J & Z talk about Megan trainers toilets, the fact that we are real cyborgs, and other stuff. Check out our Patreon for exclusive episodes and early access to weekly episodes! https://www.patreon.com/aroundthelunchtable
[Laughter]
for the there’s
time
oh
for the longest time
[Music]
there’s a hundred and four days of
summer vacation
phineas and ferb [ __ ] was popping [ __ ]
what’s going on
welcome back to laptops around lunch
table episode 47
uh i think so yeah
we’re almost at 50 50 50. we gotta do
something we have to do something [ __ ]
we gotta do something crazy like that
ring you’re rocking that’s pretty crazy
it’s a little smile i could point to
myself so what made you
rock the ring i found it on the ground
nice it’s a real is it like in our house
from the party oh i think you’ve just
been like out in the streets no i’m just
walking in the [ __ ] safeway a ring
is it the one it’s like billboard of the
rings oh look
just puts it on
wow
oh no
but yeah uh first for almost want to
thank our sponsor after oceans bringing
ideas and ads to life sorry my bad
[ __ ] up to life um also want to shout
out the patreon patreon.com launch table
get episodes pretty early and uh um
exclusive content should like that by
the way we need to do a shout out to uh
travis
um scott cactus jack sent us yeah cactus
jack is a sponsor this episode as well
as stormy
um
rise and shine i forgot about that
remember when she tried to like [ __ ]
make sure it’s out of it she probably
made money i don’t know she tried to
like copyright it or something or
trademark rise and shine it’s like no
you can’t yeah that’s [ __ ] that’s
that’s the sun saying from the jimmy
dean commercial that’s good yeah that’s
an old saying you can’t do relate raisin
bran you know he had the scoops of
raisins the sun anyways um
the uh
shout out i’m sure the indians aren’t
afraid of heights
um is that true
i thought so why did you even read that
because i believe that in the
skyscrapers
like when they were building them if you
look at old pictures it’s always indians
and they just be sick
they just be sitting up there eating a
hamster there’s a bunch i think i feel
like there’s a wide variety of people up
there but they were sitting up there
like just eating their pbj like oh by
the way if i laugh too hard and fall off
i’m [ __ ] dead
i feel like they just like to tangle
toe-to-toe with death honestly it
probably yeah it probably was a little
thrill-seeking yeah um so anyways shout
out travis i think it’s i don’t remember
his last name but a fan of ours he sent
us a video of uh
so the first animal has been killed due
to the podcast so we do want to uh say a
few did you see that on instagram no
okay the thing is if you read it then it
goes the notifications on so we want to
take a moment of silence for this bird
um he got it he has a he has a
dash cam
and he was listening to our podcast
and really hear our voices i think it
was you me and jordan you could hear
jordan like on whatever the [ __ ] jordan
says and then it goes what and the
[ __ ] just smacks the bird and he sent
it to us so we just wanted a picture and
there’s the bird getting splattered on
the video yeah
i gotta see this yeah it’s on there yeah
it’s with the travis kid he actually
ended up sending us 1080p footage and a
link but you can just do the instagram
you want to see it in hi-def oh my god
there it is
[Music]
you can hear the funk i’m gonna play
right now
holy [ __ ]
oh my god
one [ __ ] one more time
oh
my
god
[Music]
bro
that was that an owl it looked like it i
i was doing it it was a big bird
big b big b he’s a big bird yeah so rest
in peace to that what was the guy’s name
travis travis adella hunt shout out to
that guy uh yeah shout out travis i
believe he actually lives in spanish or
something like that he invited us out
for beer so that’s the same guy yeah oh
well yeah let’s do this yeah hopefully
we can kill some more birds i’m just
kidding so uh yeah anyways uh a lot of
stuff in current events uh one of our we
are big fans of the old chappelle dog
the sea dog uh you know he’s on blast
you know um i think he likes being on
blast oh he’s kind of his thing yeah so
you know the transgender community is
not a big fan of him not a big fan but
uh didn’t you read a thing something
about the baby what was up with that
yeah um
let me just read this honestly this was
not a part of anything we’re gonna do
tonight i just saw this on instagram i
thought that’s the way it was before we
pressed apparently there’s a [ __ ] ceo
of the lgbt mlm pqrs tuv lmnop um
the ceo is that a self-given title i
know that’s what i was thinking um chief
executive officer of what oh it
refreshed
now it’s going through them oh no wait
hold it i know i know no i know what
account tweeted it i think or
instagramed it okay um yeah i found it
okay okay
just the way it was i never expected so
for those who don’t know who the baby is
remember he he’s a rapper everyone knows
what that is
um it was at the rolling loud thing he
made like a homophobic comment et cetera
et cetera honestly
it was a little overboard i will say
what did he i don’t even see it what did
he
yeah he said something about he did say
aids or something he said but he it was
actually a little it wasn’t so far it
was a little far okay
but anyways so the ceo for relationship
unleashed gwendolyn d clemens told tmz
that her nonprofit is co-signed a baby’s
recent performance as the new york
installment rolling loud this comes
after she confirmed that the baby sat
down with her organization other lgbtq
groups and educated himself on why his
