#71 Jack The Ripper

Episode 71

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J & Z talk about if you would save an old person in a burning building, Mormons, jack killing chickens, and then our friend Sam made a surprise guest appearance and talked about her trip to Europe. Apparently, she traveled many miles to carry water back from the spring of a tall mountain, and other BS.
[Music] and we’re live
hi hey um check check check check check check us
out check us out did you know that um czechoslovakians they actually what country are they from
europe the czech republic is that anything i think so yeah the czech republic is
actually like over 35 percent of the population or is it 30 percent use math really that’s a large it’s a lot there’s
a lot coming maybe it’s maybe it’s 25 it’s up there i mean like if it’s over five that’s a big no if it’s over
it’s like an unemployment rate if it’s after a few years it’s like it’s not like alcohol it’s like i have to fact check that but if i’m not
mistaken it was like 20 or something it was something crazy it’s interesting because like what if that’s like ingrained in their culture like alcohol
is ours like everyone drinks it’s like oh yeah everyone’s it’s like oh yeah hey you gotta wait till you’re 21 to smoke meth with your dad billy like [ __ ] yeah
that’d be crazy talk about a lot of weird kind of lit um lit have you ever done math [Laughter]
i have not i don’t think for the record neither of us have i don’t think you know could it feel like you’d know
i feel like though because it’s a lot feeling like a lot of people say adderall is basically bad but
so yeah so having said that if it was have we done emphatically if it was if it was slipped into something there’d be
no way of knowing but i’ve heard like meth i mean you know you get some of that heisenberg [ __ ] and you know you’re up for three days yeah i have heard that
i have heard that you know you’re under an underpass at 6am playing tic-tac-toe with yourself
darn it yeah anyways we just did not even do any intros there welcome back slapdicks this is around the table episode the 71 episode 70 big number
i would say wow that’s the first time you’ve said that i mean last one was 70 that was better than 71. it’s just
it’s interesting when you think that we have sat here and talked for 71 [ __ ] like that’s just that’s crazy
yeah that is for a hundred oh god ellen we’re coming for that ass oh we are she finished her show by the way she
finally get off the air jesus i don’t even know what she did like was
was she funny hold that thought what what was her catch okay i i don’t her catch i don’t know dory i don’t [ __ ]
know i’m saying like was she funny or i mean i know she was kind of funny just a girl ellen’s got a lot of good
ones i think she was she came off as such a you know what why are we talking about this right now i gotta [ __ ] do sponsors um first and foremost to thank
our first sponsor apatos bringing ideas and ads to life and also wanted to thank
our next sponsor liv stallions liv stallion spelled the usual way a
wellness and fitness page started by our good friend brandon bodiato and brandon i’m no longer plugging your instagram until you send me a shirt or some [ __ ]
or respond to my text so you are blackballed from getting any further promotions yeah uh third sponsor got moles if you
have moles in the puget sound area servicing northern seattle to what was that
southern tacoma um they were terrible they’re you’re a [ __ ] off they’re your
premier mole exterminator prestige prestige worldwide why why
um got moles yeah uh premier mole exterminator they make sure you got no moles
no no mo uh last thing patreon patreon.com around the lunch table
for early-ish content exclusive stuff and summer collection summer collection is
coming or actually five out of the six items are on the store wait they’re on there right now i told you i was doing it last night
you didn’t tell me you were putting on the store last night well we haven’t announced it didn’t matter if they were on the store well wouldn’t you announce them before you put them on the store
they just went on like last night because you you wouldn’t we you should have told me i would have put
stories so people know oh well we haven’t announced it on the podcast yet this is the official announcement do you think more people
see the story faster the podcast episodes yes but also it’s not complete so i didn’t really know but anyways there are some items on there but we
have a last item coming i’m very excited let me ask you something you’re a salesman you’re a somewhat of an
intellectual some would say i wouldn’t say a deep thinker even though you think you are yeah considering a lot of a lot
of things but um theoretically in this analogy if so this is actually a good
question if you let’s say you and i are squaring off here okay squaring off squaring off
you’re like let me finish like my turn you’re we’re so you’re somewhat
of a fine-tuned salesman now you’ve been a few years you’ve got a few few accolades under your belt
let’s just say you had a competition which you had to pick one item okay and you had to go dull the door to
door cold just almost like a cold call obviously you’re just going door-to-door knocking and you have one week to sell one item
you have to pick one what would it be one and i gotta like knock on the doors you gotta knock on doors and you gotta
and you gotta stop it’s like a curveball that’s a good question so you have to pick one item yeah i feel
like i can [ __ ] sell i can actually sell this database and convince people to buy
knocking on doors you know knocking on doors like the old fashioned way
i mean god i feel like you’re gonna hate me for this answer but i think something that always sells tried and trued oh god
girl scout cookies man bring them to the what you’re piggybacking
oh my piggybacking girl scout cookies yeah i could sell those on heartbeat i mean i guess everyone loves them i guess
but you’re only picking one what’s the flavor then oh samoas samoa is really yeah i’m not a thin guy
i was not a fan of samoas what what what do the boy scouts sell is it like popcorn in like a seahawks tub or some
[ __ ] i don’t know what they do what do the boy scouts do besides rape i don’t know they probably get free lawyers
i’m just saying okay okay so imagine you’re you have a son little johnny will call him in this situation okay and he’s
like johnny but i really well your wife really loves the name johnny it’s a family thing and you know you’re caving
okay so his name is johnny all right so a little little johnny lesney actually you
probably took your wife’s last name so little johnny whatever why would i take my wife’s last name i’m just kidding oh
are you that was just a little joke oh i know it’s a joke that had no that was the second time you let me
finish that was the second time you made that are you presuming that i’m a pushover no it was
just a funny little tidbit well that was the second time you kind of well because obviously you would not take your wife’s
last name that’s pretty cool obviously you would cave you would take your wife’s last name i’m getting a vibe
you want to say something on the kid’s name i think you’d gave if she really wanted a certain thing i think you gave oh i would kate but then i’d change it
and sign it oh yeah i mean because when she’s like all [ __ ] up on the meds and [ __ ] i gotta sign the birth certificate
i’m crossing that out right yeah yeah or actually searching up the fingerprints and then he’s not in the system yeah
that’s stuck no social security number can’t get income so yeah you know but i mean at least he’s off the grid yeah um
put him in a tree in the woods or something whenever your brother has a kid he probably do that he probably would
[ __ ] bear girls oh [ __ ] i don’t know where i was going with that the uh no like okay so little oh yeah
little johnny wants to be a boy scout right he’s like dad i really want to join the scouts you know i want to do it ask him if he’s allergic to vagina
um one they gotta freshen up the outfits a little bit stop with the little [ __ ] i know crossover
no drip no not at all dude can they get sponsored by i’m not even saying like gucci i’m saying like nike what gooch
why would it be why would boy scouts get this uniform i was saying they don’t need to be sponsored
this little kid dylan comes out balenciagas dude no what what are the this one understood about i know it’s
about helping learning it’s like why do you get a badge for helping like an old lady across the street you don’t do anything
and by the way do you have to help her like all you’re doing is just holding your shoulders i know and like
caring around even if she falls you’re not gonna be able to save her and you’re just gonna be standing there and it’s even gonna
look even worse than if she you weren’t there and she just fell by herself yeah if she falls you’re just gonna pull out your phone and call 911.
