J & Z talk about the gorillas getting frisky, Demi Lovato singing to ghosts, and z does a Hitler impression that almost ruined all of our equipment.
um
welcome back slap dicks this is around
the lunch table episode 44 44 we’re back
again and we’re live and we’re hot um
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and oh i keep bringing switch it off to
you oh no it’s all good dude you know
what you and i have been fiddling with
these
[ __ ] chairs these are like pogos
because like you know you go up and down
it kind of it like it has springs a
little it springs because i’m writing a
[ __ ] dick
i just you know like some people’s
podcasts they have like like nice little
lounging chairs you sit there with the
mics and talk i mean that would be nice
but then you’re sitting at a bar though
i know you’re not around school
we sacrifice our comfort for your
quality
isn’t that the
that that would be a good uh mattress
mattress
sacrifice our comfort for your bam we’re
doing good uh are they sacrificing their
comfort though i don’t [ __ ] know
selling mattresses yeah none of us want
to be here so yeah
uh oh first and foremost we haven’t been
shouting this out at the beginning check
out patreon.com on the lunch table
exclusive episodes episodes
sometimes a
week about three to four days earlier
and um yeah check it out we got
exclusive [ __ ] on there normally it’s a
week early normally yeah you know you
know how it is we’re having a good time
um so z there was something um
first thing i was actually asking you
something before you decided to cut me
off so yes uh go ahead i was gonna say
i don’t think you are so you’re not a
late night snacker are you i’m a big
late night snacker that’s just how i how
i’m built
depends
[Laughter]
i meant like you like getting up whether
it doesn’t have to be like two in the
morning but i’m saying you get up like
you go to sleep after a little bit like
oh i’ve never got i have don’t think
i’ve ever gotten up and wouldn’t get it
yeah you guys i i
deep sleep i mean i
am so
because i’m saying i what i’ll do is
i’ll i’ll get up and then i’ll go to the
fridge
and i’m like hm and i’ll close it and go
back to bed and then i’ll come back five
minutes later with my expectations
lowered yeah and then i’ll just keep
going
housing the inventory yeah my until my
expectation gets so low like i’ll just
grab a piece of [ __ ] ham dude i find
when i like even go like home to my
parents house i’ve been there in like
six months or something the first thing
to do hey guys hug and then i’m just
opening the fridge that’s my favorite
thing to do
i’m not even hungry i just you know you
just gotta see what’s in there you’re
working with you know you know make a
little inventory list see what’s going
on exactly yeah i’m not i mean
the uh i would say as far as snackies go
um
yeah i just
i know i even know some people who wake
up and vape
which i mean i thought i was addicted to
nicotine but no sick there was a girl i
know and she’ll like [ __ ] puff and
fatty clouds but i’m saying like she
like needs nicotine like in the middle
of the night like i can go a whole night
without it like sleeping i’ve never got
up like oh my god i gotta hit this i
actually don’t even wake up and think i
need to [ __ ] hit a vape
i know some people do because dude the
head rush is nuts actually you told me
dude
remember when jewels were like the thing
oh the original jewel pods and you like
one time you’re like dude when you like
wake up dude it’s so [ __ ] hard man
i’m like dude shut the [ __ ] up i feel
like i don’t remember seeing that but
there’s probably something else you did
say it you actually hit so hard in the
morning like
whoa yeah um there’s something i want to
bring up i saw an article today uh z has
it and we haven’t discussed it yet and
read it
yeah i just sent it to him like
a minute or two ago so you’re saying you
want me to read the whole thing and then
talk about it no no
like i could have told me no there was
just a couple quotes in there so there
was a video that came out which one i
don’t get how like
the eighth one of them like i’m saying i
saw a twitter video that but i don’t
have any context behind it but when you
show me that article in there and like
i’m like what the context do you need
i’m saying because the article in there
you said the guy was like magic it was
magical the guy watching was like whoa
wait that’s why he renamed it named
anonymous dude [ __ ] monkeys monkeys
are scary and like apes and chimps and
[ __ ] dude [ __ ] what’s the ones with your
[ __ ] faces off and [ __ ] what what’s
the ones with like the the cosplay pink
butts what are those baboons baboons
yeah
baboons they’re scary looking bro
are their cheeks like i feel like
they’re they look soft but they’re hard
you know there’s a lot of things like
that i’m not talking about their dicks
i’m talking about their cheeks i know
why would
i don’t know have you [ __ ] smacked
one i don’t even know
i i’d assume because it’s their eyes
it’s their ass it’s probably like it may