homophobic comics were problematic
imagine being just like a thug and this
guy killed someone he killed somebody
yeah and he has to sit down with
transgenders
and in a room and just be like well it’s
the whole it’s everybody but yeah um i’m
always i’m sure the g’s the bees that
yeah i’m sure it was like a it was just
a good pr thing probably it’s like yeah
he had to yeah yeah yeah because you
know he didn’t want to get canceled now
that the ceo said he’s free it’s kind of
like a pardon from the king you know
yeah it’s like you’re free to go yeah do
you think that like a gay bar is that
but like are they shocked that just
a hood dude is homophobic who literally
like like he killed someone in a walmart
[Music]
which is weird how we all know that but
he’s not in jail that’s awesome um the
thing you can look it up i’m pretty sure
though because he had his daughter with
him actually it was like a self-defense
thing oh it was okay well that’s not
that hard i mean well we still killed
somebody in walmart i mean if someone
breaks into our house and i’m grabbing
the blicky and pop pop
but at a walmart
in a public place you’re like
how did he kill him like he shot him oh
he had the blicky on deck that’s what
i’m
saying you know walmart i guess you know
wow you know i mean it is walmart
yeah anything can happen yeah you ever
want to see [ __ ] tits and a oxygen
tank i’m the same person
just like reno from sam morel yeah nice
yeah have you ever been to reno i
haven’t i feel like that’s the poor las
vegas right i don’t i mean for as far as
i’m i mean i went i used to go there
every summer for baseball and at least
that exp that was [ __ ] fun the grand
sierra hotel that place is nice it’s a
[ __ ] huge driving range out the back
there’s some huge casinos and [ __ ] but i
wasn’t even old enough like drinking
[ __ ] i still thought it was fun yeah
that’s cool but at that age like you
know lava lanes the bowling alley was
like dude this is sick the knees are
still sick
yeah i’m saying i feel like bowling
alleys i’m saying if i’m going to vegas
i want you know
fancy [ __ ] a little bit you know like i
want some you know top tier
yeah
yeah well i mean i’m that’s i’m saying
reno was like i just heard it was all
right but i’ve heard it there’s it’s
mixed it’s a mixture it’s kind of like
the
it’s kind of like when you meet her
sister and you’re hoping she’s hot but
it’s kind of like she’s she’s she’s all
right she’s like i hope she’s not hotter
than her
and then you chose the wrong one so i
should have came to the family dinner
first and you know gotten a
pic that’s [ __ ] up remember like back
in the day
like
you know like a prince would ride in or
something and then you know he’d fall
and the person’s farm or whatever
and then you know he’d do some great
things he would fall at their father
anyways he ends up at like this ranch or
something and the dad has like six
daughters and then he proves himself so
he just gets his pick
yeah imagine being like that girl it’s
like hey by the way this guy at the gate
he’s gonna [ __ ] you yeah
and it’s already been arranged you’re
[ __ ] 13 he’s 30 but you know the life
spans
because it’s actually really interesting
back then i’m just saying the way they
did that was in position of power it’s
like okay if i get my daughter in here
then i have a movement you know what it
was it was all chess it was chess
it was it was [ __ ] with chess yeah
cause they respected families back then
now it’s like you know i mean i don’t
know if they respected them they
pillaged and raped everybody but yeah
i’m saying i don’t like respect they
respected the oh that’s my
daughter-in-law or my brother-in-law
yeah but yeah and that was the whole
point it was all strategy for like
alliances nowadays you have a
stepdaughter and a step son you already
know what’s going on i mean
what’s going on
uh
seen a lot of ph haven’t you no i’m just
saying that’s like the number one porn
thing out right now is just [ __ ] what
you know what are you doing step bro
like
i mean i don’t think that constitutes
the same thing i think it’s a fantasy
thing yes but i’m saying there’s got to
have been some oh i’m sure there has
oh i’m sure there has been we have a
visitor yeah hello there’s our there’s
our intern
um
so yeah i mean i would say that
he just sits in front of the [ __ ]
camera it’s a little rat he knows
he definitely knows um pause for a
picture
because he’s oh yeah
he’s just looking like he’s over okay
he’s looking at the camera
there we go okay there we go we got a
picture
no okay i i would say that there’s got
to be like you know
everyone you know has gone down the path
of porn at some point you’re like oh i’d
like to try that you know i’m just
saying i don’t have any step siblings
but i’m guessing
that’s probably a good thing i guess in
this case i’m saying like you know
people want to try things but also both
i don’t know
there’s no one who’s it’s very it’s very
rare that like that happens like okay my
dad got married someone else and then
your steps are hot that’s a very rare
thing yeah or like vice versa you know
it’s only choosing only one of them yeah
and then the other one’s like oh that
person’s repulsive he’s a piece of [ __ ]
yeah
and
i mean having a spit game
to you know and you also here’s the
thing in a realistic situation i i feel
like that it’s not something that’s
planned or happens over time i feel like
it just happens and you’re just like
whoa
whoa but there’s a lot of build up i
would think
you know a lot of what do you what do
you think oliver but yeah i don’t know i
mean
there’s a lot of variables there i just
