#65 Good Cop Bad Cop

Episode 65

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J&Z talk about transformers, torture for some reason, if we were cops Antarctica, and other stuff
it’s recording it’s live we are live yeah ladies and gentlemen welcome back to
another edition of around the lunch table episode 16 welcome back slapped it what was that
i changed it up oh okay i like it it’s good what the [ __ ] i it threw me for a little here’s the thing i before even before i
also had a few different intros i used to do an animal that’s true no i i like the species
i decided to change it up a little bit gentlemen to another edition of around the lunch table episode 65. you said
that different you thought i love it you know you can’t say anything yeah but
i’ll go back you [ __ ] i felt like that intro made it sound like we have like uh you know it’s not a okay it’s
not a bow tie but you know when they have like it’s like a tablecloth you know it’s like it’s like a big tie
you know what i’m talking about no they wore them in like the 1800s it was like uh like the white things they had
stuff in there or they was in the jacket kind of yeah that’s a doily no that’s a pocket square i’m not
talking about no okay it’s like a big triangle and it goes i know what you mean and it goes yes i know what you’re talking about what are
those called i don’t know because i’ve never seen anyone wear them i feel like old shit’s coming back you know like
that old like what i mean okay if i was i feel like crop tops were guys
no no that’s that old is not coming back what are you talking about i’m smart wearing benjamin two shoes
kind of some rappers are rocking it dude with no socks the bren franklin twos i think i don’t think balenciagas can be
classified as bringing back a victorian action maybe i don’t know yeah i mean you know we all go back to our roots for ideas i guess let’s go to the sponsors
first yeah for [ __ ] yeah um first of all i almost just completely
didn’t do it that would have been the first time too um first and foremost want to thank our sponsors beginning with aputure oceans
bringing ideas and ads to life i also wanted to shout out to liv
stallion l-i-v-s-t-a-l-l-i-o-n on instagram tamed
i was gonna do that i was trying to do it right as you said well i wasn’t in the background okay try again no i’m not doing it never be tamed uh
has an amazing wellness and fitness page streams monday through friday you can look it up on instagram or you can look them up at brandonbodyado that’s brandon
spelled the usual way b-a-t-t-i-a-t-o yes and our newest sponsor i want to
bring up got moles if uh you have got moles in the puget sound area servicing
all the way from northern seattle to southern tacoma got moles guaranteed service will make sure you got nomos no
mo and guaranteed legal genocide
you know the thing about moles is that they don’t actually like it’s just cosmetic
i feel like okay i feel like gophers do more damage than moles well go for the curve balls we learn that right right guys
they they sling the dirt the the mole goes straight up from and what little feisty creatures but what i’m saying is
like they’re [ __ ] scary looking too i mean a lot of the animals that we kill by the droves are simply for cosmetic
purposes cause you don’t want your laundry i would argue i would argue actually
moles and gophers alike are not just they’re not just cosmetic i mean if you have a garden yes but they [ __ ]
up the ground in general it’s unlevel it’s not yeah but your backyard doesn’t need to be level half the time yeah but if you
have a bunch of hills everywhere like would a termite mound be cosmetic or would you like to take that down
i’m not against the mole killing i’m just like are you an advocate for moles i’m actually part of a mole advocacy
fifa go home no but i understand yes cosmetic issues but i’m saying a lot of the things that
are able to be killed is like it’s an ecosystem thing so there was something i saw today that i wanted to bring up okay um so at work
we had someone call okay they’re a non-profit which is great love them love them
non-profit but we do accept donations into our pocket yes and i’m like oh you’re a non-profit well i’m a
for-profit business so no i’m not donating uh no i’m kidding uh no so i you know i’m just scrolling through
their site clicking on should they help homelessness why did they call they needed a bus or something for free
yeah we get a lot of those really yeah and you guys you guys entertain that notion no we’re just like
yeah we have charities we already donate to you yeah it’s like hey you guys are the first ones yeah no um no so the
thing is so i you know i’m like oh i’ll check out the website i’m not the one who took the call they told me about it
afterwards so i’m looking through i’m like okay so then there was like a subsidy of it and it was called like the box group or something right
in the seattle area you can’t now i’m not gonna watch the subsidies because they kind of
i’m not saying this is bad i’m just saying i’m gonna get a lot of heat for this who the [ __ ] would do this
but and i get the a community and everything but let me explain they will build a fully like
like uh it comes with permits and everything a tiny home in your backyard for homeless people to live
now i think that’s a great idea i think they mean it means well
i want to know and i’m not saying all homeless people are bad but i’m just saying like even a random friend i’m not letting you
build a tiny home in my backyard let alone someone i don’t know yeah that’s just imagine the parties that guy’s gonna throw i mean i mean i wouldn’t
worry worried about that i’d be worried about the strangers in my [ __ ] premises 24 7. like you’ve ever had that moment oh i
didn’t lock the door you’d be like oh i didn’t lock the door that’s different than we go to work today just like ah [ __ ] forgot to lock
the door today that’s like oh oh [ __ ] reginald’s home i just thought it was interesting
because okay then okay answer miss so it’s a great thought and but here’s the thing get the whole
community so what so what they they get that and they can stay in a more comfortable spot and not do anything
i guess i mean hey listen here and i i completely understand that some people are doing their luck as a homeless
person actually you literally some there’s a lot of cases you actually can’t find a job because it’s like
