J & Z talk about fertilizing, Amish people (apparently they can’t defend themselves lmao), and nick cage with a fudgicle. Patreon for exclusive episodes and early access to weekly episodes! https://www.patreon.com/aroundthelunchtable
why you keep calling and
i said you’re why you keep calling yeah
i just got a new whip and you know that
i’m still ballin
she said she wanna go back to the videos
i bought the girl at delorean
what’s going on slapjacks welcome back
this is around the lunch table episode
49 49 we’re so close to 50 everybody
we’re so close i can just taste it on
the tip of my tongue yes we can um first
and foremost wanted to thank our sponsor
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to life as usual sorry i used i forgot
to pause so you can do your thing yeah
uh i do want to also announce patreon
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and
uh subscribe on apple podcast check it
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early
and uh you know next week is
thanksgiving thank you would you look at
that time flies when you’re a piece of
[ __ ] yeah what uh what what do you think
of when you think of thanksgiving you
know there’s families involved there’s
turkeys turkeys there’s turkey basters
turkey basters
can’t you take a turkey baster and fill
it with something well essentially that
was um
well essentially from let’s break this
down from a scientific experiment let’s
break this down from a fundamental
standpoint essentially when like you
could use a turkey baster to inject um
fap or sperm
fap is a slang term yeah
but i thought fap was like when you’re
fapping because it goes
that’s what i thought it was that’s
actually a good that might be you could
be right i thought it was like it was
like i’m fat because like
i thought fab is like when it goes
like that’s more like splooge
splooge fap maybe it’s a synonym a
synonym yeah but anyways turkey baster
um essentially is that where we left off
yeah that is where we left off
essentially um it’s actually i know
basically when you get like you know a
surrogate mother in like it’s not a
turkey bastard doctors i’m saying it’s
essentially the same thing
i’m saying you could there’s actual
people who have used turkey basters with
sperm in them so what would i want to
ask someone pregnant who maybe the other
person couldn’t and they used maybe a
relative or someone as a vessel i guess
you could say yeah so their child
there’s a few different ways i’m gonna
i’m gonna dissect this conversation
first thing so as you said a doctor
doesn’t use a turkey baster but i
guarantee whatever they use you could
use it as a turkey baster i’m gonna get
i mean that’s probably the same it’s got
the little thing
but it probably i mean it buys a little
one out because it’s a medical
instrument it probably has a little more
pressure in there yeah like a power
washer
[Music]
just something’s disturbed that sperm to
the back of the back just a [ __ ]
buckshot
[Music]
you got a shotgun shell of gum
i mean we just watched narcos he put a
[ __ ]
45 in her snooze it was a yeah it was a
nine millimeter nine millimeter
i don’t remember
it’s like oh my god what was that 35
yeah they’re [ __ ] it’s a gunshot
outside what was that 38 couple blocks
away
such a dad thing that was a daddy to say
what do you know the caliber by this
he’s like honey i don’t give a [ __ ] i’m
almost there yeah he’s like i’m almost
coming
um another direction i want to go with
that so say
now oh this is the real question so say
you and your future wife couldn’t have
kids who are you i was about to say i
was about to say yeah i was you knew it
the whole time buddy um who would i what
who would you choose who would i choose
like say it’s you you’re the you’re the
[ __ ] up one that can’t have kids i’m a
guy i can’t have kids
yeah i’m saying like you’re the one oh
i’m like infertile infertile or sterile
or something sterile yeah i can’t
[ __ ] piece of [ __ ] well if i can’t
well it would all depend if the
my significant other wanted okay yes she
really wants kids and you’re just dying
to have it we’re adopting them then i’m
not letting some other sperm go inside
not even mine you wouldn’t do mine okay
go i’d do yours you’d do mine now would
you but the same time that i looked at
my kid like it looks like [ __ ] jack
it’s not brown at all
you have [ __ ] blue eyes you know
africa oh [ __ ] has a has joey
hill’s jewel from super bad so are you
are you making me go the turkey baster
out are you just going to let me just
okay
my question was going to be this and i
got to sit down with aaron and be like
