J&Z talk about the holidays, and other stuff
welcome back slapdex’s around lunch
table episode 51
51 51 first and foremost want to thank
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and i guess i already said first and
foremost but first thank you everyone
the last episode i think was our best
episode yeah like download-wise yeah
definitely uh
shattered a lot of records just like
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um so you guys were our transgender
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also
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enough and also you can subscribe on
apple podcast i do want to first and
foremost say that yes my voice is a
little [ __ ] up sound like one of those
dogs that cut the [ __ ]
cords off
they can’t bark they go
why’d they ever do that
well because apparently like you can
complain about like noise complain about
the dog barks too much but just shitty
it’s like it’s a [ __ ] dog it’d be
cool if you could do that like your kids
you know you want them to shut up like a
neighbor comes what does you
shoots the dog
yeah i mean if you could i mean i feel
like with technology now i mean you know
my kid’s just mouthing off it’s like
dude i’ll [ __ ] cut him [ __ ] cut
him right up it’s kind of [ __ ] up i
mean
you know the cool thing about
the feeling
christmas is in the air it is you know i
i just it feels christmassy
you know i’m feeling sexual i’m feeling
horny i’m feeling yeah a lot of a lot of
things inside you know i’m feeling a lot
of things and um yeah you know santa’s
got his work cut out from this year yeah
um
yeah so yeah isn’t it like saint nick or
some [ __ ] is that an actual yeah first
and foremost merry christmas from atl to
you guys yes merry christmas yes merry
christmas happy holidays happy hanukkah
that’s the way you do it 12 days of
presents
only only the jews can afford that uh
the uh yeah dude [ __ ] santa
i don’t
if he was real i don’t think it’d be
possible to accomplish what he
accomplishes in one night well we’re
talking about a man who delivers a
tricycle in connecticut and then a puppy
to las vegas in the same [ __ ] night
so their infrastructure must be [ __ ]
flawless is this regulated
i mean it’s pretty amazing that a man
could break and enter in all these homes
if you watch fred claws or remember
there’s the guy in the suit
right yeah so they’re they do have a
regulation i don’t know how they make
money by giving away toys for free i
don’t yeah and where do they get the
resources in antarctica to the north
pole excuse me the north pole to make
[ __ ]
where’s where’s all the wood coming
where’s the vid supply chain issues
i mean you know there’s a lot of things
going on i mean dude santa is the
original jeff bezos dude dude okay it’s
bigger than amazon if jeff bezos i
guarantee it’s out there somewhere if he
was in an interview
they’re gonna be like so like who do you
love who did you who inspired you to
make amazon he’s like [ __ ] santa
claus
that guy
has not missed a delivery since 1912.
if it fits the chips man [ __ ] yeah it
ain’t even prime delivery it’s [ __ ]
overnight like if you were to think
about anywhere madagascar if you were to
break this down from a fundamental
standpoint
how
where did this come from this storyline
it’s like it’s literally impossible and
the kids was like yeah he definitely
does it it’s like you know i know they
think it’s like a magic thing it’s like
that’s
imagine
you probably couldn’t even do like one
country probably
like if you were to have all year to
prepare and have all the let first of
all who the deliver their most guys
service away their mail service must be
off the charts dude i’m saying usps
can’t even get me in my [ __ ] bill on
time
i’m saying maybe they have their own
maybe i don’t think express i don’t
think you could do a city
actually you’re probably right if you
had if you had a sleigh and [ __ ]
whatever the [ __ ] reindeer in the
[ __ ] jet engine with reindeer
i would get disintegrated when you took
off yeah out of christmas spirit you
know as long as people start singing um
[ __ ]
why doesn’t santa just sing to himself
there you ever think like
like santa claus and all that [ __ ] like
easter bunny all the magic [ __ ] some
someone long ago just said this [ __ ] and
someone’s like all right let’s run with
it yeah well you know
i remember you know growing up in a
christian household they’re like santa
you [ __ ] be arranged it’s satan and
it’s like yeah it’s like to take the
eyes off god i don’t know about that
well okay listen listen but if santa was
real and could pull that off i mean that
would that would change some minds that
would that would change the game it’s a
logistical nightmare i will say that i
mean i don’t know who they’re like
conspiracy theory jeff bezos killed
santa cause then santa he took santa
spot really but jeff bezos makes money
santa doesn’t
no no but santa’s place in frederick
hall was boolean dude who’s paying for
the power how are they getting like
tristan is like a [ __ ] pole it’s like
a stocks thing he’s just worth that much
he’s got elves running around and
they’re drinking and they’re making toys
and there’s no labor laws they’re
working long hours
but they like it do they have their own
currency over there is it like the
railroads that have the rebel company
have their own currency and then you pay
pay for [ __ ] with that currency that’s
what they did back in the day railroads
dude what if that’s why we can’t go to
