J & Z have a very special guest, Spencer Hill from “Got Moles”. We talked about Vietnamese moles, how he identifies moles, and how he wants one as a hood ornament. lmao.
check check check one two check test these tests check check check check
check welcome back slapdex is around lunch table episode 61 61 and boy oh boy do we
have a treat for you yeah we do this is what this is what you come for right here so first and foremost before we get
started i want to thank our sponsor sponsors aperture oceans bringing ideas and ads to life and i also want to shout
out liv stallion um well wellness and fitness page brandon body autostart you can look it up on instagram
l-i-v-s-t-a-l-l-i-o-n live stallion never be tamed and live streams monday through friday yes uh before we
introduce our very very special guest uh do you want to shout out the patreon patreon.com on the
lunch table get episodes a week early-ish uh exclusive content yada yada yada
also if you only listen which most people do apple podcasts also has subscriptions there where you can get our exclusive stuff we have a very
special guest today the mole man the mole man from the last episode that we were talking about off the rails
funniest phone yeah so uh ladies and gentlemen give it up for mr spencer hill
yeah uh spencer’s our mole man spencer tell us about your uh he’s our newest sponsor tell us about your uh yeah polls
uh kind of a big deal western washington’s premier bowl exterminator
we’re saving your lawn one mole at a time i love it yeah that’s good that’s good no it’s uh we’re glad to have you
on here yeah glad to be here yeah so what uh so what what what got you into the mole game is it competitive yeah or
you just like killing [ __ ] well you know i enjoyed killing cats as a kid and it was something like that yeah no my dad
has like this pristine lawn dude we couldn’t kill the moles so my
dad would like come downstairs and be like there’s another [ __ ] in their [ __ ] yard some as kids were like oh man moles are
bad you know whatever my dad’s doing everything trying to you know trap them poison them whatever and
finally it gets to the point where my dad’s like i’m fine arrest them kidnap them yeah well if you can find them they’re hard to find yeah
it looks like a flamethrower dude and it like pumps oxy acetylene into the hole runs right it’s like
so my dad [ __ ] goes out in the yard he fills him full of [ __ ] whatever oxygen and blows up his yard
he’s like we’re all out there having a great time the neighbors are like what the [ __ ] is
going on up there my dad lives on a hill so everybody can see us just like boom shit’s blowing up normandy
he’s got like the tnt box exactly so uh there’s a little moles army
crawling in the mouth [Applause]
dude there’s like 10 of them and they’re just he’s going he’s just sticking up
[Laughter]
we’re gonna [ __ ] your
pretty much suicide bombers and it’s [ __ ] bad so anyways yeah so
we uh long story short this thing run on two
feet i’m sure they can’t but how funny i mean i haven’t seen it i think they can swim dude like last week when it was
flooding i’m pretty sure i saw one like backstroke it was rough out michael phelps yes i had to
like call my customers i’m like i’m sorry the bulls are swimming faster than i can catch them i just can’t come out today
but yeah the whole thing didn’t work they’re all swimming they’re learning yeah they’ve adapted so it didn’t work my dad was just
[ __ ] pissed and uh so he hired a guy and this old guy shows up and he’s like
super baked hippy looks like he just left woodstock and we’re like okay well this guy probably knows what he’s doing
my dad’s like you’re gonna follow that guy around you’re gonna find out what he does so i follow this guy around the yard see what he’s doing copied it
so he was like you’re mr miyagi and you learn from him uh he hated me oh yeah that guy was like this little bastard’s
gonna steal what i’m doing okay but this is when you were a child though 15 15. so when did you get into moles
when did you get the calling is it like a calling yeah that’s exactly how it is yeah like you you wake up it’s like that frozen movie you hear like that
you know and i was like you had the mole dream yeah okay yeah yeah so that’s how it went no i don’t know just something
that happened man people started finding out i was the mole guy and the more guy got more yes i hand wrote all these
signs i put them on trees people are calling me like hey man i’ve got a mole on my ass cheek do you think you could
get it off for me i’m like not that one yeah i think you’re let’s go mulling yeah yeah so you’re you’re
your logo we have on our website now did you is that your mascot did you name him or anything or murray murray
murray yeah oh my god that’s funny um so have
you ever like uh like have you ever like barbarically killed a mole like do you like
all right dude story resort to hand story time yeah for real so i’m in this ladies she’s probably like 75 years old and
she’s like this is one of those so you’re scamming her yet really dude it’s like the guy fixing the garage door
that’s going to be 800 bucks yeah exactly like that that’s how it was so she this lady called me every day there’s a new mole hill in my yard i’m
like listen karen i will be there the molinators can right and so there’s like a new mole
hill a new molehill whatever i’m like setting my equipment up and i see the mole like
tunneling up and i [ __ ] reach into the ground she’s standing right next to me yeah so
i reach and i grab it like the [ __ ] page game with the [ __ ] yeah like in beauty bark you know so i’m like