baby i don’t want to do this my question
was this because
if you’re looking at this from a
statistical standpoint most of the time
it’s i’m not saying guys can’t be
infertile at the thing but i think more
of the times it’s either in this
situation it’s you
i know i was going to ask you if it’s
the woman and it’s like she can’t have
kids and she’s like okay
how do you go about that it’s not not an
adoption would that mean like shameless
when kev goes and [ __ ] her mom because
she can still carry
you’re asking me if i’d [ __ ] my girl’s
mom no
well actually yeah the answer’s a maybe
no i’m kidding um
no the uh i guess like if my girl
couldn’t have kids but she wanted them i
guess you do adoptions to save our own i
but i still want it to be i mean it
could still be half me i mean
how would it be half you it’s adopted no
i’m saying that’s why i don’t want to
adopt because it’s like hey i mean if
i’m not the one i mean at least it can
be half of one of us that’s true that’s
a true statement yeah and if my girl
loves me she’ll love the kid half you
know
i’m i’m gonna say okay realistically
yeah i mean if it realistically whatever
she wanted to do yeah whatever realistic
whatever she wanted to do yes i mean
because maybe like one of her eggs is
good and we just have to like take one
out put my
fap on it and then put it into another
woman
yeah that’s what they do
i would ask your woman to be they do a
circuit yeah yeah or i’d ask you to be
the surrogate imagine you pregnant
you dude you would hold the [ __ ]
stomach all day long well too bad it’s
impossible so uh yeah not in today’s day
and age no it’s not a guy can have a
baby
transgender people do it it’s not okay
it’s so genetically modern this isn’t a
it’s okay listen you know that a man a
man has given birth has he really yeah
i’m serious it was all over twitter like
five years ago
i’m looking five years ago i feel like
it would be we even cloned a sheep named
dolly or something like [ __ ] the
world’s crazy man you can do whatever
you want is it really how do they how do
they do that you think clone or [ __ ]
[ __ ]
how do they give a uterus to a man
i don’t so they grab a uterus like it’s
just like it’s operation just grab it
like throw it over here i mean i’m
guessing they have a donor
i mean if you know uterus donor i mean
if a girl dies in a car accident i
didn’t even know that was a thing
because there’s so many things you have
to match up for even like you know organ
donors yeah that’s why the list is so
long because there’s
it’s so painful why would you want to
it’s like you know what that painful
[ __ ] that well they’re trying to be a
woman so yeah i get that um
but i guess i guess to answer your the
rewind a little bit to answer your
question like if my woman couldn’t have
kids i would let her choose a surrogate
but i hope that our when we have wives
our wives would be close enough wives
your wife and my wife oh i thought you
know like when i have wives like
concubines [ __ ] [ __ ] i’m not not
mormon um
those guys [ __ ] those guys [ __ ] dude and
they’re crazy good at sports no they’re
no i’m not
i’m saying that’s all they do
no okay how many not crazy good but boys
are crazy goodness no no no they’re not
but they show up at everything i mean
they’ll play hockey tennis yeah they’re
good i know but mormons are not known
for being good at sports but they’re
known for [ __ ] all these little girls
they’re over eager though i mean
i mean that’s right that’s a good term
they’re very very they’re very
competitive that’s the word very
competitive mormons are competitive
i mean do you think of an amish family
took you in and you were like churning
butter and [ __ ] like no technology do
you think
if you had an option to do
no let me finish if you have an option
to do that finish
like no just to experience something new
for like a month
and it’s like yeah you can live with us
and just do it just live our life for a
month and see what it’s like would you
do it i think i would do it do you think
thomas women’s shave
i think they do like they use like sharp
stones but i feel like because they’re
always making other [ __ ] they don’t have
time really like you know yeah have you
ever had your day and you’re like god
i’m oh [ __ ] any shape but like i’m
really busy right now just [ __ ] wait
yeah they they just have so much [ __ ]
what i don’t get about amish people is
it’s like if they don’t use mod
technology does that mean they use like
a knife to shave their pubes that’s not
saying like a sharp rock
they’re not cavemen
pretty much no but even back way back
when they still had like single blades