feel like it was never a thing that it’s
not like your stuff hey my steps are
nowhere we’ve been talking for a month
yeah
just like i don’t know so if they get
married then their
parents are brother and sister-in-law’s
then
huh but not my isn’t there a way to be
your own grandpa you ever heard that
song i’m my own grandpa no i don’t think
that’s legal no it’s like but okay
here’s the thing i remember in like
sixth grade
our teacher played that song like oh
this is funny you can be your own
grandpa now but the first line of it was
like your brother or like your song has
to like marry your daughter or something
so it’s just [ __ ] well yeah i don’t
even know yeah it’s like we’re at a
christian school here like i don’t know
how that works
um another thing i want to bring up
today i think we might have touched on i
don’t remember uh did you see meghan
trainor um what’s going on there
no
um i don’t i don’t follow her push
notifications no i i have her
notifications on no uh it was all over
the uh social medias um the uh
[Laughter]
um she has a toilet for two did you see
that
a tandem toilet you you didn’t see this
okay so apparently so it’s a side by
side imagine not not like a side by side
not like a roller coaster fine honey we
got this together it’s like a robot
you’re [ __ ] or like what’s going on
you hold the other person’s legs the
thing is what
why would you want that so i’m gonna
explain it so she apparently
like got this house like remodeled
redone and she purposefully asked for
the tandem toilet
next to each other this is one piece
it’s like two bowls but connected to the
same base yeah wow
that’s i’ve never heard of it but like
you know like say
this is the bowls they kind of overlap
who her husband yeah so she was saying
hey honey you wanna take a [ __ ] with me
so she was saying that the reason she
did it was so that if they both have to
pee at the same time and since they have
a kid they can like watch the kid or
something together
but wait wait isn’t the point is okay
i’m gonna go to the bathroom okay you
watch the bathroom that’s that’s
it’s very strange um solution let’s take
him into the show she also said that
they did decide to poop together once
and they won’t be doing it again laughed
about it and they don’t do it now they
just pee yeah i’m sure because if as
funny as it is it’s like okay
have you ever been
okay listen i actually look forward to
it sometimes it’s like i want some peace
and quiet oh i think you meant looking
forward to pee pooping with another
woman no i look i look forward to it no
i’m saying when you that’s that’s just
let me get a whiff
that’s your sanctuary yeah no um have
you ever have you ever pooped with a
woman
no i never have or have you ever been in
the bathroom while she’s pooping
i don’t think so i haven’t either and
the thing is i don’t want to unless one
snuck in while in the shower and took a
dump oh yeah that that’s risky business
you know like a fart in the shower
you know that’s so much worse you know
what i’m talking about
why is that you know that scene in
shameless if you’re watching
she’s like taking a shower
and she just hears him she’s like oh my
god are you really taking a dump right
now he’s like yep like clockwork every
morning
but uh you know like the
like if you rip one in the shower you
know like it’s just it’s pungent it’s
why is that okay here’s the thing i tend
to not do that oh so i don’t always fart
you’re saying you’re never fart in the
shower but i’m saying but now
after i’m grown up now i’ve experienced
this yes i don’t do i now stay away from
certain things i know that aren’t
pleasant do you just do it oh let’s get
it let’s see
let’s just turn the heat up yeah
let’s just hop box myself
i remember uh
speaking on oh i have another story
speaking on you know
watching like you know porn or something
and like wanting to try it not realizing
it’s weird there was a dude i went to
high school with
um
and he was it was one interesting time
out i’m getting a phone call from an
original atl team member from high
school i’m gonna put him on speaker here
he probably wants to talk fantasy this
is brandon bodiado original member
from middle school
hey listen brandon you’re on live with
atlt you got anything to say about the
fantasy trade
about what
about the fan i’m assuming you’re
calling me like a pushy car salesman
about the fancy fancy trade
well no i just wanted to make sure
you’re doing all right because that
wasn’t it now that he’s live
no seriously what do you need what do
you want
well i have two things
all right spit it
first did you listen to my voicemails
your voicemails no because i knew it was
gonna be stupid multiple
yeah i left multiple jobs i actually
didn’t even know you left anything
all right well i didn’t mean to
interrupt your podcast but i just wanted
to say like since you started that
you’ve changed and i i just you just
don’t talk to me as much and i think we
need to figure that out the only reason
you started calling me is because you
want christian mccaffrey
that’s true that’s all i want yeah it is
so i mean
i i mean i don’t know what to tell you
here hey brandon there’s also been like
10 weddings you were invited to haven’t
seen you there yeah i haven’t seen any
weddings but um brandon
you know as an atlt alumni from middle
school and you know back when um is
there anything you’d like to say to the
fans that i mean you were here you were
here in the beginning
i’m gonna say this i’ve known isaiah
since seventh grade
and
i remember the first day he walked into
school he was the only darker skinned