like uh the [ __ ] the pole or whatever
because
okay the only problem is is that i’ve
never seen a jolly guy come down my
chimney but you know
and if you did he’s probably rapist yeah
but um i don’t even think you can go
down chimney so maybe maybe like the old
old houses
even even then they’re not yeah it’s
wide here but it’s thin at the top it’s
not you can’t [ __ ] me
you can’t just jump down it and then if
you did you break your neck yeah the
[ __ ] what’s uh i mean
going on the christmas topic i mean
um
i was listening to bill bird talk about
it and i think he just nailed it the uh
basically
like christmas christmas eve is sick
it’s rad
christmas eve is dope christmas day
when you get around three o’clock you
know i agree actually christmas eve’s
way better yeah and then you’re looking
at that tree that you cut the [ __ ]
feet off of and it’s in the [ __ ]
corner and it’s just like and you got to
clean it up
and then you get it back in the pine
needles and then and then
people like oh oh you didn’t get a real
tree this year sorry yeah i didn’t want
to vacuum up pine needles yeah [ __ ]
psychopath it’s part of the experience
what experience it’s like letting your
dog [ __ ] in the carpet it’s part of
having a dog
why would you want that you know i mean
if you can avoid it you know the uh i i
think it’s kind of like the uh the
the post-nut clarity when it comes to
christmas the build-up is great but then
once it happens you’re just like
another year and then after christmas
you’re just like when are all these
family members leaving yeah first
question so i can get back on mine so i
can just sit and relax but then there’s
the inevitability of another [ __ ]
year happening you’re just like oh [ __ ]
like yeah here goes another christmas
was a lot funnier when you’re younger
it’s not yeah it’s not that funny but i
don’t get now it’s not terrible but it’s
it was funnier than because you didn’t
have to [ __ ] do a damn thing yeah he
just showed up and unwrapped [ __ ] and
then left yeah [ __ ] now it’s like all
bb guns and now you you go through oh
like you show up oh [ __ ] i didn’t get
this person to give because i didn’t
think they were gonna get me one but
they got me one so hey here’s a hug yeah
[ __ ] dude that’s
so [ __ ] shitty it’s always the or
like you give someone a gift and then
they’re like hey i got you something but
it’s not here yet but it never comes you
know
hey i got you a gift um actually i’ll
give it to you next christmas yeah and
it’s like dude i don’t care the the
thing about gift giving
as adults at some point we’re just
trading money
because like when you’re an adult you
have enough money to buy all the [ __ ]
you wanted to send me 20 bucks on yeah
or but because what i’m saying is like
as adults
we all have money now to buy this little
[ __ ]
so it’s like i’m buying you little [ __ ]
that is cool but you know he’s not like
it’s cool but it’s also going to end up
under your bed or in your closet
in two weeks yeah and you’re like oh is
there is the receipt what is the worst
gift you’ve ever received uh my parents
got me a bike helmet for my birthday did
you have a bike yeah i had to ride my
bike to school and a bottle or a can of
purple spray paint so i could paint like
graffiti [ __ ] oh no
that’s weird yeah i was also in trouble
so they were just like ah we’re not
getting them what color was the bike
they wanted to paint it purple no the
helmet oh they got me painting for the
helmet
and some sandpaper so i could rough it
up a little bit you know have you ever
graffitied [ __ ] like once really what
did you do it was like an old barn
it was my part
just drawing dicks over your barn yeah
um i’ve always wanted like you know like
on on overpasses and [ __ ] how did do
they [ __ ]
go and just one hand orangutan and spray
it’s pretty imp have you ever like gone
over one there’s nothing there like they
would have literally had to grab it
shimmy across dude what are you what are
you doing
grab it and shimmy across hang and spray
yeah that’s pretty [ __ ] impressive
what if there’s just like it’s just like
ex-marines like a little like a chopper
they’re hanging from the ladder and [ __ ]
[ __ ]
zip lines dude
i don’t get it i mean
i i i would go
guys are the original advertisers
putting on trains and [ __ ] have i have
you ever seen a train that’s not
graffitied i haven’t never think about
it have you ever seen which one of the
trainees the caboose
the end right the end is that why they
call your bruce is an ass so caboose’s
butt and what’s this
what is the front called your front oh
the fabulous or you know it’s like
starboard or no that’s boats but
you know
do you ever met someone who’s really
into trains that shit’s free
i’m sure they’re versions yeah
i have a toe i have like 82 train sets
yeah they’re all vintage vintage vintage
yeah they’re like uh seven hundred
dollars a piece yeah so you’re you
haven’t had sex is what you’re telling
me yeah what’s crazy is that there’s
there’s a market for that like it’s a
market for everything though someone
makes [ __ ] like the ham no no dude
you know that there’s like the prestige
train set to own that every [ __ ]
little train guy on reddit and the
reddit.com training and listen i know
everyone has their hobby and [ __ ] maybe
that’s their thing but it’s crazy there
is literally a thing for everything yeah
like one dude has like the best mitts
ever oh no oh this is this [ __ ] yeah
i’m just random [ __ ]
