s water no i would say
like arrowhead is arrowhead tastes like there’s nickels at the bottom but it’s uh purified with alkaline or
something there i don’t know do we really even know no do we do we need that [ __ ] we know they got it out of a
[ __ ] creek [Laughter]
will these poor snaps drink this uh arrowhead socks sorry
any of the any of the [ __ ] you can find in a case of 12 at safeway is [ __ ]
okay so number five is essentia the only reason is it’s not my top choice but
it’s better than the [ __ ] yeah that i agree yeah it’s better than the [ __ ] puke water that they try to [ __ ] sell
us number four i’m gonna go with okay i have my top three i need a fourth
four i’m gonna have the same one for smart water be oh my water’s good you can’t go wrong with it only because one
it’s the only water you can find at every gas station and i have no it’s quality it’s
quality it’s not bad if i’m if i’m like on the road at work yeah you know i stopped at a gas station to fuel up
they rarely have my top three so i’m stuck with i know yeah yeah yeah so that’s one of those like
that was pretty much what mine would be for the most part right now yeah so we got essentia
oh excuse me i mean
jesus i also love about smart water is the
little nipple on top yes but also like the wobbliness of the like of the bottle
kind of it has an indestructible feeling it’s like it’s way more it’s way more flexible than any other water bottle and
i think they purposely they purposely do that i think yeah and i like the feeling of it and i like they used to have the gold they said the goldfish inside
goldfish like on the sticker so then when it mirrors off it looks like i thought you went like goldfish the crackers i was like those would
disintegrate no i don’t think well it wouldn’t disintegrate but um it would turn into a lot of crumbs yes
yes it would evaporate maybe
okay uh number three just my little [ __ ] white privilege coming out of me i’m
gonna go with voss just because i love the bottle man it’s the bottle it’s it all it’s all the
bubbles you could you could take the boss bottle and get it from a kid that sucked the water fountain and
spit it in there i’m just going to oh this is amazing oh it’s gonna taste great [ __ ] voss has one of those things one
there you know norway is kind of a mysterious country we don’t know a lot about it we know vikings came from there
and [ __ ] but would you say like one of the richest countries in the world though i believe every country is actually in
debt to each other to be honest conspiracy uh i meant like by the median income and stuff median income yeah what
is norway known for i don’t know i’m just saying they were up there in education and they were up there and also in like the most
they have a lot of farms there is corn really up this year i don’t know it sounds like something you would know even though you know nothing about it
i’m expecting you’d be like well yeah silas e hartford actually founded this uh
yeah well actually this genetically modified green bean has been really just taking the shelves lately uh how do
people like genetically modify [ __ ] don’t [ __ ] no i mean that’s actually that’s a very
good question like how do you genetically modify a [ __ ] green bean did you hear about the rice guy the rice guy the rice okay this was like
this is the staple for all gmos genetically modified foods or whatever okay genetically modified opioids
love those um is that a thing probably aren’t words they’re all synthetically made now
yeah but i’m sure if you can imagine if like labs and stuff were legally allowed to
like modify like drugs and [ __ ] they could probably make some crazy [ __ ] that’s what pharmaceutical companies do no i mean like party drugs oh like if
they were to take they were able to take mdma and make something did you know you can get a prescription for cocaine
for ketamine you can yeah well i’ve seen instagram ads for that which is crazy it’s nuts kids these days okay let me go
on a rant here for five seconds uh give me 20. kids these days i win uh so uh i went
into a dispensary the other day i don’t smoke weed but i went in there with uh a friend of mine
and uh i was looking around and it was like oh you want concentrates you want dabs you want a [ __ ] sprite here’s
the thing kids these days will never
what the [ __ ] happened i was there was a long hair on my headphones so i was trying to like grab it with this they’re
very springy i just smacked myself in the face kids these days they will never
understand when we wanted weed we basically risked one sexual assault
in a motor home in a kidnapping yeah yeah and a kidnapping to get this [ __ ] you need to go to like a mobile home
park exactly just a [ __ ] baggie and then like as kids you didn’t realize how weird this was but this guy is just like
hey how you doing and he’s chatting with you and then he’s telling you about his divorcee and the kid yeah and then your
mind is like i need to get out here i need to get there and like you’re just like filtering all this [ __ ] through your ears because like it was a mission
to get once you acquired it it felt like you just ran exactly but did do you remember the rants they’d go on these
[ __ ] drug dealers do that yeah and they’re just like talking about oh and then i skinned this cat and then i put
it in the weed and you’re like oh will it get me high yeah let’s [ __ ] do it okay and it’s a [ __ ] it’s a [ __ ] show
anyways genetically modified rice is that where we left
no it’s like the staple for this this guy somehow genetically modified rice to
[ __ ] uh how do you do that you look at its dna and modify it and then it
goes and you made it with other rice’s reese rice you know what’s funny man
