#34 Gay, Bi, or Straight

Episode 34

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J & Z have their videographer Jordan Obaya take a gay bi or straight quiz. We also talk about alligators at Disney, as well as hot Disney characters. Follow us on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/aroundthelunchtable/?hl=en

welcome back slapdicks this is around
lunchtable episode
i foxy actually forgot it’s 34. isn’t it
33 3433
34. one of the two one of the two you
guys will figure it out
um i was about to do the sponsorship ad
but we have
an aperture ocean’s employee here and he
can do the ad what jordan why are you
taking away
oh yeah so if you’re a company or
business is looking for any photography
videos that’s what my company does so
that’s not the saying i can’t remember
it right now i had uh
one too many lunch tables shout out to
our sponsor after oceans bringing ideas
and ads to life his own employee doesn’t
even [ __ ] know what it is yeah they
[ __ ] slacker slackers and i forgot
yeah aop
[ __ ] yeah uh today uh
thank you everyone for checking out
episode 30 something uh appreciate
everyone checking out the merch
it’s 30 it’s something 33 34. yeah
uh something like that uh today we have
a special guest
jordan obaya from ohio state uh
yeah he hasn’t been on since uh it’s
been a while jake was
since jake yeah in a while when we had
shitty equipment so
uh wait didn’t we do one with him no
i thought we didn’t have anything maybe
i don’t know i don’t know
we started one but then aiden got
nervous and we had to shut it down oh
yeah i remember shut it down shut it
done um but i will say
i thought it would be fun to give um a
quiz here
um the quiz is am i gay
straight or bisexual take the quiz to
find out now jordan is straight i’ll say
well i guess we’ll see oh my the facts
do not lie
i’m scared okay
okay so okay the thing is if we all
answer different questions it’s not
gonna we have to do one we can’t
you know what i mean so we’re all gonna
answer we can discuss the questions
though too if that’s funny i mean
i’m saying if we all answer we’re not
different i’m saying it gives you a
certain amount of questions for that
person if we all answer and they’re
it’s not well we’re going to do jordan’s
answers but you and i can just i have
the final yeah
yeah nice nice nice you and i can you
have to answer honestly you have to
answer on this side
okay here it goes here it goes
i don’t know have you ever looked at a
person of the same sex
and felt attracted in a sexual way
no so like you didn’t see like brad pitt
you’re just like wow
actually not like i’ll bend over and
spread my cheeks for a minute oh no
so the answers are yes all of my
questions are the same sex
sometimes but i also have a crush on the
opposite sex no never i am not gay at
very rarely but there are a few moments
when i really liked someone
sick no never knocking sure come on
you’re you’re
never ever not gay okay okay can a
million never ever ever yours
is your next one oh my okay
oh this would be weird for you and me uh
okay yeah i’m sure
if your best friend confessed to you
that he is gay
you would one feel delighted and welcome
him to the club welcome to the club
the club who’s in this club
apparently it’s just a two-man club get
excited and start flirting with him
nope no no no no no
make a joke about it or tell him that
sometimes you feel attracted to the same
sex too
i would probably make a joke about it
because i wouldn’t know what to do in a
situation like that’ll be like i can’t
even think of any jokes right now
okay okay okay and
actually yeah there you go
i i didn’t know are we going to answer
the same questions as well just we’ll
discuss them
we’ve already said it if we all answer
individual differences
we’re only going to fill out his though
yeah okay fine fine
have you ever worn or fantasized about
wearing clothes
of another sex no like a dress like
young thug
nope no dude
okay have you ever it’s either it’s no
no okay not ever
okay like obviously you haven’t worn but
i’m saying ever
seen something like girl’s jacket like
wow i’d actually rock that
i have oh yeah i guess yeah yeah like a
crop top or something sometimes
sometimes okay the answer sometimes but
i would probably not go in public like
no but like a girl’s like sweater that
maybe that’s too big or something and
i can okay the answers are all the time
sometimes but i would probably not go in
public like
that never or rarely but sometimes i
might wear my never
there are no sweaters on those answers
but sometimes
yeah sometimes rumors of myself they
don’t make skinny jeans skinny enough
sometimes you know
how of jesus how frequent are your
same-sex sexual fantasies or dreams
all my dreams are about the same you’ve
actually had some gay dreams so that’s
i have had to get oh my god i kissed
patrick it’s not that bad
that’s still a gay dream maybe maybe it
was real life well we didn’t go
all the way i mean i was nervous
but if he was persistent yeah yeah
he kind of shied away so i was like i
want a confident man um
excuse me how frequent are your same sex
sexual fantasies or dreams
one all my dreams are about the same sex
most the time three never four rarely
never i’m gonna put rarely never wow you
guys are trying to just
this test is false no because your
answer never for everything and honestly
you live in the real world you’ve had
experiences okay if there were no people
left in the world
except for someone of the same sex a
you would be happy as be happy as no one
would ever flirt with my man slash woman
be disappointed that you’re losing out
on the other sex or fall into despair as
you will never have a sexual partner
and probably kill them and eat them for
food cannibalism that’s not
it that wasn’t an answer that’s what i
would do okay okay you have one person
in the world you’re gonna
no these are the answers it’s be happy
as no one would ever flirt with my man
or woman i’d be disappointed that you
were losing out on the other sex
fall into this bear fall into despair as
you will never have sexual partner again
stranger in the tub you will never be in
despair as long as you have
but what if both your hands are cut off
okay well that’s not what you see
okay so what’s your answer the following
yeah i wouldn’t fall in despair but it
would be that one
yes okay it would but it wouldn’t
oh there we go have you ever kissed
someone of the same sex
yes i do it all the time that’s it uh
once or twice
no way i’m ever doing that i love
kissing people regardless of their sex
that’s you no that is not me
i will not just kiss a dude straight on
the lips no i didn’t say that
yeah i’m just like you guys kiss all the
time i know that yeah
we have never kissed no we don’t you
guys ask aaron at aaron b bernard