today’s climate i’m saying well if you don’t have a [ __ ] home address maybe these people have been homeless for years okay yeah
you know what i mean yep that’s what i’m saying so unless unless they’re going to go into somewhere where someone’s willing to pay them under the table a lot of people don’t want to do that yeah
and then you know then maybe it’s going to be tough but either way that how would you just get like a
i thought they were going to do this thing where they had they bought this little area of land not like a hotel but they put a bunch of
little like areas so they can stay there at least they have somewhere to go to then they fence it off and then yeah
that’s a concentration camp oh okay
[Laughter] no i meant just up it’s a [ __ ] heaven
on it i meant its own its own little community of crackheads working together
they can all you know they can all hang out in a safe environment they don’t have to sneak under bridges and you know they can all stay there because i know
in some like in the bay area they’re starting to do things like that’s like hey you can camp here you can stay here yeah just that’s why i’m on the sidewalk
where people are walking yeah first of all i feel like i thought that this is everything if i was
homeless i wouldn’t want people to see me no of course i would be secluded like those guys are in the woods but that’s where i’d be yeah i’d be out there i’d
be out of there but to be honest if i were to go homeless there’s probably 30 people in both of our lives that would yeah but you have to understand this not
everyone has the same thing a lot of some people some of those people never had friends never or no i’m not saying that that’s their fault i’m saying just
us personally like i think it’d take a lot for us to go homeless oh that would take a lot if you went homeless like what would like how would you get food
just steal it or would you try to raise it well you have to think of it this way you have to think of it this way older
like a lot of the homeless people are older people yeah so this is later on in their lives this isn’t necessarily when they’re 20s yeah you know what i mean so
i mean a lot of them are older like middle aged maybe upper 30s i’ve seen some young ones but most of
them are yeah so at that point in your life it’s like maybe you lost contact with all your friends yeah and you only had some
family maybe your family there’s a pride thing there you know you want to be like hey i mean i feel like i would say hey before i’d sleep under i-5 but
i mean yeah i get that no i basically the point i brought that up was it was just like
sleeping in my backyard there’s not even is that is that is that the thing is that actually what was in the thing it’s
like this will go in your backyard yes 100 what the [ __ ] do you have to like sign for it like a [ __ ] ups package
like this he lives here now they freaking build it the permits and everything and you you don’t pay anything obviously because why would
anyone want it in their [ __ ] yard because it’s to help the community but i’m all about the community trust me i
volunteer my ass off but [ __ ] no subtle flex uh i don’t know it’s because you have to
yeah yeah court ordered yeah uh i’m out there picking up trash you never
seen that i forgot a movie itself or whatever he’s like i’ve been doing a lot of volunteer work oh that’s from the office of things yeah i’ve been doing a
lot of volunteer work because it’s not corridor he’s like yeah well i’m in management now anger
management but management material nonetheless uh no that was just uh it was more just like because it was
funny because like our friend wyatt has a tiny home yeah and uh i remember him being like hey can i put that in your background
like yeah like being like he was being funny like there’s no way even uh someone i know that well am i putting you yeah it’d be different if you have a
lot of property and stuff but that’s yeah but the thing was in these pictures it was just like downtown seattle homes where they don’t have acreage i don’t
understand what’s what’s the are you telling me people are gonna want a homeless guy living in their backyard just because they’re trying to be a good
person i guess i don’t think that’s part of it also side note speaking of subsidies did you see that whole johnson and johnson
thing no very didn’t they make the the no tears shampoo but it actually
causes tears that was not where i was going with that i was talking about how they were able
to get out of their financial bind what happened um first of all johnson johnson is one of
the richest corporations in in the us first of all so they have is that funny is that is are facts funny no
it was just funny you just sounded like a news reporter i was actually impressed because they that’s they are they are one of the wealthiest corporations in
the united states and so basically this they are not bankrupt okay so basically
they had all these lawsuits like hundreds and hundreds of lawsuits and allegations toward them
like this is an insane amount and so what they did was they got
like a subsidy like a little company that’s tied to it and moved all liability over to there and then
they made that company go bankrupt so then it liquidated all of
those lawsuits like that and so and it’s it’s a good gray area in texas law or some [ __ ] interesting and they
were able to evade any lawsuits or getting because technically if you’re going bankrupt then you then it takes
away all lawsuits which is [ __ ] crazy to think about i know we’re going off the comedy topic here but we talk about funny [ __ ] all the time so i’m down to
go with it did you know that only and i actually i disagree with this even though i’m very against like rules and
laws like we have too many i think for a free country but uh [ __ ] there’s only two countries in
the world that allow you to advertise prescription drugs that is the united states and new zealand i find it very
strange where it’s like hey here’s this drug for blah blah ask your doctor about it like that shouldn’t the doctor come
up with his own diagnosis yeah [ __ ] yeah isn’t i went to school for 12 years yeah
it’s like oh so he was sad but now he’s dancing in a jazz club to all the [ __ ] side effects like i don’t i
don’t know i don’t think he’s dancing to the side effects i think he’s dancing to the well no he’s dancing within the side effects oh yeah it could cause death