boom whatever and i threw it on the ground i was like bam bam right in front of this lady you hammer fisted yes it happened so fast
so this lady’s like oh my god does that happen all the time i’m like no just in the shaking i wish she’s
gotten a full nelson that was amazing that’s the first fight i’ve ever won it’s got it in an arm bar it’s wrestling
yeah so have you ever looked one in the eyes before you kill it yeah yeah oh yeah is that like don’t they have weird
noses oh dude the nose doesn’t look like they’re pretty they’re kind of cute dude you kind of feel bad you know you’re
like so on our last episode i know you listened to it we said they didn’t have eyes they do have eyes yes they just
can’t are they blind no but they live underground all day so like you know if they come outside they come up
what is that thing yeah so they got to put on like little little readers yeah exactly or like sun sunglasses they got
ray bans yeah yeah there you go yeah [ __ ] what’s good the uh um have you ever
had to like interrogate one um yeah to like find out where his friends live you know you’re smoking a cigarette i tried jumpers do they live in packs no
they like the kind of soul maybe they have roommates you know but
like they’re like [ __ ] carl like stay on your side if you go to my room i’ve been able to see what is the point of going up the up
the grass it’s just that like putting the like those big mounds and stuff yeah they got to get rid of the dirt somewhere dude so they’re making tunnels
they’re eating worms grubs that’s the food source so they’re just like going out there so they can smell with that well i guess
they just push the dirt up yeah so they like and they well they’ll do it several times they’ll like make a little pause
yep dude those paws are like shovels do they bite i mean they probably could they probably
yeah i was so like trying to bite you what would have been like your worst experience with them all like the worst experience with did you
have everyone like fight back and not like scratching or like or a shitty customer or the job just went
[ __ ] array just absolutely terrible yeah dude i had a real bad customer once
yeah so uh this guy he’d been my customer like couple times so he called me back walls are back i’m like all right i’ll come
out there so i get out there whatever he says they’re down by the they’re down by the river there’s one by the gazebo
there’s a couple up by that he’s like giving you that tree line right there i’m like sweet like this is on the phone i’ve never even met this guy before but
i’m like all right and he sounds like he’s smoked for like a hundred years so i’m like all right so i go out there
and i i look i walk the property i’m like all right i know what to do so i set up all my stuff what does all your
stuff entail oh man i mean i can’t give away like all my ancient chinese secrets like so i got these secret bear traps
that yeah no i don’t know man is it like ghost hunters you know you got the radar yeah right and i got like some ir stuff
and like no it’s way less it’s way less uh yeah i thought some traps you know some buckets
a magician never reveals the secret exactly that’s true so you go out there so yeah i’m out there and the guy like
tells me where to look and i look and i’m like yeah there’s moles out here so i’m like setting everything up i leave i get a phone call like three
minutes later he’s like i told you they were down by the gazebo and i’m like you [ __ ] like you haven’t paid
me for the last time i was out so and it’s been 90 days yeah but i don’t say that he’s like i expect you to come out
here and fix this and i’m like all right i’ll fix this so i get out i get out of the car slam the door i just start
taking all my stuff i’m like throwing it in the bucket i’m leaving you know like keep your [ __ ] moles
keep your [ __ ] balls this guy freaking your yard gets [ __ ] yeah this is why i’m not gonna have any more
customers they’re gonna be like i saw you on that podcast around the lunch table and you were a piece of [ __ ]
i think you’re fun i don’t think that’s our client and then i don’t think your customer’s gonna watch this yeah nine-year-old woman yeah i thought you
were kind of into that though now you older chicks i think that’s milfs not gills oh yeah
yeah thin line there i mean actually i believe they call it mature yeah
so anyways this guy comes out and he’s like smoking a cigarette he’s like what do you think you’re doing this
looks terrible i’m taking my [ __ ] and he’s like i just call you’re losing a customer if you do this i was like you think i don’t
know that yeah he’s like i run six businesses i’m going to crush
you and i’m just like good [ __ ] luck are you in the mole market yeah whatever it’s actually like the mafia you’re
losing me as a customer i’m like you can’t even pay for the last time so then like a week later i get two checks in the mail
he paid me for like the time i came out the one time and then the previous time so it was all talk he was all talk yeah
i never went back yeah good find a new more guy yeah exactly yeah yeah so like when you how how do you track them like
so so because like a uav no
there’s boils everywhere dude i’m just well there’s a bull hill and there’s a woman oh my god you stick it down like smelling them
oh this is fresh do you see this little pebble this is a fresh mold turd you just stick the barrel of a shotgun in
the hole and put a bunch of worms you hear it just blasted in the hole yeah so like
because you you said that when you went there and he said that they were in the gazebo
yeah you you said that you went there and you you know looked around and did your thing so what does that entail so you show up you just look for the mole
