Episode 50

Play episode

J & Z celebrate their 50th episode. 
welcome back to around the launch table
it’s your boys
thank you thank you
thank you
thank you welcome back slapsticks this
is around the lunch table episode 15.
let’s go
wow you know you know i just it’s times
like these i’m forced to reflect and
think wow wow wow
we made it
you know and it’s a great feeling um
first and foremost to start this episode
we have to
thank our sponsor aperture oceans
bringing ideas and ads to life they’ve
been with us the whole way baby
the whole way i love it i love it i love
to see it and it makes me horny it makes
him horny it makes everybody horny i’ve
been wet since i started this there is
not a wet veg there’s not a dry vagina
in this house dry [ __ ] in the place you
[ __ ] [ __ ] in the place whatever but
yeah um thank you everybody good um 50
episodes wow 50. anything to say about
50. 50 50 episodes you know 50 reminds
me our podcast
50 episodes you know our podcast is co
has crossed that you know when i
crossed that
line yeah across the
no i was thinking of another word that’s
not it
it’s wiser it’s wiser over the hill it
has a lot it’s got a little bit of gray
hair yeah it’s got a touch of gray it’s
got a touch of gray i mean we’re still
dying it we don’t want our wives to see
um we just bought a corvette convertible
a little older because we’re gonna
afford the big one but you know i’m
telling you what though it is it’s it’s
just great to be here and um if you
haven’t already just want to say in the
beginning before i forget
some of the christmas collection is
available on the store now that you can
purchase it looks so funny um there’s
socks there’s joggers there’s blankets
there’s the whole nine um and you can
get that now i’m sure we’re actually
going to probably throw out a couple
more things there’s a couple other
things that aren’t christmas things on
there but they’re there yeah and they’re
and they’re ready to be purchased and
they’re flying off the shelves so uh
last thing before we get into it just
patreon.com slash around the lunch table
you know what support us we you know if
you listen to 50 episodes and haven’t
subscribed [ __ ] you you know throw throw
us a bone once in a while yeah seriously
through you yeah and there’s all you can
also subscribe on apple podcast get
episodes early and
exclusive content of course
50 it feels good it feels right it feels
right it feels it feels sexual it feels
very sexual there is a tension
and a [ __ ] you know like
it’s like it’s like it’s like a
workplace sexual tension it’s like i’m
probably never going to touch this
person so like there’s a definitely
thing it’s like you know there’s that
one dress she wears that you know it’s
like oh she looked good but usually she
doesn’t and it’s like what she does at
work i work you know because you think
you think it works like prison a little
bit it’s like it’s only people you see
so you tend to be like okay listen
normally in the real world i would not
you know but here yeah yeah i think
that’s what it is i think that has a lot
to do with it i mean i’ve seen those
memes where it’s like me and the 40 year
old best friend i have at work you know
[ __ ] chilling and going to lunch like
i mean work is a prison but you can also
leave if you want but you can’t because
yeah you leave
money and you’re homeless yeah and now
so we’ve made to the internet and um i
was thinking a lot what we should do
with this episode and i thought you know
i feel like you guys know us pretty well
but maybe you should maybe you should
get to know
us more
in a more depth level meaning like what
would we do for certain amounts of money
what would we do what would we do in
certain scenarios and here’s one of them
james yes would you microwave a baby for
10 seconds for 10 million dollars
microwave a baby for 10 seconds i would
i mean 10 seconds i mean he’s going to
be a little damaged but he’s in behind
okay that’s really [ __ ] up i think i
mean first obviously i would research
no you don’t you don’t read this on the
spot it’s on the spot there’s a
briefcase ten million dollars there’s a
baby right here microwaving for 10
or just a baby
let’s just say it’s yours for our great
sake it’s your baby it’s not going to
take care of it if it’s all [ __ ]
whacked in there but it’s 10 seconds
it’s not putting in like popcorn for two
minutes yeah i mean yeah the first
kernel doesn’t pop
i mean it’s eyes not going to pop
there might be some some skin i’m going
to say yes because i have a phone on me
with 5g coverage just melting my balls
with [ __ ] waves and i’m still fine
that’s not the same they’re waves not
microwaves the smaller technically gamma
okay it’s not called a isn’t that gamma
rays in there or they’re actually called