aaron b bernard yeah aaron got stung by
a bee and thought it was the biggest
deal in the world
and then she called her dad and then her
dad was because she’s like
and i was like the funniest part of that
was like the
like later in the day because they she
got stung by a bee and they like accrued
this like home remedy with baking soda
and [ __ ] to rub on there or whatever
and so there’s baking soda all over the
counter and then um
everyone thought it was cocaine and like
yeah it’s not that kind of party
i got baking soda bacon yeah the uh
yeah she she called her dad and i think
she was looking for like sympathy and
compassion like oh you’ll be okay she
was like rub some dirt and it click
that’s that’s a good thing i mean she
called her dad
yeah i don’t know yeah well i was like
i’m right here i mean
yeah it’s like i understand if he got
like hit by a car or something but like
even then i wouldn’t call my dad i’d
call who
who’s your emergency contact you you’re
ah jordan who’s your emergency contact
my dad
really no i haven’t met your dad yet
well the thing is if we lived in medford
our dads would be alright yeah
yeah describe your dad for me in like
five words
you’re mexican you’re not mexican aren’t
you russian
no i’m mexican and russian lexi in
a russian a a mexican a rexican
he’s a wrexican
all right let’s go continue the quiz
okay uh so i’m gonna say
he loves kissing people regardless of
their sex nope
you do like kissing people it didn’t
stay on the lips i’m saying like as a
[ __ ]
i love kissing my girl you are such a
okay we’re gonna go regardless of sex
all right yeah
oh this is good okay wait wait wait wait
okay this is good this is good this is
good okay
it’s good if your partner offered you a
with someone of the same sex but if you
did it
you could do one of a girl too you would
feel excited about it bring it on be
confused but i would probably do it
never i only like the opposite sex do it
as i don’t care about the sex of the
what good notice because if you do it
then you get to
yeah then you get the so the two rules i
don’t know i could picture my girl
getting pounded by another dude
then oh then you yeah it’s
yeah i’m not trying to picture that
that’s the sacrifice i mean you can
close your eyes
a small price to pay for salvation yes
as thanos would say
is that but you’re just damning your own
you know your own girl
you’re gonna think about that other nine
times other guy inside of her for a long
time but the thing is she
most likely she’s not going to agree to
that but if she but if you do that
you have i mean if he’s smaller than you
i mean you’re kind of in the clear
yeah that’s true yeah sweet so you’re
saying you would totally be down if
you’re here
it’s a very provoking question because
if you do it then you and that’s like
come on
so i have heard so i do know someone
that has had several three ways
and he has said um that all been there
before i thought but
i’m not wow
jordan um babies
um he said that the problem was
is that he said it was only fun if it
was like two one night stands because if
it was your girl
and then yeah much emotions yeah makes
sense because then your girls watch you
get pleasure from another woman
and yeah exactly that’s why this is the
question it’s both of you she gets and
then after that if you get you’re
[ __ ] judge judy right now just laying
down the laws
so i’m going to say you would be
but you’re going to probably not you
would probably do it because if you do
it then you get
then the opposing one why would i want
that i got my girl that’s all i need
you don’t have to kiss up to anybody i’m
not trying to kiss it out today
okay this is not a real quick obviously
this is a real thing because
the question first is like if she
offered you with the dudes like okay
but if you let me do this i’ll let a
girl come in no why would i
i would never ever let that you’re a
liar no with the doo
doo doo my girl no i i will say like
even if it was like
my girl i don’t think she would be down
this person yeah but he could have a
stinky wiener that we don’t know about
you you never know
that could ruin her say all that goes
fine and then you’re with the girl
like i couldn’t see my girl like going
down on cooch you know
yeah she wouldn’t my choice this is
obviously pretty weird this is obvious
this is obviously an outlandish question
this is actually gonna happen jesus
lighten the [ __ ] up well you
you’re acting like it’s gonna happen
okay yeah i’ll say i’ll you’d be
yeah definitely sweet another not one of
my answers
this is going to come out yeah it’s
going to come out as bi as [ __ ] probably
okay yeah 100 oh bye
oh by uh oh
all my jordan obaya
what uh president and ceo of aputure
ocean productions in case now i forgot
ceo co-partner cfo cfo
would you be comfortable with a gay
colleague flirting with you at work
i’ve actually had that happen yeah i
mean i’m not going to like say away you
i’m sure like
i’m not like yeah a way you shoe but
like i’ve worked with gay people i’m not
going to be a
dick about it but i’m not going to be
like so what are they yeah i’m not gonna
i’m not gonna be gay back flirting to
you you’re not gonna put it back in your
okay i’ll take it yeah i think jordan
was i get a lot of compliments
yeah i get a lot of compliments like now
that you i come home and i tell my girl
right away
bailey was like got hit on by another
dude sweet
you’re playing this really close to the
so what are the answers uh sure
it’s a lot of fun i guess so it depends
on the situation
i would feel very awkward about it it’s
never appropriate to flirt at work
okay though no one believes the bottom
line yeah that’s an awkward awkward one
yeah it’s just awkward yeah no i think
i’d say i guess so it depends on the
would you be i am comfortable like
getting forward
so sure it’s a lot of like no it’s great
then i tell them
my situation i’m just like i’m sorry i
only dabble with that on the weekends
nope tuesdays you’re not your friends
decided oh i’m here right now
okay your friends decided to go to a gay
bar you would
feel like you’re going home let’s go
party get excited to check out a new
feel threatened or uncomfortable get
secretly excited as you always wanted to
check out a gay bar i’m not secretly
excited about
ish i’ve been to like gay bars before
with my buddies and my girl
and it’s fun it goes let’s go party yeah
let’s go party
okay yeah oh i’m not did anything
i have the results i have the results oh
no wait
do it like ryan secrets or something
on the news okay so you’re only four
point three five percent gay
you’re good sweet you’re 52.1
straight and 43.48 percent bye
yeah those three questions were probably
freaking from the ones you answered yeah
no i don’t know tess knows like it has