kid
and
i can tell you this much i accepted him
and no one else did the teacher didn’t
even like me
but i opened my arms and i said this kid
even though he’s darker than the rest
he’s got a big heart and i think jack
sees that and i think people around the
world see it
and
that’s what’s important because we’re
we’re all about diversity and
you know you change that school first
brown kid to go through that
first one to graduate yeah yeah i did
with flying
you committed at that colors
you’d
you paid your dues and
i did that’s all that’s all that counts
but i didn’t even interrupt i have no
idea but yeah if you could look at that
trade that’d be great
okay well i’ll talk to my secretary get
that sent over okay
all right
bye
sorry for the interruption oh god yeah
actually run lunch table started by the
way for you don’t know the foundations
of this give us a history lesson llc
brandon body out of the guy that just
called we met in early days of middle
school and we always used to get around
the lunch table lunch time and then it
went all through all those years of
middle school and all through the years
of high school and then by high school
it’s like hey we’re on lunch table today
boys and it’s it just came every day
thing well i think cody made it up
though right yeah no we [ __ ] kind of
dude
[ __ ]
i’m kidding um
but yeah uh check out the ps podcast
whenever that comes out
i don’t i think they already actually
talking about them anyways but um yeah
so
kung pao chicken isn’t actually like
used in chinese cuisine i heard a lot of
chinese like orange chicken i don’t
think that’s one either that’s more of
an american chinese blend yeah i’ve also
heard that like they tend to like have
you ever been to like a real
chinese place where you can’t read the
[ __ ] menu yeah actually i have i’ve
been there and i just like was like oh
how about that and it was like chicken
feet upside down and like a stew
i was like i’m in the wrong place and
everyone’s looking at me like what’s
this round eye doing here
you just chose something like it’s
[ __ ] russian roulette well i went
there with a customer and i didn’t know
because it was all chinese symbols you
just
because it was like they brought the
carts around and then you just choose
[ __ ] off the little card you have i’m
just saying but if i i had gone to those
but like it was like hey is there
anything like low maintenance on here no
they didn’t speak english at all
where were you chinatown yeah
really yeah oh no [ __ ] yeah
that makes sense in chinatown in seattle
i delivered a bus there i thought they
still kind of
i’m saying that was authentic that was
you know what would be sick is if like
we learned mandarin that went over there
and [ __ ] i would love to you know i
tried and failed i tried it’s one of
those things you guys stick with for a
long time yeah and i just you know
you ever seen that guy on youtube it’s
like this white kid and he can speak
like i don’t even know how he goes he’d
speak nigerian he can speak all the and
he goes to like conversational swahili
yeah and he yeah he goes all these
places and he pretends he can’t and then
he speaks and they’re all like it’s
crazy how do you know so many [ __ ]
languages and he’s like self-taught he
taught himself all these more wow
yeah when i got laid off for a month i
mean i was working on the guitar i
worked on the [ __ ] chinese and then
when i went back to working
yeah and [ __ ] now nope
back in the old grind oh i did hear
something today do you know turtles when
they hibernate they actually breathe
through their ass
um
no 100 like a periscope in a submarine
but with oxygen yeah but because we can
kind of breathe our asses right you know
you do that kind of like downward dog
thing and you can
you know what i’m talking about no
no a human can kind of like inhale
that’s not breathing i’m just saying
it’s going through your lungs that’s
like that’s like a girl that’s like the
secondary stick me stick me that’s like
a girl oh i queefed that means i can
breathe through my [ __ ] that’s that’s
not that works it’s just air you can
smoke through a [ __ ]
bill clinton
yeah he put it in her it’s all hearsay
do you really think that this clinton
admitted that he put a
[ __ ] cuban interference yeah he
probably admitted a lot of [ __ ] do you
really are you really probably meant a
little kid you really think that this
coochie smoked a cuban
just like
that’s not that’s not how it worked
maybe there was
some in there but i’m saying that’s
it didn’t go just go
french inhale blow some o’s
she’s blowing she’s blowing o’s like
fronts and tails into the butt
[Laughter]
it’s not it’s just have you ever put a
cigar in a in a woman’s
hoo-ha no who keeps that in the
repertoire
bill clinton that’s not something you
make clinton who the [ __ ] the president
of the united states the most respected
man he’s like oh yeah i put a [ __ ]
cigar in her schnitzel put a tab on
respected okay i’m saying
i’m not saying bill clinton the position
is a very respected position yeah i’m
just saying exactly hence why you
probably do more crazy [ __ ] because
you’re the [ __ ] president you do what
the [ __ ] you want oh dude if i’m present
for a day i am
doing something
if i’m the president i’m walking a
grocery pushing a ladies over because i
can dude if i’m in the white house okay
i’m just kidding i’m not doing it i’m
grabbing like a [ __ ]
general custard sword and just doing a
line off of it dude what i’m just
chopping up a lot of crap
i’m grabbing like some [ __ ] civil war
muskets and shooting cans in the oval
