#63 The Dark Side of Mr. Tumnus

Episode 63

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J & Z have a special guest Jordan Obaya from Aperature Ocean. We talk about the will smith slap, how Mr tumnus was a creep in Narnia, worst fast-food restaurants, and pies.

and we’re live oh welcome back slapdex this around the
lunch table episode 63 episode 63 first and foremost we want to thank our
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of our own today jordan the infamous jordan obama states um bringing ideas and ads to life bringing
him to life and we also wanted to thank our other sponsor liv stallion never be tamed never be
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uh episode 63 jordan how you feeling today it’s good to have you back on the [ __ ] podcast man awesome feeling
great as always a lot of things happen this week a lot a
lot of a lot of things happen this weekend yeah let’s get a little closer to the mic
there buddy there we go i want to hear your beautiful voice yeah right here so uh will smith we gotta check
we gotta talk about the oscars yeah i love him you know everyone’s got their side what you think was good you know
and i i have come to the conclusion of one fact it’s not it’s it’s i don’t think it’s fake he came with an apology
blah blah i really don’t think so and aside from the fact was it right was it not but you you can’t help but think
okay listen at least 10 guys in that room have [ __ ] your wife she’s openly told she’s openly told the world she’s cheated on
you and chris rock calling her gi jane is where we draw the line yeah i mean was it wasn’t august like six rows i
don’t know i don’t know and it was just i feel like if you’re able to take all of that then why is that the tipping point especially
yeah i think about this a little selfish it’s the oscars night people are trying to win their awards it’s like they kind of kind of shaded over yeah cause they
don’t even know who won anything samuel jackson won no i didn’t even know i don’t even [ __ ] samuel jackson won
like his was i don’t know if it was his first i think it was like his first or something something and he won one and no one [ __ ] knew because [ __ ] will
smith smack chris rock and honestly i thought you know are we voting w or l i’m voting l
i’m voting out this is what i’m gonna say i did see a tweet that i thought was funny it said
uh i don’t think i can come unless will smith slaps me anymore sick because after a lot a lot of a lot
of analysis and thinking i at first i was like you know what that was a [ __ ] up thing to say
you know i don’t blame but the same time it’s like you know so many so much worse [ __ ] has happened than that’s what snaps
you and maybe maybe he just snapped maybe just exactly maybe you couldn’t take it anymore but either way and jim carrey i know you hit jim carrey
actually had an interview and he said and the lady was like well if it was anyone else they probably would have got towed away kicked out of the awards
so yeah i’m going to vote l on that i’m going to vote in l jordan do you think jordan let’s get an analysis i want your expert perfect timing i mean the
oscars views have been going down quite much and uh it’s a little bit true is there a conspiracy going on is there a
conspiracy going on no no cause no one watches that [ __ ] oh chris chris chris rock’s tickets he took it like a g.i i
will say chris rocket yeah i apologize took it and i mean it was a joke he said
that right after and he was literally i mean yeah was it potentially in bad taste maybe but it’s bad taste enough to
go and slap him in front of millions of people i don’t know i don’t know when until i’m married and my wife kind of goes through something that has to shave
her head off then i’ll be able to really i feel like she’s been going with the bald look for a while though yeah well she have alopecia or whatever it’s
called alopecia i think that’s what’s great did you guys know that keys last name isn’t her real last name
she named herself keys after the keys of the piano what’s her actual last name i
don’t remember but i actually did i actually did not know that yeah that’s kind of stupid if you okay if you know what g herbo’s real name is herbert
winslow jordan i know you have a stage name come on what yeah what is your stage name
jordan starr jordan
[Music] what was the name of your band i don’t think you ever told us they were called
shoreline drive exactly i went in skeptical i wanted to make fun of it
good times good times yeah you guys sold all these records for you know we were more or less a boy band and did some
touring and where’d you guys tour miami no just a lot of west coast stuff and nice i learned how to drive on tour it
was great that’s cool you were that young yeah wow pretty young so how did you get involved with the band um i had
my own band and then this band was a little bit bigger that band was called the bellar that was
my first band and i sucked the valor but the valor it was so bad i sucked at singing and i was a lead
singer and i played guitar i was way better at guitar so this band needed a lead guitarist and i auditioned and yeah
we made music for a while well how old were they and how old were you we were all the same age everyone in my first
band though was like probably like five years older than me wow it was a craigslist band do you know
that you could put like ads out on craigslist and like were they what were they good uh oh they were pretty good yeah but i
had to go through auditions with people i had some weird ass auditions just like
uh this one guy came in with he was probably like 35 years old and he
was dressing like a 16 year old at that time for my age he looked like a jonas brother but like
his man tits were just sticking out he’s got like a diamond supply coaster yeah
[Music] so like what like how would those so you