you know it’s an algorithm ai test has
super powers so yeah you’re a majority
like 52 percent you’re
you’re you’re straight pretty straight
but 43 says
you know if really faced with something
you could
you could switch hit you could swing
both ways
so i i i do have a question so when you
went to the gay bar i’m just curious
like were you with anyone that was gay
or you thought it would be fun
yes we just found out my buddy got back
from the military
and he came out to us that he was gay
while he was in the military he had a
good time
well like we grew up though and like he
was totally into chicks and stuff and
it came out of the blue like yeah and
did he pitch her catch
he got married and he got embarrassed
and he uninvited all of his friends and
oh yeah and then we actually
he they ended up getting a divorce and
now he’s married to a girl again
wait what so yeah so he’s bi yeah he’s
bi but
he went so are you so are you no i’m not
wow i never hit hated on him or anything
well yeah of course
i mean we we don’t have any gay friends
do we
oh no we do have my cousin’s gay we do
have a friend that uh
dabbles well anymore did though
um dabble the d yeah also was he so you
no i did not i just remember the person
will rename nameless i remember we were
talking about getting head or something
and he was like given never received
sick maybe he meant eating [ __ ]
no we were talking about have you ever
it was on uh it’s on that game we played
buzz it was like have you ever
have you ever gotten road road head and
the thing is when you tell stories i
have to keep my alerts about me because
okay everyone in that room remembered
that oh i remember it but i’m saying i
the way you tell it um did anyone
here hear about the
well it’s been long enough so it’s it’s
time um the little baby that got eaten
by a gator at disney
samurail talked about one of his
stand-up shows like a baby got
first of all how do you lose track of
your baby and you look down
oh it’s in the [ __ ] hour they’re like
fences and they like yes
they had to actually throw that thing in
there i don’t know how that happened i
think the waiter didn’t just climb up
the wall
thank you grab it and [ __ ] walk away
it’s a food chain
yeah i think the uh i think i think it
was the parents they probably like were
like i’m done with this kid like i’d
like to return it please
and then they’re settling but the thing
is i don’t know how old the kid was i
don’t know if it was like a newborn
if it was a newborn definitely the
parents did some [ __ ] yeah they
obviously were like whoa
and dropped it okay let me see let me
see let me see i’m gonna google it
really quick
yeah i i mean same with the kid in
harambe i mean how does your kid get
into a freaking
uh gorilla cage like i almost like
killed harambe
oh my god i googled it and [ __ ] um oh
wait nevermind nevermind sorry
uh i think peter’s saying right now
about it
that gator deserved to live yeah that
gator [ __ ] didn’t know what he was
it’s the upside down food pyramid i
heard the food pyramids actually are
supposed to be upside down
like oils and carbs are on top or
i don’t know i feel like oh this is
[ __ ] okay
he was a little [ __ ] he’s too awesome
so he definitely ran in there
yeah can two year olds walk okay okay
listen yeah i’m not like okay listen if
you guys are listening if you’re sense
i’m not like making fun of like
how the [ __ ] does this i don’t know so a
two-year-old boy was
pulled into the water by an alligator at
a lagoon
near disney’s upscale grand floridian
near it wasn’t at disney world
see this is fake news what do you mean
they said near the resort it wasn’t even
it was it was at a disney resort it was
yeah it was at the resort so the family
of tyler was killed after an alligator
snatched him at a disney resort has
decided not to sue
they did too wow but he is too so
okay so okay i thought it was at the
park and i was like how
did the alligator get arrested he’s on
you are fact
first name al second name gator
last name i’ll see you later i just
think that’s honestly crook honestly
um so where we’re going with this i did
read today that uh disney world is
so remember like the os when they like
bounties you know wanted posters
that’s what’s going on like disney
world’s the wild west right now like you
can get i don’t know about that you can
get 30
a gator head but i wonder if you have to
like cut the head off put on a silver
platter and like go to walt disney
i think you just give them the body and
they give you 30 bucks
let’s head down to florida well it’s the
same wrestlemania
it’s like the same thing in uh texas
like with the wild
pigs or whatever you [ __ ] kill one
and they give you money like i feel like
it’s kind of fun i think
yeah they shoot him at helicopters
that’s pretty [ __ ] sick yeah that
would be badass
the pigs like the wild boar like they’re
like if you kill him like that i gotta
[ __ ] kill him please so people are in
helicopters just [ __ ] sniping them as
running away
now listen a little cruel but hey i
would that’d be pretty cool to see
something sprinting and actually like
[ __ ]
lead the shot yeah like [ __ ] shooter
and snipe one that’d be pretty cool i
heard bore bacon is pretty good
boar bacon where’d you hear that from
aren’t they boars pretty much yeah
they’re well
yeah wild boars yeah yeah freaking wild
boars bacons well they’re dangerous they
attack people too
yeah the uh i remember there was i when
i was in hawaii they said that some like
person came over with a snake like 30
years ago which how do you get a snake
on a plane i don’t [ __ ] know those
snakes on the planet
they made a movie did you see it yeah
and uh now
it’s like an invasive species over there
invasions and racist species
same with wild cats in australia cats
same with [ __ ] payroll same with the
giant hornets that are actually from
japan somehow got the [ __ ] washington
the murder hornets yes
they didn’t do barely any damage though
we didn’t see any news of it are you a
i kept looking for articles after about
the damage nothing much came
oh thank god wikipedia didn’t tell you
anything so we must be good we have bees
uh detectives on the case uh honeybees
like over in japan
learned how to fight these bees
no but you know i watch the thing about
it all the bees will hover around them
and they’re like oh
and they’ll cook them they’ll cook them
yeah because
honeybees can take a maximum like of
temperature three degrees what a hornet
can so they cook them
so they just go to like the maximum no
they all like thousands of people get on
top of them
those are ball around yeah but anyways
i’m saying but if there’s a lot of
murder how
how the [ __ ] now how the [ __ ] they get
here we all know hornets didn’t swim
from japan to washington
i mean the the geese migrate south for