to shave and stuff i think the problem
with like new movies nowadays is like
it’ll be like in like
you know the ancient times and the girls
just hot with makeup and everything you
know actually
um the ancient egyptians had a pregnancy
test really what was it they you peed on
a frog no
that’s sorry
i thought i knew where you were going
there sorry no they did
they they pee they peed on wheat or
barley and if it sprouted within a
certain amount of weeks or whatever then
you were pregnant and if and if it
didn’t then you weren’t but it and then
they did a study on this like in the 70s
um at this university and it proved to
be 85 effective but imagine which is
kind of crazy imagine if just that
barley got a good amount of sunlight and
water the guy’s freaking out because it
sprouted like well
obviously they pee on it and they leave
it and then if it sprouts anything that
means she’s pregnant because it’s
fertile just like in the dark i don’t
know i don’t know i don’t know the
logistics of the ancient egyptians
pregnancy tests i’m just saying i know
it’s a fact you know a lot more and they
did and they did actually test it in its
effectiveness it was eighty-five percent
like effective i thought it was like you
peed on a frog and it sneezed it was
like
[Laughter]
do frogs sneeze
you know you can’t you can’t sneeze with
your eyes open yes i know that everyone
knows that
i do i remember no it’s not because when
you it instantly closes your eyes yeah i
remember the nerve endings
the mythbusters did it and you know the
redhead dude
he had like clamps
and they put pepper on it
yeah but i think the
i think the fact is more of like
naturally like yeah if you have [ __ ]
channel locks on your [ __ ] eyes yeah
they’re probably not going to close but
i’m just
there’s like myth busted
they both get up take a nail
but yeah i’m sure if you have something
stuck there yeah your eye’s not going to
close but naturally yes you cannot
humanly
so if we have any amish listeners
actually it’s impossible
they listen to their [ __ ] eyestone
yeah um if we have any amish listeners i
just want to know so i get
i get the whole like you know your
heritage and your [ __ ] family [ __ ] i
get that what if there’s an emergency
it’s like okay i’ll take this buggy and
horse to ride
yeah 50 miles if i had a car i’d be
there exactly be there and
drive where to the local apothecary to
get some [ __ ] herbs and spices
that doesn’t help with a medical
emergency
it could
but
you know you could fold her legs make
him look like boobs that’s why they took
the the indian girl off of it
look it up i remember doing it as a kid
it’s probably the first thing i’ve ever
done
i’m saying are you i’m kidding that is
like jacking up mrs buttersworth she was
she was thick
that’s the syrup
[Laughter]
[Laughter]
you could take the packaging and like
fold it because she had her knees
like i’ve never looked at the car i know
there’s an indian lady on there i know
but not anymore
wait hold on hold on i have a land of
lakes thing and i’m gonna look
no it’s not on there anymore that’s what
i was saying i don’t care
oh he’s looking at it
yeah it’s not on there so what i was
damn it so what i was saying is so she
has like it’s her knees that you can
turn into boobs oh and you push them up
so anyways the uh
what the [ __ ] was that
um no so so
amish people any amish listeners i don’t
know i get family there’s no amish
listeners let’s get that let’s get that
settled you’re not offending any ambush
because i can’t hear you
imagine where the first podcast breaks
into the amish community by like well
too bad they’d have to make it 49
episodes get to this one so they’re not
gonna make it past the first thing is if
we like you know the transcript you put
on our website just mail it in and then
a [ __ ] town crier reads it out
through the books bring us your finest
gesture
[Laughter]
do you think
do you think okay listen let me let me
just toss something in ether right
really really quick toss something in
the salad bowl let me toss something out
here do you think that whether it’s now
i mean there’s still amish people
nowadays that’s the thing you think that
there’s like villages that are nearby
they go to war they hate each other they
hate each other and they just go on
their buggies with sticks we don’t know
because there’s no news
dude there’s an amish tribe just
committing genocide
no one knows
there’s no reporters there isn’t i mean
if you work for [ __ ] como five and
say i mean if you make your own brooms
and butter i’d assume there’s no news
that broom can have a [ __ ] point to
