#37 Self Defense

Episode 37

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J & Z talk about self-defense against women, first porno searches, southwest airlines, and if we get turned out by voices. Follow us on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/aroundthelunchtable/?hl=en
yo what’s the [ __ ] green lizard for
mario mario
wario we’re in the studio with stereo
yo yo yo what is going on guys
yo yo welcome back slap dicks
this is around the launch table episode
37 37. we were just talking about this
what the [ __ ] 37 weeks and people have
asked me like oh would you guys talk
about this i’m like i have no [ __ ] i
don’t [ __ ] know i have no idea not me
not ever who who paid for these floors
yeah um so as everyone knows the
summer’s coming to a close
you know the merch is gonna change come
and i know that it is because obviously
some of it take
some of it takes like a couple weeks to
ship so summer’s kind of coming to a
close if you haven’t done that already
and that’s okay buy yourself a t-shirt
sales are really yeah well thank you to
everyone who has this summer it’s been a
hell of a ride yeah even rocking ours
rocking ours all summer long 100 so uh
thanks everyone for that um but yeah
we’ve made it this far james and it’s
it’s an honor and privilege we have we
have a
just a quick
plug oh shout out to our sponsor
approach your oceans bringing ideas and
ads to life oh oh you’re supposed to be
you’re supposed to say bring ads and
well we’ve never done it that way with
other 30 episodes so yeah okay uh to
life yeah shout out aperture oceans and
they are
doing we do have something coming up
next tuesday
our patreon is launching yes it is our
patreon is launching we’ve done 37 free
[ __ ] episodes for you [ __ ] now
we’re trying to get no more freeloaders
yeah no more freeloaders so
around the lunch table after dark
episodes coming out
hopefully monthly of the and then you
get episodes a week early and so our
first one is the hot ones episode if you
follow instagram you saw the sauces we
got the real ones jordan obaya
graduate from obaya state is going to be
basically interview doing the whole
thing it’s going to be great very
professional it’s going to be awesome
it’s like only fans like we gave you the
thong picks and and the titty picks with
the emojis over them now we got the
gooch picks we got the cheeks
we got the twerking we got everything
yeah the booty hole cam we got
everything but yeah cheek spread booty
normal episodes will be happening when
i’m we’re just [ __ ] around but you
just get them a week they will be there
you’ll get them weak early but if you do
pay you do because i’m because all the
ones are gonna be paid are gonna be
[ __ ] gnarly like the hot ones one
first of all i am so bad
like i like mildly spicy food but i’m
probably gonna throw up or [ __ ] myself
yeah the next day dude i’m gonna have
the hot snakes so bad
and if you don’t know what the hot
snakes are it’s when it’s like it’s
about guts and hot snakes when those
snakes come out of your ass and they
burn and when you’re wiping you just
have to go
okay you have to like pat it’s [ __ ]
hard that’s so gross but it’s just
[ __ ] true
anyways so yeah you’re only eating a
little hot sauce that only equates if
you’re eating a lot of something at two
million scoville or whatever the [ __ ]
scoville level those are the big ass dr
anyways uh z and i went to a wedding
this weekend it was it was amazing fun
shout out to kenzie and dan hell of a
wedding it was fun it shut out a little
early for me but a missed day for a
that okay listen that was their slogan
kenzie i know you listened to our
podcast i’m gonna say this right now if
you would have asked me i walked into
that wedding within 30 seconds i had an
amazing slogan leaving the nest
dude i love weddings bro especially when
you’re dancing on the floor you get the
bat wings you’re sweaty yeah it’s it i
was a little salty then early but it was
because the venue they rented out
which was an unfortunate circumstance
but it was a very fun wedding i had a
lot of fun you know when your balls get
like because batwings are real
like it’s you know like bats are oh
they met the animal i’m like they do
exist yes they they do have wings yes
yeah that’s what they call batman
because you have you ever seen a bat
with their wings out there it’s skin
it’s like a skinny wing what makes the
balls get longer and then when they’re
cold they look like a snow cone well
like skin skin tightens up when it’s
cold is that really what it is yes i
didn’t know that
well no i know that my balls gets
really [ __ ] snow coney
have you ever the same way wear your
penis shrinks when it’s freezing cold
same way have you ever lost a ball and
be like oh it’s up here let’s push it
up into your own oh like in your sack
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i’m playing
easter egg hunt yeah what’s going on
where did this go yeah i agree um
get back here i have a question for you
yeah um
i always have a mistake in doing this i
don’t i don’t give any pretext first so
i’m gonna get on i don’t agree with this
in any way okay like i don’t agree in
hitting women
no obviously
there’s a but i don’t agree with hitting
but if she no i know okay i would never
significant other extra i would never in
a million years but
this is my point before you strike me
out to be the bad guy just yet yeah of
course is
like you we’ve all seen those videos of
like a girl woman whatever comes up to
dude and starts hitting him in the face
he’s like hey stop and she keeps doing
it are you giving her
equal right a [ __ ] equal left
that was good
um hey i’m just saying here’s the answer
like i’m going to push okay let’s i’ll
get my answer i will be hey stop
seriously stop stop stop and like i will
do everything in my power to not do it
but i’m telling you what if i’m being
attacked i’m
i’m giving her at least a test one to be
like hey let’s see how this feels in
give her a quick bop and she’s like wow
i put her in the full nose she’s like
okay i’m [ __ ] with a real one here
you know what i mean i would never
i’m not saying only offensive i’m saying
defensive yeah so defensive to to answer
your question there’s a there’s several
i’m not even a violent person i’m just
saying there’s several different ways we
can attack this and i’m going to attack
this from a logical standpoint like for
example you have a son one day