i think we need some more extreme boy scout badges we need like carrying a puppy out of a burning
building or [ __ ] knocking out an intoxicated step dad you know something crazy busting a meth
lab or something let’s get these kids doing [ __ ] around the community like that old lady doesn’t need help across the road how the [ __ ] she get outside in
the first place huh she maybe she got tired when she got out yeah i’m just saying like that’s i think
maybe your tennis balls are gonna walk around we need some okay here we go hypothetical we make an extreme boy
scouts all right they’re just we have net ladders in the backyard
they’re carrying their knives and they’re [ __ ] they got the holes through the tires and [ __ ] they’re crawling they probably should so they can defend against the [ __ ]
uh group leaders group leaders guys that rape them oh yeah so that was my next question so your son little johnny once
but i feel like it’s so out in the open now it’s not as much a thing but yeah but so to get to my question a little your
son little johnny and we’re still so he well he wants to join the boy scouts and he’s just doing great you
know i mean he’s really picking up the classes he’s learning how to tire a fisherman’s knot you know he knows how
to light okay you know yeah he’s just really he’s really excelling you know
and you’re proud of that as a dad but then there becomes an opening for a boy scout camp leader and he really wants
his father there you’re doing it [ __ ] no [ __ ] no dude i don’t want to be a chance first of all
i’m imagining in any real world i’m gonna be i’m going to have a job so i’m not going to be like you know
what i want to be a maybe he’s on the weekends i want my weekends yeah oh yeah and i
have a kid at that point so actually i still don’t have my weekends anyways and you have a wife in the scenario so you don’t have no time i’m just toast so it
doesn’t [ __ ] matter i mean i would say like when it comes to that i just don’t want
someone to ask me what i did that weekend and have to lie every weekend you know what do you mean
oh i was out i was out with the boys at the pond you know throwing lures and [ __ ] i i don’t know and the boy scouts
kind of remind me of the mormons i think it also depends how old i am though i mean you’re never too old to rape so
i didn’t mean rape oh i meant to what the [ __ ] no i meant like to be seen as that guy uh yeah i’m saying but like if
i’m you know when you’re older like that’s what parents although i coach my little league team my son’s little league team on the weekend so it’s like
it’s different because you don’t do the same thing you know what i mean the reason i said that is because i would not want to be in there because there’s
just an immediate affiliation with camp scout leaders and
boning yeah and you know child i mean you could say the same thing about
priests in church but everyone goes church still that is true yeah and i think that’s worse than boy scalia just raping yeah what are the
what are they called falcons no cardinals falcons yeah a weather bird a cockatoo
are whatever the [ __ ] it is i don’t even know how you get that but they were all red right like like a cardinal uh they
have red on yeah yeah i want to know like you know i feel like i get boys
raking some dough dude i i get like climbing the corporate ladder how do you climb the ladder i don’t know if that
isn’t like who is the most good yeah maybe you volunteer and how do you scale
that exactly how do you know this person how many gold stars are you going to have how do you know that
you know father patterson hasn’t done anything bad in the last exactly three weeks and if movies or especially horror movies
have taught me anything the priests are always drunk so it’s like you know there’s always there’s always some sins there the one thing i don’t get are
mormons like so i actually wanted just an interesting group so i actually wanted to talk about this today and
lucky for you i have some facts about mormons here that we’re gonna so first and foremost
um in the word of wisdom alcohol tobacco tea coffee and drugs are
all banned okay well i could not hang with that yes but i don’t get the tea and i mean i know what’s the problem
with tea well caffeine is the christian’s drug of mind you know that kind of thing but the same thing
about like a lot of things like medications and stuff that people get prescribed so i know so if so if you’re a mormon
you ca you need pain pills or something you can’t take them no no you don’t i believe they do like the whole like prayer thing where
it’s like you know like their daughter has cancer they don’t take him to a doctor oh really yeah like your appendix
blows up and they just like oh let’s just pray this goes away yeah it’s like well cause god didn’t make doctors you know apparently but no we actually uh i
actually met a mormon today mormon family um so as everyone knows i sell buses okay
and so this little old lady just waltzes on and oh she’s got some strut to her step she knows what she’s doing and you
know you can just see the way people walk you know when it’s like you think you’re important don’t you like it’s not
just like a casual walk it’s like like i’m supposed to be here kind of thing and i don’t know i know a couple people walk
like that yeah you’re gonna oh they’re gonna see me no not you well you you don’t you don’t walk like what do we say
what’s your step you have a tour step a strut or like like she was really perky is that what you’re saying no she just
walked in like she was something you know oh you do walk like that yeah oh okay okay
no um but no so then anyways so i asked him like oh do you own a tour and charter business do you own she’s like
no it’s for my family like well you’re looking at a 78 passenger school bus here so how big is the family oh she has
25 kids 25 kids came out of that beaver i’m
going to assume they might have adopted some because there’s no i’m just 25 years old i mean say you’re 20 i mean you’re 45.