like baseball mitts no like just gloves
or something i don’t know i’m just
saying i have the best mittens i have
the best [ __ ] myths i’m just saying
there’s [ __ ]
in every collector
there’s i guarantee you i can google
mittens dude and there’s people with all
these mittens dude i remember i was
googling something and the first thing
that came up was
um
basically a group of people who collect
lamps that look like the aladdin lamp
like the aladdin genie lamp there’s an
entire like society for him
there’s a [ __ ] pinterest page for the
mitten collector ideas for mittens to
buy to expand your collection you’re
either a stay-at-home mom or a virgin
yeah that
i mean have you ever seen like american
pickers and they’re like
nothing there’s not a show i watch all
the time i know it’s just funny but on
season seven episode six halfway through
um no dude they’re like going it’s like
yeah i’ve been collecting [ __ ] light
bulbs for 65 years and the dudes just
got like every light bulb my thing is
it’s like they’ll go through someone’s
[ __ ] barn or whatever and it’s like
you want hey what about this i’m not
willing to sell that but he has 80
million things it’s like dude just
[ __ ] sell it get it out it’s gonna
stay there for another 20 years might as
well give it to him do you remember the
[ __ ]
the hoarders show and it was like they’d
find like a dead body underneath there
it’s like oh there’s my kid
underneath my shift and okay but it was
like a dog or like they’ll pull out a
[ __ ] random plate from under eight
tons of trash no no no i want that you
didn’t even know it was there yeah you
[ __ ] dirty no i do remember like one
girl was like yeah you know whiskers
died you know eight years ago and then
they’re cleaning up the trash and
there’s whiskers yeah there’s underneath
a [ __ ] bowling ball bag
that’s [ __ ] trash just
random
we’re both [ __ ] yeah we’re both [ __ ]
up i just peeked there a little bit and
yeah you did yeah you did um
i’m trying to put this politely um oh
have you ever gotten
into
an argument with a child
and maybe custom out or something
but you’re gonna say i’m lost i’m like
no have you ever have you ever just seen
a kid you just
just i mean
yeah you just want to [ __ ] slap him
yeah i did there was a one of my
co-workers kids
um it was after our christmas party
sometimes kids just need to [ __ ] just
get their ass kicked okay the problem is
it’s like people don’t believe in
disciplining their kids but then they
turn out like [ __ ] and they wonder what
happened yeah it’s like oh it’s child
abuse to display no it’s childhood used
to [ __ ] throw him out the window and
smash the head against the tile yeah
that’s that’s child abuse spanking when
they do something stupid is not [ __ ]
the best yeah exactly because then i
didn’t do that because i didn’t want to
get spanked it’s called [ __ ]
consequences yeah if there’s no
consequences they grow up and they can
just think they can do whatever they
want and it’s like yeah and then they’re
pieces of [ __ ] like a lot of people
nowadays a lot of kids a lot of kids
nowadays
and then you wonder why this like 45
year old guy is suing his parents for
trying to kick him out remember that
[ __ ] yeah and then he represented
himself even though they bought a lawyer
yeah it was like do you think you’re
gonna win this case i wonder if he did
maybe no he he lost like what grounds do
you think you have in a court said that
it was because they spoiled him as a
child and so he didn’t he wouldn’t be
able to have the same but same time it’s
kind of their fault yeah but he wouldn’t
have the same life that he’s accustomed
to with all these riches and [ __ ]
because they were a rich family and so
at 45 they were finally like you have to
go
and so he was like
nah fam like i’m staying yeah because
because uh you know his legal grounds
was that he couldn’t support the life
that he’s been living
but yeah that’s what happens when you
move out you move into a piece of [ __ ]
place and you work your way up
yeah that’s like when um you see
anything about dr dre’s daughter or
someone
so she was like
she was like living in a car or some
[ __ ]
but like he had already he’s like i’m
not giving any more money i gave you a
[ __ ] ton of money i get that because
okay if i gave you and obviously we
don’t know but let’s be honest and she’s
like
28 or something i’m saying as time i’m
sure he has given her tons of money
that’s why he’s saying no it’s like i’ve
already [ __ ] just and you just yeah
the problem is it’s not that he’s
running out of money the problem is it’s
just like i gave it to you and you’re
not being smart with it so learn your
lesson yeah it’s just like no one one
percent of the population can have their
dad give him a hundred grand and then
blow it and then ask for more like
you [ __ ]
loser yeah you lose her [ __ ] yeah what
do you think about that [ __ ] divorce
[ __ ] where like
you know they split at 50 50. that or
like you know it’s some rich guy he
marries a girl
and then she gets like four hundred
thousand dollars a month in china yeah
that’s [ __ ] how does that work but if
he’s poor he would be being paying like
eight grand or something a month or
whatever i don’t know if i’m saying it
dude some people started like 800 yeah
i’m that’s what i’m saying but you know
what i mean i’m saying if it was an
average joe it would never but like if
he’s [ __ ] like dr dre so it’s a 500
thousand dollars a month it’s so it’s
what does she need five how many binkies