were like he was horrible at guitar so you were like 15 or 16 at this time yeah and you’re auditioning for a 35 year old
yeah to join my band oh because we already had like a little bit of help you were 16 yeah i was like that’s the
case is there anything you want you want to tell us off the record wait when you go
so when you went with your other band who are all your age it’s like i don’t think it’s terrifying
like 16 year olds drive down the coast no we were like well i didn’t learn until i was 18 so i mean they already
all knew how to drive but i’m saying if they’re alive so you’re 18. because i was 17 i mean illegally but 18 legally i
could drive wow right when i turned 18 i went and got my license did you have like did you have to wait to your adult
due to multiple offenses as a child or no i just didn’t feel like paying for all that clash [ __ ] myself
you have to take classes up here that’s right oh again oregon it’s just like you don’t have to do anything yeah that would be dope yeah interesting that
makes sense yeah driver’s ed that’s what it’s called you have to yeah i did driver’s ed it was just like no i don’t know my parents weren’t gonna pay for
that [ __ ] they were like yeah you pay for your own car your own uh driver’s ed is optional in oregon it’s like it’s optional like you just do it to learn
your insurance oh okay gotcha so yeah the the one thing like uh because you were raised in like a [ __ ] christian
household did you ever watch like the chronicles of narnia and [ __ ] and all that never heard of it i did no
i’ve done this edmond was such a [ __ ] he pissed me there’s a chronicles of narnia movie
series before the new ones came out and am i going to watch really that those were awful yeah okay honestly
honestly when i was young the first one wasn’t like the battle scene was actually kind of sick okay here’s the thing mr tumnus played like
mr tumnus played like a flute and roofied the the little girl okay
i mean all you had to do was magically didn’t but it was very is it a weird relationship of course yes a grown man a
little girl just friends a grown man slash goat and he lives in a mystical land with
talking bunnies and beavers and that little girl is who he takes in yeah yeah and then he like lights and then the
candles go out and he’s playing a flute and she falls asleep i want that flute wait wait they get to court and they’re
reading out mr thomas gave me some tea how old is mr tumnus i mean you can you
could also say that well in goat years you could also you could also argue that
um what’s the white witch is that what her [ __ ] name was she like kind of kidnapped ebony was creepy on her own terms yeah also real name was tabitha
but i don’t know what the [ __ ] that is but what was it what was he that’s right because she like kept him as like a little sexy
what no i meant like i mean that that was awesome but it was definitely weird the same way with mr
thompson i’m saying okay mr thomas but she like sat below her robe and she was she was
like oh she’s like [ __ ] another one now dude i just remember mr tumnus had his
little flute he played it i mean she passed out in seconds yeah was it the t or the flute i mean i don’t remember
that but i think it was like a it was a roofie flute like a goofy flute or maybe it was a consensus maybe like maybe like
a snake charmer and she just she kind of she just the [ __ ] skin flute okay
anyways but yeah that’s strange a strange amount of but it is the chronicles of narnia like i mean what the [ __ ] i mean they went into a war
which is posse where wolves i mean and she’s like her posse was like wolves and like pigs
and like buffalos that ran on two feet here’s the thing she just never went into the sun the icicles on her head
just never melted yeah that was it would you finish your quest when you went into that wardrobe or would you just run back
out and be like forget all this you know what i’m not gonna you know what i would do for you guys one i’m gonna start hunting dumbnesses okay i’m going to
start i’m going to get some i’m going to start killing some [ __ ] and guess what no cops out there and then i’m going to go back and be like yo look what i got
or go to the real world what are the horses one of the horse dudes called minotaurs no yeah
bring one of those back to the real world and sell that dude alex is calling me wait
let’s answer hello hi hi you’re live on a round stable podcast
hello alex all right i thought you’re gonna say something funny but never mind what’s up
guys keep going oh well hi we’re we’re doing this so i’ll uh i’ll see you in here pause
yeah mashed potatoes for you i thought it was something funny
anyways [ __ ] no i i agree with that because i believe you know like if we were in like ancient times imagine
getting a centaur and putting him in the arena against like a lion or something because they have the the quickness of
our center is real my thinking was chronicles i would bring him back and then i would just [ __ ] have him
that’d be [ __ ] he would have his way with me on my what if it was a farm
centaur no i would get a guy and a girl if he has a wife perfect i might make more and now i have [ __ ] centaurs
now i have a baby farm of centaurs and you sell them two thousand three thousand can you imagine you have a
slave imagine if you’re in trouble and the person that’s robbing your house sees centaurs running out you’re [ __ ] terrifying that beat and
they’re all ripped dude they’re all like how they do bench press you know what i’m saying you’re lifting each other
yeah [ __ ] nuts i mean if you don’t remember the first chronicles narny movie actually that one centaur dude was
a [ __ ] g [ __ ] stood up with a was it a rhino
no it was a rhino no unless seriously i remember this because i was like dude that’s [ __ ] that’s badass i love okay listen i love a good last stand