the winter maybe the hornets migrate
east no yeah because the hornets can fly
across the ocean
birds do they’re birds they hover yeah
sort of
hornets don’t hover but they’re murder
hornets they’re obviously built
dude hornets don’t spread their wings
just hover freaking juggernauts or
birds [ __ ] hover because they fly i’m
just saying they got out
yeah not from flying do you think a
[ __ ] hornet could fit like 2 000
miles they could have came out brought
them here they could have came on a boat
cargo ship with food whatever it is
they’re just on there once they’re in
there’s a couple more they [ __ ]
game over i feel like you would know if
there was murder hornets on your vessel
no if it’s a big cargo ship how would
you know how
half of them don’t even know that 25
kilos of cocaine’s on there
in a cargo how would they know there’s a
[ __ ] hornet there i’m just saying
very true true you ever seen that [ __ ]
where like there’s like uh
it was like these families spend like
four weeks in there
and then they all [ __ ] in like the same
corner and then and then they get caught
and it sounds pretty
it’s like you did all that for nothing
yeah it’s like i literally pooped in
front of 45
other people yeah it’s like we made it
no can you imagine the doors being
opened like
finally spread your [ __ ]
that’s so [ __ ] wouldn’t want to walk
in there finding them either yeah who
has to clean that
whose job is that well they’ll just grab
the bucket and throw it overboard right
yeah yeah they probably just throw it
the ocean 45 days that bucket’s over
well at that point they’re probably just
doing it in one side of it yeah
you know we’re doing it like [ __ ] no
oh they’re probably doing it in the poop
like just going to the bathroom dude
they probably had like an artist in
there did you ever see
that thing do you ever see that thing um
this is a while back i know you saw it
um that like
some hundreds of kilos were found on a
cargo ship and the cargo ship was owned
by jp morgan chase
interesting very very interesting
yeah because it’s like you can’t you
can’t smuggle
that much [ __ ] on there without knowing
you know what i mean they gotta have
everyone involved
i would think jp morgan was mad they
weren’t getting a cut yeah [ __ ] you know
big bees it’s a lot of money in there
yeah but yeah isn’t that weird uh
jordan it’s speaking of criminal acts
does something happen to you today
yeah my car got broken into this morning
but but sucked
how many criminal acts have you happened
have have happened in last couple years
have you ever done anything illegal
um we all have yeah we’ve all done so
yeah like what do you want me to tell
you all the stuff right have you like
robbed somebody before
no i’ve never robbed somebody you mugged
someone yeah okay what’s what’s
something illegal
the russian in you is coming out and i’m
not saying that would only stop at the
stop sign
like maybe had one mini two drinks and
drove before everyone’s been there
that’s not what i’m talking about though
yeah that’s like the most illegal oh
ah there it is i was waiting back
back in yield washington before the uh
mayor johannes was illegal
i might have uh helped some dealings go
on back in like
oh a little pablo obaya but uh
those days are long gone now you can
just go to the candy store and pick it
right up and it’s true
it is kind of nuts we have to go to like
a trailer it’s kind of crazy i just [ __ ]
my pants from the cops like
the thing i understand there’s still
people going to jail for like 20 years
over a bunch of pot but there’s like
with [ __ ] pot companies come on man
come on how many states is illegal in
like 10 now or something i don’t like
i don’t know bernie sanders gonna do it
feel the burn
yeah vote for john mccain he’s
a maverick what do you expect a bunch of
logan paul’s merch maverick he’s a
maverick we’re gonna put the maverick in
the white house
that’s what sarah palinos she said 18
times during a debate he is the maverick
well you know a bunch of mavericks we’re
not going to agree what do you expect he
is the maverick
he is the maverick so stupid [ __ ]
i actually have a funny story i remember
one time like you know like your parents
like say things you take them to like my
parents like oh i hope barack obama
doesn’t win
and so i remember in like sixth grade we
were watching like who gets chosen
yeah and whatever your parents were like
oh yeah yeah exactly
and i i took it too far just being like
[ __ ] 12. and so barack obama gets
like i was like i’m gonna kill
him so i didn’t know what the [ __ ] i was
talking about
and then the teacher takes me down they
call my parents they’re like your son
said he was gonna kill
the first black president he’s like all
with that you might want to count that
the funny thing is i went to a small
private school when i was like in fourth
and fifth grade and like that was when
first got elected and my history teacher
was black and he’s like
because he didn’t want obama to be
president yeah it doesn’t have to do
with the
i’m like hey man you’re going on the
wrong side there yeah
you know yeah i agree with that yeah
but even if you don’t like him like if
your black is like it’s still like yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah
has ever been a puerto rican president
there’s never been anything other than
a mexican president oh mexican president
that’s next
never do you think you’d make a good
you’d get so c for president obama yes
you would be taking bribes left and
right dude first days
could you just be dirty please please
explain please explain how do you know
the veto process of the judicial branch
please tell me all i’m saying is i think
you would be you know
what would i be i think your first day
you’d how do you how
do you know how congress works you’d be
interested in politics they’re all
[ __ ] dirty exactly that’s the point
of being a politician
yeah anyone that cleans got to be dirty
but yeah anyways i’m saying what i would
hmm okay first day oh i could okay
you’re president
for a week okay what is the first thing
you’re doing in the game though i am
an officer i want to go to where monica
lewinsky got the cigar and her puss
and i’m yeah yeah yeah and i’m doing the
same thing well first of all i want to
walk all around i want to like
admire the history be like wow so-and-so
was [ __ ] in here yeah this is [ __ ]
yeah and then i would want to throw a
[ __ ]
banger in the [ __ ] a rager like at
his desk like in that [ __ ] office
yeah i want like like i want [ __ ]
nancy pelosi [ __ ] stripping on a pole
definitely sarah palin’s coming back to
the white house
and she’s doing great just because i’m
you’ll remember that forever she better
die her gray hairs back so it looks like
the 2012.