microphones i believe they’re called
they had the right the first time it’s
like called gamma rays it’s not gonna
make the hulk i meant like okay i meant
i meant indifference you’re like high
five you is melting my balls that’s not
the same fight that’s a microwave or a
camera it’s not harmful i know but i
don’t think a gamma ray that that that’s
what turned the hulk into the hulk
that wasn’t the only thing but do you
think they got the hulk from the
hulkster or did the hulkster get the
hulkster from the hulk well actually the
incredible hulk has been around since
the 80s so i’m assuming that
hulkster is like 83 bro
i know i’m seeing the incredible hulk
remember lou ferrigno they literally
just he was just ripped and they painted
him yeah he was the original
megan’s cg yeah the cj i wasn’t thinking
it’s like hey we just need a huge guy to
repaint we need to get bob ross in here
speaking of which who is the worst
superhero ever in your opinion who’s the
[ __ ] most [ __ ] mainstream ones
mainstream ones yeah
because i don’t know there’s always
those weird comic books where it’s like
it’s like this girl gets more powerful
based on her blood alcohol content yeah
it’s stupid but i’m saying a mainstream
hero like captain america hate him
really hate him such a [ __ ] dude like i
will never tell a lie or do no wrong i
mean i hate his pinocchio honestly if i
was to be serious i feel like they could
have made him look a lot cooler yeah but
no he looks like he looks like he looks
like a knight who’s a virgin he looks
like the little kid on the playground
and tells on everything that’s what he
looks like i [ __ ] hate it he’s got
the little hair that’s your that’s your
number one worst superhero ever yeah and
i’m gonna go a little step further him
and bucky or whatever buck he’s trying
to kill him and he’s like think of me
it’s like the dude’s brainwashed just
kill your friend i mean if you’re a
brainwasher and kill me i’d kill you
yeah no hesitation you’re pointing a gun
at me i’m gonna be like okay like i love
you but you’re about to kill me yeah
that’s like that’s like when you watch
zombie movies it’s like oh that was my
wife and she’s trying to you know i
don’t know i can’t do it i don’t care
who it is
yeah i’d be sad but i’m like that’s not
that person i’m slicing your head off
and i’m putting it on a spear on outside
my [ __ ] exactly show the zombies what
they saw yeah exactly
i would say the worst superhero
is probably robin
is he even a superhero batman and robin
i know but he’s not super he just kind
of like hangs around right he’s still a
superhero batman’s like batman and bro
he’s just rich and has [ __ ] little
throwing stars
you know i knew this was going to be
difficult i knew it i was like you know
should we go this way and then you just
[ __ ] okay fine okay go ahead
how about marvel superhero
worst marvel superhero yeah marvel
well i mean there’s a lot of criteria i
would say that makes him the worst but
if i had to i’d say quill
quill congratulations really you don’t
like him huh
because he [ __ ] hit thanos and ruined
the whole [ __ ] part oh yeah he did
because his girlfriend died i’m sorry
that sucks but you guys are trying to
get the girl you couldn’t wait 10
seconds she’s still device gabriel bonus
in the power of the stones i was hoping
to say a line without getting
interrupted i knew you’re gonna say that
um no the other one is uh [ __ ] what’s
as [ __ ] or what’s her [ __ ] captain
marvel i just hate her attitude oh my
god and then she goes against thanos
gets waxed but the same [ __ ] that flew
through a spaceship
threw it yeah and just destroyed it what
is her power
just light around you then you’re just i
don’t know honestly i don’t know
whatever dude we were watching wonder
woman the other day and she’s just
blocking everything with her [ __ ]
forearms like oh four arms four arms
it’s like do you have anything else yeah
just well she has the glowing she has
the glow stick of the glow stick lasso
the lasso of truth the last of destiny
yeah what is your debit card pin oh
yeah um
and it’s
it’s nothing it’s not sexist to say
wonder woman what is going on there yeah
okay you do you heard there’s she-hulk
coming out if there’s a she-hulk i’m
done no there is it comes out in 2023
and okay
natalie portman is [ __ ] the sheath or
not even kidding why she’s the most do
all these things and you know what else
i read about even let’s take a step
further this is okay listen
it is not sexist to be like okay come on
why like a a she-hulk how she is she
hulk why
why for 50 plus years it was fine and
now it’s not i’ll tell you what and i
also read some
i also read somewhere that’s okay this
is not joke they are at some point are
trying to put a woman double o seven as