no way your body’s still working yeah i mean at that point they’re just dropping out yeah it i mean
it’s probably sure i can’t even picture after like seven to five well in pregnancy does it
i i understand doesn’t the butthole and the [ __ ] rip okay you’ve said that before and i don’t know if that’s
actually true and i don’t want to think about it because that sounds [ __ ] i’ve heard that but then it’s like once you see like a scar or like a little
ziploc i don’t know i don’t think i’ve seen like after someone has a baby hey let me see your group hey i want to see your gooches or a scar
you’re staying in the room during the pregnancy right whenever you have a kid i mean i feel like i have to hold the hand but it’s just like
wow there’s a lot going on down there you know i’m on the fence about it i feel like i want to grab the foot and pull it out
you know i feel like but it’s something that you see and it doesn’t get out of your head yeah you
know and i think well we all watched the uh the miracle of life video oh yeah miracle life but
at that point in your life that’s your [ __ ] so it’s different versus when you’re
looking at it in an educational way yeah because it’s like oh
there’s just you know it kind of looks like [ __ ] haiti down there just a lot going on destruction
and you’re like okay i’m gonna have to go back and you know fix this
i’m not saying it’s just kind of gross but i’m saying it’s not growth it’s part of life yeah but it’s something that i would be like
that might take me a minute to i don’t want to see that like her bleeding out and that’s that’s just yeah
do do they bleed during pregnancy or i guess yeah are you [ __ ] dumb do they bleed
i don’t know do they bleed am i a gynecologist if they didn’t bleed do you think they’d
need 85 stacks of blue paper towels to wipe the baby off so they could see its face bounty is this episode is sponsored by
bounty no the placenta picker oh don’t people eat that yeah i don’t know
dude apparently it’s very nutrient-filled yeah and so is vitamin c no but they don’t like grab it and eat it like
a [ __ ] steak but they they basically dry and they put in like capsules and then they take them what is the placenta
i do not know is it the sack that the baby’s in kind of thing
right yeah i think it’s very strange that women have eggs because it always reminds me like a chicken you know like
there are little [ __ ] little things in there that you know you just gotta go on and
bam chicken eggs what do they have to do with i’m just saying when i think of the word oh yeah i think i’ll say well there’s salmon eggs yeah oh so i i i
there’s a lot of different eggs frog like frog eggs scrambled eggs i almost said frog legs like frog legs frogs are
they don’t lay eggs you know what’s interesting seahorses just piss them out and they’re already swimming around and sea horses don’t have genders
interesting yeah or they’re non-binary or whatever the [ __ ] else why isn’t the sea oh i’m gonna get crucified for this
why isn’t the seahorse on the flag or something because you know because it’s an animal no the lgbtq
because it’s an animal oh i mean everyone has like a state bird right
in a state plant really yeah what is washington’s i’m not sure but organs is the oregon grape
really yeah and washington the state bird of oregon is a cardinal
washington is the american goldfinch oh there it is oh wow and organs i believe is a cardinal i think
i thought that was arizona oh no that’s a football team
i think i think organs is a cardinal and then the plant is organ grape i just know because we’re from oregon so that’s how i know that uh fun fact remember
there was that flower that only grows on table rock that was always interesting i didn’t know that oh wow that’s nice the uh try try try to
read that [ __ ] word okay i want you to sit read it for a second okay i know how to say the first word okay
okay i want you to read that word right now out loud this is the word that came up go uh the washington state plant is the
rhododendron macrophyllum oh i thought you were gonna butcher that one more oh i know the word rhododendron
yeah i’ve heard it before yeah exactly i i thought because your spelling usually sucks that maybe you sucked at reading
my spelling sucks when have you seen me spell when was the last time i wrote we text every single
there’s auto correct years you still make mistakes and so did you like
when you tried to say okay three times a day yeah but i corrected it yeah exactly and i usually correct my spelling well when i’m working i’m under trucks
crawling around i’m like you know i’m not sitting down just you know texting paragraphs about graphs yeah
that’s why i get 15 to 18 instagram reels sent to me every day because you’re always under a truck how long does that take though
to watch the whole reel i mean say a real i meant for me to send it to you we have to watch it first to send it i like how you just told me i send you a bunch
of reels and that’s why i’m not doing anything you got some nerve i i start at the same time as you by the way now so
you do i started eight i’ve started eight for a couple weeks now you’re never up with me why don’t we like because auburn’s closer than fair away
oh cause i have i can leave at like 7 30 and don’t get there oh no [ __ ] well i leave at 7 20. so i figured you’d be up
at it today i literally came out when i went out right behind you you left me oh yeah i said goodbye yeah yeah yeah that was
nice yeah um okay so next thing i want to talk about um so we have a
and scenario is for you so um if there was a burning building okay
so buildings on fire gonna paint a little picture here for you where where where am i just a random building i mean
i’d say you’re in like a brick apartment building like the fire is enough that it’s enclosing the bricks okay but
you’re already outside at that point you’re giving me way too many variables because that means there’s hundreds of people inside yes okay now everyone gets out okay and
the fire is just engulfing this building okay so there are so all of the
everyone 65 and under just walked out right yeah there’s some senior citizens in there
okay all right now it’s definitely risking your life for this are you gonna go in there and
save little aunt may from you know apartment number 203
no and let me tell you what see in my mind this is fight or flight and when you
find someone who can’t flight i think it is in your best interest
if you’re not going to carry them out maybe you should run in there and knock them out so then they don’t feel the
pain so you’d still go in just not carry him out i let’s be honest i would just run yeah i
in my mind though i’m thinking burning alive is like that’d be probably one of the worst deaths ever so maybe
you know run it or or maybe you could if you had a gun from the outside just
yeah this obviously you i wouldn’t do that because then you’d get charged with exactly it’s like well the fire was gonna get anyways but um no i would say
it’s [ __ ] up but i’d say no i think the senior citizen wouldn’t want you to risk your life for them it’s like hey you got 70 years congrats like they’re
not going to want you to really on the same token i feel like it would tuck up my heart strings i feel like i would want to go in there i mean i feel sad about it
would i go to work the next day just fine probably but would i rather go wake up the next day with my skin being
where it’s at yeah yeah i think that’d be a cause i feel like about you i feel yeah yeah you would go in no i would not go in oh
i thought you said oh yeah of course i’d go in no no i i feel like it’s a common human thing that like say a guy’s got a