i don’t know about its texture when you
feel it but i’m sure it’s like any ad
there’s someone out there it’s soft a
little bit like anything we need to get
him on the podcast yeah [ __ ] this is
daryl briggins baboon enthusiast
he’s like hey guys you’ve never seen
like shows and they just bring people
that are that are a specialist in the
most insane thing i’m like how did you
even find this guy dude there was like
they’re talking about like this
chalkboard this is uh richard who is uh
he’s a
[ __ ] he’s a phd in chuck’s i’m like
how do you even it’s just the craziest
[ __ ] and this is vladimir he runs the
train museum in fresno
and rick and rick from pawn stars is
flying all the way up to him to see if
this wheel is really from the 1982
manchester you know like oh he well he
found this old postage stamp and rick’s
gonna fly this postage stamp expert
where do you find a postage stamp that’s
called unemployed
he just explored his hobby far enough
yeah yeah but then like the thing about
pawn stars is every time they got an
expert that expert end up getting their
own show and it’s like postage stamp
wars yeah i don’t know but um um the
thinking of a special like [ __ ] like
that there was a video of demi lovato
[ __ ] so she was on like ghost hunters
or hunting ghosts why does she that just
proves that it’s fake why would you
bring her on so why would you bring a
bunch of celebrities on there if it’s if
it’s real i don’t know so then so she’s
in there and you know she’s doing the
whole thing like wow you know like i
feel this like darkness and i’m like
it’s because it’s dark so come on let me
grab my crystals
so what’s your favorite dish um i like
mugs
because they’re easy to hold and you
know keeps your hands from probably the
best
moment
um anyways so like
i just skipped through like eight
minutes of this video and then finally
like you should like sing to it so she
goes
just things just like love lullaby and
so then the ghosts are gonna be like
like [ __ ] what is she like a siren
that is [ __ ] so stupid yeah she’s
just like he’s got the big thermal thing
on hey sing something and it’s all in
dark room have a heart attack
the guy’s like
[ __ ] off and all the get out and all all
the ghosts just come out
out of here that’s so stupid yeah that
what are they going to have dave
chappelle on goes back hey tell the
ghost some jokes
god like just [ __ ] it’s obviously not
real that was like i thought i heard a
love yeah it’s
just crickets
no that was uh
the thing is like
do you do you feel the same way that
like people singing does it kind of make
you cringe when there’s just like you
know like you’ll see a movie where like
a guy and a girl like sitting like a car
and then he’s just like
i love you and then he just starts why
are you talking i’m just saying like
when people start singing
acapella
randomly
audiences i think that’s a little thing
yeah they’re i think it depends on the
situation you can’t just in general if
someone sings i cringe no no
do you remember when we were watching
parenthood and that
that uh the girl and the brother she was
in like her industrial apartment but it
was just them too and yeah but music and
then he was like singing is like i could
never see myself yeah exactly in that
context it’s just them
yeah and that context is not weird
because they both like music i’d assume
but yeah i would say like if it’s like a
group of friends you know
out of the blue you’re like trying to
like show off a little bit yeah
oh
you start singing for no reason like
that’s the other thing
like no one asked for this but i guess
we’re getting it
that’s a little crazy you ever seen see
that video where uh
the guys are like asking this buddy to
rap he’s like no no he’s like all right
all right so the beats playing he’s like
they all start [ __ ] dying it’s like
oh my god that’s funny um anyways like
you’re toasted jam like your buddy
smokers
what show is that from i don’t i think
it was just like i don’t know if it’s
actually no
i figured it would because it was pretty
shout out to my brother butter doing the
time in the pen
whatever show that was we should watch i
don’t know was it bilbers
i could see it i’ve never watched this
for family yeah i’ve watched a couple of
them they’re not bad i think it starts
off so bad i’ve heard it’s really good
though so we need to start it like
season the whole thing is about a guy
who like
that’s bill burr well it’s yeah it’s a
little bit well in the show he just is
like
it has gives this whole perception of oh
he was so and then he has a family and i
was just like i just work every day just
trying to make it through every day and
like it’s all the little things that
they don’t you know what i’m saying
that’s what happens man they just
suck the living life out of you yeah
yeah you order yeah the unthanked hero
you know yeah yeah the unsung one
anyways
about the article we’re going back to uh
so
the art so basically there was a video
of these people were at the zoo you know
just enjoying a nice day at the zoo