james bond i already saw that yeah it
doesn’t matter it’s james bond not jamie
bonds yeah it’s just like oh god
that and uh like on on top of that
statement with the with the she-hulk
thing it’s like the hulk was like a one
in a billion chance that he survived so
now there’s a woman that wanted a
billion chance was also a gamma ray
scientist next thing you know the
shihoku wanted a billion chances [ __ ]
the hulk and then we’ll have mini hulks
dude that would actually be kind of sick
do you think do you think the whole can
we reproduce i i’m sure he probably
super sperms doesn’t he dude [ __ ]
plain hide the zucchini with that i mean
i will say this i have another question
for you yes yes go go actually this is a
good one so would you rather be a cult
leader or a drug lord
it depends how horny i am that day
i would say drug lord i think yeah
because i mean a cult leader i mean you
can [ __ ] for isn’t jared leto has like
an island right
and he’s like jeffrey epstein and yeah
and he like just says like he’s jesus
and [ __ ] and i mean he looks like jesus
a little bit yeah and they
but no one knows what jesus looked like
that’s what’s weird we always just got
it’s like some random guy we know what
we think he looks like we know we think
he looks like white like that first guy
that drew it that’s it yeah run it run
you know what yeah he wasn’t white but
if you think about it
if you think about it he was middle
eastern yeah because this is not white
all of the old it’s in the middle east
so he’s middle eastern yeah
so yeah which is weird if you think
about it and then they drew them they
room with like he’s white
long brown hair yeah i’m like okay
like if we’re actually thinking about
you though
yeah that’s true for from nazareth that
is true but i’m saying born in bethlehem
everyone back that i mean they were all
middle eastern people but they still
weren’t the different colors i mean it’s
also this is also a desert climate none
of them are they’re all tanned yeah so i
have another question so you know saying
we we take the bible’s lineage go all
the way back
where’d the different colors and races
come from
well the tower of babel
oh yeah because then he went
allegedly can you imagine you’re just
sitting there building a tower you wake
up in freaking
whatever and you’re just a different
i don’t know if that’s what happened but
apparently it confused all their
languages and they went all out and then
they all [ __ ] other people who spoke
their language huh
weird you were there in sunday school i
know i’m just oh
interesting i don’t know i’m just saying
like so cult leader or drug lord uh i’m
gonna go with drug lord just because
then i can have all the drugs i want
that would be you don’t have to [ __ ]
clock it i mean the negative about that
is at some point you’re gonna get you’re
gonna if the if the if the united states
wants it you’re done you’re done yeah
like look at el chapo i mean but maybe
they’ll cut a few deals with me and i’ll
be respectful of it it’s like hey you
know what you can have your [ __ ] [ __ ]
here no drug lord would be sick yeah
that would be sick i mean just drugs all
day guns by night guns by night [ __ ]
just every you know you just walk into
the town and every girl wants to just go
i mean that’s like a celebrity basically
but i mean did we we saw narcos yeah
that’s how it was that’s how it was
yeah remember she brought up his wife
and she’s like you can put it in my butt
and i was like that’s all it takes i
mean i mean yeah this guy
who’s like don’t disrespect my wife as
i’m balls deep in you yeah we’re talking
about someone who i mean also they also
like buy presidents and [ __ ] like the
politicians and they basically have
immunity out there i mean did you ever
see what happened when el chapo el
chapo’s sons yeah wrestling there’s like
50 cows in the [ __ ] street yeah and
then they had to release them because
they don’t want anyone else to die did
you ever think about getting into
politics like like say like a local
mayor or
maybe when i’m like 45 and i’m bored
you’ve actually thought about it yeah i
have really what how would you i mean
you got to start somewhere where you’re
gonna start like the freaking
i was president of the 4-h club no i’m
not saying i actually want i’m saying if
i was old like 50s or something like
that i would think about it if i if i
had the opportunity i would think about
it i feel like you have to like work
your way up i mean 100 yeah there’s guys
in their 20s running for the [ __ ]
congress and house of representatives
yeah i mean you know what’s an
interesting thing if you’ve ever thought
about it tell me like you have to be
under certain ages to do things but in
congress you could just be like 80.