i love a good last [ __ ] stand it’s like like there’s been times on youtube i look at best last day in [ __ ] scenes
that comes up i love the last stand and it’s sick two of them there’s a whole army coming toward them they sacrifice themselves
that’s badass did you say as land was that was his name land
let’s name him ass land no that’s michael jackson’s house that was good that was good
that was a lot of uh yeah we’re not gonna go down that well yeah shitty series very corny but i will say is
there a third one that like no one watched where they like jump into a painting like super mario or i don’t [ __ ] know i think it’s i think it’s i
think it’s out of hand series but i mean it was awful just to begin with okay so also for kids so i mean it had to be a
little [ __ ] i know but i mean the [ __ ] oldest [ __ ] what was her name anna and no that was the youngest archer
susan susan susan one what an old ass name give her something better two
susie was this it was susan it was susan oh i’m just saying why the one do they make every girl in
archer what she doesn’t know how to fire a gun i mean the little girl had like a little knife which she never used and then she had a [ __ ]
and then she had an oil dropper with drops that could heal all wounds excuse me medic okay
so so they have a pulse they had a [ __ ]
edmond was a [ __ ] [ __ ] bro i [ __ ] hated that [ __ ] swedish delight i don’t know what swedish delicious was it
it was turkish he literally sold his [ __ ] family out for that snack it better have been good bro turkish
delight seriously he’s such a plus i remember being a little kid watching i’m like dude this guy is such a [ __ ] i can
snitch like p you know what i’ll just i mean i’m guessing they were like starved and abused as kids because they sell out
you’re interested didn’t they was was it for what’s wrong with a ritual the story of it was were they in when they found
the wardrobe was it like a grand it wasn’t their parents house it was like orphans it was like there were orphans or was like foster foster care or
something like that sent there for some reason how does foster care work don’t like the people get paid to take the kids but they’re not there the whole
time it’s kind of like a foreign exchange program right i think the court doesn’t have a place for them at the moment so
they put them with the house and then until they can decide what to do with them well it’s government funded so yeah yeah okay i mean but the parents get
paid though right to have them there it’s kind of like housing i don’t i don’t know actually i’d assume so but
i remember foster the people if it’s like a temporary thing you stay with us until yeah then i think but in the movie i don’t know if they were like
grandparents or something but i don’t remember interesting you know what i miss nowadays do you remember on the
sides of houses those [ __ ] greats with like the ivy going up that people would climb up in scary movies oh
yeah yeah what were those called um i don’t know i don’t know like a climbing iv i don’t [ __ ] know that
you know but you know what i’m talking about it was like great it was like a great of [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah what is something else that’s just
staring oh you know what’s something that’s been lost over the years yeah that’s what i’m going with [ __ ] the sneakers on the teleph on the
telephone wires because that’s how they do you remember this and they’re used to do their stuff not sure that was the case but yes yes
they would throw up their shoes and that’s how you knew where to go freaking we have android historians
but now now you don’t need that because you have your freaking phone dude you can post it on twitter yeah when i was younger i remember they were just not
that where especially at the skate park there’s always a lot of them there’s actually one hanging on the way home that’s the size
i saw it the other day and i’m like when was the last time i saw a pair of white new balances wasn’t it no there’s
a lot of different things i felt like i saw a lot of converse up there too a lot of converse interesting there there’s always a shoe tree somewhere you know
what i’m talking about yeah i’m saying this issue it’s it’s a lost art because i had seen that and i’m like when’s the last time i saw a pair of
sneaks on the lines no they’ve been a long time been a long time so it was for drugs but also after that it turned into
a bully move like you kid i’m gonna take your sneakers or just chaos not like hey i’m gonna put
the drugs where my sneakers are in this power line wikipedia no they don’t put the drugs in the shoes he’s singing
like they can see it like i guess so then you just know which house to go to just like if you’re in a place where
there’s a bunch of sneakers on one line yeah i feel like you’re kind of just putting a spotlight in the sky that’s how it originally started and then
i know i finally figured out i know a lot of kids once their shoes were like worn out they would just hang them up there it’s like a that’s a thing interesting have you ever
seen like a bird sit on two of them and just get [ __ ] zapped wish can they sit on two at once it’s
like like a big bird like a falcon or like oh i’ve never seen that no i know they’re they can be close together but i
feel like a bird has to be pretty [ __ ] big for them to touch you know what i miss stained glass windows
okay oh i know yeah i’m just saying like [ __ ] stained glass windows you know would be
like mother mary or like a nice [ __ ] remember those were in houses i know oh you know michael jordan
can’t tell his mansion because no one wants the stained glass windows it’s out of style and no one i think my mom used to do stained glass and it was almost
like welding it was like a big soldering iron i just spilled myself oh [ __ ] but yeah i don’t know i think it’s