it
i’m just saying do you ever think that
like amish tribes have beef oh 100
all that i mean what do they do they
just work all day josiah you [ __ ] my
wife
they all are named josiah it’s like
josiah jedediah malachi
yeah basically
yeah i’m gonna yeah let’s google amish
names yeah so why are you doing that i
want to talk to the amish community here
you can’t you just just let me try
[ __ ] you never know what what if there’s
a rebel with an ipod nano out there they
still couldn’t because it’s an ipod nano
um no okay what i’m saying is like i get
family heritage culture and all that
[ __ ] i get that too i don’t get the
point like your lives would like i feel
like none of them know and they like and
then i feel like once you get to like 40
you realize oh my god our lives would be
so much better if we just
installed a power line for [ __ ]
go ahead um
samuel amos leroy
leroy the amish pastor for some reason i
think john elmer
wayne lewan jacob vernon eli mervin
hans ew
that makes sense
absalom
absol
do you look at this picture from the
boogie
wait hold on wait wait i gotta i amish
life i have to
oh it’s just who brought the camera oh
it’s the picture i know is it just the
photographer they grabbed him tmz hey
get over here
but yeah um
omz just amish
i’m gonna google amish tribe’s fight
that’s team’s even for amish people they
just talk about butter and dreidel amish
men sent to jail in kentucky from buggy
fight
[Laughter]
were they jousting in the buggies or no
i think they were fighting in the buggy
no
so if they use our roads dude okay
here’s another thing no they ride on the
side because it’s a buggy most the time
do they have to put tabs on the bookies
it’s like yeah
d.o.t stops them hey
i don’t see any blinkers here
it’s like yeah i know you’re on this but
you’re still gonna pay that rta tax all
right
he pulls over like an obvious [ __ ]
cop have you got your smog testing
holy [ __ ]
wait
wait wait wait wait wait wait
oh
dude amish are exempt from military
service
that’s why they’re doing that
world war ii i’m going amish yeah
that’s interesting
no world world war ii world world war
iii happened you did their belief in
non-resistance a term they prefer over
passivism this applies not only in war
but also law enforcement politics and
legal actions does that mean they just
govern them they might as well start
their own llc they’re working their own
hours wow
wait if they govern themselves maybe
dude what if dude it’s all a scam they
actually have electricity dude it looks
like it looks like [ __ ] wakanda out
there we just don’t know dude the amish
are forbidden they believe by christ to
become involved in a warfare of violence
they do not defend themselves of attack
so what if a [ __ ] bear comes to eat
your kids
easy i have a hard time believing that
that’s defend themselves
dude we could just go rob a [ __ ]
amish village and just make out like
babies what do they have that’s valuable
butter
would be set for life
i’d never have to buy butter again
just
dude i would love to drive through an
amish town in like a car dude apparently
amish people they pull all their teeth
out
yes they do because the long-term cost
of visiting the dentist and they don’t
believe in that
so they just have gums no they get
dentures
and how do they make dentures with no
technology i’m just saying isn’t that
probably a loophole if they got dentures
do you think
okay so so they can’t have a light in
their house
artificially made teeth but i’m still
i’m sure they still have dentists they
had dentists in colonial times it’s
probably planks of hardwood or something
that’s what the president said they like
wooden teeth dude what if they just got
like gold teeth or just dripping
they have grills
i can’t believe they got a buggy fight
that’s crazy yeah holy [ __ ] i would say
we need to do like a nicholas cage heist
at the [ __ ] amish village just take
all their [ __ ] national treasures we’re
gonna steal the butter
i’m gonna steal it i’m gonna steal the
butter okay we’ve only talked about
butter what else do homeless people have
well they make everything by hand
they’re beards they do have beards and
dreidels i i thought those jewish people
i’ve always wanted a finger one
finger a dreidel you know a curl of hair
yeah it’s like how do you finger that
it’s like a [ __ ] slinky no yeah you
just kind of bounce it you know yeah i
think i think it’d more be appropriate
like this yeah watch it bounce up and i
would play with it all day just
do you think those are extensions or
they really grow those out
no [ __ ]
honest guys you’ve seen an amish guy at