yeah you know what i mean you know
it’s like i’ve met my 80 year old
grandfather and he’s [ __ ] delusional
yeah slash just like has no idea what’s
going on yeah he’s like
yeah and but like there’s like there
could be there’s like there’s a bunch of
seven-year-old congressman it’s like
yeah i don’t get that it’s like you
think i mean they’re probably just
laying in a vat of illuminati level
[ __ ] yeah probably she is just
[ __ ]
you know getting their brain back dude
what kind of medicine you think they got
they’ve if you yeah you ever thought
about that they probably got a lot of
good [ __ ] but some of them just still
don’t look good it’s like take the
supermodels what’s that dude prince who
who just looks dead prince harry yeah i
think he is dead now
no he’s not dead one of the guys
remember you just he just looks like a
[ __ ] zombie in pictures he’s just
like like literally black all those
yeah it’s called a guy who [ __ ] took
a trip got ego death and never [ __ ]
woke up yeah it must be because that guy
is out of his
mind no i thought you ever met those
people that are like all into the
[ __ ]
[ __ ] king and queen they’re like oh
queen diana and queen queen that was hot
you think so i think she was kind of hot
you would smash for that time
for the times it was the times i mean
she’s she’s bad hayley bieber did a
retail of all of her photos people gave
her [ __ ] for it but i thought yeah it
looked good wow
i might have to look at those if you had
to re like say someone so anyone who’s
dead you have to redo their like iconic
the red velvet [ __ ] out dude that’d be
so sexy yeah i would do it that’s what i
think i think i think i would do lay
down the law early establish dominance
when uh this isn’t that long ago but
when kanye [ __ ] up the grammys and
he’s just like this and the vest and the
[ __ ] line glasses i’d go up there and
i’d recall i haven’t this is off topic
but i have actually something i wanted
to bring up yeah
let’s talk about bk burger king for a
second how on a comeback no how
competitive has the chicken sandwich
game been
very chick-fil-a you know we got popeyes
those have been the top two wendy’s
allegedly i haven’t tried it
you know
burgings lost their mojo over the last
few years i can tell you the last time
i’ve chosen and i’m telling you what
apparently they have a chicken sandwich
now yes they came out with their own
they decided to put themselves in the
running like kanye and late late in the
late in the election decided to say hey
we’re going into apparently the burger
king chicken sandwich is absolutely good
really that’s what i’ve heard you’ve
heard from who
i saw a handful of videos really like
videos like actual video reviews yeah
video i’m like yelp like on instagram oh
instagram rails
i’m scrolling through my yelp [ __ ] no
no but people were saying hey
we got something here so we gotta try it
we might have another thing mcdonald’s
did one two three was like i’d never
have to make chicken really it was like
but apparently burger kings is up there
huh so something special might be
happening behind those doors as we speak
so i have something to go off with this
i was supposed to give a shout out
because she’s one who sent it to me uh
shout out nicole rouge for sending me a
little link
nicole sent me
a link yeah and it was kanye doing his
thanksgiving prayer did you read that i
did not see it
so it starts send me a link it’s like a
nude yeah
the big old booty hole cam no it was uh
no so she she sends me this [ __ ] link
and so she was like hey like you guys
talk about this on the podcast check it
out oh my god i gotta see this okay what
is it i didn’t see it quick okay yeah so
it’s he’s you know he’s all spiritual
now so he’s talking about his like he’s
like dear lord you know he’s doing his
prayer and he’s like like i know god’s
gonna bring me and kim back together
even though he’s getting porked beat
something like that and then it was like
it was like i’m sorry like it’s like i
wish i didn’t look so good and my kids
weren’t so it was like one of those type
things he’s not that good looking i know
but and then he was talking about his
wife in that aspect and it was just like
like i’m so above you yeah
it was like okay so like um
yeah so he says all that [ __ ]
and then kind of remember exactly there
was one part where he was like
[ __ ] like forgive me for like i don’t
[ __ ] wait wait i i i so yeah kanye
ends up saying
thank you that i’m so very very very
very very attractive he’s not how many
how many posts have you seen omg kanye
heart i’ve never once seen that ever
once and what’s up with the new haircut
where he looks like he plucked all his
hair out because he [ __ ] kissed a boy
oh he’s got a bunch of [ __ ] um he’s
got he looks like he’s amazed he’s got a
bunch of ant legs
thanks bill burr dude do you remember
those little like [ __ ] balls you
could like you know you go to the little
maze it looks like on his head yeah it’s
[ __ ] weird
it’s what they
it’s what they all do all the subjects
they always do edgy things that no one
else would do in their normal mind
because they’re celebrities they could
do it and then it’s like okay it’s cool
it’s like the whole guys wearing dress
thing whatever the [ __ ] you want but
it’s like i’m just saying if i went out
in public and wore a dress everyone
would give you [ __ ] yeah oh look at that
[ __ ] fairy dick look at that fairy
look at that [ __ ] yeah like i’m gonna