diarrhea [ __ ] yeah yeah and half of him i already have or he’s like yeah he’s riding his little more lawnmower
smiling like and then he throws the baseball to the kids yeah which he apparently he couldn’t do without the allergy medication
clarity clearly like dude [ __ ] magic johnson played the all-star name with aids yeah blacks guy does aids make you
tired though i mean because that is something people say a lot i actually don’t know because
i don’t have aids no i don’t either i’ve never just i’ve heard you can get an aid uh you know like singular just one of
them yeah like it goes in half of your body so half your body dies the other one works yeah uh no what i’m saying is i’ve heard that
multiple times of like you know magic johnson played in the all-star game it’s like i mean it’s it’s a serious disease
so i assume it makes you tired and sluggish and well because it’s like okay like if you had herpes like yes that’s
awful but it’s not going to affect your athletic prowess no no no aids is something that kills you so but here he
walks is there a cure we don’t know of course there is conspiracy episode
yeah 100 of course there is yeah of course of course there is if you’re rich you can get it yeah i’m sure
yeah i don’t know the uh that oh god we’re just
uh apparently some [ __ ] drug that can might be able to cure cancer came out like this week interesting i i did see
something about that but yeah when they when they do that they usually just throw something out there because it’s in like
early stages and then you never hear about it again for another couple of years yeah because the rich gotta get which this is a different off topic
thing here no i read an article um it was about what i want to understand is i
understand that if a dog is ravenous and mean and it actually like really hurts someone they
put it down why why have we gone to a position in which it bites a child and we put it down
honestly can we listen here let’s just let’s just throw it what if the kid antagonized it yeah what if the dog you
know what i mean let’s put down these kids dude i think kids these days are [ __ ]
[ __ ] [ __ ] they are but i’m just saying you know what happened to bite someone it doesn’t mean it should be put down thank
you if a dog bit me i’m like i’m like a doggie quarter me i’m going to get feisty i’m going to growl i’m going to bite when i was a scratch if i was a
child and the dog bit me my dad would have told him to bite me again because i probably [ __ ] deserved it if the dog bit me i wouldn’t tell anyone i’d bite
it on the air yeah i’d fight it back i’d strangle it the only way it’s getting put down is if i put it down myself it can fight for its
own life it’s an animal you establish dominance yeah exactly that’s why it pees on you roll over and let him lick your balls
i got a funny story with that there’s uh you rolled over and let a dog lick your balls no there was a someone i know
uh is a fishing tour guide and uh you know them but i’m not naming their name on the on the podcast uh
so they uh they were doing a fishing guide right you know they’re in the little boat yeah the boat the boat and
uh you know it’s a gently flowing stream and they’re going past another boat but it’s a girl like with her hat down so
she’s like asleep or she’s acting like she’s just like she’s not paying attention it’s very quiet they’re not talking [ __ ] because it’s just yeah they’re fishing it’s just a quiet
peaceful training they know that they’re there so they’re floating by me yes as they’re passing she’s getting [ __ ] in
the boat no the dog’s looking at her dog is licking her puss and so it’s just going that’s illegal
right so then she catches out the corner of her eye that they’re passing she’s like bad dog bad dog in front of him
like you guys you drift by again she’s like
on all fours that’s [ __ ] up i wasn’t doing it so i i yeah we need to find that lady yeah
find that lady that’s [ __ ] yeah creepy behavior oh [ __ ] yeah i mean if a dog dude do you remember when shane
dawson talked about jizzin on the cat dude [ __ ] that guy he’s a [ __ ] weirdo i remember he’s looking yeah and then i
uh and then i started humping the cat and then i’m like he’s like i’m like dude you need to be put down
it’s like you [ __ ] on a cat like that’s not appropriate that’s what happens to these youtube [ __ ] youtube
youtube [ __ ] stars they just get so out of touch with [ __ ] reality i don’t know what’s [ __ ] right from wrong you know what i there are days
where i’m like wow like some of these people these influencers making all this money and you’re like wow that would be so awesome and then like you see clips
of like they’re like their life or like you see a short thing on a social media so i’m like that
looks like the most non-fun thing and toxic thing i’ve ever
seen it’s just those kids when they all get together and oh oh i just here’s the thing too then everyone’s trying to like
once i feel like i would want to be famous for like a month maybe just enjoy the perks and then be done because i
think i do it for a year i don’t think i do for you i do have like a couple months maybe i’d enjoy the perks of it because you’re
talking about like kardashian i’m talking just any bieber fame like a household name famous
okay a famous as in like you step out and you’re gonna get recognized by like eight out of ten people kind of thing
okay that’s that’s a very that’s a very maybe not like drake or michael jacks
not like that but i’m saying any celebrity that’s pretty well known pretty well known it doesn’t have to be the best but either way i feel like that
would get very annoying after a while and you’re just uh i would be it would be exciting for that first month it’s
like okay i’ll take i’d be taking pictures of paparazzi back let’s go sing pictures yeah exactly but after so long it would just get so [ __ ] annoying i
completely understand why people are just so the biggest problem is like you know like keanu reeves doesn’t even like
when he puts his arm around someone doesn’t even touch their shoulder yeah because next to the allegations he groped this woman because he went like
this and remember when human touch was just like it’s like hey you know like i love you and then yeah it’s annoying if you
have money then they’re going to be like oh it was sexual oh yeah the same way how people never used to lock their doors in the 80s and
the 70s and all that [ __ ] now everything happened to us or like back even when we were kids