a cosmetic story just getting [ __ ]
extension he walks out dripping with his
[ __ ] dreidel it’s like a girl i
thought it was like oh i thought like
the jewish like pastors and religious
people or amish are the ones that have
the [ __ ] bouncies
i mean it’s like a it’s like when a girl
goes and gets a weave you know
8 inches or 12. do you imagine this
amish guy goes to like a hairdresser
like breaks code it comes back with
[ __ ] cornrows dude jedi is dripping
dude he’s got corn
oh my god
so here’s the other thing so if they’re
in like their own community like
wouldn’t it at some point some points
just going to be incest like right
what do you mean how did it start what
started like any civilization what i
don’t get is like adam and eve right
they have
boys and girls
yeah but yeah that is hundred percent
incest at that point if you go to the
very beginning but i’m saying at this
point
it’s all different families
like amish they all want to be amish
well it’s over millions and millions of
years somehow i’m going to say this or
they’re going to be like you’re hating
on incest people but i’m saying like
instance people are usually like
like you know they’re they’re a little
not normal yeah there’s dancers there’s
genetic defects etc etc yeah so that
that that’s totally but i’m saying these
are all a bunch of people that came
together as a village and just like
decided to do it
and be amish from an outside community
oh that’s a good question that’s a good
question because if it is i’m not
kidding you is there a trial we can try
you have to go up like an interview
you better not wear a suit how many
cabins have you built
how many cabbages can you pluck in an
hour
we’re not ready
you’re freaking everyone out
when you join an amish community
i feel like we’ve already had too much
technology like we would brainwash
everyone else you know but family
guidance yes it is possible for
outsiders through conversion and
convincement to join the amish community
but we must quickly add that it seldom
happens first amish do not evangelize
and seek to add outsiders in their
church you’d have to go find them
can i go live with amish
you can i remember i’ve actually had an
amish meal
no i listen where does that what does
that give us i’m saying nothing when i
went to washington dc on the washington
dc field trip we went to an amish
community and i remember everyone was
like oh my god this food’s bomb i’m like
it’s pretty [ __ ] bland like it’s not
good it’s just
it’s like [ __ ] cranberry sauce it’s
like a thanksgiving dinner where they
don’t know how to cook there’s a list of
amish etiquette to do if you encounter
one okay do not stare or point or
otherwise be disrespe that is a point of
disrespect to the amish okay i feel like
if anyone just did this
just stirred your right hand i mean
that’s
weird you think we’re just [ __ ]
delinquents out here probably i mean do
you think any of them have done drugs
that’s a good question how do amish make
money
well they don’t they’re tradesmen
i will barter two sheepskins
for this gallon of milk
tradesmen i’ll they have my sex with my
daughter if i can have this pvc pipe
dude can you imagine they go to a qfc
pile of groceries like okay that’ll be
109.68 and he’s like he’s like how about
six quail pelts
and you’re the guy behind him just like
oh
six quarters
you ever been behind those people in the
store though we’re just like oh yeah
dude
or it’s the people that pull out all the
[ __ ] coupons i was just gonna say
that it’s a stack
dude why the [ __ ] do you need 40 cents
off this tropicana orange juice i knew i
should [ __ ] pay it you had to choose
between check staying seven and eight
you’re like i should have gone to that
one but it’s already too late yeah
because there’s six people behind you
yeah or they’re like yeah can i do half
on this card and then half in cash and
then half of my food stamps yeah it’s
like what the [ __ ] like have you ever
dude i’m i’m just so pat i can i would
never i’m sorry even if i didn’t i i
just can’t do that my mom actually did
couponing for a while she got out of it
she broke free from the trance okay well
it’s it’s it’s one thing to do it on the
couple things well no so just pull out a
[ __ ] newspaper page full of them and
do that but the thing is she realizes
that she got all these great deals but
on [ __ ] she didn’t need she got like 120
toothbrushes for a dollar and she’s like
what the [ __ ] do i do yes what are you
doing
i mean now you’re gonna flip
toothbrushes that’s why i don’t bring a
toothbrush when i go down for [ __ ] i
don’t even have a bunch but not 150.