do that and then they got like it’s like
lizzo has the [ __ ] one centimeter
little purse
and it’s like what do you put in there
one thing of tic tacs she has a
planner’s peanut sized burst like come
yeah like i the the little celebrity i
will say zendaya she had that spine
dress or whatever did you see i love
zendaya i don’t care did you see the
little slide i was like i’m kind of like
i liked that honestly i was a big fan i
don’t know what it is it probably must
be a [ __ ] to get off
because okay do you remember like
it looks like something’s like rag it
probably which takes like there’s like
marks in the skin after probably i know
which kind of makes it harder but yeah i
would say yeah i i loved it yeah are you
a big pain guy when you’re [ __ ] no
like like you know with the scratches on
the back you know oh that okay that’s
not i didn’t mean still on your balls
i i don’t care i’m saying the scratch
it’s like okay yeah but like i’m not
it’s not scratching back scratch my back
scratch my back yeah it does i don’t
need that but it happens like okay i’ll
adjust i’ll adapt you know
weave bob and weave yeah
that’s fine but it’s not something
that’s like oh my god slap me choke me
[ __ ] scratch me
where’s the candle wax
i don’t need all that you know what i
mean i’ve never done the candle actually
no i haven’t i have not
oh oh
i think it’s the initial like burst of
heat you’re like oh and then you’re like
yeah i don’t know i mean it smells good
and it kind of feels gooey i’m a man of
simple taste you know yeah you know just
and it’s not it’s not like i i just
despise those things if it happens okay
i’ll adapt but it’s not something that’s
like this has to happen or i won’t get
i’ve never gotten that either you know
those people are like i need you to
say that i’m a piece of [ __ ] yeah and
then and then they got a [ __ ] in the
room from the ceiling on chains and a
tire swing never got into something
in a [ __ ] tire swing you know in the
stream she’s got one of those [ __ ]
phantom of the upper masks on and
they’re [ __ ] slapping each other with
pool noodles and they got a [ __ ]
[ __ ] pool ball in their mouth like i
understand that after a certain i
understand spicing things up spicy
that’s not spicing things up though like
spicing things up hey honey how about we
like try a new position or anal
yeah yeah yeah that’s a big one
here’s the other thing imagine if you
take me on a tour willy wonka yeah
imagine if you’re not good with like
mounting things you know and you want
that [ __ ] swing for that like they
have the in the circus that goes back
and forth you know
it’s like do you call a contra a
handyman like hey what’s what’s next are
we gonna get those guys in the old
circuses that shot out of a candy or
shoot your wife in your ass like what’s
going on there’s just there’s too much
there’s too much too much there’s too
much [ __ ] like if you want to spice up
things behind closed doors then go for
it yeah but i feel like a lot of the
things are just a little too much i mean
you know and next thing you know you’re
going to be peeing on each other not
even yeah more than that next thing you
know it’s like i don’t need all these
things you know there’s there’s very
similar sources
it’s it’s well guess what even if i was
50 i’d troubleshoot i’d i’d go in i’d
figure out okay what’s going on here
what’s up and by this time you know what
each other likes you know what i mean
it’s like yeah i’m just saying like how
do you find out like you like a big old
[ __ ] dookie on your chest like
because that’s a thing people brown
let’s hope it doesn’t bite
no it’s like uh do you think that when
the [ __ ] middle eastern dudes play
the [ __ ] flute and the snake comes
out the basket that the flute
puts the snake in a trance or is it just
like what the [ __ ] are you doing i think
it just comes out to like them a jolly
old two because i’ve seen a lot and the
snake’s just like
it’s like
and [ __ ] i’m like dude get out of there
and it’s just like
it’s like it comes out of the basket
like the lid still in its head
so here’s the other thing what’s the
point of that i don’t know you got a
snake to come on
well the thing is if it’s that loose he
would have came out anyway do you think
that’s a career snake charming like i
don’t know mom i’m gonna be a snake
charmer i don’t know i bet you it is
especially i feel like it’s one of those
you know like the homeless sit on the
side and they always do like an act you
know to get more money i feel like it’s
one of those like you know you’re
sitting on the side you’re gonna play a
song you’re gonna juggle some [ __ ] or
maybe you’re rapping
or i don’t know like and you have your
guitar case open someone sort of throws
in a bagel
are you just typing how much do snake
cameras make a year
how do you become a snake charmer pick
out your perfect snake and gain their
all right jeff jackson you know take him
to school pick him up exactly you know
buy a well-ventilated wicker basket we
have one in our living room
keeping keep your snake cool to ensure
you maintain a calm demeanor
keep them happy and well fed will
decrease chance of getting bitten
i think if it feels threatened it’s
gonna bite you but you know who the [ __ ]
how do you get him to come out with a
and tell me how to do that
the salaries of snake charmers in the
go up to 57 000 a year with a median
seller of salary of medium celery medium
median salary
with a median salary of 26 000
a year it goes up to 57.