my son’s always going to look like i
have you never hit a woman never in your
life of course but if one’s attacking
you you have every right to handle equal
rights in line so there is a it’s
personally i think there’s a significant
difference if you hit her first that’s
[ __ ] yes i agree it does so
i will say this that most normal men out
they give a woman a few good hits and
that’s how it should be i agree how
tough should be
which is [ __ ] because when i’m 100 for
equal rights that’s fine and i am you
know the girls are now involved in the
draft that’s what you wanted that’s what
got cool
you guys wanted equal rights i handed
out equal lefts
yeah you guys weren’t equal rights so
yeah you should be no and i agree and in
all the videos i’ve seen it’s always the
she’s just punching and punching and
punching he’s being hey stop stop stop
stop i’m gonna hit you i’m gonna hit him
and hit you i don’t agree with that this
whole equal rights movement thing is
that if we’re equal one
a guy should know to never punch a girl
never never never but
now this is not how i am but if we’re
thinking this logically if she hits you
once it’s self-defense you can do
whatever you want i’m still not gonna i
know first one but if it continues to
happen i’m gonna at least shove her to
the ground and if her resolve is strong
i’m giving her a quick
but that is the problem is that they
think that you won’t and so it’s like
two three i think after four like three
strikes you’re out of the old ball game
yeah exactly if it’s like
this words for me if it’s the one that’s
like oh [ __ ] that actually hurt
okay like okay here’s another thing i’m
also talking and strictly i’m not even
talking about like
your significant other because here’s
the thing your significant other knows
you well enough and also probably knows
well enough like that she knows these
guys yes she knows that’s what i’m
saying but i’m saying let’s i’m painting
a picture of like you’re out and about
and it’s a random person you don’t know
what the [ __ ] it is like i’m not hitting
her but if she can that’s what i’m
saying how many punches are you taking
before you deck her back three three
strikes you’re out i agree with that
what sucks is that we have to take three
like if everything’s equal you punch me
if if a dude punches me at the bar but
mostly i’m not thinking about instant
yeah but most of the time
because of the fact most in most cases
the ones like she’s hit throwing a
little punch it’s not gonna hurt you
it’s like fighting rick
moranis it’s like okay you’re like you
know whatever but like after a while
it’s like okay at this point
i’ve given you a fair warning
like yeah i’m not gonna that’s okay and
the thing is i’m not gonna go 100
yeah but like i’m gonna give like a
warrant like an archer that shoots at
the horse’s feet to be honest something
like that if it’s not like a body build
or some crazy thing i mean in all
honesty honestly i would just i would
resort to shoving
170 punch to their nose and it’s done
no i’m saying one oh 70 like not a full
punch just like a
170 punches
as hard as i could in the nose it’s
stopping her but anyways yeah i don’t
agree with it but i just i think it’s
it’s funny because i know a lot of
people have different and i agree again
if anyone listens to oh you guys think
it’s okay to beat women women no
no no i’m just saying if someone was to
attack you
like i would give her every chance but
guess what that’s actually i’m gonna
step back a second because i just
realized what you said a random woman
just attacking me it’s one punch it’s if
i know you that’s three okay i agree i
agree i changed my answer if this girl i
don’t know is running at me bam that’s
your way no bam bam yeah bam you’re
right bam
did the mic just cut off
sit down did you just blow
it no the mic didn’t come out it’s the
this thing shut off
it’s not turning on now
oh there it goes oh
something happened
oh there goes it’s on the song it’s on
it’s on
okay i don’t know what just happened
yeah i didn’t
bam bam bam bam bam you attack me you
attack me
if i know you three strikes i don’t know
you bam bam bam curbs bam bam bam you
get no mercy
you get nothing
put him in the full nelson
how much should you do the bodies
slight technical difficulty we’re back
anyways bam bam bam no she’s getting
[ __ ] yeah i agree here’s smith and
wesson i didn’t i didn’t
i want to catch these i didn’t decipher
in the beginning and i’m i’m i’m saying
a stranger like like rule of thumb you
don’t do that and everyone knows that
every male knows that and every like
female is that’s not the right thing to
do but
there comes a ranger like any line
that’s crossed you know i agree a
stranger here’s the other thing what do
they identify as she could advise a man
if she devises a man boom done bam bam
that’s true yeah
some guys are into that though some guys
like they’re weird sexual fetid they
like their balls stepped on with [ __ ]
little high heels and [ __ ]
i want to be clubbed in rubber suits to
armani’s hits
i want a [ __ ] horse for two costume
while i eat your ass
how do you find out your innocence how
do you find out you’re into this tell us
please listen you know what are those
what are the creatures in like narnia
the horsemen minotaurs
who came up with those well the here’s
the thing do they have the horse’s dick
or the dude’s dick if they’re minotaurs
oh well that’s the from the chest up
they got the horses but it’s a [ __ ]
oh yeah
okay the thing about the horse for two
costume is she’s the front legs and
you’re the back here’s the thing okay
i’ve always wanted to do one of those
because this listen to this no listen
listen to my reasoning
like to have someone like 10 yards away
record a video
and like it’s like a 50 yard dash as
fast as you can go in the in the costume
how funny would that [ __ ] look that
[ __ ] hilarious you know how the me
and you could run like a four five oh
yeah yeah yeah whatever he’s easy we’re
just too athletic yeah the uh what’s
funny is the olympics happened what
would be funny is if like there was like
an olympics for like just it’s like the
hunger games or random people get
selected you just get a letter in the
mail hey
it’s like it’s like this jury duty
it’s like this 300 pound 38 year old hey
you’ve been drafted for the united
states gymnastics
150 meter hurdles
okay let me get let me i would be that
would everyone would want north korea
would kick all of our asses because