hills but obviously the whole the hills are not in the hills anymore you’re on all fours like yeah so like i find the runs dude
oh so between what do you do there’s a run i got a little poker i feel around you know like you can kind of feel a
little air pocket do you use like wicked sticks and [ __ ] yeah like one of those water witches i’m like
guys like it’s real that shit’s real though
no the reason i know this [ __ ] russ and vegas they had to like find a water source and they had a guy with wicked
sticks come out say dig here and there was water my stepmom’s a [ __ ] wicked dude we can find out no [ __ ] oh yeah
is that the one that i met oh no that was your mom no my mom no my mom’s sweet dude most of the time yeah unless you
like i don’t love the dishwasher or something yeah but no your stepmom’s a wiccan oh yeah can you elaborate on them yeah what
the [ __ ] is a wiccan that’s a practicing witchcraft so she’s a witch is that how you’re more
busy no she hates me oh my they’re like they’re getting like major you know
nothing’s not a good thing [Laughter] i don’t think she lives in the state anymore so my dad and her like splitting
up or something yeah yeah so like um you uh like does she do like hexes and [ __ ]
i’ve never seen it like what is it like tarot cards and [ __ ] i don’t know my brother so my brother told me about like their wedding which was pretty well i
didn’t get invited uh exotic yeah there was like some she did some
crazy things and my brother was like dude it’s the weirdest thing i’ve ever seen in my life he was like 12 at the time he’s like that woman’s the devil
really yeah that’s interesting she is possessed by the devil really i’m convinced huh uh-huh that’s kind of
scary i mean that’s a possibility i mean i mean yeah well yeah for sure that’s real you never [ __ ] know so uh
there’s something else spencer you told me on the phone you were called the state champ uh the state champ the state champion
that’s like my alter ego we haven’t quite made please please please elaborate so what happened so it
happened once so when i was in the military uh let’s start out let’s start this out yeah
never a wrestler okay but so i joined the military i did a little jiu jitsu some grappling whatever i was okay
pretty good hold my own yeah so we go to this guy’s house for a party and in the
military yeah okay yeah yeah yeah you got down time so you gotta party so you went to his like bunk bed
or no no no no no this guy like this guy was like a once you’re like in the army
for a while they’re like you know you rank up and they’re like you don’t get to live in the barracks anymore okay you don’t get to live with the but
that’s kind of fun barracks is a party dude 600 dudes in a frat house it’s wild but there’s all that meat slinging it’s
just a meat party anyways uh we go to this guy eric’s house and i black out and i just start [ __ ]
wrestling everybody and so i’m like throwing dudes into tables and it’s getting out of control and every time i
win like a match or whatever i’m like i’m the [ __ ] state champ i’m the [ __ ] state champ you know
just screaming it and so like the next morning i wake up and i’m just like my face is bloody and i’m just beat this
[ __ ] and i’m like what happened to me and my friends were all like dude the state champ showed up
and so for like they’re like did you ever wrestle in your life i was like no i don’t know where last night i did i
don’t know where i came up with this state champ thing but we’re going to go with it so then yeah i mean pretty much state champ made some appearances and
gotcha gets me into trouble yeah after the legend continues yeah i haven’t seen it yet but you know what
i’d like to oh yeah does he come out nowadays or oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah yeah i had a state champ moment a
couple years ago got me an assault charge too are you serious
did you fight it or yeah did you win
i mean that’s not on my record i don’t know if you should talk about this one yeah yeah yeah yeah
he’s like wait can i call my lawyers hey phil um am i allowed to talk about that chart yet dude he just pokes his
head in the camera yeah dude and i’m not allowed to go to oktoberfest anymore either
that’s the state champs fault yeah i hope that guy that i punch is watching this too yeah i hope so too if you’re watching this then [ __ ] you
are we cool with that is that okay no all right oh it’s great i love the energy no keep going oktoberfest yeah so
what happened there you ever played hammerschlagen i don’t even think we look like people who have played that what what is it
what the [ __ ] hammer so you like stand around this log and you have to like definitely try to hit a nail in to a log with like a
slanted mallet that weighs like 10 pounds with one hand while you’re holding a beer right
so no we have not played i’m pretty [ __ ] good dude at this game he’s a state champion hammerstein yeah
so like we get to this place my buddy’s like oh yeah my my friends put on oktoberfest we can go early and i’m like
perfect i look at my wife i don’t even know if we were married yet i’m like you’re [ __ ] driving
we get down to oktoberfest at like nine in the morning and i’m just like i’m gonna go get some beers they give me a bunch of beer tickets and i’m like
perfect i’m not paying for beers i just start drinking nine o’clock in the morning so we’re having a good time
i don’t know that i ate or not uh yeah so i was [ __ ] up it’s all getting there it’s not lost in the who order
ones yeah i go in this hammer slogging tournament i do pretty good at this
yes tournament like they put your picture on the wall okay you’re on the wall wait did you win i came close