which we all have our opinions about
zoos
um
the uh
the apes gorillas whatever you want to
call them um you know they just started
eating cry baits
they were 69 english [ __ ] um no i
just eaten gorilla cheeks from
no but one was on the other so it wasn’t
a 16 i was sucking off the dude it was
just a 60
a six it you could just say
yeah well i didn’t i don’t think a
number has to be involved for a normal
oral sex but um the uh it was actually
an 83 yeah
broke its leg and jumped on the other
one broke his neck
that’s the way i want to go uh
no the uh
he
she i
i didn’t they then
whatever it is whatever the apes want to
be called um
they basically
they were conversing in oral sex
yeah but the funniest part but the
funniest part was the quote yeah i read
that yeah
i’d like you to read okay i would like
to read it if you would i see i could
already have pulled up but okay that’s
why i sent it to you
well you didn’t tell me i i’m supposed
to read your mind a little bit so okay
how am i supposed to click on that huh
i’ll just copy and paste
pull over and park
i know i’m just saying it just anyways
it’s a good time to shout out the uh
around the launch table patreon i just
did my background test too so then see
if my new work thinks i’m a criminal
it’s like if someone’s a criminal
they’re not gonna fill it out you know
it’s like yeah
do you ever hear that thing about there
was a guy who robbed like a 7-eleven but
before he did it so he asked if they
were hiring so he filled out the job
application with his real [ __ ]
and then robbed the place and then left
and i was like we have your address name
and phone what a [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah you
got to be pretty strong all right bronx
this is the title and then with the
little subtitle
bronx zoo visitors go bananas
engaged watching
oral sex parenthesis nsfw
rar my what this is the quote my wife
had to stay out of the exhibit with my
sleeping son i wanted to capture a lot
of video the videographer explained then
this magic happens and it’s them [ __ ]
tonguing the [ __ ] out of each other’s
gooches
tongues are wagging on social media over
video taken in new york city’s bronx
suit that shows one gorilla performing
oral sex on another i feel like they’re
encouraging this a little bit the video
which was filmed wednesday shows one
gorilla gorilla
gorilla gorilla lying on its back as
another pleasures it as most oral sex
things
the videographer behind the clip told
the new york post that he was visiting
the gorilla exhibit with his
four-year-old daughter and his niece 40
year old daughter four-year-old four
my wife had to stay on the exhibit same
son magic happened i just read that
it shows parents quickly moving to hide
their kids eyes from the amorous apes
their apes their apes i mean what the
[ __ ] i mean but i understand you guys
went to the zoo you didn’t go to bang
bros.com to look but at the same time
they’re animals that’s what they do yeah
that’s what like the whole animal like
do we expect gorillas not to [ __ ]
suck which isn’t clap chiefs yeah i
i mean
that husband dude apes and like chimps
are weird though like they’ll like
jerk themselves off and [ __ ] in front of
people with their feet and like just
sick [ __ ]
they jerk off with their feet yeah cause
you know how like their feet are hands
so like though like think of yourself
sitting crisscross applesauce but you’re
80
but you’re 85 more times flexible than
you are now like and you and your feet
would just lift up and go
and you they i’m serious that’s what
they do they’re freaks
they’re freaks they’re yeah they’re
little [ __ ] freaks yeah the banana
with one jack themselves off their feet
what a life talk about the swiss army
knife of [ __ ] yeah the [ __ ]
yeah except they’re not biting that
banana
they’re just
i don’t
god i don’t think they do that but
i mean they’re jacking each other off of
their feet i mean
if i was flexible enough i mean i i’m
not into the foot thing neither but i’m
just saying their chimps and their feet
are both hands and feet that’s crazy
they have hands and hands yeah
you man i’m saying like you’re falling
down like how many times have you fell
or tripped that like if your foot was a
hand you just grabbed it
you know what i mean like if your foot
was like that’d be so useful yeah i mean
don’t get me wrong sprinting would look
very weird but
your hands
but i’m saying that’d be pretty cool
imagine swinging through the trees with
four hands holy [ __ ] dude how many
dude you could actually like go skiing
with two dicks because you have two
pairs of hands like the girls the girl
chimps probably do both one they’re
you could ski with four
try probably you could yeah there’s a
lot
why did you do it like they’re tied up
like starfished out
[Music]
apparently there’s apparently there’s a
lot of rape in the ape culture i hate
yeah and they also do like [ __ ] up
[ __ ] like they’ll kill [ __ ] some like
a chimp they don’t like they’ll kill
their baby for no reason they’ll go eat