oh my god yeah the thing is okay listen
she wasn’t terrible looking for all
politician ladies and
men are [ __ ] ugly doesn’t she have a
kid that’s uh
down syndrome correct i don’t know the
specifics i have no idea he does because
family guy made fun of it and that was
remember that so so chris from family
was dating this uh down syndrome girl
which is fine
um it’s not funny but
and then like halfway through the
episode i think she was like meeting
chris’s parents and she’s like yeah and
my mother is the former governor of
alaska i’m like
that’s funny that’s so bad dude family
guy knows no boundaries dude yeah we do
when they when they [ __ ] with donald
yeah that was all right [ __ ] so did uh
yeah family guy did [ __ ]
the uh comedic geniuses yeah i think the
the whole grabber by the [ __ ] thing
i mean the dude didn’t know he was gonna
be president i mean exactly if i was
gonna be president do you know how many
scandals i would have oh
tons i would literally be president for
24 hours
when was that yeah donald trump was in
the 70s and he was
he’s sitting there [ __ ] doing coke in
a hotel with a bunch of hookers yeah he
is because he’s playing
all or your parents were yeah all of our
[ __ ] parents are
saying if i was to become president i’d
have a scandal the second i woke up the
first day oh yeah
instantly isaiah wasn’t he said on um
around the window
podcast yeah seriously i would have so
many [ __ ]
yeah that’d be bad god what about you
jordan do you think you’d be a good
a good prez no
vote for obaya i guess i don’t even know
what i would do the cool thing is
they’re letting anybody in now so we’re
good yeah
yeah i wouldn’t want we got joe bryan
you can’t even say a full sentence
our son turns my leg hair’s blood
and little kids come up in the pool
didn’t he like [ __ ] break his ankle
chasing his dog out of the shower that’s
what they said
and it’s like okay listen he has like a
pr robot joe
and that’s what they can and i’m saying
the way they were it was like joe biden
breaks ankle running after dog out of
the shower it’s like you could have just
said he
ran after his dog and broke his ankle or
what did the shower have to do with it
he’s probably coming down off a mean
[ __ ] cocaine
dude he was just popping so many perks
yeah dude yeah when he was talking about
the little kids plucking his leg hairs
yeah i was like where’s my leg hair’s
blonde then the little kids in the pool
come up and pick them
up and then he finishes i love when a
little girl sits on my lap
come on no he didn’t get this this is
close to the chest yeah uh i just
watched a video where
uh it’s recent one kamala kamela
uh whatever the vice president’s girl’s
name is she said
uh she was like you know what getting
the vaccine as the bible would say love
your neighbor
as yourself i’m like you’re not going to
appeal to the cushions here yeah
that’s not how that works you see her
recent like scandal thing going on she
was like sitting at a table full of like
old white women on like black history
month or something like that like
and there’s a black lady behind her like
in a robe like this
mean mugging that’s funny yeah
she’s doing her laughs
that’s funny the uh i do remember
there was a remember that thing with uh
with with jan mccain remember he uh
wasn’t he like a he was like a war hero
right i think so i don’t remember or i
think he got shot twice and that’s why
he was the maverick right
i think he okay he’s your back that’s
not why he was the maverick that’s why
they called him the maverick no the
like a map the definition of it i
believe not appealing to normal id like
you kind of
you’re you’re rogue in your way i
thought maverick was like a rank in the
air force
you’re thinking of top gun
that’s american goose does that mean
sarah palin’s goose
yeah dude
she could get the old goose
she gives the old goose neck oh um
jordan i have a question for you
what so death row okay
so let’s just say that
you witness me and jack committing a
heinous crime
heinous are you going to the police and
telling him
no way are you going to help us hide the
body that’s the question
um i don’t know we’re gonna take it that
far you guys got me on audio now i’m
we’re not we’re not gonna nail somebody
it’s just theoretical okay okay maybe
it’s something i’m saying you just
witnessed us do something [ __ ] up
are you like bad are you gonna
tell somebody but to the point that it
could indict him because
yeah yeah so there’s a little something
on the line are you are you going the
selfish shout out are you having your
backfield just depends on how much money
is involved so
okay for example that can be
hey there’s always a way to oil
someone’s lock
oil up the engine yeah i have no more
questions so yeah the uh
i have another question for jordan so
say like
say we’re driving right
okay and obviously we do not do this
me and z are drinking and you’re not but
you’re in the car behind us
you and there’s a cop between us you see
him put his lights on
are you gonna throttle down and pass him
to get him to chase you or you’re gonna
let him pull us over
well in the moment if i let him pull us
over because he would chase me though
too and then get me my car’s not faster
than a cop car
you just have a speeding ticket we gotta
do brand new lamborghini
um well it’s probably non-factual
because i would be drinking too if you
guys were
so no you were meeting us hmm
no i’m not going to speed i’m always
using this yes
yeah he’s he’s already chasing you down
he’s going to get you okay
oh this is a good one so you’re already
going to jail for like 15
15 to 20 years you’re already going for
what i don’t
this is the situation you’re already
going to jail 15 to 20 years that’s
smoking weed
that’s just i don’t know that’s your
sentence you’re out in the fr
you get pulled are you running if i get
pulled over and i’m going to jail for 15
years old yeah you’re gonna heck yeah i
okay let’s make sure i would [ __ ] run
if i had ten i’d probably [ __ ] i
would run right up into the forest and
live and survive and eat animals
what’s funny i would love like to like
you drop in the forest like like michael
scott can’t run even just watch what you
do dude he’s got like a headband he goes
he goes crazy in 20 minutes i make my
pants into a stylish headband to keep me
there’s already the sun yeah
like if if you if you’re on an island
i mean what what is your way of getting