that’s my mom doesn’t have i mean
because i use one every time
rest in peace young dolph
yeah young dolph rest in peace yeah he
got he got shot at crumble no
it wasn’t crumble it was uh
it was a private it was a cookie place
but it’s kind of [ __ ] up dude it was
just buying he was buying cookies for
his mom and this gets [ __ ] shot like
yeah can i get the cream cream brulee
and just pop i just want to know okay
out of all the places that he goes which
i’m assuming he has a lot of hood plays
the cookie place is where you go and
[ __ ] shoot him like jesus christ like
wait till he gets outside
i mean the baker’s probably to remake
all those cookies there’s blood okay
well either way it was [ __ ] up so
recipes young dogs
um what was i about to [ __ ] look up
oh so we did um come across something
earlier we thought was
worth
to we thought it was worth to bring up
okay um
so we nicholas cage is just shrouded in
secrecy
everyone knows him from national
treasure which single-handedly revived
his career after a lot of disappointing
movies i feel like he revived and then
just instantly got knocked down again oh
yeah 100 but here’s here’s a funny fact
about nicholas cage um
so i found this [ __ ] amazing article
it’s hilarious and it names all these
crazy things that have happened to him
and i found this one that is just
absolutely
hysterical
um
cage shared with reporters um in 202011
that he was once victimized by someone
who had broken into his orange county
home end quote i opened my eyes and
there was a naked man wearing my leather
jacket in the corner eating a fudgesicle
in front of my bed he said i know it
sounds funny but it was horrifying that
would be horrifying why
what i find funny is that he didn’t just
go straight to him
but apparently he just talked to him
until the police arrived which is
probably his best move hey man how’s
your day going hey i’m going to go
[ __ ] get naked and eat this
fudgesicle with nicolas cage’s jacket on
one naked i like how he raided the
closet first before
it’s got it’s got the louis vuitton he’s
like i’m taking this with me i just yeah
i don’t understand that and then one
other one that i thought was funny was
can i say one thing if i broke into
nicolas cage’s house i would also want a
souvenir so yeah but i would just grab
the souvenir and go
what’s the point of like it was like a
sexual thing he’s like just beating off
eating maybe yeah i mean maybe it was a
fudgical term for something it’s not no
it’s an actual it’s you know what a
fudgesicle is i know that but it’s
almost
a sexual thing
a fudgsicle is where you freeze your
poop on a condom no that’s alabama hot
pocket no
no that that that’s a frosty gym
that’s right what is going on
alabama hot pocket it’s not hot i know
but it’s just it looks like well tired
because it looks like i’m
he also accidentally bought a stolen
dinosaur skull
okay i accidentally bought it why it’s
accidentally because it was stolen he
bought it off the [ __ ] of a fence no
it was it was stolen in fact it was
stolen but i’m saying that’s but he
obviously said it was an accident how do
you become like a fence for stolen goods
like if you steal this give it to
[ __ ] lorenzo over here have you ever
seen those people drive by and their
fences have a bunch of like wheel hubs
and [ __ ] on it i’m like what what are
like bumpers yeah who thinks that looks
real
doesn’t look good it makes you look like
a [ __ ] piece of trash there’s one in
bonnie lake and i’m always like is that
how many cars don’t worry on the way to
ayden’s house i’m saying if you go
and there’s like [ __ ] little i feel
like pieces of rims and [ __ ] like what
is going on here most people put a cross
there when someone dies but they put the
grill of the
vehicle
lightning mcqueen drives by there i’m
shipping the shipping in his boots
i’m just saying they’re coming out with
new cars moving by the way really yeah
apparently that’s the highway baby
um they should come up with one that
called planes
there is one that’s where i was going
with that i actually i have the movie on
dvd only because