sometimes we get on this podcast what the [ __ ] are we gonna talk about and here we are we’re talking about genetically
35 minutes and talking about genetically modified rice um so anyways he made some sort of rice that like grows in
hard harsh weather for like africa and it’s like change their agriculture like everyone can eat
now because the rice doesn’t otherwise there’s still hunger out there maybe there’s not enough of it
that makes sense i mean i watched this comedian it was a really [ __ ] up joke but i thought it was really funny um
and this guy was like he’s like you know what um he’s like you know what africa needs
and he was like this is obvious the quality is really bad so i think it was from the 80s or 90s like this guy was really old probably
yeah and he was like um not my joke everyone gets not my joke um
he’s like you know what i would do he’s like if i was like salvation army or helping hands whatever the people that deliver their food out there he’s like
you know you think after 40 years them driving all the way out there and giving them food they’d be like hey
i have an idea maybe you wouldn’t go hungry if you live where all the [ __ ] food is
i know i know what you’re talking about yeah i’ve seen this yeah it’s like you live in a desert
and then but africa is mostly a desert i mean the serengeti well the congo is a lot of jungle
yeah but i don’t think that’s that’s much better yeah you know what’s weird is that there’s people out there and tribes who
have like no idea what technology is it’s kind of crazy i mean here’s an interesting thing we’re gonna get a little religious here where are we going
gently modified bryce i mean i don’t know but i’m just gonna say this okay do you remember in church people were like
steroids asparagus and steroids what’s next um i remember in church they were like if someone never got witnessed to
yeah never had that chance then they would go to heaven or some [ __ ] right i i don’t know if that’s true
no one knows if that’s true but here’s the thing i remember church yeah they would say that they’re like whoa
why would the missionaries go there that’s true yeah so you don’t go there they’re going
if you don’t go your goal is fulfilled if it’s your logic is is right that’s a
very good [ __ ] yeah okay imagine the missionary it’s like if i don’t go and they never hear then they’ll go to
heaven but i don’t know if that was a universally thought i know what i’m saying but if i do go then there’s a 50 50 chancellor goal it’s like then why
would you go and then half of them why would you call of them get their head on a [ __ ] sickle in the [ __ ]
front yard anyways it’s a [ __ ] show man it makes no sense i agree it’s
absolutely absurd i mean i guess no one knows if that’s
true no one know what i’m saying i don’t know if that’s a universally i know when we were younger i do remember like i was like well if they
didn’t know then they go to heaven i’m like then why are we going out there yeah
and it’s like i remember i remember they were like oh if you’re like a baby like jesus christ is like ignorance is
bliss they’re good come on in like what it doesn’t make any sense
no but i also remember like they were like oh if a baby’s not old enough to like understand and gain consciousness
because you don’t gain consciousness to what eight or nine or some [ __ ] dude wanna hear something [ __ ] actually
i’m not saying it’s true obviously but it’s wild to think about there was this thing i was watching and
i sent it to you i know exactly what you’re talking about what am i gonna say about the thing about you don’t gain consciousness until a certain age and
that’s why you’re you’re programmed by the things around you that’s not it you [ __ ] idiot okay well that’s what i was talking about and
you [ __ ] were like oh no because i just remember this and i think you’d find this very interesting so there’s these in the bible there was
then this this channel wasn’t saying it wasn’t the bible it was just this bible man by the
way uh it was just saying that a lot of things in the bible were pointing out
because there’s a lot of talk in the bible of like um not like potions but like certain things
people drink alchemy people drank or like they ate or they took and then
so like for example like moses parting the red sea like this channel was saying that like actually
what that could be describing cracking a bottle of wine no it’s like like
like a psychedelic thing like he didn’t actually do like in that was the transcription was like you know
what i mean he parted the red sea but he didn’t actually like it i’m not saying i’m just saying but like he didn’t
actually like take a stigmatization the ocean went apart like it was just like a psychedelic type thing
interesting is that weird to think about that is pretty thing because some of the things in it sounds
yeah very very uh my own my uncle nothing that’s true i just thought my uncle was talking to me today about
uh multi-dimensional resource expansion i can’t even say it um come on no no no no but but this is
interesting it all revolves around dmt and the fact that you do actually
communicate with these multi-dimensional beings and i don’t know where i was
going with that well the thing is but like um the catalyst for that is like
great word what cattle the catalyst for that well don’t don’t call me a genius wait wait to my next point um the
catalyst for that is um genetically modified rice [Laughter] yeah so anyways like i made rice and it
was dope finishing my top five number two is core cause it’s got the cool little i love i love the bottle i love