an animal are you gonna like shiv a
are you just gonna run and tackle it
okay if i’m on an island obviously
there’s bottles of water i’m tying yeah
tropics together and then creating a
hook and then i’ll please hook a fish
i’m gonna stab a fish though but not
hook one so you’re going for the fish
not the mammals oh yeah well if it’s an
island there’s mostly not trying to eat
a monkey or something
there’s most likely not that many
mammals what’s the most [ __ ] up [ __ ]
you’ve ever ate
oh um i don’t know like
i had a grasshopper one time for like 50
bucks no i meant like
like a real meal oh i mean i’ve
just ate in normal [ __ ] yeah i don’t
know if i felt bad about it
maybe a bison i mean i tried jellyfish
one time and i [ __ ] threw it you eat
i guess maybe not your it was probably
jello when your dad’s like hey this is a
jellyfish i was a little kid
it wasn’t yellow we were at an asian
restaurant and they had like a bunch of
oh squid excuse me oh squid squid it was
calamari oh i’ve had chicken feet before
kind of feel bad yeah chicken nuggets
chicken feet that’s pretty much for
literally it looks like a foot of a
chicken and it’s just
deep boiled or deep fried with some like
oranges like cut the nails off first no
they have nails no no no it’s very chewy
give it a pedicure first oh it’s got
nice pink you ate that volunteering lee
yeah you eat it at those like
restaurants at a chinese restaurant
where they go with a cart buy and they
ask you yeah i’ve been to one of those
ask for the chicken feet it’s pretty
good no the thing is i’ve been to one of
those and there was nothing in english
and i just like pointed it isn’t their
feet bone
yeah exactly so it’s like you just eat
the stuff around the bone
what so it’s like a little tiny chicken
it’s just like intense the most [ __ ]
up thing
i ever ate was uh ass yeah
you know what’s crazy is i actually had
this conversation with some older adults
uh-oh why is our generation i’m not
saying we
eat ass i’m just saying like it’s like
a test it’s v it’s very common in like
our generation but like our parents oh
yeah it never was a thing
yeah like what changed i know it changed
there was bushes for the longest time
big bushes not on their butts
everywhere oh they’re just they didn’t
shave anything i’m saying
in the 80s it was a very popular thing
that there was always bushes well the
bed inside were eating [ __ ]
well oh i know but like ass was just it
was just it was
it was an unadventured ground okay it
was not expensive it hadn’t been
it was it hasn’t been explored you know
like we were the conquistadors
the spaniards that came over and [ __ ]
we came over and we conquered the land
and we decided you know what
let’s try some ass yeah let’s eat i
guess like
fried rice i guess that’s what happened
but yeah and you know what okay listen i
blame janae ayoko from that song
and he better eat the boonie length
groceries and that song and then after
that yeah
cultural reset ass like albertsons
albertson’s is expensive yeah but but
they parked
do you want these sugar cookies for 7.99
even though they you take one bite and
like nature valley bars and they go
yeah uh anyways what my worst meal was
we went to australia
and we were petting these kangaroos for
like three hours and playing with them
oh my and this is when the kangaroo hit
you yeah that was when the kangaroo hit
you didn’t eat the kangaroo yeah you did
i want that one i want that oh
a kangaroo hit me and then you could
choose a kangaroo to butcher and eat and
that’s the one
what i’m kidding no oh i was like i’m
no no but so peter’s got something to
say about it yeah but no we uh
we went to a restaurant afterwards and
like okay we had just prolooked and
played with these fluffy little
kangaroos my mom goes
i’ll have the kangaroo and i’m like like
we just tell tell them about the one
that hit you
yeah so you had these little like vines
kangaroos are strong dude yeah they are
they they can [ __ ] square up um
they have these little vines and you
would like feed one and so i was like
feeding this one it’s just you know
it’s cool because these little fingers
you know it was pretty cool because
they’re marsupials yes
and uh so then the one behind me was a
little cuter you know kind of had
you know a little blush on it did his
makeup that day yeah so i turned around
and you’re feeding a minor yeah and so i
the one behind me and the carriage went
wet on my back and i thought like you
know it’s [ __ ] going down
i got into the whole position and then
it pussyed out did it hurt
no it wasn’t horse no it was just like a
like that but like with both fists just
like like a hulk punch
yeah yeah kind of like that so anyways
so we spend like all day with these
beautiful kangaroos and wallabies which
are the little
which are the little tiny cakes those
are joey’s what’s a single wallaby
a wallaby a walla behind if they were
joey i thought joey’s were the baby king
that might be the slang term but they’re
called wallabies wallabies are a
different kind of wallaby wallaby
you’re a wannabe wallaby yeah wallaby
sing me a lullaby why is it um why is
gooses no why are goose geese and moose
not me
no no no moose is mooses mice or rats
or that’s not the same thing
that’s what i’m saying rice art moose
because goose gooses goose is a geese
and if you wanted a kernel of rice it’d
be rice but if you want to bowl you’d
what i’m saying like you don’t you don’t
say you don’t see two goop rice you
don’t see two geese and say hey look at
those gooses
yeah so when it’s moose be mise
do moose travel together yes they do
oh yeah i guess with their kids what the
[ __ ] are you doing
out there these are good parents
yeah the divorce rate is really low this
hey is it me or does like disney always
kill the parents or something yeah
because they have to have like a tragic
background it’s always
like it’s always something it’s like hey
let’s make our viewers depressed and
then let’s make
all the moms have [ __ ] let’s pick our
ethnics and then after they’re dead it’s
like let’s sing a song about these
yeah oh and then the clock is talking
like come on
what’s [ __ ] next the secret life of
clothes what’s what’s what’s the best um
old like classic disney movie
um rifle goes west
you know how i know that’s a lie because
i have never been i’ve never heard of
so eiffel goes away it’s about this
jewish mice
that goes to america during like world