they’re all not found no not they don’t
none of them are world-class athletes
like you imagine if someone’s like blind
hey you have to run the hundred meter
you have to throw the discus
you’re gonna do the javelin
it is completely random
and it’s like thanos would say it’s fair
to rich and poor alike
wouldn’t that be [ __ ] funny that
would be funny like everyone saying you
just get a letter in the mail it’s it’s
randomly selected and it’s everyone
could you imagine like it like an 88
year old gets selected for the high dive
just just waddling to the tip just like
destroys herself jumping into the water
two days to learn a whole dance routine
inside this [ __ ] nine by six square
that’s the coolest part is everyone
meets up at like the olympic place like
days before it happens it’s like hey
listen here’s the thing you’re never
going to learn any of this but we have
to try my name is daryl i’m 70 and i
work at the circle k like you imagine
it’s like
olympia don’t you imagine what funny
there’s like fencing in like wrestling
because there’s fencing wrestling and
it’s like an eight-year-old
who just fences this 29 year old six
nine dude yuri from russia just gets
[ __ ] obliterated
dude darwin’s dream right there man
wouldn’t that be funnier to watch
the funniest thing i would want to watch
is just like some fat [ __ ] taking out
the hurdles yeah like like he’s giving
it his all he’s like
but that would be the best part is what
can you imagine one of those high jumps
with the pull the pull snaps or a
[ __ ] pole vault that’s what i’m
the pull the pull ones yeah just yeah
it would be funny watching people
had no idea what they’re doing but just
trying to make like and whoever want it
would be that much more rewarding
because like this guy has no idea what
the [ __ ] he’s doing like going against
other people there’s no idea exactly
that’s why it was it’s natural talent
yes that’s right technically it’s not
about the coaches the [ __ ] whatever
like i i would like that because we get
to make fun of people
because like
it would suck if like all athletic
people got chosen because it’s like ah
this isn’t don’t get me wrong like the
olympics i’ve always had i’ve always
enjoyed watching but i’m saying how
entertaining would it be if it’s people
who don’t know what the [ __ ] going on
yeah like it’s synchronized swimming and
it’s everyone every shape and size
there’s a two-year-old hey can you hold
your breath i don’t even know this guy
could hold his breath
is he gonna drown he can’t even talk yet
like you know what i mean it would be
[ __ ] hilarious i just couldn’t
imagine like a like a [ __ ] gymnastics
dance routine they’re like
yeah and it’s [ __ ] some random dude
who’s a real estate agent from iowa
and he’s supposed to just do this beam
trick and jump off this thing like
[ __ ] hilarious his whole family’s
watching him
he has no idea what the [ __ ] going on
and that would be hellish because let’s
be honest we would see a lot of miracles
in those olympic games miracle that
would be [ __ ]
i’m just saying
can you i’m just saying like imagine how
funny it would [ __ ] be like there’s
like there’s a hockey team and there’s
an eight-year-old with a walker on the
ice and then there’s like a 20 year old
and then there’s a 10 year old
people just getting absolutely fried
you know it would be [ __ ] hilarious
yeah i would love that yeah
and the thing is with that that’s the
great thing is like
they always have like medic teams and
ambulances because most of them they’re
world-class athletes and they know what
they’re doing and it’s good this way
because otherwise they’re just standing
around they’re not helping anybody this
is a good thing yeah um a blind guy
throws a javelin just spikes one of the
we want to see death i don’t know about
that why do like people like death
what i mean like
okay sorry no one likes death except
i’m sorry not death but like uh
okay when you’re watching an mma fight
you want to see that other person just
get okay no die no no i didn’t mean
death i just oh i seriously saying i
just meant like well what is it about
our human agents i want dude that guy
yeah to literally almost kill this other
person okay well usually it’s not but
knockout could be close to kill
depending on how you’re knocked out but
i’m saying that goes back to primal
instincts like the colosseum people
watch people kill each other for fun
remember when there was hey i mean 10
shillings this guy chopped this dude’s
head off that’s a normal thing it’s like
hey here’s a lion this guy has a stick
let’s see what happens
you know what i mean i’m just saying
it’s crazy like that’s just it’s crazy
if you really think about it like
we’ve come a long way
not that but i’m saying like our primal
instincts it’s like and you see it
when everything and all rules have like
like the joker said
you know
they’re they’re moral they’re code
dropped at the first side of truth
exactly so crazy now our primal
instincts are like oh there’s a younger
guy at the office now i’m threatened you
no i was just saying oh i was like you
look for younger guys at the office
i am the youngest guy
nice but uh
like the other thing with that is like
yeah they used to like kill each other
and [ __ ] which is not okay
if it happened today would i buy tickets
i mean if he’s a pedophile i’ll watch
you know yeah that’s fair enough are you
telling me that’s actually good okay
pedophiles you’re a pedophile
going to the ring i still don’t think i
would with a lot
like but the thing is here’s another
thing here’s another thing what’s it i’m
talking to dude build up it’s it’s more
okay i’m more of talking to dudes here
are you telling me
you didn’t see a muslim execution video
when you were younger and you didn’t
click on it
are you telling me you saw one of those
he didn’t click on it because when i was
14 15 yeah we were in a baseball hotel
room and we clicked on it yeah i was
scared but the same time i knew i was
going to be scarred but i was like yeah
let’s collect know that dude those
videos what was it called was called
true gore or whatever so what was it
called there’s pages and pages of [ __ ]
but that’s the thing we grew up at the
at the beginning of the internet like
yeah you you can’t find that [ __ ] unless
you’ve got the tor browser and it’s not
no no no no
you can still you can find it without
tor browser
on google yes i can pull it up i’m not