gun to your head right and there’s you or like a six-year-old child and he just says it’s you or them you obviously choose
the older person chooses right you’re not the sixer i mean he hasn’t
lived a lot of life i mean you know i didn’t even answer i just was thinking about the complexity
of it i just thought it’s a normal human character i thought you were dope because i thought you were about to say it’s a normal human characteristic to be
like it’s me no no no i was thinking the older person needs to go
because when you think of like in my mind okay can we let’s let’s let’s spare the
theatrics here if we’re all in that situation i’m just gonna say what we’re all thinking and whoever’s listening this you can suck my [ __ ] because i know
you’re not a saint no one here is a good person that’s listening to this podcast if there’s a six-year-old right there
and like first of all the shooter’s not gonna make me choose most likely but i’m saying but if you but if you don’t if
you both die but if you shot him i’d feel better about it it’s because it’s not me that’s
that’s a real answer i don’t care who you i don’t care if you’re i don’t care how old you are i don’t care who you are you can sit there and deny to the moon
oh i take a boy for any [ __ ] child if you’re sitting there this guy’s got a [ __ ] nine mil right in your [ __ ]
head and he’s like i’m enough and he he’s like and he just decides in it you close your eyes in your gunshot but it’s
not you you’re gonna be like oh let’s be honest here if no one knew
yeah because in my mind like the same way everyone else is right now i’d be like you know what yeah take me
but when i’m in that situation i’d be like you know he did it he did it yeah you ever noticed like okay i’m not gonna say
he did it but i’m gonna be like hey don’t get me you know he’s the one who’s like who [ __ ] your wife at least or something exactly like you know
give me a fair chance i would say like i’m not suicidal at all but like
i thought you were no i’m but at this next point they might that’s why i had to clear that up really no have you ever
noticed it’s the little things like i’ll be driving and just the minor inconvenience it’s like you know what
yeah that’s i could drive off this bridge like i could [ __ ] do it no like i was in the grocery store not too
long ago and i had gotten off super [ __ ] late and i was already [ __ ] pissed
and um and i was already and i had such an adult moment because i’m like pulling all these stuff off the stuff off the
shelves and buying all these things i’m like oh five [ __ ] dollars how the [ __ ] is that i’m like this is ridiculous obviously
because now you’re when you you don’t understand until you’re actually paying for your bottle of ranch eight dollars oh my god i’m like dude yeah i bought like a thing of sauce it’s like seven
nine like i’m buying like spices because i was cooking dinner i’m like how is this little mccormick thing
[ __ ] seven dollars and anyway so i’m already [ __ ] pissed i had a terrible day i walk up to the [ __ ] line
this lady in front of me she has like seven items and she has a [ __ ] coupon book she’s
got and then she pulls out like a food stamp card there’s seven items in here dude there’s seven [ __ ] and then
after she’s done swiping the food stamps she asks for smokes behind the camera and then she would so she’s taken for [ __ ] ever and in my mind
i just and then and then she answers her phone and then stands there for like 10
minutes i literally so bad just wanted to snatch your neck and throw her over the [ __ ]
counter those brutal like i’ve had brutal moments like that like i i would say i’m not a violent person i don’t get
angry too often i i would say i hope you do i mean you would know from a third perspective i’m
a pretty happy guy right for the most part would you agree with that
yeah okay i mean i have i have a few contingencies with that well you’ve also known me for
17. i think i think i you are a happy guy but the thing is the trick with you is though even if you’re
upset you still appear happy because you want to you’re like oh i’m in a great mood oh yeah and you want you want people to know that even though inside
you’re like and then you’re passive aggressive the whole day and then i’m dead i’m just dead inside but yeah and then you’re passive aggressive and then
you know you have to and then when i’m fine and then when i’m [ __ ] up i’ll finally text you and tell you no and then and then i have to like let you win
little battles because i know you’re upset just like anyways uh where was i going with that oh yeah the uh yeah i’m
not a violent i’m not angry but have you ever had moments where you just like have you ever done anything super
violent or angry supervised like damaged something like punch a hole in the wall or some [ __ ]
never punched a hole in the wall i have like if i lost my [ __ ] what did i
what do i do that’s a good question like violent like
i’ve never been in a fight so like nothing like that i guess i have yelled
i would say that so you and every other normal person who’s an adult i think that a lot of you’ve never
thrown something you’ve never done something a little that’s a little overboard throwing something
i don’t think so you know what no i’m trying to think like actually like who are you from st
peter no of course of course not god you’ve never gotten angry and like
yeah no a little no i have gotten angry and i think that it’s more vocal than anything
okay have you ever have you ever said anything what’s the most [ __ ] up thing you’ve said when you’re angry [ __ ] up thing i’ve said yeah it’s probably to
aaron i’m not gonna repeat that really yeah you were there [ __ ] oh i was there yeah that was good yeah well i
guess that wasn’t good that was good i was there no you got to give us something here like i mean most
[ __ ] up thing i’ve ever said i mean you’re just going to put me on the spot i don’t know well apparently you’ve never done
anything no i’ve been saying you’re angry before i handle my anger like you said i try to
act like i’m not i get it but eventually it bottles up and explodes so what happens when it explodes everyone has
those moments i cry no i’m kidding um i don’t know
anyways moving on i i just i i got nothing else yeah i’m trying here i’m trying here but no like like a brutal
moment like i remember i’m not gonna say who it was but there was like a couple weekends ago
i’m looking at this isn’t even that long ago a couple weekends ago oh
and i’m just sitting there and i’m like just these waves of anger and i’m just like
i want to [ __ ] just take their throat and just pop just
absolutely pummeled them and it was like pummel pummel i haven’t heard that word like i just wanted to unleash
all the rage in me and like because okay this is what i feel like i’m a guy who bottles things up yeah me too 100 but
you know throws it on the shelf at that point and then the shelf gets i wanted all the shells to [ __ ] come out into
these [ __ ] fists and just all [ __ ] on this person and it was like
and it was weird it may have been a mixture of alcohol or whatever i i didn’t but that’s the point is that as i’m sitting there thinking this but i
probably just look like this and i’m just like looking at him and i’m just like i feel like that’s kind of a sign like a serial killer a psychopath i
don’t have schizophrenia i’m just saying like [ __ ] i didn’t say schizophrenia i said you’re saying i have a good filter like i don’t [ __ ]
[Music] more than most but well depends who is most