all right we’re going out we’re going to go play like all right be home for dinner you know what i mean it’s either there were no like child
molesters or they were just really good back then but alex said alex had a good point though it’s because there was no
alex your girlfriend who the [ __ ] no i just said she had a good point no she had a good point
i’m kidding i know she’s gonna listen she had she had a good point she said um because of that point social media
wasn’t such a prevalent thing you never heard about it that’s true you know what i mean so you don’t really you were just under the impression that it never
happened yeah when actually in reality in those times of 80 70 some of those like the charles manson some of those
[ __ ] up things happened in the 80s and 70s we only got it from from the from the from the o’reilly factory
if twitter was [ __ ] around then charles manson would have been on everyone’s [ __ ] feet all the time you know what i mean dude imagine if
freaking like hitler or stalin was tweeting like donald trump did oh yeah yeah can you imagine the hitler subtweets
[Laughter] yeah like the war is over like we got hitler he tweets lol
[Laughter] lol sent from iphone sent from bunker he tags his
bunker uh it was another thing um i saw an ad
for [ __ ] transformers and uh oh those movies gotta die now
i think they’re done right i remember we tried they had a bumblebee movie bumblebee i never but here’s the thing i will say
the first three with shia shiva shaya and megan were yellow queens were amazing revenge of the fallen is
probably my favorite one the first one you can’t go wrong with it that’s when the world fell in love with megan fox and everything that she’s glorified for
oh yeah but i will say those ones were good they were very good in the camaro yeah i do
yeah that was that was when the megan fox legend was born was in that moment she
wasn’t in anything after that was she no she was in some movies but not as big as that i don’t think uh it’s weird how
some people will have like that’s it’s either like a breakout role or it’s their only we have to understand this when you have something that that’s that
big you continue probably to get paid royalties or whatever depending on your contract so you actually probably don’t
need to like the same way the marvel characters how big those [ __ ] movies all are they probably never have to work again
and they don’t want to yeah robert downey was dr doolittle and you know that paid millions eddie murphy was better but
was eddie movering eddie murphy was the original doctor dude i did not know there was an original one aaron made me go see that one really yeah yeah eddie
murphy was uh the original doctor doolittle and they were actually pretty good um daddy daycare was also a good one eddie murphy these are these are
these are films that are family-friendly i’m naming but yeah of course yeah that was good no the uh so anyways bringing up transformers it was like i remember
um well actually i sometimes get it confused with geforce the [ __ ] hamster movie because remember you keep
saying you said that for two episodes now i don’t [ __ ] know what you’re talking about the g-force hamsters i don’t know i have no idea the g-force
movie no i don’t know little guinea pigs and they were spies
i don’t know okay well anyways the theme song of it was boom boom pow which was great sound what a good song yeah um but
no in the movie you’re talking about geforce here why are we talking i thought you talked
about transfer well because in the movie all the appliances turn into robots and kill things not all of them but a lot of
them do i’m talking about g-force why the [ __ ] are we still talking about
[ __ ] hamster spies boom boom boom and the hamsters are doing some results and [ __ ] um
they’re taking out anyways um no but like do you ever remember like the like what was the dumbest transformer you ever saw okay well in
the movie or the one i could just make up in my head i remember family guy didn’t want it was
like a transformer he’s like what do you even turn into he’s like a rowboat and then
he turns there’s a little paddle she’s like oh he’s like well if there’s a paddle on a gently flowing stream you’ll need me
yeah but i’m in the movie i mean i could think of some but i would say because the movie remember the guy was holding the xbox that thing turned the girls
escalade steering wheel turned and the mountain dew vending machine started shooting leaders of mountain dew missiles
it’s like okay so it’s a vandy machine that turns if anyone seen i think it was the first transformers because the cube touches the ground sends a shock wave
everything starts turning all the technology things start to turn against people yeah and then this uh
vending machine goes and then you start shooting missiles it’s like okay so this mountain dew turned into gas-fueled
propelled missiles no like the amount of energy that like
what kind of energy is that cube because you’re actually changing this and then also well bumble remember it was the size of a town bumblebee grabbed it and
he was able to hold it it was the size of a town it was in that
it was under the hoover dam or whatever remember that yeah and it was like huge there was like all these forklifts and
[ __ ] going on i just noticed how funny that sounded though there are all these railways they
built around it because it was huge it was like the size of the whole facility and then bumblebee goes and it folds into itself into like a bf5
and then he holds it he’s like i got it yeah we’re good why don’t you just call me first before you built the whole [ __ ] area 51 around this thing yeah
and then megatron was frozen in there and then all of a sudden the one robot hops in there hop
hops on the keys types in two lines of code packs the entire system powers down
and then all of a sudden the cooling system doesn’t work because this guy wrote echo off or whatever i don’t want
i don’t want color oha and then that was green yeah yeah that was the original matrix yeah yeah see i
remember that was good yeah but yeah for those who don’t know what we’re talking about talking about bats you could do like yeah if you guys don’t remember
that you could save it as a bat file and then you click on it and has the matrix effect you can put it on people’s
computers you’d feel cool it was colon one d ir slash s yeah you have to save it as a dot bat yeah yeah