gonna do it but i’m saying i can pull
one up right now really yes okay i do
remember that really okay
i remember i i [ __ ] trust you i
yes there was the
the only one i remember as a child
was this i have a sorry finish i have a
i have a question
when you were a young lad and you first
looked up porn what was the phrase you
typed into google a full naked woman
because i didn’t know what a [ __ ]
looked like mine mine was hot nude sex
i’m not kidding the first thing i typed
it was hot nude sex dude i remember when
i was like four to 13 or something like
that i was 13 years old i remember
to this day because i remember looking
didn’t you look at porn in your mouth
that was your dad and you blamed it on
yeah we’ve already seen our podcast
um no but i remember i didn’t know all i
knew was that like this is actually
i remember you know going to that age
and i was like okay there’s something
about the woman that makes me feel funny
yeah and it’s not like you would sit
there and jack like you would just watch
it be like
a curiosity yeah i’m intrigued he’d be
like what’s going on here i want in yeah
and i remember i remember we watched
some movies and there was a girl in a
bikini and i was like wow
and this is like 11 12 like yeah in that
age you don’t know i don’t know why i
don’t want you just have a desire to
walk i was like i don’t know why you
look like a watcher
i don’t know why i don’t want the scene
to end but i don’t want this scene to
end yeah i agree i agree so i remember
first looking up just that’s all i knew
was girls in bikini
and that’s just what i looked at yeah
but then even when you saw the full
thing you were so intrigued yeah i was
like you just you clicked on not because
you’re sitting there jerking you didn’t
even know what that was i didn’t know
what you’re gonna do you just wanted to
see like imagine
like you’re watching the like an amazing
party that you’re not invited to
yeah that’s yeah that’s what that’s like
so it was like it was like i was
intrigued and then i remember it
clicking in my head and it was like
because i just looked at girls in like
bikinis and then i was like me too yeah
yeah yeah and i was like okay because
that’s all i know that’s all i knew
that’s all that’s right it was like but
what happened if we took that yeah what
what if what if we let those things
breathe yeah
what would happen do we dare pull the
credit that’s where the google search
comes in i was like okay
full naked woman
let’s just see it the only thing was
even though i was young i was still i
was still smart enough to clear the
history because i’m not an idiot oh yeah
because i’m honest with my friends
because i’m the computer guy now the 100
my friends never did because they were
young and they didn’t know any better i
still knew better i still knew better
did you use chrome or explorer both
mozilla firefox sometimes yeah
i used uh
oprah browser or opera browser but the
thing with what i did
was because
i actually downloaded a separate browser
to a folder so you go to the folder you
open the browser but that browser you
can only check that browser’s history if
you went to that browser
i have another question for you was ever
a like when in your early days because
now we’re so brainwashed you can see
anything just be like that’s [ __ ] go
on twitter you see tits
yeah half my twitter’s [ __ ] porn and
i don’t even follow people listen listen
hey if you’re confident there’s nothing
wrong with posting a little bit of a
little bit of a striptease that’s what
keeps the
social media hot but i’m saying when i
scroll through twitter and i see coochie
and i see like titties i’m at work like
i’m at work yeah on my lunch break and
people people will look over my shoulder
and see me scrolling through like okay i
didn’t look this up it’s on my feed but
i’m not gonna explain that to them the
problem is i work with all old ass [ __ ]
who were around and they think you’re
looking at porn exactly yeah we’re gonna
say i don’t have a question was there
ever one that scarred you as a child
what do you mean like a porn video yeah
i have one i want like a sexual one
yeah it was a porn video that scarred
you okay okay if you’re gonna say like
the three girls one cup that’s not that
doesn’t count everyone’s one cup but
you know what i mean
that one was more just like what okay
i didn’t go okay
this is so [ __ ] gross
and i have one that’s gross too so it’s
okay and i
let it be clear here i was with like
people like pre-teens like boys are like
dude i saw the grossest [ __ ] and this is
when the two girls one cup had first
come about
and i’m a young guy i don’t know what’s
going on here but i’m like oh it was on
a baseball trip
yeah and
it was so gross it scarred to this day
it actually this day to this day it
scars me and this is like
10 like over 10 years later i’m still
like actually like wow
this guy
this is so bad
he like
poured milk
in this girl’s ass and fruit loops and
eat fruit loops out of her ass that’s
called a portuguese breakfast
that’s actually not a portuguese
breakfast how is that portuguese it’s
froot loops but anyways my point is my
point is at the time i was like
i went to bed staring at the ceiling not
knowing what i just had seen yeah
because you know your young guys you
guys are crazy you want to see something
[ __ ] out of the [ __ ] blue and i
did and i was scarred
the one of the first mom please don’t
listen to this episode mom shut up sorry
i’m sorry the first porn thing i ever
saw i’m not even this is 100 true
because i remember remember my my
parents are 15 acres of field i remember
just walking down the field and back
just like what the [ __ ] did i just see
okay it was no
okay well let’s see let’s see it let’s
see it
you’re just clicking on [ __ ] you have no
well you’re by yourself yeah i’m like
12. okay okay okay oh we’ll get to the
[ __ ] football bus where they showed
me some phones no we’re not going
through all of them just give me this
one i have two the football you’re doing
one because one pick one because i have
a question no because it was in enumclaw
the second one so we’re gonna talk about
yeah when you moved up here no
the porno was in enumclaw the second one
there’s horses involved yes okay we’re
not talking about that one okay the
first one was and it was like when i
figured out what the porn was i was
shocked by a lot at that age it was a
guy getting shoved something inside of