all their little
some of them eat other monkeys you know
that
they’re cannibals yeah like other type
they’ll hunt [ __ ] monkeys and [ __ ]
bite their heads off and [ __ ]
i’ve watched crazy they’re they’re
ruthless [ __ ] you see this
gore.com or no i’m selling the discovery
channels you can just watch apes spit
out another apes okay it doesn’t show
the whole thing but i’m saying they
literally
by the end you just hear [ __ ] little
apes crying and then you see a dead
carcass and chip’s just like
like it’s trying to get a bottle cap off
with his teeth
so they cry so they like know what’s
going on
like that
dude there was this uh there was this
gorilla that they taught like sign
language of gilbert was talking about it
what’s that you throwing up shoney what
set you banging
they literally taught it the entire yeah
i watched it with you yeah they taught
they taught the gorilla the entire
concept of death
and it just didn’t bring back its little
kitten the most [ __ ] up part about it
was like okay it was sad don’t get me
wrong but like the funniest part i
thought about it was like like picturing
it like so the lady tells the ap and
he’s like
oh no
but it’s face doesn’t change it’s just
like
but then it like it went into its house
right and they started screaming in the
kitchen or whatever i don’t [ __ ] know
well apparently they built the little
house for the eight businesses put on a
suit and said i’m going for a drive
he never came back
i don’t know it was crazy though if you
think about it like i mean teaching an
animal the concept of death is pretty
nuts but i mean it’s not in like in the
animal kingdom the lion a lion gets like
a little splinter in its toe and the
other pack just [ __ ] hunts it down
and eats it what the [ __ ] are you
talking about it’s splinter
it’s an exaggeration like okay if
there’s anything like if you get wounded
or something you’re [ __ ] yeah like
that’s how it works you don’t get to
[ __ ] recover you’re just like all
right well guess i’m dead because i
can’t fight now if you’re wounded in our
in our culture you get paid for it
how many lions have gotten unemployment
yeah disability
yeah they still have to park in the back
yeah like if you [ __ ] fall and break
your leg you’re dead
you’re dead isn’t it crazy though like
if we were in the wild like if you were
to be lost and you’re like trying to
survive you break you’re [ __ ] dead
bye bye you’re dead do you hear about
that guy that uh there was a dude that
kept off yeah
there was a dude who lives up here and
he bought like 10 acres of land or
something which isn’t that much i’m
saying to get lost and he
gonna do a tornado
so
dude he got lost in his own 10 acre
woods and had to call the cops but the
first thing i questioned was if you have
a phone and could call the cops why
don’t you just
gps your way home
well
you can’t really use [ __ ] apple maps
hey
i’m up here this way is south you know
which way your house is
okay maybe it doesn’t maybe it’s a new
property he wasn’t sure of his
surroundings he was exploring oh yes a
splunker if you will
yeah but on that note
here’s the thing
it’s your property okay it’s 10 acres at
some point it’s going to end so
but at the same time maybe just you know
it’s 10 acres that’s that’s good have
you ever been lost
not lost lost there’s been times i
thought i was but then i was like i’ll
figure it out i meant religiously but no
i’m kidding okay i was like oh my god
how’s your walk
for those of you listening we almost
just had a damn randy moss that [ __ ]
can
who is like uh
oorah
semper fi
um
do you know all of the like the military
slang yeah i think so do it i’m not
gonna it’s funny because this is
because i don’t know i
oh know
thought he meant like the act like the
alpha whiskey tango zulu yankee romeo
who’s hotel like all the letters um
what other slang x-ray foxtrot what’s
something you talking about
like because each remember we were
talking to dylan and i said uh it’s like
no that’s actually the marines ours
like i don’t know oh i don’t [ __ ]
know what it is i don’t know or they
have different ones they they also have
marching songs when they’re coming up
the mountain it’s like i don’t know what
i’ve been told
something something something something
at my high school weed was sold
[Laughter]
i think it is funny how like uh army
people have a stereotype about like you
know they do a tour they come back and
just marry the first girl they see
which i get it because i like the
ambiance of it it gives me like that
world war two vibes you know yeah you
need a girl and they’d write her and
there’s like that mystery to it they
come back and then they’re with that
girl yeah
if they gained a lot of weight
it’s like fact that he’s already like
he’s like dude he’s like [ __ ] on
okinawa he’s like do this [ __ ] back
home if i make it out of this like she’s
so hot he gets home he’s like oh
but your sister
[Music]
yeah it’s kind of here’s the thing i
honestly i kind of
think
that would be kind of cool
you know i mean like back like back in