why do you have when it comes out i’ve
never i’ve watched like bought that no
where did it come from then someone just
walked down the street here’s planes no
i found it so we had a bus and it was in
and in the dvd player i pressed eject
and planes was in it so now and you
stole it sarcastically no i took it so
because we always everyone has a dvd on
them because if you
i it’s okay that sounds so [ __ ] dumb
because i said listen to this i i don’t
have a dvd on me at 24 7. i’m telling
you i’m saying we have one like so bus
salesman have dvd’s let me talk okay
it’s because a lot of buses have video
systems in them and you’ve got a lot of
times they don’t work so you put a dvd
in and check it out that makes sense i’m
just saying the way you said it like we
always have to have dvds on us you have
like your little pal you know those
pouched cd pouches no it’s actually on
my key ring [ __ ]
cause it’s big bulky like a gas station
keychain yeah
have you ever gone to the gas station
no i’ve had plenty it was like a big ass
paddle that dragged on the floor i’m
like okay this is a little much
like it’s like a lantern with the
chainsaw
are they so you could just [ __ ] it’s
like no one’s gonna steal no one’s gonna
steal this
i use the ore of an old rowboat
i feel like they almost just grab random
[ __ ] that’s big and bulky
some
someone get someone gets in a car
accident out front of the gas station
they grabbed the wheel that fell off and
used it as a gas station keychain
there’s a restaurant in federal way that
uh serves your food in hubcaps
that’s interesting i forget i get that
it’s quirky and cool but that’s not why
i’m going there yeah i’m going there for
the food yeah but it’s like there was
probably oil and [ __ ] break residue
on this that i don’t want in my chicken
strips well i’m sure that’s not the case
i’m sure they’ve been polished and
cleaned i’m sure i know how good i wash
dishes and when i see the 16 year old
high school kid washing the dishes i
know he’s not doing a thorough job oh i
never did yeah but the thing is
you know like
for example like especially at places
like when we wash it it’s like but
you’re washing it but you’re putting
like a little sheet in the basket you’re
not putting the food on the basket
you’re putting it in the paper yeah so
it’s like they don’t need to be [ __ ]
perfect because you’re not putting them
in the basket you put them in the paper
it’s not osha approved but you know
probably not not many things are yeah so
um you know our house isn’t no nothing
really is i don’t think osha approved
the show approves nothing osha approved
is nothing osha is the federal
department that just approves nothing
and they just tell you how to do better
oh it’s like a safety thing isn’t it
mostly it’s it’s like that and at
thanksgiving that’s just like oh is that
what you’re doing now so what are you
doing oh i’m doing this
oh still doing that the scientist who
was persecuted for his beliefs
yeah there’s always one of those i mean
i i love i know we when this episode
comes out it’ll be the week of
thanksgiving yes it will
happy [ __ ] how do you make the
[ __ ] turkey like that not with the
[ __ ]
what it’s just this oh
yeah anyways
are you a dj welcome welcome [ __ ]
flame
i don’t know um the uh yeah so happy
turkey day i’d say my favorite thing
about thanksgiving
dude have you ever [ __ ] shot like a
bird
with a gun and watched their
feathers
no the poof’s never happened like when
like well i’m sure okay well if anyone’s
been i’ve never been turkey hunting but
like they obviously shoot with the
shotguns and the feathers go i feel like
i’ve only seen that you know like in
movies where like the when the sorority
girls start to have a pillow fight and
somehow they all have nice pillows where
it has real down feathers do do pillows
actually have feathers nice ones down
feathers like if you get like like our
tommy hilfiger [ __ ] puffy jackets
because they’re like a better brand yeah
they have real feathers in them oh okay
really and a down comforter is made with
goose down feathers