his penis hole and he was in so much
and so i’m young as [ __ ] and that’s what
i think
that’s what i think sex
obviously you didn’t search that i don’t
know no of course you’re just clicking
on the recommendations
then what the [ __ ] was your algorithm if
that was on your
what were you watching that would get
recommended you know how there’s like
hey ella’s watching we all know
something’s going on here to get
recommended you have 12 years old no
it’s all right you know there’s most
popular trending i know but like if you
just said it was one of the most
recommended i don’t know what it was it
was underneath oh now he doesn’t know
yeah i’m we’ll talk about it off air i
googled toothpick and guys [ __ ]
that’s what i googled i’m saying no
you talked about something that actually
scarred you is because
i remember seeing it
and it was like this is what sex is i
want nothing to do with it i i get that
i was scared because the fruit loop
thing i’m saying like i thought i’m like
this is what goes on i i’m actually like
i never want to
yeah but um the the next thing i do have
to say was we were on i was a freshman
on the football bus and the cool kid sat
in the back you know that’s where i
first saw two girls one cup
because i remember
i thought we just said i’m not going we
don’t want to go into the other one
no i’ll just say it like we’ve already
been raunchy enough this episode i
figured we’d move on anyways the first
okay actually i i have something for you
okay okay um this should be good do you
think like you and i have known
you and i’ve known each other long
enough something’s going on do you think
you could
sort of so i have a question i feel like
okay just like moaning or like grunting
will that turn you on
grunting or like a woman grunting would
not turn me on no i’m saying i want a
troll in my ear okay moaning yeah a girl
won’t again i’m saying do you think you
could turn me on
just by your voice no because you know
too well
but you know like
if if you tried well what would it sound
like try to like adjust your voice
what would you say are you [ __ ] i’m
okay so if i was and and i’ll do it to
you okay you’re good so okay let me
think i’m a girl you’re gonna turn me on
with just your voice go
okay well we have to obviously be doing
some feely or something no it’s just
gay guys can come without their dicks
being even touched that’s [ __ ]
apparently it’s true i’m sure there’s
there’s isolated experiences
ice have you ever has ever happened to
this is a raunchy episode this is bad
this is bad it’s good though it’s so bad
okay so how do we get here
how do we get here to me sexting you in
how the [ __ ] do you guys give jack and
get a boner on the button okay if i was
a woman okay okay the thing is i’m not a
woman but i’m saying if i was
so like
i don’t even
oh jay
oh [ __ ]
oh jay
oh daddy
how do you do it like
i can’t
you asked that’s so good
i appreciate the cover the [ __ ] try
i am acting my heart out here
okay here here we go oh [ __ ] you’re just
gonna be like oh
to be honest hey for everyone listening
out there not even a wiggle down there i
have a question really quick actually
because we just flew down to medford for
the wedding yeah and a different note
shout out flights besides airplanes do
they give anyone on earth those size
water bottles
has anyone else seen those water balls
besides the white dixie cup full 300 for
this ticket give me a 12 ounce [ __ ]
dasani it wasn’t 12 ounces it was like
two i said give me a try oh yeah i agree
it’s like i know the flight’s fast but
it’s [ __ ] water it’s not vodka i’m
not taking a shot
you know what i mean yeah and why hey
and why
why was the biscoff cookie chose i’ve
all and this is a universal world with
two airlines you know what who chose
that that’s probably
do you know what there is there’s
probably a crazy story to that there
probably is because i look at google
okay while you’re doing i’ll explain
like a story similar it’s like why weed
was a schedule one drug it was it was
going to be used as a suitable
substitute for paper and the lumber
industry started a whole on fear
campaign towards weed it’s one of those
weird things
i agree it could be dude the [ __ ]
keebler elves were trying to get on the
planes and then [ __ ]
you know they chose the biscoff
tell me
well first of all it’s okay
delta first started this
delta began serving biscoff the name
is said to be a portamento between
biscuit and coffee
so quietly nudging customers on the best
way to consume them because everyone
likes biscuits and coffee in flight in
the this was in the mid-1980s because of
its association with flying the biscoff
the biscoff cookie also got locked into
people’s sensory memory
so they never changed it
wow that’s interesting that isn’t
interesting because
that’s it because like hey look at this
and that this proves it
what is the only snack any person who’s
ever flown things up bisque of course
it’s locked in your sensory that’s
insane that’s kind of crazy but here’s
the thing from the day that why not a
pack of cheez-its
i’m watching them what about what about
a pack of cheeses popcorn like why a
biscoff cookie i’m not saying it’s not
bad but it’s like okay this is weird
this is the the only time people eat
biscoff cookies is when they haven’t
eaten anything because they were for
their flight and this is the only thing
the flight was offering
but like so like say you’re not on a 50
minute of a flight like medford say
you’re on like a longer flight what do
you have you have the tvs in the back of
the thing what are you watching like a
movie or something because you’re bored
you’re trying to pass the time why not
because they picked i agree but then all
the times you have to cook it to give it
each person because everyone would want
it there’s bagged popcorn that’s at bags
of [ __ ] you know what i’m saying
a bagged goodie everyone can just
except southwest they would just give
you a [ __ ] they would give you one
cheese one slice of cheese from a
lunchable and throw it out southwest
would just slap you in the face and tell
you thanks for being here wait where why
[ __ ] you south like what [ __ ] you you
wear the small shorts but you give me
the middle scene like i know they’re
basically i know they’re based in
arizona but like
we’re in washington we’re not in the
why do you wear shorts every single
other peep they have pants on okay and
guess what i don’t want to see those