definitely it’s a lost art it is lost there’s a lot of things that are lost arts um that’s okay but yeah you know
pencil sharpening number twos dude you remember going in from the client like that was kind of like sick
sit there all day and then you’d kind of flex a little bit to show off for your honey i didn’t do that i was got you know you just you’d use it as an excuse
to be like snap like you’d always know those kids that snapping on purpose oh just to go in front of the class be like
i’m allowed to destroy the clip well i believe you have a you have a top three yes i do we have our top three
pick today um and we’ve all compiled the list and basically we’re gonna do here is list the list from
least worst to worst in this specific scenario and then you have to explain your answer one by one and
deep analysis so i’ll lead us off because okay and so the list today we have is top
three worst fast food restaurants ever from least worst being three to most worst being one okay now
now i’m gonna explain i’m gonna explain my [ __ ] answer okay i might get some [ __ ] for this because i know a lot of people like this place
i however do not and i will tell you why number three and my three hole right now is jack in the box and i will tell you
[ __ ] why mm-hmm i will tell you why okay because one it’s overpriced it’s just yes it’s overpriced for no [ __ ]
reason when you go to mickey d’s and you’re satisfied let’s none of it’s good for you but you’re satisfied dude a jack-in-the-box jack-in-the-box is
really like a 50 and i know a lot of people like jack in the box i just i never getting tacos i mean i yeah tacos
are see-through yeah it’s like the top i mean yeah i’ve had them before there’s chicken bean protein yeah like they’re very yeah they’re bland they’re okay but
i’m saying jack-o’-box number three overpriced very it’s just shitty i’ve never liked it okay that’s number three
okay coming at number two is burger king i’ve never liked burger king i never i just never agree i mean i never have
i’ve i always feel just like [ __ ] afterwards it’s just bad i’ve heard the spicy chicken sandwich is good
i just i can’t get with it i’ve tried over the years i mean if it’s my only resort i’ll get it it’s just i’ve never
liked it the one thing they did right they only get the burger whopper from there though one thing they did right the root beer
tastes different there yes something about whatever they’re concocting in the back the little
whatever it is sugar it’s a different it’s no it’s a different blend i think it’s when you have their food mixed with
the root beer in your mouth it just creates a little bit of the grease yeah yeah it’s a little bit of yeah i mean my
jack-in-the-box i i fought over putting at number two or number three they’re honestly head-to-head there i hate jack-in-the-box hey burger king i mean
i’ve i’ve had burger king a lot more than have jack in the box that’s for damn [ __ ] sure and i mean it’s a great plan all parts to kind of avoid
that place let’s just be honest and coming at my number one is [ __ ] arby’s yes orbeez arby’s is my number one um
to be fair i have not i have not experimented with arby’s enough to know a lot about it but
exactly it’s just exactly it’s also overpriced and it’s also just every time i’ve gone there we have
their bread tastes like [ __ ] you know toast that bun put that toast that bun put that lettuce in
between to protect that get that crunch it would be a good plan their part they don’t do it and it’s just i’ve never liked it i mean their milkshakes are
decent but it’s just the thing is it’s not hard to make a milkshake but when would what i think about this is that
when you i mean they basically specialize in roast beef right the meats
you have one job and that should just nail the [ __ ] meat but then it comes out of the little [ __ ] slicer and
then they then they do the old wave stacks they very well could make it good i feel like you know what i mean but they just
don’t try because there’s already a failing business there’s not many fast food places that have like the deli meat kind of thing it’s like wow you guys have a
niche market there jersey mike said jersey mike’s is good yeah but i’m talking like drive through kind of
things yeah of course of course all right who’s next jordan hit it okay i’ll hit it well
our first are the same with the arby’s so that’s that’s where we’re sitting at okay nice that’s good i have two of yours on my list but i will start off as
coming in number three old country buffet i used to love it growing up but i saw
so many so everyone listen does everyone even know what that is old culture buffet oh yeah that’s a
worldwide channel i mean it’s a marriage oh is it real town yeah does that have a drive-through uh but it’s just a big chain that’s
amazing okay okay i’ve seen so many documentaries
next is nordstrom the food does not get handled properly i’ve never had it so i don’t know but
you can get the squirts and stuff it’s just not weird second second i have a quick thing to
say about buffets i feel like one when you one i know they don’t have chefs there but if you’re like a cook
you’re good at some things and bad at others but you’re telling me that they got cooks back there that can cook chinese yeah american taiwanese yeah
seafood they got oysters like the and then and you’re a thousand miles from the beach you have fresh seafood
and we should go back there and interview them that this staff of six to eight people can put together these meals
like it logistically doesn’t make sense unless it’s frozen food that they heat up yeah exactly that’s probably what it
is you know what i mean yeah lots of ovens okay second on my list from you know
worse to
a seafood chain restaurant with not real seafood i wouldn’t imagine it’s the fish and chips just taste like flakes of