and then you save it as google chrome make a shortcut yeah or you’d go on someone’s computer and
then open it like run away and they come what’s this like i just [ __ ] hacked your computer yeah i’m a hacker um
no actually there’s um speaking of which this is totally not gonna resonate with anybody but there is actually a bat file
back that we didn’t really know about um you could do that but apparently it was
the same it was the same process but those numb when they would go it would be a bunch of numbers
and files actual files in which would overload the computer’s hard drive and actually crash it
i actually know what you’re talking about so what it was okay so colon one and then go to one
that’s a repeat so that’s yeah yeah yeah it just it just so what does the process so what you could do is open and then
the link to the bat file yeah and then it would it would
good thing we didn’t know at the time because if we did i would have [ __ ] up or you could just do delete uh percent system 32 percent what does
that do delete windows system32 oh yeah
[Laughter] dude it’s like a [ __ ] national treasure when they [ __ ]
you know he’s like i’m gonna steal decoration independence and they go in there and so then he puts the little cream on the [ __ ] jewel and he gives
it to her and then she’s got it apparently she does apparently she doesn’t wash her hands and then uh okay
well that’s that’s that’s attainable though national treasure when he gets her fingerprint that’s an attainable thing yeah but i’m saying he put the
stuff so that she touched it on the coin and then she pushed the letters for the keep for the password right yeah but if
you didn’t wash your hands it would it would be yeah so one gross two uh but either way though you would always
you would see the numbers and you’d have to guess the denominator what [ __ ] government facility has a
one word all lowercase password like god nick cage like at least they probably
have like facial recognition now i don’t even use that [ __ ] probably well i heard the [ __ ] eye scan is like very cheap
and almost impossible to hack i mean i wouldn’t be surprised and what are you gonna do walk and take a
grapefruit spoon grab this guy’s eye and then put it up to the thing to get the fruits that’s what they would use back in the
day uh to you know that no a grapefruit what is a grapefruit spoon it’s okay so it’s a
spoon with like the spikes on the side that you would use to scoop out the grapefruit you know what i’m talking about do you know what you’re talking about and they
would use that probably just like this like not now but i’m saying apparently
in torture to [ __ ] rip people’s eye and scoop their eye out of their [ __ ] socket no [ __ ] yeah
it’s [ __ ] disturbing so say you have some vital vital information okay
and i’ve thought about this many times okay okay someone’s gotta torture you someone has to torture me yeah so you
were gonna like you’re hanging and it’s like i’m chained up you know what i mean i’m hoping they take the ass over
torturing me yeah yeah you do got cake uh like what is the thing that’s going to
be like i’m giving up the information any slightest pain
for anyone anyone who’s like this anyone who comes in here and is like oh
honestly they would have to chop my legs up like dude no once honestly like there’s so many torturing things that
you could do that would just once you would have to have the change you would have to have like the strongest resolve to be able to
withstand that like i’m honestly if it would depend the information i’m holding honestly but if
it was something that regarded like a family member or someone i loved that put them in danger i would try my best to hold out of course and then i’d make
up something like oh yeah they’re over here when they’re not over there yeah and but yeah it would not take much probably exactly
i think what i would do to somebody to get information out oh well let’s talk about that next mine would be uh to get me uh
slugs or spiders so lugs don’t hurt you no i it would gross me out to the point where i died
are you serious that’s that’s a [ __ ] move that would get you to give important i’m not talking about a slug
on my arm i’m talking about immersing me in a bucket of slugs that’s not even painful though
i would be just someone could use someone could do something hey brexit super super [ __ ]
gross and i would not i would not give up my information can you grab me one oh yeah oh what do you think i said
she was like snuck away thanks hi say hi
oh she got camera shy oh she’s not camera shy at work um so what would you uh so you have to
torture someone what what’s the first thing you’re doing i mean i’m getting some jumpers okay here’s the motor oil here’s the thing here’s the thing what
you have to do you can’t start off strong because you want them to be able to have the strength to give them what you want and
in considering you have to keep that fear up you have to keep the fear up so you’re going to do something that mentally is
degrading that kind of smushes morale that kind of gives them losing the will to hold that information any longer what
playing first coraline or something a shitty movie
the first the first the first thing i’m doing is i mean i honestly don’t want to go into
this because then it makes me look like i’m a [ __ ] serial killer oh i’m going to say independent if they’re if this is
something that information i need to get let’s let’s let’s clarify this if this is information that i need to get that
involves let’s just say they know where my family is and they’re in danger and i need this
dude and he’s and he’s a piece of [ __ ] and he’s a piece of [ __ ] then i and you know he deserves and in that in in that
instance i wouldn’t have any remorse yeah of course so that’s and that’s just that’s the irish sweepstakes there so
basically so basically i would start out is it just me in a room and him like i get whatever tools at my disposal i mean i
think i’d be there watching but yeah okay well first thing i’m gonna do is um
he’s gonna be obviously tied to a chair and i’m gonna take um probably one of those steel hammers
and i’m gonna open like he’s having no shoes on i’m gonna smash every one of his toes that’s good
to start and then fingers and then after that i thought about it
no i have not wow no it’s it’s impressive no and then um i’m gonna get sulfuric acid and dip