mashed potato cabs yeah and everything
and every other airline is not an
exclusively middle aisle airline thank
you we’re the only airline with middle
aisle seats and they’re oversold by 322
every time we’ve been doing this for 80
years but we still have no idea how it
works we still can’t [ __ ] hire a high
tea guy for a database like and i’m just
saying and i’m not the only one who
thinks this no of course not i think it
too there’s two have you ever have you
ever like we’ve flown a bunch together
have you ever like been sitting like
before and hey like before everyone gets
on we have to we have to clean the plane
it’s two dudes with
yeah and it’s like dude what do you mean
it’s two guys spraying lysol on one
like i i i want to go back to the
middle seat thing like so when you’re
buying a plane ticket right
there’s first class which is
i guess like it’s only worthwhile if
you’re flying long and you can afford it
i don’t get why you buy that for a 50
minutes yeah you don’t you’re a [ __ ]
yeah you’re a little bit of a prissy
[ __ ] you know it’s like yeah you want
to see everyone walk past you we don’t
give a [ __ ] yeah
it’s a 50-minute flight so then there’s
like like for for that i’d ride with the
i’d ride with the luggage in the
basement yeah so there’s basement was it
car cargo the basement why is it
basement yeah wherever the suitcase is
ready yeah
um so there’s first class which is
ridiculously overpriced right the only
time i would fly first class would be
for a long-term flight in like a
one-time thing hey this would be a good
idea exactly
a long vacation yeah okay like i’m i’m
going to let loose a little bit yeah
exactly so then there’s the main cabin
which is the same as the back but you
get off a little earlier which be honest
there’s those
there’s also doors
there’s those [ __ ] in the back who
the second plane lands they get up and
run to the front so you still gotta wait
but i’m not paying extra walk to walk
off early 45 seconds earlier that’s what
i mean that’s what i don’t get about
southwest is because
the people who paid the cheapest tickets
get the middle seats
but it’s like
anyone with a brain is gonna put
[ __ ] seventy dollars less to what get
off early like i don’t
i don’t understand that
like the there’s the main cabin and then
there’s the
the regular seating but you don’t get
any upgrade of seating you just get
closer to the back but there’s also a
door in the back too
that’s true well on some planes some
planes they don’t like they don’t allow
people to accidentally yeah but the same
thing is like is waiting three minutes
worth [ __ ] 120 dollars like no it’s
i agree i was actually about to look up
now that we’re talking about this why
southwest sucks according to the
american people okay and i think that’s
a good that’s a good that’s a good one
yeah hey southwest you ever want to be a
sponsor no [ __ ] you you can give us a
million dollars no
because you know what we take real
sponsors we got aperture ocean so i’m
gonna see if i can find a pole here but
we also have cascadia pizza coming up
soon thank you very much thank you a
little cheap plug boom
let’s see
i’m trying to find the funniest like on
reddit or something yeah like a like a
little conversation thing a bunch of
people just added in
reddit was amazing until they started
censoring in that picture i know well
they do yeah yeah like you have to be
following this group are approved
read it you were known as the place of
free speech absolutely the american west
the american west just anarchy yeah and
then you [ __ ] it up it was like 4chan
which the problem is i get it weird
people get onto it and blah blah blah
but you know it it was good
it was good i’m looking up the worst
southwest airline reviews
yes which actually could be very very
you should look up spirit airlines so
this is on tripadvisor right this is the
first thing that they came up to 300
pound women fighting over each other
over a cigarette
anyways continue
this was from okay wait there’s a few
i’m trying to there’s a bunch of reviews
so i typed in the worst southwest
um southwest airlines reviews and i’m
going to read through a few of them
before i like read the one like the
final ones so
i’m sending seo a funny one
i just i have to laugh about that what
you said to turn me on that was funny
this one guy had a review and just said
if you have a choose choose wisely don’t
choose southwest
that’s what he said um i’ve actually
z why are you looking to survive a good
question have you ever left a bad review
at any place at any time for any
restaurant for any airline never i have
one time and you’re gonna agree with me
on this guess really guess what it was
yelp it down a notch guy i’ve never i’m
not that person so
you were there with me for a while guess
what it was what
take a guess i don’t know we’ve been a
lot of places together
fairmont apartments oh yeah fair enough
fair enough he stole
my rent check the place smelled like ass
well you should have kept the receipt
for the money order you dumb ass i
actually asked a certain the thing is i
forgot to pay my rent and the cashier’s
check was at the house and that person
sent it with the thing anyways um
the place smelled like ass they cooked
meth below us someone died the first two
not to mention the dude across from us
had no furniture and just would sit in a
chair i think he was a serial killer
there was a dude who left his door open
he drove an orange mustang remember that
and i remember walking past you know you
do a little like you know what’s going
on in there there was nothing on the
walls there was nothing in that room
there was nothing in the house in the
apartment but a single chair in the
middle of the room that he would sit in
serial killer you heard it here first
florence no not [ __ ] not florence street
uh fairmont apartments puyallup
washington across the street from the
fairgrounds guy orange camaro serial
killer you heard it here first
okay i this has nothing to do with what
i was talking about but this article i
just stumbled upon
southwest’s plan to conquer the airline
industry one joke at a time
not gonna happen so bob campbell was
just having another routine day at or
orlando international airport where he’s
a customer service agent for southwest
airlines there was a weather-related
delay so we turned to gate games to
entertain the passengers
sometimes he holds paper airline
competitions other days he sends