paper i okay yeah fair enough and the skipper’s bathrooms i feel like
i never would have smelled this i think i’ve been to one and i just remember going in there and you can’t
tell if someone just [ __ ] some gross poon in there or if it’s just the [ __ ]
stench from the from the skillets coming in they never got renovated ever never never never they stayed the same have
you seen like new mcdonald’s and taco bells like fountains and super nice the [ __ ] kids can’t play places when i
was in there like too much pissed but just a little bit there was a turd in the slide oh yeah there’s burgers and burger meat and
the ball prize in the ball pit chicken nugget do you think people like actually went in there and clean those there’s no way
there’s no way you can actually successfully our immune system’s top-notch there’s no way you can actually clean is someone gonna get 80
boxes of lysol wipes and wipe down every ball no they can’t pay them enough money to do that i mean that’s just i mean
they’re getting 15 an hour up here now yeah exactly not too shabby at all all right well what’s your number one uh arby’s oh it is yeah wow too much sugary
bread lots of meats and too much in your mouth yeah yeah okay fair enough yeah nice greasy i had three of the same of
everyone’s my my word my least worst was [ __ ] burger king top top [ __ ] tear just bad because
it’s like if i want a burger i’m going to mcdonald’s before burger king there’s something about it i think it’s a little bit overpriced the whopper is not what
it looks like in the [ __ ] commercials well none of this [ __ ] is i feel like at all if it’s the only thing out there i’ll eat it but
i mean yeah and if it’s the only thing and you’re starving yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah how far
how many days before you eat a person i feel like everyone would be like on the brink of starvation but it also depends who it is i would be eating cats first
but i feel like i wouldn’t eat anything other than someone first you know what i mean i’d be yeah random shrubs and [ __ ]
before okay so not animals so but i try obviously but rabbits before i continue
my list here us three are stuck in a desert there’s no food whose legs getting chopped off well no one’s like
getting chopped out forever dies first why don’t we try to catch dinner whoever dies first is dinner that’s the best rule of thumb you’re gonna catch
something in the desert well you get sick if you eat a dead person like that i thought because they’re if they’re already sick and dying
no they’re not sick they’re just dying no if you die if you let it sit yeah it gets rancid then you’ll you will so you
think you could eat me actually i’d want you to eat me here’s the thing this is the best rule of thumb when people have these questions
okay whoever dies first is dinner yeah because you’re dead you don’t [ __ ] care if there it push comes to shove and
you got to and you have to do it or else you’re going to die whoever dies first is dinner i’ve heard human meat’s kind
of gamey it from who i’d survive on the island i’d survive you’d survive yeah i would
you i’m not eating honestly jordan can we have an honest hour for a second i’m gonna put you on the hot seat for a
second i feel like if we are on the survival situation you’re dying first oh yeah yeah yeah i don’t think can you
tell us why how many times do you go backpacking and out in the world
you could a lot more than you guys growing up you could city boys listen listen listen you could you could
go every day for the next five years and i’m still convinced i will i will okay let’s all go camping
let’s let’s let’s handle this real men wait who goes whoever gets tired first and leaves is believed let’s all go camping and see
who dies first so many on i mean maybe go fishing me maybe maybe
well it depends is it just us three is that where is that yeah yeah saying that we could put our heads together that’s true that’s animals that’s all
fruitful you know what you know what i would that’s all i’m saying you know what you know what i would pay every single
dollar i have to see is [ __ ] jordan wound an animal and chase after it
and [ __ ] and kill it i would sharpen like yeah he like wounds an animal that’s running and he’s [ __ ]
printing after it and trying to catch it that’s i i would i would that would be funny i would pay big every dollar to
see you guys do that too yeah no it’s funny i’d love to see jack actually use some blood
see some blood i would that actually yeah it would be funny if we all did that
i would start running all fours yeah i mean i think um i did did you do boy scouts or
anything duh oh i didn’t know that was duh city boy i didn’t know that was just a given except
it’s like more like god scouts you know i was actually an eagle scout you know how it is it’s the jesus scouts
no that was called awanas wasn’t it it’s similar you wanna remember the little red guy so gross yeah and he was
like a mime i don’t know what you’re talking about so i went one time and i just knew something was up and then come to find
out years later once something was up so yeah that guy was really friendly with all those yeah he was up that way
hey all my scouts felt right at home i’m sure they did i’m sure they [ __ ] this thing is so like
with all the controversy around boys around around boy scout leaders why
would you want to be one i don’t know i really don’t i get if like you’re maybe maybe yeah maybe it’s one of those things it’d be someone you
actually it it filters out because there’s probably people out there that just actually want to teach kids thing but now it’s like shrouded by the thing
is is it’s like you are just walking on eggshells the whole time i mean you like
oh you really can give billy a hug but you you probably shouldn’t yeah exactly it’s like i i’m not looking at you i’m