is she [ __ ] buying that’s wrong it’s
not even child support anymore they’re
just taking a percentage of what that’s
just like she doesn’t have to do
anything that’s like all right well i’m
good i’m good yeah i’m good wait for
that 400 check next month you find
that’s the thing man they’re sneaky
[ __ ] yeah and if you get one of them
they’ll just like that’s a big thing
though it’s all celebrity a lot of
celebrities get pre-nups and [ __ ] oh
yeah oh okay if you’re rich yeah you
just have to
yeah i mean if she’s not willing to say
that’s an awkward conversation though
it’s like hey honey okay boy i’m not
saying there’s a lot of sneaky [ __ ]
going on i’m saying a lot of the i’d say
it’s 16. i always blame it on management
60 no 40 yes yeah
i blame it on
management be like i mean if you’re
wealthy yeah and just be like say you’re
like a ceo of a company where there’s
shareholders and [ __ ] that’s actually
sometimes they’ll make them do that
because i i do know that like when a lot
of celebrities will get married to each
other they both they get prepped because
they both have their own money yeah so
it’s like hey let’s just do this this
bam we’re good yeah exactly but if
they’re not it’s like hey honey give me
something
that if you’re like on the board or
something of like a publicly traded
company
if you don’t get a prenup you get kicked
off the board because it’s a liability
that’s a liability because then she gets
half those shares yeah that makes sense
and then she can do whatever she wants
in the company that’s a smart idea so
i mean if i was wealthy i mean
i would never because i you know i love
my honey boo
so
i’m getting a prayer
i’m kidding no yeah uh yeah i mean is
that something you would do like say you
got like a billion dollars right now are
you pre-nupping
yeah serving in the papers yeah i’m
pretty i think i just hide it in
something else
it’s like hey
hey hey we’re signing on the house here
and then like four pages in is there a
way to undo that or because it’s when
it’s done it’s done i’m sure you can
right i mean you signed that i mean
you’re kind of [ __ ]
but at the same time i mean
it and i say that i say that because
what if you sign a print up then later
in your marriage what if you’re terminal
and you’re like okay actually i’m i’m
out this [ __ ] my wife’s still here i
both agree on it yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah
i don’t think the girl can just be like
oh yeah i know she need both parties
you’re getting his phone see i don’t it
does go both ways because it’s like okay
i’m covering my ass but if you don’t
want to sign it then that means you
think it’s not going to last forever too
yeah
yeah
yeah exactly that’s a that’s a good
point yes because people like oh that’s
such a like oh so you’re just planning
for it to fail so you won’t well you’re
not signing because you plan for it to
fail yeah because if you don’t sign it
wait actually no because if they don’t
sign it
they want your money so they wouldn’t
sign it
yeah
yeah well no i’m saying i think we had
it next time no i’m saying they’re also
planning on it to fail if they don’t
sign it
because they exactly okay it wouldn’t
matter if you got money or anything
exactly so if i’m planning on the veil
you are not signing it yeah
god the nerve of these [ __ ] man
the nerve of them you know they’ll
[ __ ]
they’ll [ __ ] burn your clothes
[ __ ] key your car
crazy man yeah it’s [ __ ] nice guys
and you just gotta bob and weave stay in
the pocket
just deliver a couple uppercuts if you
have to yeah i mean i think we’ve talked
about this i think if a girl hits me
three
times never hit a woman but like i would
give a warning for sure i would if it’s
not someone i know yeah if it’s not
someone i know you’re
just right in the [ __ ] suck box right
there
right there knocking her front teeth out
but if it’s someone it’s okay listen
i mean i’m probably giving a warning
either way realistically like if i’m on
the street and someone just asked me
yeah you’re getting the [ __ ] one oh
yeah you’re getting the one one two yeah
but i am saying yeah if it’s someone i
know it’s okay listen
maybe she’s drunk hey listen you need to
calm down
but because that only helps
my patients it only goes so thin and
then you’re getting
i’ve never seen something where it’s
like hey calm down okay yeah but in that
situation it’s like hey listen
you know you better you better check
yourself because you’re you’re in way
over yourself you’re way over your head
you’re about to get a good check
right to your head
so yeah i don’t know yeah i would never
hit a girl how many times would your mom
have to hit you before you ducked her
i would never deck my mom i would just
run away she’s slow
i couldn’t be like i just i would just
bother me i’ve ever seen my mom run we
our mom’s speed walk
let’s just call it walking
speed block um
yeah i have a jog i’ve never seen aaron
jog i don’t think
they don’t run much do that they they
trot but they don’t it’s the yeah they
don’t really it is a trot it is a truck
mom’s trot that’s a that’s a weird point
how i haven’t seen many besides athletes
i’ve never seen women like average women
just run
like i run for [ __ ] all the time like
right i’m running inside the aisles
[ __ ] like it’s dark i throw the trash
up right inside i don’t know
it is
it is scary
that’s what i did i’ve done it since i
was a little kid all the time i’ll throw
trash out i’ll run inside oh no dude
like someone’s behind me like