office dude with like a thing of brandy
no one can stop you i know it’s like mr
president get the [ __ ] out of it
dude do you ever think some weird shits
happen like [ __ ] obama just gets
drunk as pissed one night there’s like
obama don’t and there’s a red button
like they just say oh wow
bride a rock
they probably don’t call him that what
do they call him sir but here’s the
thing i’m sure i mean we are now air
force one that doesn’t that probably
doesn’t happen the only person that
probably did do [ __ ] like that is
probably donald trump he didn’t give a
[ __ ] do you ever think they ever where’s
abraham lincoln’s musket i need it i’d
like to go to the kennedy sex tunnels
can you tell the chef to make me some
lasagna
for melania lasagna melania
now that dude probably [ __ ] around
illinois that dude i mean he used to
grab him by the puss but i like most
funny
it’s that guy is a prime example of he
finished the mission he’s just doing all
the side quests in life
he literally might as well be right he
just literally was like [ __ ] it i’ll be
president hillary worked her whole
[ __ ] life to get there and this
random slapdick walks out back okay i’ll
do it and they open them
i mean he did
even last day he just signed all these
bills and just like [ __ ] it lil wayne
[ __ ] kadak
yeah he’s like hey you know zzz that was
kind of like a [ __ ] environmentalist
comes in hey i have this 10 billion
dollar bill to save all these dolphins
yup yup signing [ __ ]
executive order
66. yeah the uh i mean he was a piece of
[ __ ] biden did you see you know the he’s
falling asleep in board meetings he’s he
he’s trying to talk he’s falling out of
the shower from his dog chasing him like
it was chasing
why are you running naked you’re like 79
he was running after like a little
freaking i know you’ve been boy or
something
i’m just a dog it’s just
it’s just it’s it’s it’s a [ __ ] it’s
a [ __ ] [ __ ] show out there man yeah i
mean i’m going to say like if i was
president i would want to have it isn’t
it fascinating that it’s just
there’s so many in laws and such things
like that you have you can’t be a
certain age to do this or you have to be
a certain qualification to do this but
to be president you just have to have a
brain
if you’re in politics it’s like there’s
no test like to drive a car if you can’t
see very well you just have to get the
vote of people if that even matters i’m
just saying like i’m sorry
listen i’m not saying i condone trump
i’m just saying i don’t
[ __ ] biden’s not a winner either no
they both dude’s falling asleep like a
grandpa church have you ever seen the
when he’s like out of pressure he’s like
yeah so uh
yeah yeah uh
where were we
i’m like dude how many perkies are you
on right now
you get a [ __ ]
[ __ ] about trump it was [ __ ] like
dude’s like an adderall addict and then
there’s [ __ ] you ever seen that you
ever see that speech he’s talking and a
white bb flies out of his nose i’m like
dude that’s [ __ ] adderall bb dude
i’m not kidding have you seen it it’s a
[ __ ] buck
someone in someone’s slow motion and
he’s just like and it looks like
it’s like they slow mote it it literally
looked like i was looking at a [ __ ]
like a video on planet earth of them
looking at a shooting star
and they have it highlighted as it goes
out i’m like holy [ __ ] that’s an
adderall bb one of those shitty [ __ ]
videos of a ufo on a shitty camera you
gotta circle it do you remember that
when that happened the [ __ ] navy said
there’s ufos everyone’s like oh okay
well we’re going through covid like
everything’s [ __ ] it’s like a weird
time
this is [ __ ] weird
have you ever thought
that like i’m not necessarily the aliens
like what okay this is a weird thing i
read this thing this is this is a really
weird
concept so y’all
the stereotypical aliens in the books
like small big heads below yeah i read
this thing it’s like okay well
where did the people come up to drum
like that then
that’s interesting i don’t know if it’s
like that but do you ever think that
like there’s other humans other places
that’s what i was thinking there was
there was this thing in like arizona
where these
people who looked like that came out of
this capsule 100 documented and they
kind of looked like that but then they
realized it was like [ __ ] like
russian experiments or something they
were actually kids it was pretty sad but
they they thought it was a [ __ ] like
just like we found [ __ ] aliens
because they were so [ __ ]
in the head
but i think i also read that
that’s what we are going to evolve into
if you believe in evolution is that
because like technically we’re already
cyborgs to some people
hear me out [ __ ] god
oh
you said that so seriously we are
can i explain myself no no i get to
explain myself you’re gonna laugh at me
we’re already cyborgs okay dude we have
like [ __ ] alex jones right now
um i can’t wait to hear this okay it’s
because
we are because we have our [ __ ]
phones in our pocket dude
what the [ __ ] okay
listen to me i don’t know if that
constitutes a cyborg okay a cyborg is
basically i think they’re things that
they’re but they have like laser eyes
okay they don’t have to be like
permanently attached to you that’s not
what it is we have an extension where
did you find this information elon musk
said it on the joe rogan podcast that’s
where i got it from okay and it’s
basically like it’s still funny this
[ __ ] phone in our pocket it makes us
smarter in [ __ ] five seconds we can
find out anything we want to in the
world and all this other [ __ ] right but
it only makes us smarter if we grab it