passengers on scavenger hunts through
the terminal can you imagine that you
listen my my turn i’m going off here
find the boiled can you imagine you’ve
all your flight like you’ve flown across
the united states all day three fights
were delayed it’s two in the morning
you’re half asleep hey can 15 d find
this zipper i left on the escalator
what the [ __ ] i appreciate them trying
but come on the other thing is is you
know that two minutes into it all the
passengers have headphones in
exactly yeah that’s why you don’t even
need tvs in the back of the seats we got
our phones
like no one’s want to do that so he was
also doing what southwest has always
done maximizing humor when is southwest
maximized humor other than the fact that
been the worst airline yeah unless
unless [ __ ] dave chappelle gets on
the plane i’m not laughing
you’re not funny
like you joking about the weather there
might be but can i also can i also add
something understand hold on
understand real comedy okay it doesn’t
come naturally and not any stewardess
can hop up there and spit some game you
all suck
so just stop
just stop with what you remember we were
flying to medford the guys were loading
the luggage he was hucking it like a
shot put yeah every piece of luggage he
grabbed what if there’s a bong in there
what if i bought a bong from [ __ ]
shattered done it’s one thing i bought
insurance derrick it’s more my [ __ ] is
covered it’s more of like the equipment
you brought but it was carry on like all
the recording i’m saying he was that’s
why he was [ __ ]
equipment over there do you remember
when they gave you a tiny plane and
they’re like there’s a little too much
people this plane you can check your
baggage no everyone’s like nope
nope yeah like or you get on the one
that has propellers but it’s really
falling apart and it’s almost an mri
with wings yeah and it’s like there’s
not a lot of room in here to [ __ ]
move z and i like i have this piece of
rubber you know what i know there’s
still a [ __ ] part there’s still a
little piece for the cigarette asher
from the 80s in this [ __ ] plane
and are you telling me this thing is up
to inspections to like to go 20 000 feet
when i’m looking at the propeller all
the all the panels are about to fly off
that looks like bob the builder screw
plastic screws into the wings there’s no
way the one thing i look at is when the
smoking size is no smoking right now
but it goes off you can [ __ ] puff now
you know what i mean it doesn’t make any
[ __ ] sense z and i not the last time
we flew but the previous time we took
all of our podcasting equipment with us
i remember they were saying hey this
flight is booked overhead storage is
going to be a little limited
would you like to check your bags i saw
no one go up there for a free check bag
the fact that i’m going to give you and
it’s i mean do these microphones are
very delicate
like when you get real microphones they
got a [ __ ]
uh [ __ ]
they have a drum
they have like a real drum that beat
like you can’t just smack them around
and when we saw that guy throw him
to the beat of a drum yeah good for the
night cause we would never wait
what happened to kesha
but she had a lot of radio bangers
didn’t she um i’m talking about
everybody getting cronkite boys trying
to touch my junk just gonna stop him if
you’re getting too drunk drunk
i’m yelling timber
what was that song um
dark horse by katy perry [ __ ] world
kanye west was on that one song wasn’t
he was i didn’t know that was he oh
that’s alien that’s a alien
extraterrest no it’s
you’re so
hypnotizing hit me with your love and
fill me with your poison take me to take
me can i be honest
you’re fixing ready for addiction
because you’re an alien your touch so
far away
it’s supernatural
oh but here’s the thing i’m not gonna
hate on our girl katy perry because
teenage dreams teenaged
but yeah that too but no teenage she had
some bangers bro how did she get orlando
orlando broom
well because
okay listen why did you know why no
because later because you spit gabe
because they’re both celebrities and a
lot of celebrities tend to [ __ ] each
other i know they all [ __ ] each other
but like orlando blooms okay the thing
was you know she used to be a christian
country singer
no i did not usually i would have loved
to hear that yeah because he came out i
kissed a girl a month later
singing dwelling in beulah land but i’m
just saying i’m dwelling in
there i’m just saying california girls
on the mountain underneath the cloudless
sky praise god
i’m saying california girls teenage
dream let’s be honest when we were in
middles bangers
last friday night
last friday night
flamingos in the yard wait we went
something something skinny dipping in
the yard so we hit them
last friday that was a bad thing we’ll
do it all
there’s a stranger in my bed hey that he
might not call the police on that one
yeah strangers in the world we freak in
my jeep do a dog on the stereo oh oh
how’d you get snoop dogg on that the
[ __ ]
home tan fit me ready
i’m turning up because getting hitting
wow wow west coast these are the girls i
love the most because i mean the one
like she’s the one kiss her touch okay i
have some puns
the girl’s afraid to drive a jeep i have
a question yes what i feel like you
already have something in here do you
answer this but what hood rapper had the
softest feature
of all time ludicrous
when i see you in the street and in the
school on the playground remember but i
really want to see you on the weekend
you know buddha you are real
and you’re talking about starbucks he
must have he must have gotten paid a lot
of money for that well yeah talk about
lean in the club you know what’s funny
remember that okay which actually okay
is a banger jermaine dupri ludacris
welcome to atlanta where the players
play where we grind on the streets like
every day everyone’s good and but he’s
on that and the next thing you know he’s
rapping with justin bieber at starbucks
in recess and then he redid it for
believe album the first one all around
the world
all around the world
dude this episode is [ __ ] chaos
yeah we’re we’re at 46. what is this
we’re 46 we’ll end it there this okay if
there’s any other well i mean there’s
been a couple episodes i wouldn’t want
my parents to listen to but this is
probably one of them too all of them no
this one’s bad but it’s my dad listen to
this one but he’s cool my mom hey mom
hope you stopped two minutes in