something’s gonna [ __ ] get me i don’t
know what it is i’m not afraid of the
dark but it’s just like it’s just i
think as a child it’s just like you have
that sense that something could be
behind or like you picture something
and i’d yeah it’s always you taking
yourself out 100 but like you never know
what the [ __ ] out there i remember
only one time in my life i i did it and
i think i was like kind of buzz i’m like
come get me
i stood my ground no when you’re a
little kid you always thought something
was out there oh yeah do you remember
okay remember our old house dark hall
how long that driveway was i’d have to
go all the way down the dirt road at the
very end get the garbage bins go all and
that took like five minutes it was the
scariest thing ever i’d be [ __ ]
sprinting for my life dude do you
remember like the top of my driveway
that’s where you’d have to put the trash
by the road yeah yeah yeah and so
sometimes we’d have to put one more bag
of trash there and it just looked like
this mild and have to go up you know
you’d sit by the front door and
yeah suck yourself up first no i didn’t
want to know it’s gonna be up there like
you’re walking into normandy like you
there’s gonna be a gun nest at the top
i mean i wouldn’t do that because i
didn’t want my parents to see but i’d
get to the bottom of the steps and then
i just [ __ ] sprint yeah you do like
look around yeah
[Music]
you just [ __ ] sprint what what were
were you scared of as a kid
was i scared of as a kid
clowns
yeah i didn’t like i don’t like clowns
now i don’t either yeah i don’t have you
ever seen those prank videos where like
there’s a clown yeah they’ll actually
like chase people dude i’m sorry i’m
[ __ ] i’m [ __ ] up the clown that’s
your own fault what i don’t get drunk is
this the clown running and then 20
people run away stop turn around and
tackle i think it’s just an instinct
because it’s like if someone’s running
at you it’s like okay let’s just get
away from the situation okay i i would
probably run two but i’m saying if i’m
trying this thing’s chasing me i’m
[ __ ] just killing it i’m killing it
here’s the thing if it’s like one two
people i’m probably gonna run but say
it’s like our entire group of friend
group of guys but if it’s running
towards you and has something that’s
like dude i still don’t want to get
[ __ ] up i don’t want to get cut
i’m still going to run even though it’s
20 what i’m saying is like if there’s
like 12 of us just chilling this thing’s
running at us like i’m actually not
really that scared it’s gonna be like
what are you gonna do yeah but no one
wants you wanna be the first guy
let’s just say it’s not a joke you to be
the first guy up that gets stabbed and
then one’s like oh sucks for you man
yeah that would suck so that’s why i
think that’s why everyone runs i’d let
my least favorites friend go first and
then
oh i do have a story from this weekend
speaking of fights i don’t know if i
told you this um
um
no i went up to belfair to my uh to my
boss’s property this weekend
you know say hi or whatever he bought
some property up there he’s doing a
little renovating you know
so it’s up in the [ __ ] there’s not
even an address it’s just he bought like
a little acres of forest land okay oh i
see it’s up in the middle of gravel road
all the way up this like
like
nowhere in the [ __ ] boonies no
addresses no roads no nothing i mean
there was like little dirt roads
and so i mean he gave me like
verbal instructions on how to get there
oh that’s the worst i hate he drew a
thing like on the map and i’m trying to
figure out where i’m at i get that i
just hate what people do it’s like
you’re gonna take a right
i know i’m saying but like even when
they’re i hate when someone like
especially
they have an address but they’re like
you’ll call them it’s mostly middle-aged
guys that’s right yeah
like that’s why i did work all the time
so you’re gonna go up i-90 uh
about a few miles and then uh you’re
gonna go up that exit uh and then you’re
gonna go over back on the freewhat’s
gonna be that shoulder i’m like how
about you just tell me which [ __ ] one
it is you’re gonna you know you’re gonna
go east about three miles and there’s
like a left with the beehive you’re
gonna hear the buzz and then you’re
gonna walk until you you see bare
footprints and then you’re gonna turn
left and then when you see the bird nest
you’re going to continue two kilometers
no there’s going to be like i’m not
[ __ ]
i don’t just [ __ ] know i’m not gonna
yeah who the [ __ ] do you think i am
there’s gonna be a pack of raccoons the
third one will be holding a letter yeah
instead the letter is a map
that map will tell you the key
the key is hidden under the eighth to
the left stump
like i’m not [ __ ] bear grylls dude
yeah
um so anyways we’re up there
and
so basically
i mean it’s forest road so you’re just
all the way up in the middle but [ __ ]
nowhere and so i remember it was like
after this clearing take a left okay so
i see the clearing and there’s a first
left and a second left oh
i take the first left okay it was it was
the second one maybe trial and error
type thing yeah i take the first left
and
there’s this little cabin thing right
there and that’s like in the middle of
the that was like a hunting cabin or
something okay and the road goes back
down i’m like oh okay wrong one go back
okay this dude gets on this freaking
wolverine looking motorcycle
freaking goes down and it’s sort of like
he’s just