and look at it not if it’s just on us
yeah so the bandwidth is slow to your
[ __ ] brain but again it is something
that we all have on us so if it’s
implanted in my arm then it’s fine
so if you have a compass on you does
that make you a cyborg because
technically if you’re surviving it makes
you smarter to know which way is normal
i guess i mean we gotta look we gotta
look at the we gotta look at the
definition oh my god i don’t okay i’m
not a [ __ ]
cyborg advocate over here for i’m not
the ceo of cyborgs
i’m just saying it makes sense [ __ ] is
going on here man
are you saying that it doesn’t make
sense because it does make sense i’m
saying it does but it’s so technical
that like it can’t even
it’s not that technical it is you are
ten thousand times smarter with that
thing in your pocket are you not yeah
but only if i use it just because it’s
there it doesn’t so if you have a laser
eye and you don’t use it you’re not a
cyborg but that’s oh yeah i used it i’m
just saying only if i use it to cut down
a [ __ ] major city that’s such a
[ __ ] stupid term it’s cyborg okay
fine i haven’t heard that since i
watched [ __ ] treasure planet
great movie um no i you would have never
seen it wasn’t for me
very true uh you you know what i’m
saying it’s like yes the data rate in
which we receive the data yeah okay so
okay we’re not working we’re cyborgs
we’re cyborgs
we’re reptilian cyborgs
how did we get here in this [ __ ]
arena remember when uh
alex jones put on the obama mask
yeah that was [ __ ] up that was funny
you trying to have sex with me
hey what’s your
what’s your opinion on the wisconsin
cheese curd
holy [ __ ] yeah it’s a it’s a crazy world
out there man things are changing yeah i
mean there’s cyborgs and reptilians dude
yeah do you ever see the thing in miley
cyrus where her eye goes yeah okay i
actually haven’t seen that there’s
actually one of beyonce too it’s crazy
now
miley i don’t know if i believe but
beyonce yeah they like believe they’re
gods and i don’t [ __ ] with that but
i mean do you ever hear that thing about
like when she’s walking up to a concert
jay-z won’t let anyone look at her all
the staff guards or all the staff and
you know [ __ ] security people have to
turn the other way they also like
because they’ve been at parties and
should help snatch people’s phones at
the title recorder jesus she’s a human
being she poops just like us or does she
kim jong-un doesn’t poop right
yeah maybe that’s crazy do people
actually believe that
i think that was just from the movie
isn’t that funny
when that movie came out and then north
korea was pissed it’s like they’re gonna
release it in theaters so we released it
for free for everyone on netflix i mean
you know it was kind of
he’s a little bit of a wild card are our
red buttons bigger than his right maybe
that was stupid let’s taunt the [ __ ]
psychopath
on twitter and then [ __ ] donald
trump’s sub tweeting him like he’s his
ex or something like i’m like dude
and then after that first president do
sub tweets that’s insane he like talks
[ __ ] about him on twitter and then after
that he like texts him you up question
mark
he’s like hey man about those tweets
yeah i’m sorry i was just trying to look
good for the boys and kim jongs just
like pull up bro yeah [ __ ] you see
okay so apparently the world health
organization released an article the who
the who
what are you a [ __ ] owl um the uh the
world health organization did a uh
a
uh study a paper uh
uh
online [ __ ] second what an article an
article thank you jesus [ __ ] cyborg
guy doesn’t know an article yeah if i
have my phone on me whenever i got it
well you’re a cyborg so it is
it’s recording um so they did an article
that said uh if elon musk
sold oh i didn’t see that two percent of
his wealth which is six billion dollars
which they said would cure hunger and he
re tweeted back did you see that yes i
did he said come up with a plan and i’ll
do it but here’s the thing this is why i
think it’s interesting there’s been way
more than six billion dollars because
there was another article like right
like another one it’s like okay taking
it was my the last year the year before
that they made eight point four billion
so if it takes six billion to cure it
what if you had you had over it it’s
just that i think that’s probably why he
should ask for a plan just like dude
okay but think about that i think he’s
calling the resources needed
how do you even six billion like i’m
saying okay let’s just say the money’s
there bam how do you go about doing that
the whole world planes
airdrops i know i’m just saying but like
give every mail everyone a smoke grenade
and then they on their set day they blow
the grenade i don’t think there’s even
like that would take so long i don’t
even know if there’s a way to actually
where is the hunt dramatically like it’s
in africa right mostly a lot of third
world countries tons yeah like tons
there’s tons zimbabwe no i’m saying
there’s places all over the place yeah i
know i know africa is the big one yeah
and then it’s like uh
um
this place is in india there’s places in
thailand there’s plenty of places here
oh yeah all these third world countries
yeah i’m just saying how do you even go
about a really long line
just line up and take it
the uh a number system
it’s like in the deli yeah yeah you pick
a number no they just build a bunch of
dmvs yeah everyone wait in line get here
at 6 a.m in your tents like it’s black
friday
yeah hopefully i’ll make your life
depends on it no punishment i’m here i’m
here at 8 00 am and i hopefully i’ll be
home to the barbecue at 6.