um anyways
this was fun um hey guys listen here we
want to thank everybody gals and guests
because um
our downloads have actually been going
[ __ ] off like there’s been days
listen here there’s been days we haven’t
uploaded any videos or anything like
and we look at our analytics and the
downloads are [ __ ] up it’s already
[ __ ] up don’t ruin it um and so what
happened was like our downloads have
been going up a lot recently
like it’s actually kind of crazy so
thank you everyone who’s been
downloading and um
you know we’re not guys actually like
the show hey
listen we gave you 36 episodes i wasn’t
done that’s okay oh i’m sorry continue i
i lost my okay lost my mojo okay we gave
you 36 episodes for free now 37 you know
they’re still gonna be able to listen to
them for free exactly but hey you want
them a week early and we’re gonna have
these exclusive exclusives yeah these
exclusives are pretty the hot ones is an
produced by
jordan abaya aputure ocean productions
he tends to deliver late
he’s never on time
and you know what
it hurts but he does a great job that’s
why we love him um jack where can they
find you they can find me at jack
underscore spence on instagram z where
can they find you isaiah underscore
lesney or you can find both of our
instagrams at around the lens to game
instagram instagram instagram page my
bad but um again thank you guys for
everyone downloading like we’re yes
we’re almost to 4 000 now i’m saying but
listen here this is a fact we’re not
going to say the numbers anymore just
you know we’re kicking out yeah like
we’re pulling and [ __ ] yeah dripping
so thank you everybody like it’s it’s
been fun because we kind of just said
this is a hobby and it’s it’s it’s
really fun so
if you guys and we’ve we’ve also gotten
everyone’s instagram videos that they
tag us in their stories about like them
watching the videos or like listening to
us when they’re working out driving to
work whatever thank you guys and we and
we hope that you guys get as much from
us as we do from you
that was good that was good i have one
thing to say
oh god that no it’s not bad
we have an analytics map
okay and we are getting so our first
most downloaded country is the united
states of america usa
the second downloaded
yeah india is one of our so yeah shout
out india where i’m going with this is
shout out new delhi
okay you guys are listening to the [ __ ]
out of this i don’t know why why is
canada not second i don’t know india’s
if you
j spence z melee to you
if you are listening to this
i ask you i want you
go on around the launch table dot com
go on the contact us thing yeah
tell us just who you like tell us
something yeah tell us your like
anything i i actually need to know
i legitimately want to know like i want
to know just say your name and like and
and why you listen or like that that
original stuff
yeah that original spot was meant to ask
questions but i actually want to know so
if you’re from india i want to know the
other thing is if you’re from india and
you contact us if you have a discord we
will have you on the podcast we want to
know exactly that’d be cool we want to
know because for some reason india is
popping so please i know you’re there i
know you’re out there ghana music reach
out to us
you know our instagrams dm us you know
our [ __ ] thing do it but anyways hey
thanks again guys again if you didn’t
hear earlier the hot ones episode is
going to be our first exclusive episode
and when we start with the exclusives
like you heard before we’re still going
to do what we do now and you’re going to
be able to hear them for free but if you
do the patreon slash the apple paid
subscription you’re going to get the
episodes a week early but you’re also
going to get an exclusive episode that
the people who don’t pay don’t get which
is the hot ones and they’re all going to
be the professionally produced ones that
are really [ __ ] funny yes so that’s
the only thing so you can keep you know
if you’re not
you know if you’re a little bit cheap
which is fine people get cheap it’s okay
it’s not a big deal because i i do it
all the time sometimes happening that’s
just happening so and if you can’t do it
and your resources aren’t there it’s
totally okay if you’re if you’re a
couponer just don’t listen yeah but
if you’re a ride-or-die person with us
and you want to know the hot ones
episode is going to be [ __ ] it’s five
dollars yeah and every and every and
every paid episode we do is going to be
um everything that we put into it to
make it really good because we know
people are paying yeah but either way
you will still get
the original episodes so we thank you
guys again
i do want to elaborate on that just to
make it clear the like the conspiracy
episode is still happening the hot ones
episode like we actually pay a lot of
money to make these episodes happen the
hot ones episode those sauces 120 beans
we have a real professional company
coming in doing this
you do not ever get to listen or see
those episodes unless you pay yeah you
don’t okay now when you also pay you do
get the episode we’ve been sucking you
guys off for 36 weeks you know yeah you
do get the episodes a week early that
everyone will also get
no one gets those episodes you know
you get what you pay for you want
quality content there you go but anyways
we thank you guys for listening it’s
been a hell of a ride and oh
i know we’ve just been rambling on about
the end of this but um don’t we also
we haven’t done it yet but i think it’s
because it’s the end of the summer we
should we should probably give
we should do like a little giveaway of
probably a giveaway of like a t-shirt or
something like that before the end of
the summer because it’s the end of the
so we should do like um we haven’t
decided exact rules yet but we’re i was
thinking like a hat shirt
yeah shorts you guys whatever all you
got to do dms contact us yeah and we’ll
put you in the pool we’ll put you in a
pool um and everyone and we’re going to
pick names and it’s good there’s going
to be a visor shirt
joggers or you can pick if you don’t
just pick something off the store yeah
pick some up yeah so we’re gonna do that
so let us know but anyways guys it’s
been a hubble ride so far we’re not
stopping yet because we got atlt to the
moon baby so here thank you guys for
listening and see ya
let’s get rowdy up in here

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Episode 37