did you have the picture i got beat in the finals dude oh the finals yeah so it was like bracket it was like a bracket like you’re saying right so i just start
knocking people out one hitting these nails well so anyways i lose the trigger
no no no but you get drunker so that nail’s like is that an s-shaped nail i don’t know
you fling it you know he for someone’s forehead over there yeah so uh
i lose to whoever i lose to a woman you know her name yeah i don’t know her name but she
was a woman she was good dude so she wins she wins the tournament right and i’m like damn it and that’s how you met your mom out no my wife was with me or
whatever she was like don’t even look at her so anyways we’re uh we’re playing this i’m i’m still playing
hammershogging it’s like eight o’clock at night my wife’s like all right whatever i’ll hang out and i’m waiting like can you play for like a dollar a
nail and i’ve got like a pocket full of dollars at this point i’m like i came here with five bucks and i’ve got a
hundred i’ve been killing it so the guy standing next to me uh
i don’t know somebody sinks the nail flush and you gotta hit it flush and if you win you get all the money this guy
next to me he’s like that’s not a flush nail runs his fingers across it cuts him now his fingers are bloody and i’m
standing next to him and i’m the one who pulled the money and threw it to this guy he like puts his bloody fingers in my face and i’m like oh if you don’t get
your bloody fingers on my face i’m gonna [ __ ] kill you right probably not the best thing to say yeah yeah of course right so this guy’s
like do we have a problem do we need to take this outside he’s
like he’s way taller than me but skinny and i’m like matter of fact we don’t
you know so the state champ turns and like i tough guy shoved him you know and he like flew back he probably weighs the
same as you you know whatever make sure you keep away from high winds yeah so then he came back like tried to swing on
me and i just leveled this dude so i’m like in the face oh yeah in front of everybody oh yeah in front of your wife
so my wife grabs me and she’s like we gotta go and i’m like yeah i just kind of turned on i just killed that guy yes we do so we like leave we head out
to the beer garden we’re looking for my mom she’s not there uh okay we have a situation here we have
to keep going as we get outside those guys picked him up his buddies and they try to jump me with like five dudes and
my so me and my wife fight five dudes uh wife was fighting through my wife broke a beer stein on a guy’s head oh wow i
was never i’ve never been so attracted to my wife in my life i was just like we’re gonna go and make a baby dude you
guys like honey oh my you’re so [ __ ] hot no yeah so anyways you guys were like back to back dude so
i ended up like as i’m like i don’t know how that went but i mean like my wife hit a dude in the back here you unleash
20 moles they start eating their [ __ ] i was like don’t make me release the moles i’m getting them balls a little whistle
[ __ ] chariot get on my phone mole murray murray send
them all he’s got a [ __ ] headset
dude they got [ __ ] situations it’s like ravens carrying them and dropping like peripherals red code red they come up from under the
[ __ ] community they grab their shins with their claws they start pulling them in they’re like [ __ ] getting suckered
that’s how i got out of there the moles carried me away
oh dude can you imagine he gets knocked out the moles pick up yeah you’re not done fighting yet stay champ
get out they’re underneath them just no no you’re just like like you’re crowd surfing you’re crowd serving yeah that would be the best the
moles carry them away there’s like a dude with a little drum like
yeah exactly but so yeah anyways uh eventually security got us all on the
ground some guy like punched me in the head while i was on the ground security went after him i stood up my wife was up and i was like we should probably go
so we just like walked out well so i’m thinking check it out dude
facebook somebody got a picture of me inside of my face and the comments on it are hilarious one
guy said like that’s gary from teen mom and i’m like [ __ ] you
maybe i am another guy like if the police don’t get him the diabetes will [Laughter]
the comment section it’s a brutal play i know i’m like sitting here like i wish i could comment on some of these these are great i’m going to get into all the cars
how’d they find it then is that so somebody that i understood sure somebody that i invited yeah
derek fletcher derek fletcher if you’re watching you’re a [ __ ] wait so he was even there
he’s when i was waiting okay this guy’s the guy yeah he was like oh that’s spencer hill i’m sorry i’m getting a little close that’s spencer hill and his
wife’s name is courtney here’s their [ __ ] address or something why
he actually has like [ __ ] some sort of thing that’s coming around full circle right there and then i had friends that would like call me like derek fletcher’s at
this bar you want us to [ __ ] him up i’m like kind of
holy [ __ ] yeah so anyways they dying me out and then anyways like it was such a stupid conflict show up to your house or
something uh no they just mailed me some [ __ ] in the mail and then i was like hey i went to court like nine times my
lawyer like every time i show up he’s like doing good you say hey he’s like hey we’ll be out here ten minutes just just
hang i’m like all right so then finally he’s like just sign this trust me you want this i’m like all right i look at
it i’m like i’m not paying anything and i’m on my probation for a year like but that’s it he’s like yeah and if you