his fingertips in it and hold it there and then he tells you yeah until he tells me and at that point he still has
some strong dissolve well then we’re gonna have to resort to some really disturbing things i’m not gonna share good good
yeah that’s to get my family back yeah yeah to get my family back uh i mean so i wouldn’t more like a
phillips head so thrill so i had the same idea with the feet but not with a hammer it was just going to be like a
straight up like like a pocket knife and just start just
this is getting disturbing okay no i mean there’s not like [ __ ] you know it’s not gonna die from the foot you
just turn on like the movie cats and played on replay until he tells but the one with the buttholes yeah you just
put the cats on yeah apparently cats never saw the movie um which by the way wasn’t james what the [ __ ] his name
gordon gordon was in there jordan it’s cordon cordon apparently he was singing in that and then apparently they all had
buttholes and before it released they had to see a guy out the box can i also be honest here speaking of which i don’t think he’s that funny he’s not he you
know i i i do think he’s a great he has an accent i do actually think he’s a great tv host
like you ever watch him interact with star i think he’s a very good tv host he’s not funny and like on being on screen is easy he’s good but i don’t
think he’s funny there’s something about americans when we just get a little bit of an accent we just go [ __ ] wild yeah i mean it i
feel like if you have an accent you have a ten times better making imagine emma watson without the accent no i mean still beautiful but she’s still a laying
woman but freaking the accent is just like the little cherry it’s it’s a bonus of course but like even if even if she
even if she didn’t it’s oh that’s the same thing she’s still gorgeous but here actually i will say this i will say this
you know who has you know whose accent tops them off the best when i say that russell brand
yeah he’s like he is he is funny but also like the way he articulates and talks
i’ve ever there’s like whole like compilations of him flirting with people because he used to be a crazy sex
advocate drug addict like on interviews and [ __ ] it’s so [ __ ] funny the way he like he would articulate himself what
is he famous for because he’s not in that many movies well he’s in a lot of poverty movies i mean forgetting sarah marshall will get
him to the greek with jonah hill yeah but those were all somewhat recent like what what got him his fame like i
don’t know where he came from well i think he’s always been an actor he also did music i think too
aldo snow yeah i don’t know if that was actually true but oh i’d like alice snow was actually his name but i’m saying he
also wrote books too because aldous snow did uh what what was the song
african child which was really bad i don’t recall but i will say just watch the movie what
get him to the greek you know what i did was i didn’t watch the movie i watched the trailer oh i didn’t i’ve watched that movie once when
it came out i haven’t seen him no but he did that song african child which was like super racist
but no he’s wrote books too and now he’s now he’s a intellectual but ah it’s weird how that happens you see my story
of him at the bake yeah the celebrity bake thing and he he gets the two and he has the one gram
he does he’s like i actually did two grams of this off instinct he starts laughing in the camera
dude it’s funny how people go from crackhead to intellectuals real quick like mike the situation but they never
forget the roots yeah but it’s just like but then they have to like overcompensate for how much of a dick they were yeah yeah so then they’re like
everything’s positive you know look on the bright side it’s like shut the [ __ ] up you were doing coco shut the [ __ ] up you were smoking crack yeah you ever
smoke crack no i have not had the pleasure i have not had the pleasure either yeah should we try it no on the podcast i
don’t dude they’re ripping the bong it’s crack actually no yeah
uh yeah that’s not my forte i wouldn’t know that but what is that
i see that uh i saw like a tweet i’m sure you see this tweet too is when like all the parents for so many years which
makes sense we’re like freaking out about like the weed era and [ __ ] but it’s like dude in your guy’s era crack
was like the thing so like how about you [ __ ] relax i think we need to bring that back crack no
no coke like it’d be cool if you could go like a coke dispensary well did they actually have been in talks of like
legalizing a bunch of [ __ ] i mean it’s never okay it’s never gonna happen no but did you know and this is 100 fact you can look
it up obviously extremely difficult cocaine is a schedule two drug which
means you can get a prescription for it and people have gotten it for cluster headaches
really yep where did the where do the pharmacies that’s the first
thing i thought i don’t know i don’t think big pharma is out in the jungle stopping on leaves i have the
most reliable source hamilton morris was on joe rogan and that is the expert he
is an expert he is an expert and he’s [ __ ] smart he’s oh he’s like a certified [ __ ] genius his iq is for the [ __ ] he’s surprised yeah and he does
original genius no but he [ __ ] said he was like yes i know someone and the thing is is cluster
headaches you can’t [ __ ] prove because you just be like wow my head hurts it’s like in shameless when uh when frank gets a bunch of like
money from like the government and [ __ ] like that he’s like he’s like yeah i told him i got hit try telling me i don’t yeah exactly
yeah like stealing candy from a baby yeah no but like uh but no the uh yeah he
literally said he knew someone who got a prescription for cocaine and the prescription said snorted
through the nose what which what now that is there a conspiracy all the drugs that are
confiscated through the us government is that used by big farmers i don’t know i don’t know what what i do want would
that not be the easiest way though exactly so it’s like instead of getting it yourself you just use the confiscated
drugs i would think so i mean i mean what do you do do you really think when the border patrol seizes 80 tons of cocaine like
where does all this go what oh do you have it we properly of it do you ever give it to trump do you have an 80-ton
evidence locker yeah no like i don’t know dude if i’m a cop and i see that