how do they make their money the top 70
percent make 57
of snake charmers a snake charmer
they got to be in like chinatown or
something early the wildlife expert
divulged that snake charmers are very
mercenary in their approach
one cannot blame them as that’s the
cultures they have followed but by
trying to stick to that profession they
are harming not only the wildlife but
also their future dude you know in like
the snake charming community there’s one
species of snake that just can’t be
charmed and then the chosen one comes in
and charms it
yeah what’s the instrument they play
isn’t it like a flute yeah it’s a flute
or it’s like it’s actually a it’s a
punji or it’s an oboe it’s a punji a
punji sticky stick
does snake charming really work no
charm has nothing to do with the music
and everything to do with the charmer
waving the punji
a reed
instrument carved out of a gourd in the
snake’s face and the snake just follows
it basically it doesn’t have it doesn’t
have external ears
and it can sense low frequency so it
just follows it i guess
so you’re just rolling the dice
hopefully he’s not mad today
what if it’s a [ __ ] cobra that’s what
they always are they’re always they’re
they’re they’re they’re they’re they’re
they’re they’re they’re they’re they’re
they’re they’re they’re they’re they’re
all they they you know that gets the
excitement going because it’s got the
little flaps and it’s like
that’s not what it does that’s a
rattlesnake okay
i’m talking about its tongue
i mean like do you think like what’s the
biggest like liz like amphibian you
could take down like you know how those
are guys who wrestle alligators and
guys really just like grab catfish out
of the swamp
i feel like i’ve always wanted to try
how’s your hand not but they got meaty
hands dude they got those like farming
vans and they also have like
10 inches of calluses yeah so it’s just
like i got me yeah but you know i’m like
a ten iq you catfish have like pepperoni
don’t have like big teeth though they
have teeth but they’re did you say you
used to have piranhas you owned piranhas
you tried to do that no i had one one
single would you want to feed it yeah i
got it at the exotic fish place in
medford that closed down a while back
and that’s what they saw and i got a he
was like a type of piranha and had a
bunch of fish and i i was little i just
put him in the tank and then i looked
the next day he ate all of them
why would you put other fish in i
i just didn’t have another tank i was
like yeah he’s fine in there you know
the other fish are pretty big it’s fine
he ate all of them [ __ ] him up [ __ ]
piranha did you ever see finding nemo
well he wasn’t like i’m he wasn’t an
actual from the [ __ ]
from africa i’m saying but it was a type
of piranha he was like a blend of
toronto oh it was but he had he had big
it was a half breeze yeah he had big-ass
teeth and [ __ ] but i’m like he’s not
gonna eat the other fish that’s fine and
i checked the next morning like oh [ __ ]
what’s an animal you think people
shouldn’t own i’m gonna say even though
i i would own a tiger if i was rich oh
100 i just don’t want to own it but dude
imagine just like walking downtown
edenclaw dude you [ __ ] got a tiger on
a leash
one thing i’ve always wanted is one of
those like capuchin monkeys the little
ones i’ve always the one that like
swailey had that justin bieber left in
yeah yeah
i’ve always wanted one
the black and white ones are different
than the brown ones but those types i
don’t know
the little
the black ones are different the black
and white ones but i’m saying i was one
of those little ones like like um from
pirates of the caribbean
oh okay i’ve always wanted one of those
but that one could talk though it can’t
you can get a monkey to talk yeah
like like this like we’re talking now i
mean you’ve seen playing with the apes
too many times you can say a few words
like what hi hi no i can’t it goes
you’re thinking what about [ __ ] bobo
the one who [ __ ] does sign language
yeah he doesn’t talk does he in sign
language that’s not talking
say that to the deaf people that’s
communication ah yes that’s not talking
yeah speech is bobo that’s some [ __ ]
crazy [ __ ]
bubba fed boba fett yeah no [ __ ] bobo
dude he’s this [ __ ] gorilla that they
[ __ ] sign language with a little cat
yeah yeah and yeah they killed the cat
yo bubba what set you throwing up
oh [ __ ]
good to see you yeah god i love that
[ __ ] i i just want to know like imagine
that how was work today oh bobo only
learned six words
you know i saw this video that was very
interesting actually
um and i thought it was interesting this
guy was like
i guess i’ll ask your take
what happened what happened along the
line when um once upon a time
you know in the olden days women would
not it’s not a move it’s it’s it’s
giving the guy
okay i’m choosing you
making it obvious to you yeah and you do
with that information as you please yes
and then
i watched
i watched this video and this guy was
like you know back in the days like
someone 100 years ago like a girl would
walk by