catching up to me trying to get to me
i’m like what the hell i thought i
thought he was gonna be a nice i thought
he’s like oh hey here’s where your
buddies are at yeah yeah so i’m on speed
you’re trespassing i’m assuming you’re
trespassing oh it freaked the [ __ ] out
so i’m on speaker with lane
i roll down the window like hey i
thought he’s gonna tell me how to get
there me just being naive as [ __ ]
because i’m gonna tell you one thing
right now if you’re living up there in
the boonies and he’s probably in his low
lower 30s
you [ __ ] something you probably
weren’t supposed to [ __ ]
good good chance probably probability
wise
there’s a reason you’re living i mean
it’s like an hour away from anything so
anyways roll down the window he’s like
what the [ __ ] are you doing and i’m like
oh i was like uh i’m just looking for my
but he’s like he’s like
which which is funny because he said
what are you doing i said oh i’m looking
for my buddies and he’s like i don’t
give a [ __ ] what you’re doing why are
you going through my driveway i’m like
well you just asked me yeah just
like okay obviously i didn’t what do you
think i’m doing out here so he’s cussing
me out lane’s on speaker his dog
scratches [ __ ] out of my car his dog’s
up on my window [ __ ] and so long
story short he leaves so i’m like what
the [ __ ] so anyways i pull into lanes
and so
i realized he’s there
i realized this afterwards just [ __ ]
the dude is pissed off no he he wasn’t
there oh okay he came back to come kick
my ass
okay
he followed me back i’m saying did you
go to lane’s house yeah and then he’s
fine i went to lanes yeah well i’m the
only car you can really see
so he pulls up
piss pissed out of his [ __ ] mind and
like he’s gonna [ __ ] beat the [ __ ]
out of me for because he’s just crazy
yeah
so i get out of the car and then he
looks over and there’s 12 15 dudes yeah
freaking dupe gets up russ gets up every
sales guy there and they’re all just
looking at him and then he’s like
because then because he was all angry
when he got up to me and then he just
looks left and everyone’s sitting there
eating breakfast look at him and then
all of a sudden he was you know a little
mad and then he apologized to lane and
blah blah blah i was like dude
what the [ __ ] if they weren’t there he
would have just freaked yeah the dude
was came back after he already cussed me
out followed me back to just come kick
my ass he said sorry to lane
he said sorry to lane oh my god because
lane went up to me he’s like dude he was
just turning around and then duke’s like
it was just a mistake and duke’s getting
all pissed he’s freaking all around yeah
and so then russ was yelling at him and
[ __ ] and then i’m just standing there
like what were they saying
well russ russ was like uh he was based
he he’s the one he’s the one one that
said oh yeah so sorry dube said he was
like
he was like it’s a common mistake he’s
had a seizure dude and so then the dude
was like he was like well he was he was
driving through my driveway and russ was
like yeah i think we got that and so
then he’s looking at him and then yeah i
was like i was like i just couldn’t
believe the dude came back yeah it’s
like that come kick my ass like you live
in the middle of nowhere do you think
i’m looking for you someone i don’t
[ __ ] know and then then he said well
it’s not that hard to get turned around
up here and everyone looks around like
we’re in the middle of nowhere
like what the [ __ ] yeah you’ve never
been there so obviously yeah i just
couldn’t imagine like
what the [ __ ] yeah i would never do that
if anything you’d be like hey like are
you lost are you trying to find
something yeah i would have went out and
helped them
oh hey you know go there hey i heard
commotion over here they’re probably up
there yeah like hey this is my driveway
you probably have the next left or
something yeah it’s not that [ __ ]
hard yeah it wasn’t even right yeah
[ __ ] he just lives in a [ __ ] tree
somewhere no he lives in a little cabin
up there and it’s in the middle of
nowhere where this dog is probably
[ __ ] the dog maybe yeah good the only
thing that’ll love you back
[ __ ]
come find me
god i [ __ ] hate that guy come find me
i’m in one
one six four nine
i say someone else’s house someone just
gets [ __ ] [ __ ] up i had a guy uh
there was this guy i don’t know why
another beer hold on pause it keep
talking keep talking
um no i had this [ __ ] guy
and you know those like scams can can
you grab me one two
you know those like scams where they try
to get you like send [ __ ] i don’t think
i was bored at work and i just went
along with it and then basically just
told him how [ __ ] dumb that guy was
because he was like oh no he was texting
me like oh you won five thousand dollars
when the prince of nigeria needs your
help you answer
[Laughter]
so anyways i just i just kept i don’t
know why i was i was kind of being a
dick but i was just like oh yeah oh yeah
i was like dude you’re so bad at this
like just stop i don’t know why so he’s
like no no i swear
dude
and this is all through text light flick
just
switches
i’m gonna find you i’m gonna kill you
don’t [ __ ] down all this [ __ ] and so
i looked up his aerial code and it was
like in new jersey
so i just found a mcdonald’s like in
that city that’s it here here’s my
address come get me [ __ ]
i don’t know what happened
rolls up in mickey d’s where is he i
like those scam ones i forgot those ones
i get those a lot now it’s like
it’s in it’s like a t phone plan has
