J & Z talk about if we would bang the females of us as clones, fast and furious and weddings. Follow us on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/aroundthelunchtable/?hl=en
yeah but dabba do welcome back slapdicks
this is around the lunch table episode
33 33. we’ve made it this far
um first and foremost before i forget i
want to thank our sponsor aputure oceans
ideas and ads to life to life from the
apparently yeah apparently to life dads
are dead you know what to call
the [ __ ] you gonna do about it um i
think we mentioned this on instagram
story not so long ago
yeah um but not on an episode um
so it’s we’ve already surpassed it a
little bit more but we have surpassed
3 000 downloads [ __ ] because
listen might not be an insane feat or
anything like that but
i will say we were celebrating a
thousand not so long ago yeah
it is a good it’s a big feat of strength
yeah thank you everyone who’s uh been on
the ride and
the summer collection on our merch has
been flying off the shelves off the
shelves and if you have been on this
ride this long
it’s time to buckle up yeah because let
me tell you there’s gonna be some
twirly swirly durlies some [ __ ]
upside downs
it’s gonna be [ __ ] red rockets so
yeah but anyways [ __ ] thank you
thank you everybody because you know we
just [ __ ] come out here and just
talk that’s it unedited because let’s be
honest let’s be on we first started we
literally never thought we would even
get like 100 downloads so
yeah pretty cool man it’s been good yeah
uh wait this podcast
is definitely uh it’s rdf it’s raw dog
for life it’s raw
un edited it actually really is yeah i
mean we
they’re there there’s no protection on
this one so you know if you have a
little bit of a sensitive mind we’re
just going to kindly ask you to
turn to shut the [ __ ] up yeah go to
planet earth or something
find something relaxing go [ __ ] watch
the teletubbies a meditation app or
something but
if you want to get a little dumber and a
cheap laugh you know where to find us
that’s the trade-off yeah uh so anyways
i i do i do want to say something
we finally got the videos figured out i
know we’ve had a lot of complications
but also sorry there hasn’t been a lot
of instagram clips lately but we’ll
we’ll get back on it we’ll get back on
it because the videos have been [ __ ]
yeah so episode 31 and z is not prepared
for this but i’m putting him on the spot
episode 31 i dwell on the spot we were
recording an episode and it was like 105
here which yes
you arizonians texans all the people who
like the thing is [ __ ] the thing is
like i’m saying in medford we did it’s
100 plus
most summers where it’s not used to that
yeah when i used that anyways
my phone overheated it was hot as [ __ ]
it was like 111 that day like we had to
stop because i’m like dude i can’t
[ __ ] do this
yeah i’m actually glad we didn’t get the
video because we probably look like
sweaty messes
well i mean but still like kind of
anyways putting you on the spot there
was a video i wanted you did
and some people might not have even
listened because it was toward the
middle and
i don’t know uh the kermit impression
oh my god there was seth macfarlane did
the kermit thing
i don’t remember what the [ __ ] my
impression was i don’t think you did one
you just made me do it because you
didn’t want to do anything
i can do that what’s that
that’s the independent black woman that
don’t need no man
okay we’re getting canceled for that one
okay okay listen listen listen listen
okay let me give a backstory here okay i
will do it
if it was just me and jack just chilling
i would not do it but
for those of you who didn’t [ __ ] hear
it or whatever i will do it for you
do it do him do it let me give a
backstory here so
everyone knows you’ve seen the movie
taken with liam neeson um i explained
this in that one episode but maybe not
everyone heard it again anyways
so you know the taken phone call when
he’s like on the phone with the guys
he’s like i’ll find you i’ll kill you
like so family guy did their version of
it but it’s kermit the frog
doing the take and phone call and it’s
[ __ ] hilarious and if you don’t know
what i’m talking about
i’m gonna give it my best try doubt i
can top
seth macfarlane but i will give it my
best he’ll be coming in a close second
so let me get into character
you have to wave your arms around
i don’t have any money
but what i do have or a very specific
set of skills
skills that make me a nightmare to
people like you
stop laughing i’m trying to focus if you
do not let the girl go
i will track you down and i will find
and i will kill you
that was [ __ ] yeah we have never done
a high five like that no
that was so good good job yeah
anyways anyways that was good uh
so uh it’s been hot out the week was
[ __ ] good
we uh i did uh read something today
um that i want to share with you z so
apparently no
our good friends to the north or who
north canada to the north i’m thinking
[ __ ] canada
to the north northwest i mean if the
earth’s flat then they could be the