the day think of this like you’re out
you’re at the connie’s the carnival
winning teddy bears
i’m sure they were back there and you
meet a woman and it’s like
and you really hit it off but like you
can’t text her you can’t do anything you
just meet her like and then you see her
again it kind of has that like you know
that mystery that kind of excitement you
and i grew up in that time a little bit
because i mean we didn’t have
what are you [ __ ] talking about we
didn’t grow up in the pony express area
i’m if you let me finish i wasn’t saying
the pony express
we still had phones and [ __ ]
okay well i didn’t so well i know i was
younger no but i’m saying i meant like
being in high school adults in high
school or older i just remember it was
like oh you couldn’t see that
technically they sell the email and [ __ ]
till too yeah but it was like you you
couldn’t see that girl until you had her
in class the next day yeah you couldn’t
see her unless like
you guys had and then you wouldn’t see
her all summer unless you like ran into
her at the same time it’s like god like
at least we have twitter and stuff now
it’s like oh look at her story looks
like she’s getting [ __ ] yeah
have you ever had like that thing where
like you uh you know you were talking to
someone just you know talking like all
right this might be going somewhere a
little bit and then you just go on their
story and she’s just like woo
and just like having high school quite a
few times but at the same time it’s like
it’s part of the game
play is gonna
play of the game [ __ ]
no that’s uh
i mean it’s definitely gotta be a real
[ __ ] you know what really ruined a
lot of [ __ ] 100 and honestly i wish
i [ __ ] wish
i wish snapchat still showed the three
best friends do you know how many how
much [ __ ] that cost and i loved every
second of it oh yeah i can click on
someone’s name back who the [ __ ] they
talking to yeah i don’t even care i
don’t even talk to them i’m like oh
oh my your girlfriend’s not gonna like
or your boyfriend’s not gonna like that
one and then you and then for some
reason like you know you would get like
say they wanted to like bump someone out
of none yeah you’d snap your friend like
80 dude
the thing was about the worst part about
my scenario was like i i didn’t snapchat
a lot so like i could snapchat someone
five times and they would be like in my
top three i’m like and so i
come i’ve you know the cause i should
have been snapping a lot of problems or
like it would be like who’s this it’s
like
oh god let me [ __ ] live huh it’s just
mean
i was telling her how great you were
i’ve never heard people say this like
yeah it’s like i was thinking of you the
entire time it’s like that’s not no
no you weren’t yeah
i don’t think actually i know i have
never thought of someone else while
having sex
how do i i don’t know i feel like at
some point in your life you have
not i’m not saying it has to be now
maybe i’m just saying like
a person’s right there like it’s hard to
get that i mean unless you’re just like
closing your eyes the whole time
i’m more i’m i i’m not like middle-aged
moms george clooney george clooney
i feel like well when you’re having when
when you’re married for 30 years they
probably are doing that yeah you know
you get the fleshlight out and you know
she does her thing
i remember uh
finding out what a fleshlight was the
first time is on the bus on the way to
football when i was you okay listen i’m
not kidding you
i’m saying young young
i thought a fleshlight was a flashlight
that looked like a [ __ ]
i thought that’s not it that’s not it no
it’s not no but i remember going on
there
because like you know all the guys in
the back of the bus you know they’re
getting rowdy they’re jumping around
no and like you look at it and like so
there’s like the [ __ ] ones and it’s
like oh okay this is cool
you guys
what bus was this you guys did you guys
used pocket [ __ ] on the bus no we
were just looking at them on the
internet oh i thought you meant like me
a flashlight in the back of the house
i’m like okay that’s a little bunch hey
tony it’s your turn
oh they’re like snapchatting
[Applause]
that’s so [ __ ] yeah i like how they
make them this long it’s like the people
using these
the bus drivers like i’m gonna stop this
month right now move that bus um
yeah but i remember there was like the
[ __ ] one and it was like okay like yeah
looks like a [ __ ] then there was like
the butthole one which was
a little more interesting
and then there was the mouth they have a
mouth one it just took this
it’s [ __ ] gross look like someone’s
screaming no
it’s like yeah and then what okay here’s
the thing
i can honestly say never bought one um
i’m proud of that but the thing is
either it’s like i’ve never got to that
point where i’m like i need it yeah but
there was like there was
[ __ ]
like there was like a value pack where
you could get all three
it’s like if you’re the guy buying the
value pack of fleshlights like what are
you thinking there it’s like you know