don’t do anything bad he gets dropped i’m like john dude sign that did you do anything bad no he’s like and i am by the hour by
the way yeah yeah it cost me but it’s worth it yeah dude it’s not even on your record or anything
no wow yeah that’s worth it you broke the dude’s teeth that’s a black guy
you wear like one of his tooth running necklace they like had the saddest facebook post about how they had to like tell their kids like someone beat up
daddy like your daddy was playing hamburshwagen
explained that people would beat up their dad he was playing hammer schlogging like i’ll beat him up again
then i’ll do it again in front of your kids dude was acted so tough too like he had it coming but i mean i don’t know i i’m
i should have known better but yeah whatever i think that’s pretty stupid to like play the victim there i mean that dude said do we have a problem you don’t
want to get in a fight don’t act up the judge was like was there alcohol involved and i was like yeah yeah of course she was like
i know this situation i’ve seen your type every day you’re not you’re not going to be drinking for a year all right i was like
was it a woman or a man judge it was a woman
oh nice yeah you guys want to see it beat her i could probably set you up with it like
you know she’s a cool judge andrea beal she was cool to me andrea beale yeah i
think that was her name she only had a year of probation and then that was it that was it so you couldn’t drink for a year that
wasn’t yeah that’s that’s getting off cheap if you ask me yeah yeah yeah holy [ __ ] they like coming like what was the other one
what was the other alternative obviously you were going to choose i never got to the upstairs it was like sign this and i was like yep okay mm-hmm
don’t do anything stupid what happened if you had a beer during that year um if you break probation then
if i got caught we’re going to play with the big boy
rules okay you’re a big boy all right don’t drink i was like [Laughter] we’re going to the barbecue the jug
faced the judge the judge goes the judge goes to play hammerslag and you’re just there
she’s like you’re not supposed to be here yeah pretty much so how the [ __ ] do you find out you’re good at hammerschlagen i was drunk playing
hammershlogging at this oktoberfest oh is it it’s a thing there yeah okay where is oktoberfest well that was at the
people fairgrounds oh no [ __ ] yeah so so can you not just go back to the octoberfest or the pewau fairgrounds
yeah well they canceled the one in leavenworth it’s they’re done doing it so yeah now i mean i don’t know so leavenworth like the leavenworth master
knows me he’s got me on his the master he’s like a little [ __ ] dude he’s got a staff
you’re not allowed here get out he’s got a little rascal’s hat on he’s
got a [ __ ] yeah so like if you go to the wall fair like
you guys want to go yeah i’m down no so well i’m saying but if you’re like you’re banned but how would they know if you show people you
gotta write a letter it says i can be here i’m pretty sure we’re good i have a license for this dude it has one i’m getting a relief
i’m gary they’d have to it’s been years they’d have to like no you walk in there they’d be like oh is this this you know i’m
gary from teen mom yeah
but i’m saying how could they enforce that like oh you’re banned for life okay if i show up years later wait so are you banned from oktoberfest or the puyallup
fairgrounds no just oktoberfest at the back i can go to the fairgrounds oh just not oktoberfest yeah so how do you say
that do you think maybe this was the champ involved trying to make sure you don’t
play hammerschlagen again no no the state champ wants to do he’s trying to be a champion hammer slogging champion
so have have you played since have you been training uh yeah i played since yeah we’re at uh around
[Laughter]
that’s how i met that judge yeah the 50 cent came out after i got done it was crazy
how the [ __ ] did you how did you find out you’re into that like i think it’s just something you just didn’t know
what the [ __ ] like how did you figure out you’re in a beer punk i think beer pong is a little more generic than hammer schlagen okay but
you’ve come across some drinking games where you’re like oh like beard yeah i mean i’ve never had a log in in new york
but you have to have a special mallet you said right yeah it’s just like yeah i mean but it’s not like you can go to ace hardware it’s not it’s not osha
certified yeah there’s tape some weights on there so it’s hard so it’s top heavy or is it
hard yeah it’s yeah it’s hard like a lawn dart it kind of you just figure out like how to you got to keep your arms straight and then you figure out the
distance and you just whack nails dude like whack-a-mole [Laughter]
so is that possible to play now we’re back to the mole thing but do you think if if you b if you bait them some way to
come out do they actually come out of the ground have you played hammer schwagen on a mole not yet
really so have you played whack-a-mole like gotten a big old inflatable hammer and just started popping i did it at
like great wolf lodge dude i played some whack-a-mole i was like this is ironic
yeah i gotta kill these i’m like teaching my two-year-old kill him kill him kill him people are like he has
issues what’s wrong with that i had to like like chase one out of the hole you know
i think he might put out a big bear suit like crawling around
you are they like fast
on the ground when they’re fast are they yeah so i got one i wanted to keep it as a [ __ ] pet
so i like got this like [Laughter]
he just didn’t live i’m like went back the next day like check on him i’m like what did you put him in