but yeah i would say like i yeah like i do like have you ever had like a brutal moment like that like where you just
want to yeah yeah okay explain i got really [ __ ] mad at my father
really and i he like bought me some bats and one of them was wooden so i went outside and [ __ ] smashed it
in half over there oh i remembered a moment i might have said it on the podcast
already i’m not sure but wait for me to go first no it just brought it to me because then i was thinking like family i hated my mom’s chickens [ __ ] hated
them oh my god i hated my mom’s chicken yeah now it’s coming so here’s the anger here’s the anger i thought she loved
them more than she loved the most [ __ ] up thing i’ve ever heard i thought she loved those chickens more than she loved me because it was like if their water
things were slightly green just a little bit of moss you know jack is grounded he’s not going out or whatever
so one day i was like i’m done had enough it’s over this is a war
okay and i’m coming to the front lines baby so i was like okay how do i kill them all without
her knowing that’s like a cereal that’s not a little bit a lot of they kill pets and animals and [ __ ] for fun this was
not for fun this was out of love but still they i’m saying if you’re
killing something i’m not saying i don’t necessarily enjoy it i don’t just go out there and start you know put cats heads in the microwave and [ __ ] that’s serial
killer [ __ ] i feel like it’s still up there i i’ve never killed anything like that
i’ve killed a lot of things yeah i’m saying i’ve never like gotten mad at my i’m like get that’s like getting mad at
somebody and they’re like well i’m gonna kill your [ __ ] whatever pet you at no i wasn’t mad at them i was mad at the chickens the chickens were i felt they
were loved more than i knew you tried to the point was i needed that cereal killer baby i needed to eliminate the
chickens the chickens needed to go so i was like okay if i let them all out they’re already free-range chickens they
know how to get back so i’m like okay so i chose the woman’s
uh though the woman’s weapon of choice poison yeah and so obviously i don’t just have
[ __ ] poison sitting on the shelf but i did find poison or something right yeah i found like snail poison and so i snail
points the only thing i can [ __ ] find and it kind of looks like their food so then when i went out to feed them that day
threw that in there with it and then they were all fine so it turns out the snails did not
yeah whatever kills snails is not kill chicken that’s not serial killer [ __ ] it was just like it is a it is
okay that’s 100 i don’t care if that’s a little no you saw something like i feel
like this is love more than me i’m gonna kill him no that is [ __ ] serious
[ __ ] surely starting i don’t care serial killer [ __ ] that’s still it doesn’t have to be something crazy to be a [ __ ]
circle then let me explain you’re not gonna [ __ ] explain your way out of this serial killer [ __ ] kill things for
fun off of a just a thing yeah this was you you often think no you did up and
you [ __ ] trying to kill him two years of torture dude oh and you try to poison
all the chickens because they thought you what not actually that they were a lot more i was just tired of just the i
don’t i’m not saying i’m yeah the serial killer thing i think you know for enjoyment i’m not saying it’s attempted
i’m not saying i’m saying but because you tried that’s still a little like it’s a little
you should have been under watch i’m just glad i’m you know yeah i’m glad you turned out all right yeah i’m glad you you know are just i’m glad you didn’t
break the seal on that because who else would have known i was like i’m glad there’s no red in your ledger you know you got nothing just [ __ ]
just i’ve never killed anything i’ve killed some birds when i was younger but what guy hasn’t tried yeah what guys i killed a rabbit in
yellowstone almost got my dad arrested yeah that’s apparently he needed [ __ ] so on a family vacation you thought killing
a another animal was appropriate and that’s not well i actually didn’t think it would kill it i threw a rock from
hell far away and i just am so [ __ ] so the initial knee-jerk reaction to throw a rock at another living animal
you set out a plan and try to poison these chickens
knowing damn well that your mom like and your mom would go see them i was in the water i was hoping i was in the wild
that’s part of my place how could chickens die of chickenpox isn’t that where they came from i don’t
know i’m guessing chickenpox came from chickens i don’t know if that’s the case but either way
i was out in the wild back when people would put scenario traps and eaters for meat i’m out there in the woods
no relation to anybody two hours later you went back to the hotel and probably had mexicans so you didn’t have to kill it for food no i didn’t have to kill it
for food but we’re going to kill it for food like we’re just seriously killing them you’re 12. yeah i was like 11 or 12
in this story dude your situation i’m not anyone you ask that’s a little more
i don’t know that’s a little more weird by the way anyone in the statue of limitation is seven years in this country so i was like 12 so and i was
also underage so yeah i don’t think i don’t i’ve never seen chicken murderers in the news i think
you’re fine i don’t know uh okay uh top five top five okay so for today we have
our top five pet peeves or annoyances whatever you want to call them yes top five pet peeves um z uh i went first
last time you gotta go first all right my list um is brewed up of a lot of personal experiences obviously um
there’s a lot of pet peeves out there i had a little trouble because i feel like there’s so many
like little things and it’s a generality i try to choose like the bigger ones it’s kind of hard to narrow down but um
so i’m gonna go down my list coming in my five seed and top five pet peeves um number five i gotta go loud chewing and
when i say and when i say loud chewing smacking i mean that like aft like i’m not i’m
okay with it after a little bit but after so long and you don’t notice it it’s like come on it’s so [ __ ]
annoying it makes me want to like take their plate crush it and throw it down their throat it’s more like as an adult you expect more
you know like when they chew with their mouth open yeah yeah i understand happens sometimes but like if it’s a consistent thing it’s like
what the [ __ ] are you doing you know what i mean yeah so that’s coming at my five um number four and this is
something i feel so strongly about because i run into it so much especially because i’m a fast walker walking slowly when you know someone’s
behind you and especially if it’s in a crowded environment and you can’t go around them
they’re just taking you know what i mean yeah it’s absurd and of course it’s not most time it’s old people but most a lot
of times it’s like dude like be aware of your
surroundings because i’m not kidding every time it happens i just want to go just push them over on their face on the sidewalk and they’re just like slowly
meandering oh yeah and that’s that’s that’s going to be my number 400 i hate that um coming at number three i got dog
owners not picking up their pets [ __ ] and when i say that if you’re in a random field i don’t give a [ __ ] when
it’s on someone’s yard and you leave it and i and i see it but it’s and even when it’s not like my yard and i see it
i’m like you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] i just want to grab it smear it all over there you clean it up dupe has that every day
there’s a guy who walks his dog by their front yard and then the dog because he started pooping there does it every day