goose down that’s cool is that a goose
with down syndrome
i was gonna do something good i thought
you said goose downs
goose down feathers oh thank you goose
they only take the special needs birds
i thought you said i thought i said
goose downs i’m like does that mean a
goose with down syndrome i don’t know
what the [ __ ]
do other people don’t rub the goose’s
head
is that a thing he said george h.w bush
you could rub his head because he was
autistic
no i just couldn’t rub it in general oh
i thought
mostly because he was george bush’s
special needs i thought that’s what you
i’m not saying this person can’t be a
president i’m just saying like well
that’s not why i just thought he just
like freaked out
like a
family guy did it i don’t know oh
oh they did yeah i didn’t remember
remember his eyes were like right
[Laughter]
his eyes were like on his nose almost
he’s like
remember he goes to the top of the
stairs
and puts the slinky down
my foot is cramping you’re okay anyways
what are we at right now uh we’re at 30.
we’re good we can stop yeah that’s good
we had a we had a very oh
it’s not something is everything good
your foot’s asleep it’s not a cramp no
it’s a cramp
krampus
isn’t krampus like the german anti-santa
well yes it is he’s a demon
are you coming
anyways um thank you guys for tuning in
it was a hell of an episode next hey
next episode is 50. so stay tuned for
that one it’s gonna be a big one i do
wanna mention something
when new when we were in january okay it
was like episode seven or something you
and i we’re gonna revisit this january
you and i i’m not gonna go into the
details made a new year’s resolution and
i wrote it down on my phone okay okay
and i remember what mine was
oh well it was it was it was about the
podcast oh okay we made a new year’s
resolution for where our goal was to be
on the podcast and we are this far away
like
like three hash marks away yeah we’re
like [ __ ]
well that’s good that’s good um
so download tell your [ __ ] friends
remember to check out the patreon and
apple podcast support us because you
know what it’s not cheap doing all this
and we’re just doing it for you guys and
go [ __ ] yourselves
uh we also got the winter collection
coming out shout out jake actually um as
a fact
um i was working on some of it today
there are actually as of now
um there are a couple
long sleeve shirts and sweatshirts with
some of the new things on them um
there’s going to be more um but there is
a couple things on the site right now
and then there’s probably also going to
be like blank because it’s christmas
time wait there’s you upload them to the
site yes there’s in oh
if you do it in the thing yourself to go
on okay well never mind never mind right
now right now
yeah we’ll do it tonight nevermind i
didn’t upload it i forgot but we’re
gonna there’s gonna be some embroidered
socks there’s gonna be some
sexy god
i have the sock
template up there already there’s and
then i did a backpack too just because
and there’s gonna be blankets etc etc
because it’s christmas time you’re gonna
cuddle up and get some [ __ ] or some
dick depending on who you are or both
but i will say this
um jack where can they find you they can
find me at jack underscore spends z
where can they find they can find me at
isaiah underscore lesney or both of our
instagram at the around the launch table
instagram page um thank you guys for
listening it’s been a hell of a ride so
far
um i mean yeah times time’s flying by
and we’re almost to the new year in a
couple months so god made it in another
year you know what time flies so uh
those yeah we’re looking looking to do
some bigger and better things episode 50
is coming and we’re gonna do is coming
and we’re doing something we’re doing
something good for that so if you guys
have stuck with us and listen to all the
episodes thus far
we applaud you we salute you we’ll eat
you out or suck you off one of the other
penny if you’re a woman or a man and a
above 18.
yes
that’s a case but yes thank you guys so
so much and we’ll see you guys next week
[Music]
let’s get rowdy up in here