war ii to escape the nazis
wait why would mice need to escape the
nazis they’re mice
because they were cats that were that
were germans
dude the movie is great i think it’s a
symbol i think it’s simple
plus you have got to watch it it’s
called the the nazis
yeah the cats are the knights goes west
it’s a great
it’s one of those old cartoon movies
where they actually animate so they got
some pushback for that one yeah
it was great okay was there a cat hitler
with a little mustache
i’m pretty sure that’s why there had to
have been no but seriously best
best you just said i just said fifo goes
west okay
when was that made like 1993 or 1994
i was hoping more of a mainstream thing
our viewers would know i don’t even know
that one
we’re watching yeah you want me to say
[ __ ] bambi
mommy died i was gonna say well pixar
i think pixar disney are pretty they
both have some classics in there i gotta
i believe disney
i know what i’m saying they’re they’re
um i would say toy story man
um i would say like bugs life
okay lion king [ __ ] off disney classics
how was lion king not a class that is oh
i thought you said like
no it’s a velasque pickle the
incredibles they made misses in
the elastigirl with a dump truck ass and
that was that’s not a disney classic
that’s a pixar it’s not a classic still
though we’re we’re doing disney channels
in the 2000s shrek or is that before
track was like 2001 treasure planet oh
does it count
i mean that’s an amazing
one second mrs dunwoody it’s a great
movie it’s [ __ ] amazing it’s fire
i don’t know about that but what was
your did you have guys have ever like an
animated crush
like someone you’re like oh yeah
let me think hold on probably
shigo from kim possible was one of them
oh nice um
just kim possible yeah i would say
who else there’s definitely some hold on
i gotta think princess jasmine
yes jasmine was one of them um
jasmine ariel a little mermaid was one
of them yeah yeah
i think in the original pocahontas she
was one of them
mulan was yeah that’s up there that’s up
there for sure
was milan japanese mega man
chinese chinese chinese yeah that’s
right that’s right
i like the hun yeah i like when they
made like a chinese movie
let’s get down to business to defeat
the huns once we find a center
then you might survive [ __ ] bangers
that’s when movies were made great i am
the music for the crazy things
when they did the remake of the mulan
like the real life didn’t watch it
no mooshu no soundtrack yeah what the
hell is that seriously get the [ __ ] out
remember the movie prince of egypt that
oh good one james she was back by the
power of raw
oh you’re playing with the big
boys now that’s not pretty yes playing
with yes she was
boys that was a good one she’s just
thank you bad as [ __ ] yeah
she was bad dude i remember maybe i got
a google picture i remember when they
were making bricks in the hay and stuff
and then i went outside dude
that’s a great oh oh oh
the road to el dorado
oh that was my first one i would say i
saw that in movie theaters with my
grandchildren it was bad
she was bad she had like she was like he
had like the half skirt weird thing
yeah it was a damn movie and listen hey
everyone listening and then when they
played the basketball
children talking about
but in the movies they were growing up
yeah it’s exactly yeah
it’s not my fault of animation so yeah
it was their fault not ours yeah
they came on they put the half skirt on
the girl that’s why what you guys should
be for halloween is the road to el
dorado characters i could see it
sandra bullock voiced her that’s why
sandra bullock is a childhood crush of
miss congeniality one and two
bad [ __ ] yeah bad [ __ ]
what was that one it’s not called avatar
but it was they’re like blue
and they’re they went up this way no
they went under water they went
i don’t know if this can happen but
someone was talking about whatever that
like they’re going to do that movie
again but tom holland
as oh that’s pretty fast oh
zendaya and as the girl i could see that
zendaya as the white-haired girl
maybe yeah maybe dude shout out to him
for closing
what’s in the fridge oh there’s a corn
there’s a corn here anyways but yeah um
yeah shout out uh tom holland for
closing there i mean
yeah seriously because they like dating
yeah during spider-man and he didn’t
no no that’s not true they were he was
friend zone they were friends maybe you
didn’t want to ruin
anything for the movie but they’re
making another movie so but now we know
when they’re
making a bedroom movie too yeah uh
i remember we watched the friends
reunion and apparently ross and rachel
actually had a thing for each other but
they never did it because they never
wanna hurt the [ __ ] they probably did it
a hundred percent
yeah the same way i’m sure a lot of
stars [ __ ] each other when they’re
mr mrs smith got brad and pitt and
angelina jolie together
who was he with before was it he with
jennifer jennifer aniston or no he was
at one point he was with gweneth paltrow
before that yes yeah
yeah he was yeah i was i was on like
like you know he goes search and all
these random videos pop up like
i think this one via puppet said all of
chris evans
evan’s girlfriends in the past they’re
all just [ __ ] smoke shows
i’m like holy [ __ ] that’s what happened
it’s correct no i’m saying like if you
think of all my but he played the
pussiest character no remember he was
fantastic four at first
he was a joke check this out thank god
he transferred he would have been stuck
i like how he went from total like dick
mode to like [ __ ] rat
who was the jessica alba in fantastic
four yeah
yeah come on silver circle when you when
you when
i know when you when you think of like
throwback movies like obviously like
i’m saying when you think of like
nowadays like old like actresses that
are just like oh my god like margot
robbie you think that but like
let’s rewind the clocks back a little
bit when we were like in high school
middle school like who was the
actresses and what megan fox probably oh
i’m gonna find out uh oh crap what’s the
director was it michael j
fox of that uh had like a weird thing
megan fox everyone would do it yeah like
no like when she opened the trunk
i didn’t even know that i had 16 as a
stripper in one of his movies or
maybe it was michael bay actually that
sounds more familiar but michael j
fox no it’s an officer no no no no no no
no michael bay i think run for it marty