been paid successfully it’s like click
here to claim your prize and they don’t
even it says att it doesn’t even say at
t i’m like you didn’t even spell it
right
yeah those are like i want a gift card
or whatever
or some [ __ ] i thought it’s all old
people that click on that [ __ ] i don’t
think they do anymore i mean how many
will you i know i i don’t know the thing
is the prince of nigeria stunt was
probably like a big thing back in the
day it was people fell for it it was
and it was like yo like [ __ ]
the most popular scam people fall for
i’m gonna say
i’m gonna say probably like the [ __ ]
cash app ones well they’ll like dmu and
be like hey i’ll give you cash app just
confirm this email on your phone which
makes no [ __ ] sense yeah
nigerian print scam still rakes in over
hundred thousand dollars a year
how the [ __ ] dude how
and that’s as of last year
uh that’s like a it’s like a household
thing now everyone knows that that’s
nigerian princess
they still make them six figs almost
eight oh yeah they are up there i’m
telling you what you know jesus
like uh tech savvy teens actually fall
prey to online scams faster than their
grandparents that’s a lie that’s life
that’s a [ __ ] lie
um
you uh okay so say there you go
i’m gonna paint your scenario here bob
ross style i’m gonna paint it for you
so
someone’s got your someone’s got your
girl all right trapped in a [ __ ]
you know medieval tower or whatever the
[ __ ] they do okay hostage okay
you gotta give them a hundred g’s two
days they’re gonna kill you how you
getting it
you’re scamming someone you stealing it
i mean first of all first of all i’m not
gonna scan my way in a hundred g’s in
two [ __ ] days that’s just not gonna
happen okay well say you have all the
time in the world to get a hundred grand
well if i have all the time in the world
i’ll probably just yeah i’d probably
scare a bunch of people and steal a
bunch of [ __ ] and that’s what i wanna
know what would be your scam
like a hooker but then you never suck
them
probably yeah yeah i mean i’m a dude so
it’s like and most like the gay guys i
feel like i could fend for myself and
that’s a chat yeah and i’d take and i
would just [ __ ] have a gun be like
give me your [ __ ] money nice and then
or and then also
but you’d have to kind of climb the
social ladder a little bit a little bit
it would take a while people you’re
gonna get aren’t gonna have money it
would take a while and then i wouldn’t
even i wouldn’t even buy food i would
just walk in places and steal [ __ ] you
know how easy okay please i’m just not
gonna believe don’t know you know how
easy it is to walk in like walmart just
like steal [ __ ] you could steal anything
like you could grab something just
sprint out the door and no one catches
you they’re good you know they do catch
it they don’t do anything yeah
or like [ __ ]
okay i don’t do it but how many times
i’m like i could just not scan this yeah
i could just easily [ __ ] steal this
right [ __ ] now
yeah you know okay if you dress normally
you could dine and dash anywhere
you literally could
i mean if it’s a fancy restaurant you’re
by yourself a little more risky but yeah
i’m saying you can walk into any place
okay i’m waiting for friends eat
and then [ __ ] just walk out or run
out one or the other
i mean
that is true as long as you dress
because if you come in they’re a
stereotype very 100 100 if you’re
dressed like [ __ ] they’re gonna be
watching you but if you just dress like
a normal person yeah and then i’m
waiting for a friend uh he actually got
hold up i’m just gonna have this and
this and this and i’m gonna eat it now
you eat let’s [ __ ] walk out
actually he’s not gonna make it can i
get his food enough to go box
yeah there you go you ever dine and
dashed
once where was it sherry’s really was i
there no i don’t know no i actually did
once on accident actually because
believe it or not
um we were there and
we all like
left our wallets in the car
and then we went like okay and then we
went out there like
and then one of my faces like we could
just leave
like okay i was like 17 dude jesus we
just left we didn’t eat that much [ __ ]
but it was just like a [ __ ] i
actually did on accident once i took a
customer out to eat and then we were
just chatting oh thinking they paid no i
just forgot
and i walked out and then i realized
like when you were driving away yeah so
then after work i came back and i paid
for it and good samaritan they were like
they were like thanking me almost like
crying it was like a private business
yeah and so but it was these little
asian women who didn’t speak very good
english and so they were just like you
came back you know i think they get
dying and dash a lot i’m guessing
probably shut her away and so they were
they were just like they’re like thank
you so much i’m like i didn’t do it on
purpose like [ __ ] i’ve been in here
millions they in their mind think he
must have a change of heart
you don’t know how purpose but he
changed his mind yeah i was like no i
was like i just [ __ ] forgot like
jesus
and now i’m on like a no-fly list there
i’m a [ __ ] flight risk yeah i try to
fly into yeah because i didn’t pay for
my bacon and hashbrowns
how do you get on a no-fly list you do
terrorist [ __ ] [ __ ] if you don’t dress
like like certain i think crimes or some
[ __ ] they can put you on no fly list or
something really yeah
yelling at a tsa officer
well apparently we know someone who got
through tsa without an id apparently