and the guy doesn’t pick it up and then dupe yells at him and he just ignores him yeah that’s that’s so [ __ ] up like if i had
like our house um when we first moved to oregon was a little kid we had that problem so [ __ ] bad
because a lot of people walk because it was right by the manor and people would walk their [ __ ] dogs up there like hundreds of people
i at one point i think i’d get so fed up if i was my dad i would sit out there with like a [ __ ] bb gun [ __ ] start
shooting people get off my lawn it’s just it’s and you’re not going to pick it up and it’s just like it’s so [ __ ]
up and then the turds turn like white i don’t understand i understand if the circumstances maybe you’re far away and
it’s like i don’t have a [ __ ] bag but why wouldn’t you bring it back you know you know your dog is going to shed exactly so there’s that coming in my
number three number two um this is something that i actually i i probably have a too big of a problem with
um because i tend to react um and this is people staring at you for no reason
and i have many times just given it right back or it’s been like because i [ __ ] hate it so much it’s
like yeah what the [ __ ] are you like so many times i want to stop what the [ __ ] are you looking at and i haven’t done it
at all what’s going on hi this is uh this is samantha this is samantha hi i’m sam i want to make a
guest appearance really fast okay what would you like to the the uh stand is yours sam welcome to
around the lunch table this is z’s uh girlfriend’s sister just came back from
oh and she’s gonna use this in all the conversations i was studying abroad in madrid i’m only in it because what i heard you
just say relates to spain uh okay here it goes staring at you for no reason so
apparently staring for no reason as a part of the culture in europe
which i didn’t get because no yeah no they just stare at you and it’s
like it’s for what like love or like they just do okay so when you come over there as like an american you think like
they hate me because i’m an american and they’re just staring at me walking down the sidewalk can they out you that fast
yeah because it’s like i feel like you don’t you could also be someone who’s born i agree
so how fast did they out you were they just like oh filthy okay i don’t think no like when you come over there at
first and they’re staring at you you think like they don’t want to fight or yeah
and you just got your fists ready and you’re ready to go literally like you stare back and you just give them the dirty so before you found out did you
like punch one or how did that go down well we would start just like saying
[ __ ] in english like things you don’t understand they don’t really like the town that i study
brought in like a lot of them didn’t really speak english so i would just be like what the [ __ ] are you looking at what english or what language is the
language that they speak spanish okay okay i forgot i was playing i thought
you went to a lot of different other places okay alex wouldn’t shut up about it she’s like oh now she’s here now she’s
here now she’s here like i i don’t know okay so it’s inspiring my home base was
the home base my home base the base of operations when i when i lived in europe okay yeah i would say
like visited for an extended period but no that’s okay so did you pick up like a lot of spanish
while you were there yeah yeah can you give us a little demo hola oh wow
sam can i finish my story though yes of course okay my point is they just stare and that’s part of their culture so when
you get over there and you’re first there you’re like [ __ ] like they think i’m an american that’s when i would get
pissed off me like what the [ __ ] are you looking at turns out it’s part of their culture so like whether you’re spanish
or not like i don’t look american really i mean like but you could go
i mean you know it could go either way it could go either way but there was nothing that i did or said or like
anywhere that any way that i carried myself that made me look besides the fact you only spoke english but yeah i
speak spanish oh you do yeah oh oh i didn’t know that okay i lived with
like a host mom oh that’s cool so then what is it about the culture that makes them stare then that’s what
i’m saying is there a reason do they all just go yes yeah i mean i don’t like
once i started like getting comfortable i realized they just do that to everyone like if if you’re wearing like
like a cool shirt they’ll just stare at your shirt it’s not rude over there so it’s like people that you see
here too like it like i don’t know like they have like their dog is really cute or their shoes are
but i feel like where they’re walking like weirdly or something like where you look and then you turn
back to your friends and you’re like oh my god look at that person but like don’t make a chihuah they’re just like oh so like they can just stare at your
butt all day and it’s fine absolutely really absolutely so europe is known for their very sexually aggressive men is
did you encounter that over there wasn’t spain taken was that spain that happened i
don’t know oh the movie i never watched that movie oh probably good before you started over there yeah
so is that true when i got there yeah yeah they are very sexually aggressive there was this is it like rapey or is it
just kind of like vibey okay [Laughter] like were you into it or were you just
like like it’s rapey vibes but it never gets to like you know what i mean rapey vibes
but it doesn’t get okay
example okay this one club that like is the biggest like
in the in the city that i studied in um i the first time i went
there were literally a group of men like and it was throughout the night like it there was always a group of men standing
outside the girls bathroom like literally cat calling the girls inside the bathroom okay
but cat callings are just like whoop whoop or like oh no it was just cat calling like they
they’re not and they’re gonna walk up to you and be like hola guapa ola guapa
and so they like fall they like walk up to you like they they eye you when you’re in the bathroom but it’s okay
they target you in the bathroom it’s okay and then they follow you and then
no no once you walk out they follow you so all this is like not okay in the u.s like very very creepy but if you say
like no get the [ __ ] away from me they’ll get the [ __ ] away from me really so like so they’re creepy but they
follow orders but they’re obedient okay obedient
racism no and then this is okay it’s like yeah okay it’s
they have me in past okay no [ __ ] yeah wow did you have a good time over there i had a great day did
you find yourself i found myself that’s good i heard you didn’t take a vape over there how was that
i did okay so well then alex lied shocker no she did
no she was like sam said she’s been feeling so healthy without a vape so you did take one what the [ __ ]
okay so either you lied to her or she lied to us it’s called a half truth i bro okay
here’s truth is either truth or i like kind of was like not addicted my first
month but i brought kind of not addicted do you want the long story we just need the truth
okay let me tell the long story really fast i got my wisdom teeth taken out right before i went to spain so i was like really high for three days no i’m
on heroin and and then i got to spain i got addicted to heroin so i just don’t hit nicotine
anymore oh that’s perfect you just traded one for yourself so i’m not addicted to nicotine i am
addicted to other things okay that’s the story i hope you’re kidding me i was just like hi for three days and then i