you know like a fish tank filled with dirt yeah that’s kind of tiny for him is is that why he died i
don’t know why i’m not a [ __ ] supporter he’s doing cpr
grab his nose come back murray he comes back and then you kill him again
now tell the other moles what you just saw so you tried to keep one as a pet like i thought it’d be cool so they yeah would
you like walking through the neighborhood maybe just on a leash like walking my [ __ ] pet mole what’s up [ __ ] you got a
[ __ ] pebble i don’t think so get your [ __ ] french bulldog out of here the dog barks that goes
in the [ __ ] goes under the dog and eats it like pulled it out with the leaves get back out here
you know what i’m gonna [ __ ] murray oh my god are there different like
breeds of moles is there just one kind of mole oh yeah different which one is which one is the most fussiest like what are you talking about the
fussiest yeah like i like i can pull them out i’m like hey man how’s it going i got a lot of problems
this yard has no [ __ ] worms what the [ __ ] i’m a year behind on my
mortgage the old lady kicked me out last night
i’m saying like which one is the hardest like that we really give you are there bigger ones than other ones you know what i mean yeah you obviously know know
the different breeds like the talented mole that’s what we’re dealing with in washington those two then there’s like
there’s those star nose moles like yeah that’s what i was talking about you know that thing looks terrifying if
i see a [ __ ] helicopter from the top where i’d be like i’m putting this dude back in the ground i don’t want to haunt you at night
so you basically hunt them like one by one then yeah they’re not yep so they’re not there’s never been like a group of
them in one yard so you’ve never taken on like a battalion i have a soccer field oh
when i first started yeah this i got and this guy got me too he was like i don’t even know if i should say this
on here i hope the irs isn’t listening oh my god that did you that’s a sign
from god dude well then just don’t say the part that the irs would care about yeah it didn’t happen like i didn’t do it but
this guy like he’s like if you catch the most he’s like i don’t think i can afford you i’m like bro you’re driving a [ __ ] king ranch
at 350 like you could afford me okay he’s like he’s like actually i live in that
this guy’s like all right so i go out there and this guy’s a bullshitter but i start helping him and he’s like give
feed me this line like we’re doing this for the kids man and like kids are breaking their legs
i don’t want kids there’s a game happening they’re like trip yeah all right i’ll help you you know like he’s like if you help me i’ll
write you a letter that’ll make you never pay taxes again and i’m like [ __ ] yeah that sounds amazing
who is this the secretary of treasury i learned i learned that that was a scam yeah that’s like when you get an email
the prince of nigeria needs your help yeah yeah exactly dude but i was thinking like okay this guy runs like a
501c3 and like he can write me a letter that says i made this huge donation oh okay and then i talked to my accountant
and she was like you’re a [ __ ] idiot you’re a fraud he didn’t pay you he just gave you the letter yeah
no he never gave me the letter oh but did you kill the moles yeah how many were there did he pay you oh my
god i probably killed a hundred did you string them up like do you string them up like you do when you were fishing with trout
yeah
[Laughter] you like skin it and make a [ __ ] daniel boone hat out of it he’s wearing
it dude they’re so soft make a loin cloth out of them or something you know oh like a mole pellet how big are the
biggest ones i don’t know i caught one that was like probably nine inches you know when they
you know when those movies like the tribe guys have like a lion and the mouse open at
like if i built like a whole trench coat with a hood and then just had like one little mole head right like the paws too
i’m like i’m chief killam yeah show up to your house wearing that oh my god
this guy’s [ __ ] serious too yeah this guy’s how many more belts is that
how many mopeds do you have i lost count i lost count in the mole wars do you have a kill count on wolves no no
do you lost count after 100 after the soccer field that was a that was a rough that that took a long time what did you do to kill
that many in one ar 15 though oh i just i just i just caught him dude just one by one so like
what do you put in the trap nothing so you just catch them like a [ __ ] catfish oh i got one kind of really well they’re
going to use these tunnels over and over again so if you set in a tunnel that they’re going to use over and over again they’re going to just run into it it’s
like it’s like the it’s like [ __ ] interesting for me yeah yeah pretty much yeah so you put them in the ground
under the ground underneath oh okay yeah and you find the tunnel yeah you just dig it bigger and you’re
crawling after them you’re like i got a shovel and i’m just like
[Music]
when you trap them does it kill them instantly or do you have to kill them afterwards that’s instantaneous instantaneous death
how does it work you know it’s a [ __ ] secret dude yeah okay well is it like a poisoning or is it no it’s not no it’s just it’s
physical damage snaps their necks oh i see it’s all i actually like it’s leprechauns i put
them in the ground they catch one they’re just like i put little people in there they put them in headlocks and choke them out yeah no yeah it just kills them
instantly damn with electricity so how do they breed if they’re underground all the time oh that’s a good question like