that’s possible i didn’t know it was but
she did it yeah yeah i don’t i mean i
i’ve i know you can but i always thought
it was like a really like extensive
process extensive process
who did that person have to blow to get
through that yeah i don’t know exactly
but no now that i actually it is a thing
they just give you a formation they look
you up so say the only way so say you’re
in like [ __ ] new york and you got to
get back
you got work all these plans
you lose your wallet
tsa agents like all right i’ll let you
slide [ __ ] suck me off for like five
minutes i don’t think that’s how that
works no i’m saying he’s gonna let you
he’s gonna be like yeah i’ll let you
through but you gotta suck me it’s an
airport it’s the most
monitored place ever
where are you gonna where are you going
in the bathroom knowing those places
where the people oh where are they yeah
where the babies suck titties yeah yeah
wow that’s smart actually nice no
cameras in there if there was that’d be
a good job gonna be a crime actually so
actually i don’t know is that hot i
don’t think that’s considered a hot
someone breastfeeding feeding is not
what no it’s not
something tells me no your first thought
was not no this is what you said i was
making it this is what you said that’s
what you said
it’s not hot right no i’m not like no
bro what the [ __ ] like i was making a
joke
that sounds like fortune cookie wisdom
to me
that’s like when someone’s when
someone’s like yeah like oh that [ __ ]
is such a hoe yeah she is yeah i’d [ __ ]
her but yeah
breastfeeding i mean because you didn’t
you didn’t say oh yeah it’s not no one
brought it up nobody but such sucking
titties is nice yeah but we’re used to
breastfeeding i don’t know what i’m
talking about yeah breastfeeding
like like just seeing what i would say
so that you could no that’s not enough
if i was like yeah
yeah i can see so [ __ ] hot i can see
how you think that i could see how you
think i said what i said no oh my god i
can see how you would take it that way
you need therapy dude yeah all right
that’s gonna wrap it up
oh just change the subject real quick
didn’t you
that’s like that’s like when you ask a
question
and you’re trying like whether you’re
trying to press someone or whatever it’s
like oh do you like that because you
actually want to know what they like it
but then they’re like oh me too
me too and then
then they’re like i was just kidding i
was like i was just kidding
yeah i was just kidding actually yeah i
hate that [ __ ] oh [ __ ] almost got me
yeah
but yeah i think it’s gonna do it for
this one every one
51. make sure you check out patreon make
sure you check out the christmas
collection as well yeah it’s got a bunch
of blankets and shits so we look like
some cracked out elves
so if you want to see us what we look
like on coke dressed as elves by the
hoodies that’s it 100 jack where can
they find you find me a jack underscore
spend z where can they find you you can
find me at isaiah underscore lesney on
instagram or both of our instagrams on
the around launch table instagram page
um other than that you know thanks for
the support guys it’s you know the next
year’s coming around fast christmas is
in the air and actually we will do
another episode before christmas yeah um
one thing
uh 2022 we got some ideas floating
around
new content new weekly [ __ ]
i’m not going to spoil it or say what it
is but we have some other things in the
works yeah
are dicks curved when they’re erect if
they’re actually curvy
slightly right i don’t know how i don’t
have a curvy dick
i don’t know why but i don’t know what
just made me think of this but i’m just
saying it’s not like this but i’m saying
they’d always have a slight slant is it
a slant i feel like some of them
are curved like bananas like they look
like a little not maybe
i you know i would be not like a like
not like a bow but like maybe like a
little i would i would actually like
mine it’s like a branch it’s like this
but a little tilt upwards are you saying
upwards
that’s a curve i’m saying a banana dick
up would actually be nice because you
can get into a lot more sexual positions
that way like you could that is true
that’s true but it also it also looks
weird imagine imagine yeah it just
there’s a lot of there’s a pro and con
there 100 yeah you know in in in movies
they’re like [ __ ] like standing up
yeah that a curved dick would definitely
do it there yeah i mean normal dick
normally you okay either way you don’t
want to curve dick it just looks weird
yeah but i i mean if you’re thinking of
it because remember in the movies
they’re standing just against what’s
like dude you know how much effort and
how right you have to get it yeah for
instance
and then her legs are like completely
closed yeah and then she’s just like oh
and it’s like okay yeah that’s not how
that works it’s not that easy yeah and
then they always come in like three
seconds
yeah it’s just it’s like oh
yeah that’s not uh no yeah it’s not it’s
a [ __ ] rubik’s cube down there yeah
it’s not it’s like the da vinci code you
can’t you can’t get it right every time
nope you can’t i don’t know what the
[ __ ] maybe yeah anyways uh thanks guys
for listening um it’s been a hell of a
ride we will see you um before we’ll do
one more episode for christmas and we
will do something christmasy like we did
last year or something um for that
episode so
thank you guys for listening and we’ll
see you next week and see ya
[Music]
let’s get rowdy up in there