shut it but whatever look it up bro you
can find it yeah
i was pretty young and i was like she
was young too she was only her aunt god
i’m trying to think who else
uh i remember when victorious came out
yeah victoria justice i was like oh yeah
yeah oh
ariana grande was in that that was her
first break like kind of a little bit
she was like
yeah like just [ __ ] dumb in the movie
or in the show she i don’t know what
you’re talking about so i watched every
episode of victoria’s yeah we know
her name was kat yes um um also
natalie portman was in her really hey
day back over there star wars oh yes
yeah padme yes padme amada herself
no it’s because i’m so in love with you
so lovely love is blinded you
[ __ ] god i want to go back to i want
to go back to naboo okay
listen i okay you okay
name one of the most underrated movies
i’m saying it could be a movie like well
you know what i mean underrated means i
have to explain it but like a movie that
wasn’t like
really super popular but like it didn’t
get as much love as it should have it
could have been popular but i didn’t get
as much love as it should be
don’t say full meister whatever the [ __ ]
the room with tommy wiseau have you seen
that with tommy calzone tommy wiseau
i thought you said the room was tommy
calzone okay you remember
james franco did that remake of that
movie called the room yeah
yeah yeah the original movie of that was
it good
so bad you gotta watch it it’s cool it’s
cult fiction i believe the worst movie i
ever made was called
trolls two it had nothing to do with
trolls and it wasn’t even number two
okay that’s not the [ __ ] question
either what was the question again
the most underrated movie like it was it
could have been pretty pop but indiana
get much love
alvin and the chipmunks oh i always like
there’s this movie called extreme days
and i thought it was pretty funny it was
supposed to be like fake it came out
it was faith-based apparently but it
wasn’t very faith-based but it was like
bibleman the movie okay i’m just gonna
start because you guys have no friend
reference i’m gonna say jumper
with you know severely underrated great
yeah you still acted a lot like anakin
in that next movie he could not he got
blackballed after that yeah he couldn’t
be anybody else but anakin after that
i like hayden christensen actually okay
when he made that dude do you guys
jumper was severely underrated remember
the first time you saw episode three
when obi-wan and when they executed
order 66 i almost just [ __ ] walked
yeah i was like oh my god [ __ ] nuts
i like how we got him to shut up as he’s
sneaking into the i like when they blast
him and then it falls
your lightsaber will make a fine
addition to my collection that was a
[ __ ] great you
oh oh i don’t think so
dude episode three was so [ __ ] it was
the only pg-13 star wars of the time and
it was like
dude my parents also let me watch it
good man
episode three was amazing the crazy
thing about the new ones i’m saying is
um the guy who played luke’s guy with
mark hamill like was in one of like the
i think was like the first new star wars
they came out with like he was getting
interviews like you know what like i
he’s like i’m really thinking that like
we kind of should have left it as it is
or whatever he was saying and he was
[ __ ] completely right not that they
were terrible you guys should have left
it where it [ __ ]
it was it was perfect the last one
the last one when they kissed i like
kind of went like
inside because i thought they were gonna
make like little jedi babies and then he
just dies
which why couldn’t she force healing
back you know like
and i like how when they die they’re
just bodies just disappear but the
clothes don’t
so when they become blue they put their
clothes back on
no and then they like appear back in the
vision don’t look at my dick
that is true the clothes disappear and
then they come back in the blue
yeah why aren’t their dicks out if they
lost their clothes yeah apparently
yeah can you imagine if like a ghost
stick was like half the size like guys
it was bigger in life like the camera
ends 10 pounds holograms
take away exactly there’s many ways of
the force
that there is jordan that there is hey
we’re at 52 here
yeah you can wrap her up yes
um okay well i guess we’re wrapping it
up there um i do know that
i don’t even remember what the focus
tell everyone where to go take the gay
um oh yeah if you guys just type you
guys want to take your own gay test
um i don’t know and if you don’t know
i’m sure you already want to do it i
feel like if you actually need to take
it okay just google
i don’t i can’t find it i i see articles
of gators eating babies
when i go back so i don’t know but just
type in gay tests i don’t [ __ ] know
um but anyways below
ah they can find me at jack underscore
spencer onlyfans.com slash jack spence
uh or jack the hammer spencer jordan
obay j-o-r-d-a-n-o-b-a-y-a
no space it up you’ll find me everywhere
on the internet
not everywhere it’s not like only fans
people are people of the people you’ll
see a big face of me the people of the
um you can find me at xander’s
goallessness where you can find both of
our instagrams on the around the lunch
table instagram
page yes and i wanted to give one more
thanks to aputure oceans again and its
own jordan obaya for all its work and
amazing things for this podcast
oh i have something okay jordan is uh
working on a
a video called project a secret project
it’s called
a life a day in the life of atlt oh yeah
very excited we went to the [ __ ]
connies the cronies are in town small
hands smell like crazy
[ __ ] happen yeah [ __ ] got mad liddy
yeah i guess it did but um i will set
33 34 i don’t [ __ ] know but thank you
guys for listening um
as i said last episode we’re gaining
some ground here everybody
okay we already gaining ground we passed
three 3k we passed 3k
you [ __ ] we passed it [ __ ] you let’s go
we’re getting really we’re getting
really [ __ ] scary so thank you
everyone and again the summer
collection’s still out
we’ve had a few more extra orders flying
off the shelf so you should really buy a
t-shirt cause sales are heating the [ __ ]
so yeah anyways thank you guys for
listening jordan thank you for coming
and we’re gonna have jordan a lot
in the episodes to come probably
let’s get rowdy up in here

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Episode 34