i don’t know dude i haven’t seen them they dig a bigger hole over here to [ __ ] yeah yeah i like i thought they have family i saw like a most dick one time
and i was like was it like a red rocket type no dude it was like his guts were hanging out and i was like that’s not his dick oh i mean like like they’re
like annie’s dude so i don’t know how they made it i haven’t seen it maybe it comes out when it’s time so like if you
killed the father 69 in another mole in this guy’s yard there’s like a little kid like what are they doing dad
just playing helping him so like are you ever worried like if you kill like a dead like the father mole
that like the kid’s gonna grow up and then like come after you for revenge they make a movie about it dude
that’s funny do you have millions like the lion king yellow minions it’s gonna be the moles and i’m gonna be like they got helmets i
kind of have the grunt house so i mean like i could be grew i think you have a army of moles yeah that do like bad [ __ ]
for me we’re going to steal the moon you know the moles are like no no
yeah you pay them 401ks and sure yeah they have it they have great benefits they have great benefits yeah definitely
that’s an entire ecosystem have you ever seen a baby mold yeah little tiny one did you kill it or let it go well
he was dead oh no we don’t know what happened yeah right you’d want to pet him first for something allegedly yeah
he had him afterwards i feel like that’s the one you could keep as a pet because you could raise it then you could put it in the small tank
and then it would get accustomed to your scent you should have done that yeah that would have been a good move so next time yeah can i keep it here so you know
like a plumber’s pipe’s always leaked do you have yourself like a [ __ ] ton of mole hills at your house or do you take care of them
i don’t dude i’m a 31 year old man that lives with his mother oh i don’t have that so does your mom have a lot of moles no no that’s good she’s like get
out there and kill the walls you’re [ __ ] evicted wait so gophers though yeah i know the difference i know like
what they look like different ways but i’m saying they both do the same [ __ ] as moles are deeper i just i only specialize in moles i
don’t know like you don’t know anything about gophers dude you’re like asking me like well i’ve caught a salmon before
but what’s a halibut like i don’t know well they’re both fish so maybe you know they look like they’re
they’re in the same rodent they’re they’re rodents right yeah about rodents but like isn’t it i mean gophers make
little mounds and [ __ ] too yeah they’re different though so how do you tell the difference like if you’re out in the yard it’s like oh i got moles like
nope let’s go over and then you leave you need to contact got gopher here’s a number for got gophers
it’s my friend paul it’s like roger gets in the car comes back out with a different outfit hey i’m paul with god code
so like how do you know if it’s a mole hill they come like straight up and like it’s like a mountain and uh the gophers
it’s a trail it’s like a moon shape they throw it out like this they throw curveballs yeah they’re
throwing like deepest pitches dude no it’s just you see their paws coming
up just throwing dirt something they’re just taunting him he’s like i’d love to kill him but they’re gophers yeah
oh my god that’s funny i just don’t [ __ ] with gophers i mean and people ask me like
all the time like do you do rats too like no rats are [ __ ] disgusting but moles are funny yeah
rats carry diseases and they make those nasty little [ __ ] food dude some rats can be [ __ ] huge it was in new york
oh my god holy [ __ ] i thought it was a cat in one of the videos i saw was a [ __ ] rat i seen a squirrel the other
day that was like this was a trope i was like like the ground squirrels that are [ __ ] massive yeah mount that [ __ ] in my
house most people’s houses they have like a [ __ ] big old elk and i’ve got like this squirrel on my wall this [ __ ]
state record this gigantic [ __ ] squirrel have you ever stuffed a mole like no
what i thought about it what is that i looked it up the taxidermy
imagine if you had that like in case you want to eat it in space i don’t know maybe
i think chinese people do eat them dude they eat dogs too yeah
is that chinese i was at a teriyaki place and you’re like this is mo no this this is definitely more meat
this this korean lady’s like gut moles i can’t do korean accents
edit that part out
[Laughter] and that was the story no so anyways i’m
like yeah moles whatever and she’s like oh in korea we eat those and i’m like oh no [ __ ] you want me to get you something or what dude she’s like no so do you
that’s where all your moles go yeah what do you do with the moles after you kill them yeah i sell them to korea
you just throw them in north korea amazon prime if it fits at chips yeah exactly but anyways back to the back to
the stuff in it dude yeah this is what i really i actually thought that was i didn’t think you were gonna be like yeah i’m trying
i didn’t think that was even a thing what stuff in them yeah no i i want to give you guys
if anybody there’s a taxidermies listing hook me up i want to get a [ __ ] hoodie or
[Laughter]
wouldn’t that be amazing on the hood heisman
that would be amazing right you guys can make that happen like man
i’m gonna i’ll call some people yeah yeah if you got a guy let me know you specialize in turning rodents
and [ __ ] you know you have like 20 of them in your house like and they’re like what people do with like doll sets one’s like