was like well i have to go to spain i don’t think they have vapes over there so i’m going to bring a pack of jewel
pods which will last for two days but when they run out they run out well since i was high for three days i wasn’t
hitting my vape so i kind of got unaddicted got over there the first month i left addiction in three days huh
very impressive so the first month i didn’t hit my video well that’s impressive okay i didn’t and then
and then the second month okay i hit my vape like once a week like one hit
that’s like eating one chip out of the bag exactly so it’s like not addiction it’s true but i didn’t
i just hit it because whatever anyways i wasn’t addicted for the first month second month
i went to barcelona went to this music festival and i smoked this sig for the first time
and then i became addicted and then i found out they sell vapes in europe and then i
started vaping again and now okay so i just like cured your addiction for like a month a month and then you went back
on it because i was gonna say alex had told us several times that we could hear her facetiming you you sounded pretty
[ __ ] up at like a club or something you’re gonna say i didn’t i didn’t drink in europe actually
i was never [ __ ] up we got some cnn over here
whoa whoa whoa whoa what about the night where she okay never mind okay we need to get alex back
on here to rebuttal some of this [ __ ] yeah so well one i am so i mean you obviously
have supernatural strength being able to cure an addiction in three days that is awesome that is great to hear and i’m
happy for you on that um so are you like smoking cigs now or
that wasn’t a no you have a pack of marble red’s in there don’t you
no oh okay that was a that was that took a while to answer you got me scared but no i was like yes yes she did
sisters just know these things you know no but those things were only like a
drunk thing if someone offered but you didn’t drink that’s fair she was kidding
you’re very convincing you should be a salesman thank you yes that’s what everyone tells us
yeah yeah they’re good at lying but no that’s that’s [ __ ] great i’m glad you had a great time um i’m glad you got to fill
us in on that little piece of history you know thing is when people come to atlt they don’t think they’re going to learn something but today you brought
them the gift of knowledge is it true you shouldn’t drink the tap water in europe i’ve heard that many times is
that true that is fake news she’s like well i drink it i mean i was puking all the time but i’m good
apparently it’s not as filtered as the united states oh um
the city that i stayed in it was like straight from the mountains it was great so it was like like
the the the base on their head just bringing it down yeah you know every every morning
mount kilimanjaro actually had the best water yeah i know my every morning my host mom told us how much water we
needed for the day and i actually had to go up to the mountains you went up to the mountains to drink
water to bring it back oh yeah so they didn’t have faucets well they did but like it’s expensive
oh so you shouldn’t drink the tap water then well you just like carry it down from the amount well that’s not from tap
right because he was asking if you should drink the tap water kidding again sorry tap water is great in europe okay that’s
good to know especially in the town where i was at it which was madrid right
granada renata okay granada grenada granada yeah okay
yeah yeah yeah okay anyways thank you guys for having me of course no problem it’s great we appreciate it
yeah sorry about the lies that my sister told yeah uh i would just like to say that we’ve asked our girlfriends to be
on probably i don’t know 20 times and we appreciate you being the first
female guest on around the lunch table so props to you we appreciate the hospitality of course
of course alex the bar is high yes
we won’t be seeing alex on here anytime soon i’ll tell you that yeah her sister just went up there all right so where
were we at after that interruption yes no i’m kidding um yeah that was good that was good that
was good um so yeah for those who don’t know um sam alex’s sister just got back from spain not to wait
like a couple days ago a couple days ago and she studied abroad she hopped on the podcast the first time she came over here
alex has gotten on this podcast zero times and i’ve known her for she lives here over six months okay
unrelated so my last pet pet peeves uh was that number two was the people staring at it for no reason which she also was a cultural thing in spain which
is actually very interesting um my number one this sounds like it sounds like they just don’t have manners there okay anyways
a little bit i was like yeah they were just kept going on their backs no you know what i mean it’s just i feel like that takes some getting used to it
but if i guess if you’re raised i mean we’re a very progressive okay i’m really excited about this number one because i feel so strongly about it and i think
this has been my number one pet peeve ever since i knew what a pet peeve was
children crying slash screaming on planes oh yeah i i knock that baby out every
airline where they’re a baby is going to be sat a baby should sit next to the emergency
exit so then when it cries they can throw it out or put it in the back like you you need to press a chair or like
that’s like i have a baby on a kennel and put him with the dog so he can cry with all the barking dogs i say just
give him a melatonin and just freaking yeah or valium yeah like that’s obviously i’m kidding but
i’m saying i i hate that so much like i just oh my gosh
i just want to take a [ __ ] pillow and just i mean at that point okay like arsenal
you and i talked about you know you’re hiding from someone you know underneath the floorboards the baby’s about to
start crying what do you do it’s life or death wait what oh yeah okay they’re like
yeah harry harriet tubman yeah exactly i mean underground there was lots of babies that’s an
actual fact for those who exactly i think last episode we talked about that yeah because obviously harriet tubman underground underground railroad she
would like sneak slaves away and stuff like that was that funny no was that funny no you said underground railroad i did say like that yeah i just
was i was not the slaves party i thought i thought the slaves was not funny
about to get this canceled um i was just saying and so it’s actually she was trying to sneak these people away
obviously their families had babies and obviously there’s people looking for them like the slave owners and [ __ ] and
she would knock babies out some gangster [ __ ] if you ask me she grabs the legs like and this this goes back to the
barbaric thing i would never do such a thing but life or death like how do in what way do you knock out a baby in a
way it doesn’t actually damage to be honest i don’t think i’d punch it i think i just put it in a choke hold and then that would [ __ ] suffocate it
well that would but you just wait for them to go to sleep and then you know i think you know what it’s like better safe than sorry you know better brain
damage for the kid than death for all of us so i’m hitting the needs of the mini outweigh the needs of the few snap its
neck throw it down throw it in the lake hey get another one yeah exactly they’re growing on trees these days we’re already overpopping that’s [ __ ] up but
anyways that was my top five pet peeves audio that was good so uh
before you go on because we had a intermission there so top five pepes number five loud chewing slash smacking