she’d drop her drop her handkerchief or
something he’d bring her back but that
sparked the conversation but the girl
would choose who she wanted and it
wasn’t a move but it was telling the guy
hey exactly i’m choosing you and now i’m
sparking this conversation now yeah now
my balls are in your court yeah or your
balls are in my course yeah and it’s
it’s a mess so i i guess my question to
you is
what could a girl do
say in a hypothetical situation that you
were that we were we were that you were
a single man you know what what is
something that’d be like wow
okay what is something that would i
really i would say that would really
tickle your fancy i’d say a girl doing
the first move is one just
yeah that’s that’s very rare too uh
[ __ ] for any women that are like have
a thing with a guy maybe he hasn’t made
a move he’s probably nervous because all
these people getting up to social media
but if you did it oh 100 he’s yours
forever yeah all i’m saying is uh guys
are scared now because everything just
sounds like like this i’m not saying
anything bad about the me too and it’s
not that they’re scared it’s just that
aside from that and if they do it first
it’s like okay i don’t want to come i
don’t want to seem overconfident and
like i’ve done this 40 other times yeah
other [ __ ] exactly so i don’t want to
come off like a douche but then like
they’re also scared because if you make
one wrong move she’s going to screenshot
your text [ __ ] post them and it’s
like i don’t know whatever or whatever
the [ __ ] we know a guy who did that
that’s true and it’s just like it’s it’s
so [ __ ] so girls all i’m saying is you
know if you got a little hubby that
you’re checking out you know
maybe like if it was in person you know
i would say just simple if you were not
if you were a girl would you be a [ __ ]
oh 100 if i was hot yeah yeah i’d be a
[ __ ] yeah dude
i think i’d have like a small ass but
big tits dude and i just [ __ ] i would
just be [ __ ] slapping my ass oh yeah
dude i mean i don’t have daddy problems
but i feel like i would i would make my
own daddy problems but no anyways to to
the [ __ ] girls out there i think
the number one thing
non-sexual touching
yeah like
the legs are touching you don’t move
them away because it’s like exactly
moving away it says okay or it’s like or
it’s like you know like you’re the guy
and the girl okay
no i’m kidding but it’s like it’s like
that’s funny you know like that like you
know grabbing grabbing the arm because
once she grabs the arm game over you
know once you grab his arm might as well
be your [ __ ]
but no it’s the non-sexual it’s just
like hay sign of affection yeah and it
doesn’t i’m touching sex it’s just yeah
it’s just like after that happens it’s
like all right it’s in the bag
might as well just wrap up this dinner
and go home
don’t even plate the sushi we’re [ __ ]
hey we don’t want to go boxes
what’s up rick and morty it’s like we’ll
be taking our dinner to go
yeah i mean what what would what would
you say that probably mine like the
first move yeah for a girl to do
oh yeah it’s [ __ ] sexy because the
problem is they expect us to like know
they want it but then like we don’t a
hundred percent know because it’s like
because i gave him hints but the hint
was like you want to come hang out yeah
that’s not a hint or you know what i
hate more than anything this is what i
[ __ ] despise and i have for years you
can come hang out if you want
yeah i
if i want that you don’t want me to i
know that tells me it’s like hey i’m not
going to come then like um
i’m not going to come no it’s like hey
you can come hang out if you want it’s
like i’m not going to want to if you
don’t want me to exactly
tell me like hey i’d like to hang out
with you yeah that’s it but see they’re
too afraid of being vulnerable one [ __ ]
and it’s like hey listen
the [ __ ] you
you can’t like expect us like
some girls i’m not saying all girls some
girls just want to just be like
just [ __ ]
you know what i’m saying
i mean they just want to be ravaged
and it’s like as a man in the 21st
century like i can’t i know
i mean listen i’m saying after dating
yes but i’m saying
we live in a time girls like to take
their tops off and run i think we need
to encourage that yeah yeah let those
things breathe yeah we need to encourage
that a little bit yeah i mean i would
say like you know bill burr said it best
he was like you know what just you do
what you want to do i’m going to stand
here like a giant [ __ ] stick yeah and
you just do whatever you want to because
it’s scary yeah because because then
she’s just she’s just like choke me
[ __ ] bash my head against the
headboard oh it’s like or like i i
wanted you to go for it you wanted me to
just rape you and hope you’re into that
exactly like just roll the dice
hopefully she’s into that fingers
crossed [ __ ] fingers crossed i don’t
get a knock on my door the next day it’s
the [ __ ] cops
it’s [ __ ] ridiculous
i think i think the worst people in this
world the absolute worst people
in the world
i was going to say like isis but