the bottle and you know what number one is fiji oh it’s [ __ ] fiji’s okay honestly that’s literally basically my
list it’s just losses at two i think did you ever see the thing about fiji
water where it’s so pure that oh you sent it to me i was giving you a
second i was giving you a second you know and then you know what you did you know what you did you did your thing he’s like that is cool
if anyone who knows jack and everyone is listening to this how you know he doesn’t give a [ __ ] is if like you say
something like dude that’s look at that that’s sick and he’s like that is cool that is his way of being like i don’t
give a [ __ ] literally that is literally like i remember for whatever reason we were [ __ ] up
weird vegas walk i’m like dude that is [ __ ] nuts he’s he’s on his face like that is cool i’m like at least i’m
trying to like no actually but i could i could tell you don’t it’s like all you
have to do is all he would have to be is like it’s like oh
oh that is sick like you know i would just like you know something like kind of i guess that’s not the same thing
so if i said sick and not cool nevermind but you know what i mean it’s your tone it’s like it’s like that is cool yeah
well we’re at 41. i’m like oh yo there’s a [ __ ] orangutan juggling basketballs that is
cool okay i would pay to see that do you ever imagine a regular tank just [ __ ] swat
in lebron do you ever have can they jump high
do you imagine like dude you know what they are like they’re like like like they’re just like a giant
slinky like just like waving around like well
they kind of run with a limp [Laughter] because their head goes like this
their heads always they’re like they’re doing head when they’re moving faster they’re doing head jokes like they’re on the head they’re like a big
spider when they’re running like because they’re well their arms drag on the ground when like when they how long
their arms are because no one told them to just pick them up no i i think they’re just that long
like can you imagine [Laughter]
you know what sorry about that that’s what jordan kind of might seem like an orangutan his arms back with his knuckles dragging on the gravel as he’s
walking i was just thinking like my work i’m a walking customer and i walk out of the sales office
such a weird animal ever they had this uh game show when i was a little kid no i was a
little kid it was like it was like an asian show let’s hand this monkey some darts see if it’s a [ __ ] it was an asian game
show and they had like two like that this no seriously right here she had two like little
towers and then they were playing tug of war and and then
they’re like fighting scenarios
they’re like just ripping people’s heads off and [ __ ] no but this is fun and they were playing tug of war it was like
squid games on the big thing basically but there’s a big mud i know what tiger tug-o-war is before squid games
oh yeah well the towers the way they did it that’s i’m saying they had that and in the middle was a big mud pool and they
had like two huge or three two or three huge ass sumo wrestlers who were like 400 500 pounds
these big ass and then the orangutan had the other rope just one he’s just sitting there
eating whatever the [ __ ] he had the rope by his feet or whatever he’s just like i don’t know what he’s doing and then the [ __ ] guy start tugging it and
then he [ __ ] grabs it and he just closes and just pulls them all in the [ __ ] water they’re ripped man yeah
they’re [ __ ] strong whatever [ __ ] [ __ ] joe rogan’s taking the [ __ ] monkeys are taken too uh we’re at 44. holy [ __ ] okay
uh it’s hot in here yeah uh check out the patreon patreon.com around the lunch table to
get exclusive content episodes early in an announcement
for you patreon subscribers exclusively patreon
subscribers it’s taken us a while we’re sorry but coming out this weekend maybe we’d say
this weekend uh meaning this weekend because you’re getting this yeah this
weekend um not only will there be an episode um on the coming week you will get it early as usual um for the patreon
subscribers exclusively you will now get um our new mini series which we will be doing maybe mini games whatever the case
may be to play golf this weekend i forgot to tell you we’re going golf 15
okay 15 to 20 minutes um somewhere around there it’s gonna be like a mini series we’re gonna do something fun on there but you can only
watch slash listen if you are a patreon subscribers we got to give the patreon people a little bit of a treat um we
will probably post some clips on the instagram from the patreon but a lot more exciting things to come and don’t forget about the summer collection yes
summer collection uh also yeah we should have an exclusive coming out either the conspiracy episode
the girlfriend episode whatever the [ __ ] we’re thinking you know what to be honest we’re [ __ ] busy guys but you
know what we’re going to make time for y’all so uh i’ll let you do the um
so uh uh you can find me at jack underscore spence on instagram and other associated
social medias see where can they find you um they can find
me that is their underscore lesney on instagram or you can find both of our instagrams at the around the launch table instagram page um again everybody
thanks for listening again patreon subscribers be ready you will get a mini series and then you will also get the
episode early so be ready for that and that’s how it’s going to be from now on so put this in the beginning yeah we probably should have done that
[ __ ] i mean we can yeah we’ll figure it out uh we’re not going to dump it in we both see you guys later thanks for listening
let’s get rowdy up in here

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Episode 76