not touching you just talking now and now and now it has this whole narrative it’s just like dude now i can’t even i don’t even want anything to do with
these and then you know there’s gonna be the one kid who has a bad family life and then he starts calling you dad and then you’re just oh get a little too
close yeah if it’s like hey son listen i’m not you’re i’m no you’re dead scout ranger scott scott ranger scott
stranger danger oh [ __ ] are we done with your list uh no i had uh yeah first was burger king
second was arby’s i i that’s your second worst yeah the second worst was arby’s
talking about that well one pusha t is on their side now which i would say is a new career though yeah he did make it
like a diss track to mcdonald’s which interesting he actually did him and his was it his brother or something wrote a
jingle for mcdonald’s no way apparently it was he was pretty
sure he was apparently part of the jingle which is actually [ __ ] crazy this
[ __ ] ex gangster coke dealer did the mcdonald i don’t know anyways but so he did
yeah which makes sense he actually you would think someone who did that to this day or collecting some coin off that but apparently he’s not so
one i just want to know around that conference table with the executives are they just like guys okay why is that the
guy that they pick i figured that we need push-ups i figured we need to push a t
push a t i don’t even know why but body drake
i mean arby’s wouldn’t make sense because he did there’s some history there there’s some there’s some actually beef notebook unintended
no pun intended but like what made mcdonald’s be like dude we need push a [ __ ] tea
like okay so say you’re running a business who are you choosing for your jingle oh [ __ ]
that’s a good question um so say atl team needs a jingle it depends what my jingle is you know what i mean there’s
so many variations and so many things you can so okay so you know our podcast intro song yeah you and i can choose
anyone to [ __ ] make it a diplo like
because then you have to go with the thing is like is it just a beat or is it like a singer a singer is a rapper we’d have to go with jay-z oh my god oh
that would be sick somebody said
or 50. that’d be sick that’d be sick that’d be a sick [ __ ] jingle for it i
think like i think jay-z is a good one just because he’d have that old sound to it a little
bit yeah it is the old class and then if it was c issue and if it was think of this if it was
and then we’d be like hey we can get permission to use a song as our intro from him that would be sick so and a lot
of clout there and then you can get signed to his label yeah yeah rockefeller records
signs atld yeah yeah anyway anyways [ __ ] yeah arby’s i feel like one
walking in there the the layout is one awful i’ve been into maybe five or six of them in my life and they all kind of
copycat each other you know it’s a cookie cutter restaurant there i feel like i’m going through a maze just to
figure out where it’s at it’s like order here and then pay here but then pick up here
and then there’s three separate lines forming and it’s like maybe we could do the pick a number system i don’t really
know what’s going on and then as you go down the line the condiments aren’t with them the
condiments are at a table but the cups aren’t there so you got to go back to the front counter to get the cup so the
thing is you’ve already been to three different people probably got shitty customer service all three times you know they don’t like their lives they
got little visors on you can see their hair there’s no hair nets we already know there’s a [ __ ] stragglers in my beef
but then but then my beef but then so then you’re like oh [ __ ] i want to i want a couple
condiments or something so then you go to the condiment table and you realize oh the little [ __ ] way too thin little dixie cup things that they give
yeah that it kind of soaks through getting all that plastic you have to go old school you gotta go
back to the cash but then there’s already that fat guy who went right in front of you in line so now you’re waiting in line again just to ask them
for a condom yeah it’s all about the customer experience when you walk in like i think
in and out does it great you walk in you ride there overrated by the way just saying i’m sorry i think it’s a decent
place i think talk about good restaurants after let’s finish up your bad ones let’s talk about some good ones some but good burger joints your top
burger ones well we didn’t make a list for that but we can come up well let’s just do it i mean first of all in and out is decent but let’s finish severely
overrated severely finish your list off yeah so like where i was going with in and out it’s a good system you you know
where the line is at you they ask you if you want any condiments everyone’s wearing little
paper boats as hats and it’s just a feel-good experience right coming out with ipads but the whole secret the
whole secret menu [ __ ] is [ __ ] i wish i just told you the code words you could say otherwise
yeah otherwise it would be a secret but i want to know i don’t want to pull my phone out i want him animal size obviously everyone gets
animal style but there’s other ones definitely it’s definitely a marketing thing but i will say it’s severely overweight is it a good burger yeah is
it a decent food but it’s also really cheap is it decent food yeah but is it worth is it worth the 30 45 minute wait sometimes if it’s
no it’s not sometimes it’s faster when there’s no sometimes yes but i’m saying is it worth
is it all the pizzazz that it is i don’t know the last time you had it probably last time was in medford yeah but they
have one in medford oh you lucky dogs um i would say one two it would be funny if animal style like had [ __ ] animal
parts in it or something it’s just a big middle finger to us they’re just grinding up dogs back there that’s crazy