what who needs one of these matt
matt needs one of these like he’s in
like for christmas dude
look i got you man now we can come
together
and it’s black
yeah the uh
i never got that [ __ ] the
like i
i i i don’t know i never understood it
either honestly i get like if i get girl
sex toys i get that because you know it
takes a lot more to please a woman yeah
i think the da vinci code down there you
don’t really know
i mean a lot of little things in little
variables
i mean it’s it’s like the dmv you can be
going to it your whole life and you
still don’t really know
[Laughter]
[Music]
that is true i don’t there’s so many
like have you like obviously i haven’t
gone to the envious [ __ ] ten times i’m
saying every time i have i don’t have
any better understanding of how it works
like i’m i’m like waiting in front of
one counter
hello excuse me i’m like i’m supposed to
be going
this one says what i’m doing
that’s me this one says what i’m here
for but i’m going oh i’m so why did you
have lighting me up in front of this
[ __ ] desk then so i’m going over here
okay okay walk over the sign okay i’m
going to this okay well you’re gonna go
over there and wait for okay okay oh go
back and wait and then 20 minutes pass
hey back over here back over here i’m
like okay walk over what’s going on in
there it’s a [ __ ] it’s a circus hey i
think the problem is that you don’t
renew your license very often so every
time you go back in everything’s been
upgraded you know so it’s like the last
time i went in there i was taking a
paper ticket and just waving around
waiting for it to come next time i come
there’s a robot sitting there telling me
that i’m j7 it’s all on these screens
it’s like the [ __ ] i’m looking at
nasdaq on the stock exchange does that
mean
it’s like download our app i’m not
downloading
i’m not downloading your [ __ ] app not
doing the dmv app like well sir is like
i’m not downloading the app download the
dmv app so we can tell you you’re gonna
wait still
dude the people at that job have to hate
their lives
i feel like there’s only two types of
people there it’s the miserable ones
they make everyone miserable too because
they are or the other ones i’ve been for
20 years so they’re just like oh hang on
next and they’re just like all right
well it’s another day
or there’s like
i feel like every new person they’re
like this is going to be great you know
they bring in a box that they’re like
but
it’s a stereotype how terrible the dmv
is so they know what they’re expecting
yeah and terrible i’m not necessarily
because a worker it’s like you’re kind
of sitting there it’s just like as soon
as you get into a groove it’s just like
another person renew license running
like a new life does not have the right
paperwork yeah like [ __ ] raws from
monsters
but yeah i’m saying they probably get
into a groove and it’s [ __ ] easy but
i’m saying as
a general popular everyone knows the dmv
he’s awful like there has to be a better
way to do this dmv is the only place
that’s black friday every [ __ ] day
people sleeping outside people [ __ ]
there at six a.m like jesus
only never seen black friday and dmv is
no one’s excited to be there yeah it’s
like they’re waiting for the new ps5
it’s [ __ ] bad man it’s like no i just
want to drive my car red i dread the
[ __ ] day i have to go back there dude
but like and that that’s why like i was
so i freaked the [ __ ] out because like i
thought i mean i didn’t but i thought i
lost my license i’m like and i was like
no this can’t be i’m like i’m not going
i’m driving without one they’ll look it
up and they’ll find me i’m not going
back because during corona
like for a time it was closed yeah and
then but then i was like okay well i
just have to like because i already have
one in the state and i’d have to you
know get another one yeah but i mean
ended up finding it but for a while i
came to the conclusion that i’m like i’m
not going i i’m not i will not go i will
not go like no and it’s not even an id
anymore like now for like an airport
they could tell me hey you have to come
and get your license or you have to do
five days in jail i’m like i ain’t going
out looks like i’m going to jail for
five days jail’s probably not a bad time
dude all the other guys in there
probably were having a good time yeah
i’m trying to find myself a little bit
you know having a little disconnect from
reality i’ll take yeah you know poop in
a bucket for a couple days yeah and then
get [ __ ] fondled by [ __ ] okay not
in like the just the city jail oh yeah
no no i mean it’s just basically a meet
some people that have also had some
unfortunate luck you know it’s just
basically like some like-minded folks
it’s like a big rabbit cage but for
people it’s not bad yeah i mean yeah
i mean i feel like
as
i mean that was the only good thing that
came from kovid is because now you can
just get it
like in the mail but it’s funny because
like a lot of people did that when they
turned 21 this during covet but then
they have their picture from when
they’re 16.