[ __ ] okay i’m just are you telling me you’re sticking your nose in there no i mean what is wrong
with saying say i’m like i’m i’m the captain of the precinct right but i guess at that point it’s like dude when
you look at that you’re like you know how much money that thing’s worth um let’s just say like say i was the captain of the precinct right and it
hasn’t been checked into evidence yet i’m gonna find my closest dudes that i know are like okay you know i’m gonna be
like hey stay after work a little bit you know and before we check in that it’s a pound of coke maybe it’s point
eight pounds of coke you know i i do one for fur for my [ __ ] team you
know i mean you listen you resell a couple of those and you’re retired i’m not talking about making money off it i’m just talking about a good good good
night with the co-workers i was talking about making money i’m
just talking about i mean i’m a captain i got [ __ ]
yeah exactly i’m not gonna risk that but you know i’m saying like okay pensions aren’t that great i’m saying i feel like you know freaking kowalski hasn’t
freaking checked kowalski hasn’t checked it into the evidence locker yet on how much it weighs what kind of poli okay if you
were a police officer like let’s say like you know how you have a partner we were partners we were [Laughter]
we were in like a squad car like what kind of cops do you think do you think do you think that we would
actually be like good cops dude you know how many times we’d go to
like a party and be like all right this is kind of fun like you guys just keep it down yeah like okay we’re gonna hand
out mips yeah me are [ __ ] quotas [Laughter]
i mean i just trying to find the like the douchiest guys there and do it to them and the girls are you 18 you’ll get out
of it give my p’s only to the bullies the guy with the 40 hands uh he doesn’t
deserve one he’s had enough trouble no but not that but i’m saying overall do you think it would be good cops i
feel like we could chase some [ __ ] down yeah i mean i think we’d be i feel like i feel like we would be too understanding
exactly thank you yeah and we would let people go we shouldn’t let exactly let go yeah like there’d be a guy like
driving we’re just like hey i have a good day’s like okay it’s like it’s like bro i’ll follow you home
like yeah i’d do one of those i especially when it came to like teenagers yeah 100 100 yeah because it’s
like 40 year old guy it’s like dude what the [ __ ] you doing yeah when it’s like a young kid it’s like dude like this person doesn’t even know he’s about to
ruin his life there’s no idea yeah i mean yeah i wouldn’t do that i mean i think we’d be good cops like physically
but i think that’s it oh sorry finish i think that if you and i were in a cop car together
would we solve much not a lot we are good problem solvers we are good problems you know okay that’s the thing i don’t think i’d want to be like a beat
cop like a normal cop i feel like i would actually being a detective and solving cases would actually be yeah like thrilling i think i’d be good at it
too yeah i think we’d be good at it yeah i mean i can catch a lot of [ __ ] i’ll refer you to my partner detective james spence this sounds like a case for
wheels i don’t know if this is a bad this is a weird thing to say i don’t know if you’ve ever thought of this
but like i i’ve always kind of thought like it’d kind of be like cool to be in a shootout
yeah cool like i don’t want to be in a shootout i don’t if i could be in a shootout without the risk of being hurt
then that would be cool like it would be cool it’s the only cool thing it’d be it’d be cool you know you have immunity like yeah okay i guess that’s kind of a
cheat code but that’s the point i’m saying but i feel like it would kind of like you crashed i look over you just
no dude reloading no you tossed me you tossed me a clip i put it in i get the mossberg pump i said one through his
chest one i’ve actually thought of several times is like you know when the ukraine things are and people talk about getting drafted if you and me were in the same
company like i’d smoke so many lucky strikes yeah that foxhole but like i always imagined like you and i getting
out of like a [ __ ] like a hostile situation and we’re in the car and you’re out the window with like an rpg there’s a rubber barricade i’m like wait
for it you look now like wait for it and then you [ __ ] hit it and then we go through but here’s the thing we wouldn’t
be cheering it’s like oh wow i just saw eight people get chopped up i mean at some point you just become numb to it i
mean yeah but it takes a little time i mean i think i’d lose count after 10 bodies on my on my on my belt i don’t
think you would get that far i think we’d both be dead before too you and i could murk some people anyone
can mark someone with a gun i’m just saying you and i are pretty lucky i feel like i’m just going to see
anything i feel like i’ve seen too many movies and i’ve played way too many video games like it’d be a point like we’re getting ambushed i’m like
all right i’m just gonna here i’ll drop my gun i’m gonna take my knife i’m gonna sneak around i’m gonna sneak up on behind them and just get them all
and then i’m just gonna get killed i can see you doing that and somehow getting away with overconfidence yeah just over confidence is funny the thing is i’ve
seen way too many [ __ ] you and i were in the battlefield i could see you doing some like crackhead [ __ ] but somehow
just like getting away with it like crawling on the roof behind them yeah got the knife in my mouth
repel behind them no i’m sitting there with my hands up i see
they’ll fall i would want to be a sniper dude that would be [ __ ] i mean you’re in the safest spot
yeah but if you want to confirm your kills [ __ ] that’s why i’m on the ground getting the dog tags huh [Laughter]
how do you confirm a kill you have to grab the dog but they’re a militia they’re not they don’t have government’s issued tags no and what if it’s a
nickname that’s not that’s not by that’s not what it means to confirm or kill i mean first of all everyone has body cams and [ __ ] on i’m saying you just have to
confirm that not through the sniper scope i mean like if you shoot someone and then like you see a move and then they get dragged away that’s not
confirmed kill okay because you don’t know they’re dead okay i’m just saying like if i’m going for dog tags i’d just be nervous that like i’d come back with