i don’t [ __ ] know because it’s wild it has wild cheese like melted on it and it has onions that are grilled and
caramelized dude caramelized onions i do like caramelized onions i don’t caramelize i don’t like warm
veggies but like cold onions yes cold carrots yes warm carrots no no no no no
no no no no it gets a little sweetness to it they’re getting more juicy i feel like i’m just it depends if it’s
in like a stew or something sweet potatoes are you guys no no no no no not a big sweet potato oh yeah i like
i like i like steamed vegetables and [ __ ] though yeah i love you i would say like a warm soggy carrot reminds me of
like grandmas grandmas or like if i was to like just chew on like a dead finger it’s just not
it’s just i disagree it depends it depends it depends where it’s in by the way it really depends but i’m saying
there’s been times whether it’s like a stew or something it’s like it’s still good to me
or whatever it adds a little tang i like it okay so i’m gonna change my first one because we keep talking about the same
ones here because it’s part of the rules so well because we were all talking about the same restaurants you could just change it and i told this but
i already said that i was okay so i was gonna choose skippers i don’t know if this counts as fast food but i
have some things to say about denny’s denny i have some things to say denny’s if
you’re listening you’re not getting a sponsorship um so you walk into the denny’s all right
it’s definitely a junk place yeah there’s an old lady there it smells like she like kind of wants to work there she
doesn’t she calls you honey or sweetie too many times and that’s fine you can baby okay so
you know if you’re being a little too loud you can tell you’re not gonna get good service whatever you sit down at the table all right then they hand you
these menus and they’re just [ __ ] greasy but that’s kind of what you expect at
such a cheap late night diner but then it’s fun when you’re driving the thing is it’s nice it’s fun when you’re drunk it’s not denny’s food
it’s the ambiance about it i look to the right and there’s just a man sitting there by himself you look to the left
there’s some people fencing or doing whatever the [ __ ] yeah it’s to the left in the corner is the theater kids who just keep drinking coffee and nothing
else and never ordering all the biker guys at the bar there’s the biker guys at the bar then there’s the [ __ ] goth
kids with tails over there and it’s just this it’s this melting pot of people that should not be around america baby
that’s america yeah that’s a dentist it’s denny’s it’s american i’m gonna go with [ __ ] denny’s just because
it’s just a trash can of [ __ ] yeah i mean because that that well that’s the late night diner you know you can’t
expect top tier you know service and food at something like that but i will say this because also people would say
oh what about well cherries is bad too the pie shakes if you’ve never had chairs yeah cherries is one of those
it’s yeah it’s a drunk food for sure like if you’re [ __ ] said all about the dude their pies are in their pie they’re [ __ ] pie shakes they give you
the big straws are chunks [ __ ] amazing we used to go to sherry’s all the [ __ ] time late night for their
apartment we get their apples [ __ ] pie shakes it was [ __ ]
exquisite i’m telling you what something special is going behind those doors i think the pirates that work back
behind the kitchen doors making those parts i’m sure there is because their pies are good their pies are [ __ ] really good oh yeah beautiful pie music
and they haven’t been displayed when you walk in it feels homey it’s it’s a enforcer you should say i want that pie
and they’ll pull that out out of that display yeah and for how cheap it is and it has that
late night it kind of has that denny’s feel let’s be honest but it’s such a it’s more homey and it feels i feel like when i say i smell it
i can just like lift off my feet and walk through i want pie now like in looney tunes and they smell a
pie and they float towards yeah exactly what’s your favorite pie apple apple hundred percent lemon meringue at all
lemon meringue banana banana cream pie i gotta go i i gotta go with a classic
apple the cool thing about apple pie is it hits the spot every time at any time you
can have it in the morning you can have it in the evening and have it in the afternoon and it never fails you and it’s it’s basic but it’s so it’s so good
and it’s it never fails and it’s like the great greatest way to use a granny smith because yeah it’s not a very
popular apple reading you got your fuji’s you got your pink ladies you got your you got your [ __ ] ladies and of
course the [ __ ] hot well the pink lady’s a little more sour i love that apple great apple but the uh i like fuji’s
fuji’s are good i just i feel like after so many they are a little overbearing it’s a little too red for the yellow golden ones i like those though those
are the honeycombs summer summer honey crisps dude honey christmas problem with honey crisp is it’s a gmo
apple and i don’t like you know the [ __ ] pajamas god already made it great and then the humans stick
their little fingers in it and they kind of ruin it but the the honeycrisp is a big apples god teach them how to make it better i
believe the nephilim did but um no [ __ ] the honey crisp it’s a great
apple it is big and sometimes you can’t finish it but some there’s something about the pink lady it’s like a little lady it’s a little small you know it’s a
little petite yeah it’s a petite apple and with that and it’s a little bit sour
but anyways the the granny smith okay i don’t know who granny smith was because she got a [ __ ] apple named after yeah
but for some reason in a pie it’s just warm and it’s soft