so that’s always that always kind of
sucks unfortunate yeah i mean what’s
another place you dread i hate i hate
dmv dmv is up there with i think
everybody because it’s just you always
know it’s just a [ __ ] chore dude yeah
and then there’s always that one just
big
wide stanced limping big lady who’s
gonna cut in front of you yeah and then
you’re gonna be the bet the the better
man yeah i have to be apparently like
you know when people cut you or they
like do something like that and you know
that they know you saw that yeah and
then you just have to act you just have
to be okay with it and not cause a scene
yeah yeah they actually happened to be
today in the grocery store tell me like
i’m in line right and the cool the thing
is it’s like because like obviously
when you get a lot of groceries i that’s
why actually i i low-key like shopping
in the evening and nighttime because i
made people it’s very calming but i
because i’m waiting to go to my next job
so i’m just
i’m in between jobs okay
no but um so i go to the grocery store
and i’m in line and there’s only like a
few checkers there so obviously it’s
like a pretty long line because i had a
lot of [ __ ] i’m like [ __ ] all right and
then there’s an old lady so like you
know how you’ll be at the little thing
but then people so then people can walk
past you’re in this aisle yeah you’re in
the aisle because that [ __ ] goes in
front of you yeah and so here’s the
thing so i was at the tip of the aisle
but i put my shopping cart halfway up
exactly yeah exactly and so but there
was an old lady right here but i told
her i’m like hey you can go because you
only have like she barely had any [ __ ]
so i like what people do so i let her go
in front of me i’m like you only have
like 10 things 15 things you can go and
so she goes and then
so i’m sitting there waiting for her to
like move up a little bit and get so i
can [ __ ] squeeze in there
and so
i’m like looking at my phone i’m like
okay cool and i go i look up and i start
walking this [ __ ] fat [ __ ] [ __ ]
sweaty
squeeze it yes definitely definitely
like
[ __ ] mashed potato arms [ __ ]
she can probably cook and the thing is
she was standing over like behind the
old lady
and i i would have thought
i let her go for i’m i’m next but i’m
letting this old lady go yeah as she’s
done her time she’s earned this courtesy
because she’d be quick i had a lot of
[ __ ] and this [ __ ] her cart was
overflowing like she got every deal in
the store she’s gonna pay for it with
food stamps yeah she got eight [ __ ]
things of hickory ham and [ __ ] all
this [ __ ] it’s over fun and so she’s or
so i like i scoped out her car
yeah
like
it’s kind of yeah and i’m i’m sitting
there like i [ __ ] knew it it’s like
when you’re driving someone cuts you off
and you get close to them i [ __ ] knew
it doesn’t matter what race they’re
[ __ ] [ __ ] knew
and she and i look up not even 30
seconds later after i let the old lady
go she’s in there putting her [ __ ] i’m
like
[ __ ]
and i was so [ __ ] mad because she had
so much [ __ ] yeah and it was all bad
[ __ ] oh yeah she had all these eyes all
these married calendars fettuccines
[ __ ] and everything was good
everything i know but i’m saying nothing
was there was no [ __ ] vegeta there
was no sustenance yeah there was no
sustenance in there i’m a big fan of
veggies just chips and [ __ ] just you
know i’m like i look like my shopping
i’m sitting there i’m like oh my god i
guess i’ll just be the very person’s
[ __ ] chill here
and then she’s [ __ ]
and then she’s like the lady she’s like
actually can we remove that actually i
don’t get like are you [ __ ] kidding
me you get to choose what you buy and
you still don’t know
i was pissed the worst thing the most
worst thing is she was taking her sweet
ass time too because when something like
that happens and then you see the dig in
the purse and it’s like what hopefully
it’s a wallet and not a stack of [ __ ]
coupons yeah and she had a bunch of
coupons like like the type that sits at
home and [ __ ] cuts them out with
scissors like it’s arts and crafts get
the [ __ ] out of here get a job get the
[ __ ]
there’s a safeway club card get that you
know you’re not gonna you’re wasting
cash like ugh i just got it it just
pisses me off like they pull out the
[ __ ] scrapbook for this rice cooker
to get five bucks off just pay it you
[ __ ] cheap [ __ ] dude i remember holy
[ __ ] i remember i was buying i was
buying red red barons and it said like
three for ten dollars like oh okay cool
and then it said that’s if you connect
the app to your safeway card so i opened
my phone open the app store typed in the
app couldn’t find it nope i’m not even
doing it [ __ ] it it’s like first it’s
not worth the time it’s like
like it’d be one thing
the ap one thing if it’s like you
desperately need to make this cheaper or
you’re [ __ ] yeah but that was not the
it’s not the case
if you’re already buying you know if
you’re already buying that much [ __ ]
you’re fine yeah and it’s just like
she’s like checking all the troops oh
did i get did i get the orange juice
coupon who cares it’s a dollar more
it’s a dollar it’s a small slurpee more