making the table in one little thing the other one’s playing golf with a putter and a hat yeah it’s not from a movie i
don’t know dinner for schmucks dude oh yeah yeah yeah like steve carell like makes all these scenes or whatever yeah
with the real dude that movie is hilarious that is [ __ ] hilarious zac alphanaugus
holy oh my god that’s funny yeah so we got to find a robe guy a taxi derby and a hood ornament guy no
because we’re going to get you there do taxidermy people just do everything in general or they have specifics too
that’s right that’s a good question yeah if you’re a taxidermy person is it just everything all animals are just like oh
i only do [ __ ] big ones i only take care of moles yeah i only do [ __ ] cats he doesn’t do gophers you want a
trench coat out of moles i got what do they do to the body to make it as such i don’t know
why i said it like that but uh like how do you like skin an animal no how do you tax like [ __ ] what do they put inside
of it i think it’s just like expanding foam right like a foam filled tire just grab like audrey do you wanna hear a funny story
about it it’s flexible i grabbed some of that like uh not seal but like the foam spray can foam and i’m like i saw
this on youtube i’m gonna drill a hole in my flat tire on my wheelbarrow i’m gonna fill this thing full of spray foam right
yeah like a foam-filled tire yeah and i’m like this is gonna be the cheapest greatest thing ever so i’m like that’s
i get through the first can in one little tire right i swap it to the second can i’m like
explode yeah no [ __ ] everywhere i’m like
i’m covered and straightforward my wife comes out she’s like there’s [ __ ] spray foam on the roof i’m like oh [ __ ]
dude that looks to get rid of that the logic was airtight but that was never going to work such a bad idea
oh to save myself fourteen dollars and you’re my neck dude this i’m so
jealous i always spend seven dollars on the phone it was like one of those hacks i saw on instagram i’m like scrolling i’m like oh
that’s genius go outside they show you like one second of like what they’re doing you’re like ah i gotta cut this yeah i could definitely
do that yeah no no
that was a bad idea holy [ __ ] dude well [ __ ] we’re at uh we’re at 40. [ __ ]
i think that was i think that was [ __ ] that was [ __ ] amazing yeah well thanks for having me we’d like to have you back probably
something yeah we would love to have let me know yeah state champ will make an appearance yeah we’ll just [ __ ] the cut scene will
just be you [ __ ] throwing us over the [ __ ] table i have to wear a straight jacket while i’m here
you want a [ __ ] arm bar i’m the state champ [ __ ] oh she’s hammer swagging the bar [Laughter]
dude we actually got to get that on video yeah i don’t have a log but we’ll figure something out i i can get you a little
hold i mean there’s trees everywhere i’m a part of a hammer slugging underground underground
like a [ __ ] cartel yeah yeah exactly are you hustling me boy he’s got like
special nails are you sharpening the nails beforehand
they’re weighted i’m like dipping them in ky so they slide
he’s like [ __ ] practicing pinning moles up on the wall i don’t know that now i’m not a serial
killer well you want a [ __ ] taxidermy on your hood that would be sweet though but i think
other people be like that guys this guy’s a piece of paper well then they would definitely that’s good advertisement they’ll remember you yeah
that’s true you’re the guy with the [ __ ] though hey if they ever get a mold go back dude
the guy with the [ __ ] mole on his truck that’s the first thing they’ll [ __ ] think of this guy killed this thing and
put it on his [ __ ] truck he’s a savage that’s the guy i want that’s what they would do yeah i mean they’re not gonna like invite you to dinner
afterwards but or you can put on your radio antenna so it’s always like a jack ball
dude [ __ ] but it’s like this so it’s just like
do you remember dumb and dumber it’s a dog car it’s a
mole oh
[Music]
[Music] but what a what a feeling after you finish that
[Laughter] this is my accomplishment for my life holy [ __ ] i can just die now dude
your kids get nothing your kids get
oh my god holy [ __ ] oh my god that’s [ __ ] hilarious yeah that’s good um
i don’t know um oh you want to do the patreon thing really quick yeah uh thank you for checking it out around the
world’s table oh my [ __ ] stomach hurts uh thank you for checking out around the
lunch table uh make sure to check out patreon.com around the lunch table for episodes early-ish exclusive content
et cetera et cetera we’re trying to get spencer back on here maybe for an exclusive episode or something like that uh z where can they find you um they can
find me isaiah underscore lousy on instagram where can they find you they can find me at jack underscore spence spencer where can they find you google
web.com dot com there you go little questions and got dashboards.com good and don’t
forget to go to the atltstore.com to get your merch and the summer collection is right around the corner we’re just gonna
merge the spring in summer probably yeah spring and summer collection coming out soon we’re very excited um yeah so
that’s probably [ __ ] it for what we got for you tonight um
yeah i don’t honestly know what al we talked about now that i think about it i know you know what i
mean i just feel like so much [ __ ] was said but i know it was good i know it was good so uh
hey and if you ever see a mole we have the guy you got your car if you ever see a guy driving around with a
[ __ ] stuffed mole doing the heisman on his hood you know where the [ __ ] to call so
anyways guys that’s all we got for you this week we will see you next week