my kill and then it would be like oh this guy’s name was what j money you know like it’d be because i’m sure i’m sure snipers have sniped a
lot of guys but like you don’t get a confirmed kill because like the long the long shots are places you don’t want to go that’s true
yeah a sniper sniper would be [ __ ] that would be pretty cool to just clap i said it’s fun imagine imagine clapping
someone’s melon from a mile away with a barrett and then and then you wait
it’s [ __ ] i mean that might be a little violent but i’m just saying i think that’d be kind of cool to snipe something i’m saying if i’m getting drafted that’s what i’d like to do yeah
but apparently i don’t want to be [ __ ] the front man that’s insanely hard to do to be a i mean i definitely hold your
wind meter for you oh that’d be cool yeah yeah we were spotters dude yeah that’d be cool like oh wind 30 degrees
little notepad writing it down two clicks up did you know that actually even at like the shots that um
like i’m talking sniper shots from like a mile or closer about like a mile away even um the um rotation of the earth even comes
into effect really yeah do you think flat earthers have any
dude you know me i will dive into conspiracy as much as i want i don’t believe them all that one
which one flat earth oh i don’t know about that what i’ve asked well actually they demoned that in quiet to the
caribbean at world’s end i’ve actually looked up like
uh like points that prove a flat earth and it’s always just like i don’t get like a
bullet point list i just get like yeah i think there’s i feel like there’s too many
facts proving otherwise it’s like there’s also too many planes in the [ __ ] sky yeah i don’t i don’t
understand it’s like dude do you really think that okay so if you think it’s flat so we do you think there’s space do you
think there’s a [ __ ] pancake floating through space do you think you know what i mean it’s just the other thing is is like so if you’ve ever seen the flat
earth map japan is here and hawaii is here so you’re telling me for poor harbor for pearl harbor they went all
the way cross yeah it’s like that’s exactly right right there they made a 100 000 mile
journey yeah on one tank of gas yeah and they didn’t land and then some of them still made it back
like what do you mean no i’m serious on the flat earth map japan’s here hawaii yeah i’m saying you go yeah it’s not
that far actually pearl harbor’s in hawaii right yes oh thank god yes it’s in hawaii yeah yeah that
would’ve been bad yeah i don’t get i would encourage anyone as a flat earther if they’re rich which i feel like a lot of people rich people are how
you just [ __ ] hop on a plane start at the top and go to the bottom see if you fall off and then i guess your thing’s
debunked right i feel like people have done that oh they have but maybe not the floor i know it is strange
antarctica is the only place you can’t go yeah legally no you can’t actually did
you know that actually that is signed by like like 90 of the countries in antarctica
did you know this is confirmed this is 1 000 true there is a like like a safe hold like a
big safe hold of millions of plant seeds and all of these things that could basically revitalize a
civilization if need be there’s also parts of it that are sunny and have palm trees if you didn’t know that did not
know that i didn’t know that i did not know that but i do know that there’s like a big like the government has a huge like
safe slash dwelling place on basis millions of plant seeds and all of these
things that if things were to go to [ __ ] that there would be a lot of [ __ ] so the last thing we’re going on in antarctica
not a conspiracy 100 real thing uh hitler sent uh i don’t remember the general’s name they
sent him down there with like just to like explore it and then something sent them back
killed hike half their men all of their battleships and [ __ ] and they barely made it back alive really
interesting well we’re at 45 45. [ __ ] [ __ ] we really went off that one we [ __ ] rambled um
yeah we did um well thank you guys for listening it was a interesting episode a lot of ups and
downs and sides and thumbs up and thumbs down ass up a lot of face down a lot of tables returned yeah they were i’m jack
where can they find you you can find me a jack underscore spencer where
where can they find you hey would you do that isaiah lesni or both of our instagrams at the around
lunch table instagram page uh i didn’t mention it at the beginning hopefully a lot of you listen this far
patreon check out the patreon.com around the
lunch table to get episodes early-ish we’re getting there and uh you know support the podcast it takes a lot of
time a lot of money a lot of effort to do [ __ ] like this exclusive episodes as well conspiracy one hopefully hopefully
coming out soon also merch we’re figuring out if there’s any artists out there please dm us we need an artist for
our merch so uh yeah ours moved away love missy jake we love you um he’s
actually the guy who did that great very talented man so if you’re not as talented as that then [ __ ] off
you need some good [ __ ] oh that is true and if you can’t see it on the camera it’s actually the funniest part about the painting is jack has a
[ __ ] flat top and no muscle definition
well i mean you’re you can only see chest high you can’t really see but you have the [ __ ] i have one line in the center you have the collar bones too i
got nothing well because my collarbones really show sort of mine not as much as mine
i’m just saying jake i’m not [ __ ] fat i’m just you know we weigh the same i know
uh i’m not fat i’m just uh you’re not fat you’re you’re husky what did dan daniel schuler say oh you filled out i
filled out you filled out good yeah anyways guys thank you for listening um yeah hope you guys have a good week we
will see you next week we didn’t even talk about our weekend damn it oh yeah we didn’t we’ll talk about it we’ll talk about the next podcast um
hope you guys had a great work week and i hope that our podcast is helping you through your work week so anyways around
the lunch table heaven through the earbuds that’s exactly what it is um anyways thank you guys for listening um
we’ll let you know on instagram about the merch drops etcetera etcetera but anyways thank you guys for coming and
let’s get rowdy up in here

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Episode 65