that’s how much is it
does it [ __ ] matter like i’m
literally i’m like how do how does this
work like i’ll order something online
that’s wrong and spend 50 bucks i’m like
you know what i’ll just take my l and
keep going i’m not sending it back
you know what i mean i just don’t
understand we’re either really passive
or lazy
literally like i can order like when i
got that phone case that i waited three
weeks for it was like 44 bucks like i’ll
just take my l and keep moving you it’s
like i should have known like this
wasn’t what it was i’m not gonna go
[ __ ] get postage stamps and [ __ ]
send it back let’s still do that i guess
i don’t if you want to send something
like back to i think you do because i
usually just print out a label online or
well i meant like because it was um it
was it wasn’t like amazon it was
actually like a place oh like [ __ ]
or something i’m like i’m not gonna go
[ __ ] send this to this dude studio
apartment in new york
who makes these cases okay what i always
thought was where’s like when you’re
sending something like how do you know
how many stamps like well it’s it’s
eight states away so eight stamps what
if you miss one they just don’t deliver
it i don’t know honestly i don’t know
there’s a lot of things because they’re
like 25 cents the funniest part of it
was because you know like back in world
war ii like the
the spoils of victory they would send
[ __ ] you can send anything in the mail
i’ve had a potion stamp on like on pawn
stars this guy’s grandpa
sent back an entire motorcycle in pieces
it was a german motorcycle a serelia and
he sent every single part individually
back to the united states and family put
it back together i’m like
dude
send his family a whole [ __ ]
motorcycle merry christmas next year not
now but next year so okay so say you’re
okay so say you are part of a freaking
easy company dude you storm i would love
to be easy company yeah easy company
hoover so say you storm [ __ ] hitler’s
big old thing up there on the hill you
know the eagle’s nest eagles okay
you open up that door like that in that
show when they go down they sell the
expensive because there was expensive
wines
tons of [ __ ] what what are you sending
well first of all i’m snagging the art
it only goes up yeah all right snagging
the art and then residual income
and of course and then i’m gonna go to
i’m gonna go get i gotta get some
expensive bottles for me oh yeah i gotta
get something for me and then of course
all the pure silver
platters and silverwares and cups and
you know the big bags that go when you
pick it up those the thing is that’s the
kind of bottle you don’t put on top of
the fridge you put that in the vent yeah
exactly yeah she’s like why are you
hiding alcohol yeah i’m not hiding
alcohol if we’re going for for financial
then the art obviously first because it
only goes up and because did you know he
like
in like a [ __ ] in caves and [ __ ] they
found all this ancient artifacts that
were stolen worth millions of dollars
and there was also there was a tons of
boat there was tons of tons of stuff
unaccounted for no one knows apparently
there was a u-boat that went down it’s
not like the bottom of the sea or
something but it’s still sealed and
there’s like it’s like worth billions
now of like [ __ ] leonardo da vinci
yeah
yeah so like have you ever watched like
hitler’s speeches it sounds so menacing
hi so after z’s uh hitler impression we
had a little bit of a oopsie but um we
are going to end the episode there uh no
more video after that
i don’t even know
uh but yeah thank you for checking it
out uh check us out on
patreon.com around the lunch table hope
you guys enjoyed it sorry for the abrupt
ending dude i was like who would do ivan
and spilled an entire bottle of [ __ ]
beer on the [ __ ] bar where the
boosters sitting and the whole nine so
yeah so if you guys were watching you
got to see the whole thing yeah whoops
my bad luckily none of the equipment was
hurt in the process so we’re okay and
then aaron’s gonna watch us z spills
everything but you ruined our favorite
rug so we’re all even now
so uh we’re okay at least i admitted it
you didn’t lie like you did it spill no
no
jack where can they find you
bless you
they can find me at uh jack underscore
spend z work
can they find you
alright say underscore lesnar you can
find both of our instagrams on the
around lunch table instagram page thank
you guys so much for uh listening um
we’re close to 5k downloads so we’re
really close thank you guys it’s uh it’s
been helpful right we’re going to keep
going and keep an eye out we’ll announce
it when it’s happening but the fall
collection is very very very close and
also of course we’re gonna have holiday
things when the holidays come around the
whole nine yards um we had a very very
very good launch of at least the first
the summer merch went really well and a
lot of people liked it so we’re gonna
keep going with that so jake is making
it spooky yeah and jake’s gonna make
like more halloween stuff and uh all
that good all that good jazz so thank
you guys for listening and thank you
guys for supporting and as always this
is around lunchable thank you for
listening and see ya