it still has that crunch in the middle of this granny she’s in my top three i don’t know what she looks like yeah yeah what apple hit
johnny appleseed in the head i don’t think what is he even famous for the guy that or no wait that was isaac
newton sorry
do worms really stick their heads out and like you know oh there’s some warm holes in there do you ever think because
i’m saying how do they they don’t they don’t look like they’re something that could blend through it you know that can go through anything
the thing is how do the worms get in there because there’s never an entry hole there’s only an exit hole yeah they
they’re mapping down and make sure they go in and then go out the same way did you guys know something crazy
you can make cider with nothing but just apples the thing is there is actually yeast on the outside
of the apple and if you don’t wash it you literally smash them up put them in there they will ferment and almost and
carbonate themselves that is very interesting there’s a guy at my working area marty who got who does the honey oh
yeah he literally all he did was just take apples [ __ ] mash them up get the juice because you can’t wash them the
yeast on the outside will eat itself carbonate itself and he made [ __ ] cider that’s actually pretty crazy
really dry but it’s [ __ ] it’ll get you [ __ ] too yeah yeah it’s good [ __ ] aim well
what are we out here uh we’re about 40. sounds like a moonshine we’re at 40. holy [ __ ] well i think that’s about
it’s just a pie episode in food yeah i guess so ice cream pies can we talk
about our favorite burger restaurants real quick sure [ __ ] the world is your oyster whatever [ __ ] that means we said in and out as one is
anyone a frugals guy i’ve never actually been i know i know where i know what you’re talking about we gotta take them out
frugals i’ve never been to five guys five guys this is good five guys does the job you get that little peanuts
while you’re waiting five guys does like five guys does the job they’re for sure they got some great things going on over there guys are pretty yeah they got
pretty good things i would say we have a local place here called wally’s drive-in is pretty good yeah that’s some real beef yeah yeah
real [ __ ] beef shout out buckley washington wally’s yeah yeah yeah well this is pretty [ __ ] good and i love i
love how they kind of kept the old school thing about it you drive up and you press the button i missed the neon man i missed the [ __ ] neo remember
when that was everywhere or actually i don’t because i wasn’t alive but like you know
like the movies and [ __ ] it was like always a neon sign you could hear the buzz it’s and then it kind of flicker you know what are you ordering at
mcdonald’s as burger wise like i mean you guys said you guys love their burgers you guys all said that’s the
only thing either they’re okay but if you haven’t okay for all orders oh you’re you’re making chicken guys i can make chickens or mcdoubles okay
no pickles no you guys don’t like big macs no this is screwed me up on that [ __ ] i mean a
quarter pounder with cheese is nice i like that it just doesn’t feel like a quarter pound you know yeah i uh the
people ordering fish fillets at oh i mean [ __ ] aaron does that dude we need to get an interview from her
i’ve never understood imagine your breath after that just say
hello and it’s just [ __ ] taste my paper fish mouth i can’t i can’t relate to that in any way it’s like a [ __ ]
girl’s bathroom at the bar dude it’s [ __ ] disgusting oh how do you know what that’s like you can just walk past
it baby doesn’t smell like sweet petunias god
it’s not sweet it’s only happened a couple times but no even the girls our girlfriends have said that they’ll walk into a bathroom and it’s just sometimes
i would not i would not be surprised i mean ransom i don’t even know what makes it what does make it smaller i have no
disease no it’s just so much human sometimes i think honestly it’s it’s probably a combination of a lot of
things obviously the same thing the guy is always small there’s always pests on the wall someone’s like pisses there’s always a turd in the trough i feel like
after cove but i can smell a lot more because we used to have to always wear the masks and now i’ll go into a store and be like oh that should stink so so
it’s kind of like like when someone loses a sense their others get heightened yeah but like now we don’t now we don’t have to wear masks anymore
and yeah i feel like my nose i can like other people smell way more like obviously you guys don’t but i mean like
if we’re out at a bar and somebody stinks and they’re biased i’m like yeah i’d say like a stinky person is a big
turn off for me well yeah i don’t think oh wow do you like i don’t think anyone likes [ __ ] i’d say like what is your
biggest turn off how do we get here i don’t know stinky people for sure yeah i think stinky
all right we’re closing this off okay oh okay okay um jordan where can they find you
they can find me at apertureocean okay wait can you say that again can you edit this
no where can they find you you [ __ ] tweak apertureoceanproductions.com you can go to our website check out some of our
videos if you need some videos or photos for your business or company he’ll fly anywhere in the world
on him i will find anyone and you’re now not on me and your personal instagram uh just jordan obaya instagram you can find
me out jack we’re gonna find you they can find me at jack underscore spence z where can they find you guys have that
thought i say underscore lesney at instagram or both of our instagrams at the around lunch table instagram page
thank you guys for listening um keep an eye out for the merch drop come spring
we will get it done we’ll figure it out but um thank you guys for listening we will see you next week
let’s get rowdy up in here

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Episode 63