yeah [ __ ] the dmt that shit’s [ __ ]
ass dude and there’s just
ah
and it always changes every time you go
in there like you know because you don’t
go in there all that it’s not [ __ ]
it’s not tj maxx it’s a [ __ ] dm
what’s the last time you’re in tj maxx i
don’t i’m just using an example as a
grocery store the blue light specials no
that’s kmart
i’ve never been in kmart that’s a fact
the blue light special i’ve never been
in kmart yeah i like how their mascot
was a blue light what
oh what are you playing what is the
worst mascot ever made
i would say the aluminum foil guy
because it was just an aluminum foil
with eyes wait for who just anything
so it’s not a real thing you’re just
making up no i’m saying he was a mascot
for who aluminum foil for the atlanta
aluminum foils no there’s just oh i
think it’s like teams no it’s just like
a [ __ ] mascot i remember like selling
foil what the [ __ ] else is he going to
be i don’t know a pirate that likes
smoking
just a homeless guy
it’s a homeless man
[Laughter]
if you need to
[ __ ] crunch up your [ __ ] perkies i
don’t know um
yeah i don’t know that’s a tough one but
i mean the general’s pretty bad the
general yeah the general is just
obnoxious yeah this is right in your
face
it looks like general patton in
antarctica and a corvette yeah like
four times decorated where did he where
was he at yeah this is general
eisenhower
he’s in a foxhole in the front lines for
the war and classic quality he must be
and that’s music we can all dance
remember when the general like then they
then they like randomly they just like
got shaq
as part of this i’m like where the [ __ ]
did you think shaq uses this
shaq uses the general
yeah
do you think shaq uses the general
insurance yeah no also like
i love how they’ll just have like
um
like a really just like a sports player
just like promoting sandwiches or
something he’s like and that’s why i
always see his subway
no you don’t
you’re a millionaire you’re eating
[ __ ] t-bones
true like you don’t even that’s like a
that’s like a break glass of emergency
when lebron’s promoting mcdonald’s
mcdonald’s mcdonald’s it’s like you
think this dude who’s [ __ ] hooping
like peyton manning nothing beats that
new car smell
meatball sub tastes so good losing
feeling in my toes but they also
probably gave him a fat check for that
that’s easy money for this yeah and uh
papa john’s and peyton were good i
learned this in economics i can’t
remember what was called but when they
get like a celebrity or something to
endorse their product it’s called a
specific type of a celebrity endorsement
no i’m just gonna and here you are the
cyborg getting smarter getting smarter
so you wouldn’t have known this without
your phone but as an a is a
technological what’s a cyborg what’s the
definition
yeah shut the door yeah that’s why i
need my phone no it’s just
god dude when brett favre went to
wrangler god they sold so many jeans his
ass looked good in those
remember when he’s bucking hay and then
he [ __ ] puts them and then he’s
playing like pick up all with his boys
in this park
i’m like dude what the [ __ ] dude he’s at
his mansion just banging [ __ ]
nothing beats that new car smash
celebrity branding celebrity branding is
that when they brand a
that’s right in their celebrity
you have wrangler jeans on forever no
let me give you something you can’t take
off
[Laughter]
[ __ ] then there was the
oh the sub jared from i was about to say
that didn’t he rape people yeah
lost a lot of child pornography or
something i think he was banging kids
yeah let’s look it up he was cyborg he
was running the world for a while there
yeah i mean dude he lost so much weight
with subway remember he dropped the big
pants in front of him yeah i was like
dude you were like there wasn’t there
wasn’t a better spokesperson because
it’s like okay this guy also used to be
fat so it’s perfect yeah it’s like let’s
just find a fat guy who lost weight
spokesperson oh hopefully he’s not into
kids yeah sex offender
don’t want to be on that list yeah it’s
like the hunger games oh he’s only 44.
oh well you know he can beat the
churches maybe michael jackson yeah it
was distribution of receipt of child
pornography and travel travel
traveling to engage and illicit sexual
contact with a minor so this guy like
went to thailand or some [ __ ] like
travel he went somewhere you think
[ __ ] epstein and jared from subway
were in cahoots
what do they even talk about i’m a
billionaire wall street guy yeah i’m the
spokesperson for these bomb ass
sandwiches you want italian urban cheese
or wheat
dude [ __ ] epstein is calling [ __ ]
jared from subway he’s like hey can you
grab me if you see him still receives
endorsement money
damn
well not i guess karen does pay
despite the ongoing criminal
investigation into the leader of his
foundation fogel
has remained a part of the subway family
and receiving his pretty hefty
endorsement money
how does that work i guess he had a
contract or something that child porn
wasn’t a part of
i feel like in any contract that’s like
void if caught with [ __ ] children
[Laughter]
i’d assume so
but it said other lawyers yeah
it’s like void of caught smoking weed
but not caught with children i know his
tanner came to the end following an fbi
investigation that saw him convicted of
traveling
yeah that’s how crazy it was [ __ ] jared
bro
he’s still in prison he’s still in
federal prison he won’t be eligible for
release until 2028. that’s not that far
i mean so we could see jared on some
commercials in seven years he’s like you
know what i’m going to the competition i
got hired by jersey mike’s
wild mics yeah that’s actually crazy
yeah i think um
yeah i bet if epstein and jared like
hung out he definitely had to grab him
like sandwiches on the way you know and
you know jeffrey’s like hey you know
this kid’s half off you get me two i
tell you an urban cheese footlongs
that’s so
[ __ ] up
i don’t think jeffrey epstein was
haggling on subway places
he was like a billionaire i don’t think
he was haggling on subway prices
that’d be like him going to the grocery
store oh that butter’s 5.99 i have a
coupon to make it three is it was like
hey can you make it a meal
if i don’t care about that i doubt a