number four walking slowly when you know someone’s in front of you three dog owners not picking up their parents
parents their pets [ __ ] people staring for no reason number two and number one children crying screaming on an airplane
top five pet peeves james take it away okay so number five actually has to do with airplanes just like yours but a little
bit different uh when the plane lands and people get up the second it stops and then just stand in the aisle oh wow
yeah it’s like we all know how this goes the doors in the front row one then two then three and then it’s like it’s like
the second the fastener seat belt sign goes away [ __ ] they get up and then they just stand in the aisle in front of
people that just bugs the [ __ ] out of me i’m blocking all of her from leaving
uh number four uh uh i would say in casual conversation
it’s the person who has to one-up every story
the people who want up every story so a narcissist yes narcissism is a pet peeve it’s like i
agree with you the people it’s like it’s like oh yeah so i went you know hey alex this pertains to you if you want to hop
in here that’s not what i was saying uh it’s like oh i went skydiving they’re like oh how high did you go it’s like oh
i think like ten thousand feet yeah well when i went it was fifteen thousand feet it’s like oh fifteen is lower than twenty but i said ten thousand first and
fourth uh no um you know or it’s like you know oh i got a new car and they’re like yeah
well my uncle just got a new car and it’s actually alexis and it has heated seats and yours doesn’t and it’s like you know what [ __ ] you
like yeah yeah it’s like i don’t give a [ __ ] about your uncle’s car i thought you gave a [ __ ] about me so i’m telling you about it that’s fair that’s fair don’t like that
[ __ ] no no no no no no number three uh people are overly into something really
stupid like nascar or something yeah i’ve walked into a home where like the lampshade was a car
the flags are on it and it’s just like you have no identity do you and that just there’s no problem being like a fan
or a super fan of something but oh yeah i mean i’m a super fan of a lot of things but i don’t [ __ ] yeah but you don’t have a bill burr fat
head on your [ __ ] bedroom you know what i mean good point yeah the point uh number like
my oldest brother vince like has always been a huge michael jordan fan and in his bathroom when he was young
even as like when he was when i was younger he had in his bathroom he had the [ __ ] huge picture of michael
jordan doing the [ __ ] wing thing i’m like i’m like sitting there being like what the [ __ ] is going on here well at least he’s making sure he gets in the
bowl uh number two people who hold a fork or a spoon with their whole food oh my i
almost put that one dude oh [ __ ] yeah that oh my god i look at it and it’s like are
you a child no not a child you grip it like i don’t even know how to grip it like a baseball bat like it it takes a
few fingers it it it’s it’s just yeah it’s it will balance how do you hold a [ __ ]
with the two fingers okay yeah okay you made it look like you were like a flashlight just like yeah and it leans on the it leans on the side yeah and it
it’s comfortable you make sure it’s an equilibrium and it’s very just i feel like the people who hold it like that or like a child they’re savages that was
just rescued from the congo that doesn’t [ __ ] silverware you know and he’s just like
creates a little that is too much um number one which i absolutely hate and
this um is adults who have their kids do their voicemails do you know what i’m talking about
yeah i know exactly it’s like my mom has um chili doing oh i’m sorry mrs lesner you
heard it don’t act like you didn’t know that i actually didn’t know it was your mom i did i called my mom one time and you laughed we were laughing because it
was shaking that’s not who i was but that’s not our daughter though yeah
no it’s like it’s like i remember calling someone it’s like you’ve reached john and hannah oh my god
it’s like just [ __ ] rip the eardrums out of my and then it’s always too long what if what if it’s someone calling of important
important importance you know exactly and it’s like i’m sitting here trying to like tell you i need bail money and i gotta listen to each one of your kids
six kids say their names it’s like you reach the house of and then they all go the johnson
and then each one of the kids says something and it’s like god bless your day it’s like absolute virgin behavior i hate it i do
have two honorable mentions uh no i told you that before the podcast you said you weren’t gonna mention them because i didn’t make any so it’s just
an honorable mention you said mentions you know actually by the way an honorable mention there’s always it’s an
honorable mention not mentioned it was just two that i couldn’t choose enough when people talk on the third person
and it’s like jack is hungry like that i do that sometimes now i’ve never heard
you talking the third person ever if it like i say cece’s here that’s a joke i’m talking
about third person you’re doing it as a joke for comedic purposes i’m people i’m talking about like i know a couple people who will be
like jack speaking i’m gonna interpret okay this is off topic okay
do you think that bill murray is funny
i think caddyshack he was yeah and caddyshack is it but do you think i think it’s old humor do you think that
like him for example or jerry seinfeld i don’t know larry i want to watch the seinfeld
do you think that comedy has passed them by i think so i think that it is hard for
someone who has been doing something for so long to adapt to a younger generation i’m not even talking about being pc
because i’m highly against [ __ ] cancel culture and pc [ __ ] if you haven’t noticed by this podcast already
but i think that like they’re jokes it’s 10 20 holy [ __ ] grow old with them
and then they have a hard time relating to the younger crowd because also like 75 yeah it’s like life is moving so fast
there’s twists there’s turns like i mean we’re in a revolution of [ __ ] i mean the world’s
changing every day yeah yeah yeah and so it’s like how do you keep up with these trends in these modern things especially when it’s like once you get older you’re
not touring all the time exactly yeah all right anyways get your automation uh baby talk
adults doing baby talk don’t like it don’t [ __ ] with it don’t do anything
i hate that and that just i mean i haven’t ran into a lot of adults to do that but i know two
like that are in their 40s because they have a baby to each other and they’re fortunate oh that’s absurd and it’s just
like he’s like using electric electric chair yeah i i’m gonna choose a different name for it mikey
wants a beer okay mikey and it’s like you can make just [ __ ] kill me now
like get me the [ __ ] out of this well that’s good i think we’re in an hour we’re having [ __ ] hours so thank you sam thank you sam we did that um anyways
uh jack where can they find you i suppose if they were looking for me
they could find me at jack under a sport underscore they can find me at jack underscore spence z where
where can they find you they can find me at isaiah underscore lesbian or both of our instagrams at the around the lunch table instagram page
thank you very much for listening this is a long episode this is a long episode especially usually we try to keep it short because like after an hour it’s
like i feel like a lot of people don’t want to no one’s listening but anyways guys uh thanks for listening
we’ll see you next week [Music]
let’s get rowdy up in here

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Episode 71