oh yeah i mean they’re they’re they’re
they’re definitely top they’re pretty
bad guys too yeah do you think you can
like i never heard their stories do you
think you can like apply to get on isis
i believe like there is an application
process yeah what do you think they ask
you like like
do you believe in a higher powered
you know do you think they have the
questions i wouldn’t google that you’re
gonna end up on the list
i’m going to go home for christmas i’m
on a no-fly list
so it looks like on uh november 30th you
i’m so fly i’m a [ __ ] flight
risk yeah
isis job application yeah
let’s google it the cia
um yeah i got that
the uh
[ __ ] what was i saying yeah but yeah the
worst people in this world are those
[ __ ] who are like under 18 but they
look like they’re in their 20s and then
they go to the club and they don’t tell
anyone don’t tell anyone
and then the guy takes him home thinking
that she’s 23 like she said she was
and then he’s in trouble that’s [ __ ]
yeah that is you know what i miss due
they just take their word for it it’s
fine it’s just it’s just backyard street
wild west justice nowadays on the
streets of twitter yeah i i don’t like
that you said it how it is so i’m gonna
yeah that’s how it must be yeah exactly
i don’t i don’t agree with that you know
and don’t get me wrong i don’t agree
with sexual so i don’t agree with any of
those things obviously that’s why hey
when someone says something like that oh
do you think sexual assault’s okay
no no of course i [ __ ] don’t but you
know there’s a line to be drawn on both
sides yeah it’s like it’s not sexual
assault if you regret it the next day
i agree yeah like i regret it so hey but
in the moment i was down for it then
it’s like oh oh yeah interesting
you know
god if we ever got famous they’re gonna
pull up this episode they’re gonna pull
out this episode you know a [ __ ] a
[ __ ] hole in your mole compass does
not define a mistake for me you [ __ ]
it’s like it’s absurd it’s like if you
were down for it then but then you wake
up and you look at me and i’m drooling
and i’m not i don’t look attractive when
i sleep and you’re like oh i wish i
didn’t do that then just wish you didn’t
do it yeah like men have been men can be
psyched i know you’ve been sexually
assaulted i have to it happens but it
wasn’t someone’s like oh my innocence is
rob it’s like okay listen i didn’t agree
to this yeah i yes that’s but no one
gives a [ __ ] of a guy yeah i’m not
saying i’m not saying it doesn’t happen
to women it does and it’s there’s a gray
area there’s a gray area yeah but i’m
just saying i’m just saying there’s
always that psycho [ __ ] i’m just saying
keep your wits about you keep your
what’s up guys guards up stay in the
pocket you know how it is you know it’s
just there’s a lot of [ __ ] out there
that’ll just
if you were a dog what kind of dog would
you be uh i think
i think i’d be a cocker spaniel because
they’re the fussiest
actually you might be a conversation i
actually don’t know [ __ ] two breeds
of dogs
you don’t know two german shepherd a
golden retriever a chihuahua one two
german shepherd fine
no i’d be a little [ __ ] raspy little
[ __ ] thing with its [ __ ]
that was a good burp i feel like he’d be
a little ratty chihuahua that’s why i
said you would be you don’t get the
piggyback of what i said i actually
didn’t hear you say that but
anyways hey we’re at uh we’re at 38.
[ __ ] it all right we’re at 38. well guys
this was episode 17
50 50 55 guys it’s it’s been a great
ride so yeah this is going to be the end
of this episode um
yeah we got some interesting plan and
interesting things planned for the
future so stick around for those um
we kind of just walked in here and did
this one for episode 50 and we’re pretty
happy with it so yeah thank you i will
say this um thank you guys for listening
for so long i can’t believe it’s been 50
already and i look forward to a hundred
i really do
[ __ ] it’s been a hell of a ride so
far thank you guys for listening thank
you to our listeners in india in germany
pakistan and pakistan russia we actually
have quite a few middle eastern
listeners thank you guys so much it’s
it’s been a hell of a ride um jack where
can they find you they can find me at
jack underscore ben zebra game where can
they find you they can find me at isaiah
underscore lesney on instagram or both
of our instagrams at the around lunch
table instagram page
um again christmas collection is out and
um i’m gonna say this it’s the 30th i’m
i think
tomorrow the next day
probably gonna throw a couple more
things on there just so there’s more
variation up there but there are things
right now um and aside from christmas
things there are like a couple other
things i’ve had like a like a champion
backpack champion fanny pack and look
sharp some other [ __ ] so yeah it’s gonna
be up there but thank you guys so much
for listening and
thank you guys for 50. and um i think
that’s all i got to say so um yeah thank
you guys for listening we will see you
next week and see ya
let’s get rowdy up in here

More from this show

Recent posts

Episode 50