billionaire cares about that yeah
dude
do they have the the tea and the
bubblers it’s like no
even worse than the sex crime
jared focus was staring some was
stealing subway sandwiches
with extra provolone
the meatball madness
and if it couldn’t get worse jared pogba
was using the military discount
he was in the front lines oh yeah
you [ __ ] was
[Laughter]
holy [ __ ] man
crazy
or no don’t rest in peace [ __ ] you dude
he’s still alive how is he still alive
don’t the child people get [ __ ] right
in prison like they go a lot i don’t get
killed but i’m saying if you’re of
anyone of importance they put you in
solitary guys guys this is jared from
somebody we’re talking about
someone who’s known if you’re not at the
average joe if people know you and he
was like the flow progressive girl
everyone knows who that is she’s not
everyone knows who that is she’ll get
caught for something she she kind of
unsettles me
yeah
she’s got she has this weird vibe about
it it’s the cherry red lips
yeah i mean
well it’s it’s a part of you know the
act and everything else because she’s
okay by the way side note yeah
att girl
he’s bad as [ __ ] yeah she’s bad as well
what’s her name it’s
cynthia something no it’s melania her
actual name it’s cynthia no it’s not
i think it’s vainthrip or something the
anthrop
what is that it sounds like what could
happen character in anime 18t girl it’s
gonna be like melania
i thought it was like cynthia but i know
because i looked it up okay well i could
be wrong i’m just saying i thought
that’s what it was
[ __ ] it up
yeah no she’s she’s hot she’s you know
yeah it was one of those things that
crept up on you yeah it’s like it kind
of grew if you were to do a commercial
like of all the well-known things that
you know personally what would you be
like okay i’m [ __ ] doing that
i’d say i’d be a good spokesperson for
like uh the sonicare toothbrush just
because i’ve used it and i i know that
it’s good i already know what i would do
what the m ms m ms m m commercial you
know on super bowl they always come up
with new ones every year yeah yeah i’ll
probably do an eminem you already have a
skit written down yeah i have a skit
written down well you gotta you know
do you have a skit written down when you
do yours no i just know that like i
don’t brush my teeth very long but for
like five years no cavities teeth look
great
certain people i know use a normal
toothbrush had like six and they brushed
like three minutes what i think also has
i think it’s also like diet genetics
there’s a lot of fairy and i have a
great diet we both know that so
yeah i have a terrible diet but no it’s
i’m saying sugar wise though no i mean i
don’t eat a lot of sugar i don’t eat a
lot of desserts and [ __ ] no i don’t you
know what i mean so like i do sometimes
that’s it the [ __ ] thousand pound
sisters how did tammy tammy
she had no cavities she she said
she she she she was still she’s
sometimes she swore she went to the
dentist thousand pounds no one’s seen it
she went to the bank
that she brushes her teeth twice a week
she tries to twice yeah and she had no
cavities that’s that’s crazy well i’m
guessing it’s just the constant like
because we don’t eat that like as much
maybe it does she chews more everything
else it’s because it just never stops
yeah
it’s kind of like if a car sits for a
while you know those fluids they kind of
get but if the car keeps running it’s
just going to keep going you know i mean
that doesn’t make sense and it’s
assembly line of just [ __ ]
that’s great yeah do you remember that
thing um also so i know tammy it was
just like she had
like 16 meals a day
yeah how do you eat i i usually
max of three sometimes eat like two with
snacking in between i don’t i never eat
breakfast so it’s always lunch and then
sometimes breakfast is the most
important one to eat um most important
meal of the day i’m saying it’s the most
important one to eat
i heard it but i’ve ever said have you
ever he eaten a good breakfast wow i
feel great that’s why
no i heard it’s because it starts your
metabolism up but also so does two
glasses of cold water in the morning
which is what i do okay that’s not the
same thing
well neither of us are
oatmeal numerical
oatmeal with blueberries in it yeah you
know
big glass orange juice would be good and
in october they’re called boo berries
all right we’re gonna end it there
all right well that was good um anyways
guys thanks uh for tuning in this was an
interesting episode honestly i’m not
getting i don’t remember what we talked
about besides meghan trainor’s two
toilets i don’t know uh we’re cyborgs um
jack where can they find you i can find
me at jack underscore spency where can
they find you isaiah underscore lezzy on
instagram or you can find both of our
instagrams at around the lunch table
instagram page
um i think that’s all we have for you
today um patreon.com slash around the
launch table episode somewhat early i’m
assuming because it’s already november
we’re just gonna like because a fall
collection was was
what’s
in planning but then we realized okay
let’s just do the holidays like the
winter because it’s about so we’ll put
our face on some snowmen or something
and yeah we’ll probably do that so keep
an eye out for that there’s still um all
the original merch on the site but [ __ ]
yeah we are
oh my god almost burped or died or [ __ ]
and so sounds like the perfect trio
the perfect suicide um
still on the site you guys can get that
um
patreon whole nine um
episode 50 we’re doing something special
and i also haven’t looked at where if
we’re at 5 000 wait hold on um we’re
we’re not i saw today really yeah maybe
it changed i do want to say
that i just found out we have more apple
podcast subscribers than patreons
so
shout out for the people subscribing on
apple pixel it’s free oh
subscribe for the episodes a week early
so that’s pretty cool i see
i see a tunnel yeah yeah so anyways
thank you guys for listening we will see
you next week in our patrons where we
get this episode early
[Music]
already hear it tonight but anyways guys
thanks for this we’ll hear it as they’re
hearing it
after hearing us talk
and always thank you guys for listening
[Music]
let’s get rowdy up in here