north anyways what is it some people
actually say the earth is flat but it’s
just spinning so fast that it appears
i don’t believe that for a second well
actually captain barbosa and
uh pirates of the caribbean went off the
world’s end to find jack
yeah so i like how he died and just ends
up on a beach with like like and he’s
i the part i didn’t get he’s like
[ __ ] i
he’s like there’s 85 different of him on
the same ship he’s [ __ ] eating a
like just one peanut and he’s like
trying to sli i don’t [ __ ] know the
they were all right away all those
writers of that one first of all pirates
of the caribbean
first the first few all were great how
many are there like i’m saying in that
episode they had to been like on acid or
something yeah i’m like what the [ __ ]
um on that okay have you seen the vin
diesel memes yeah
you’ve sent me two hundred thousand
minimum families
it was the poorly photoshopped
lamborghinis and avengers scenes but the
thing is
it doesn’t have to be a good photoshop
job for a meme you know yeah yeah that
can be [ __ ] interesting that’s part
of the comedy that’s part of the comment
but anyways our good friends in the
uh that’s the most savage thing i’ve
ever seen because like you know we we
sometimes you know
you said north korea yeah north nor no
north dakota
not even the best dakota um
um they call it the badlands um they uh
i heard it gets windy out there um they
in north korea
you know sometimes you you buy the heads
with with your mother you know
say some things you maybe don’t you know
mean you regret something
the dude banned mother’s day so that’s
the people but they already worship him
every day he could pay more attention
he didn’t want one day gone holy do you
think they have holidays like christmas
i don’t know here’s the thing so
christmas is a christian holiday i’m
saying i think they have
it’s that it’s just something else you
know what i mean it’s like hanukkah
no i’m saying but like they have their
own big holidays like we have ours
like like does like iraq have their
independence day or
they probably don’t have independence i
don’t know
we’ve been over there for 20 years i
don’t know i i have no idea
but i’m saying like we have our own i
don’t think it’s all the same so is the
fourth of july in britain is that like
national treason day for them because
why would it be national treason day
because we [ __ ] committed treason and
well i don’t think that’s the definition
of treason yeah the declaration
oh in the colonial times yeah the
declaration of independence is
literally committing treason towards the
okay well now i’m with you okay yeah the
[ __ ] did you know she owns more land
than like
yeah crazy but also this is a side note
unrelated i wanna
so have you ever like read facts
that are just outlandish like i think i
read one earlier that said
um the human body will shed six hundred
pieces of dead skin in a year how the
[ __ ] do you find that out it was very
in turn how you count them how do you
count them
600 000 times dude there’s no way
i know i think it’s like they take you
know the skin
wipes off or and they count each little
like i’m saying
there’s no [ __ ] way they do like a
per second and then times that by the
way but like i’m saying there’s
different reasons for dead skin
did i saw the [ __ ] i saw this tweet that
was super cringe but
it has to do with this this girl said in
seven years
all of all of your skin cells will
replace themselves so now you never
touched my body
because she was talking to like a guy
that is not how that works it’s like uh
you’re still a [ __ ]
yeah they might might not touch the skin
that died but still we’re inside you
yeah do you know people think that they
can get their virginities back
yeah that’s not possible it’s like a
religious thing they’re like that’s like
virgin again that’s like [ __ ] and
trying to put it back in your butt yeah
that’s possible it’s called a i don’t
want to know that’s [ __ ] it’s called
a frosty gym
remember quagmire did it oh he did yeah
was insane because he’s like girl that
was sick
it’s the metaphor i’m saying that’s like
that’s not how that works yeah you have
to poop in a condom and freeze it and
then the girl protects that’s it’s
and disgusting see things like that
it’s like i don’t get like why how do
you get to that point yeah
how how how how i’m sorry those people
need to be like underwatch
sorry by the way [ __ ] in a condom
impressive feet
in and of itself like i’m sure they
don’t [ __ ] into it i’m sure they like
[ __ ] in a cookie tray and then just
maybe do some spats with some tongs and
put it on i don’t know they [ __ ]
like a [ __ ] balloon animals [ __ ]
twisted that’s so [ __ ] gross
god i’m gonna throw up i’m done with
this i can’t do it
oh dude the little dogs they make and
[ __ ] how did was
this your card
how many okay how listen i’m not trying
to be a hater
how many more fashion furiouses are they
gonna [ __ ] make are we on 11
i don’t know i stopped watching after
the paul walker one i’ve never seen one
because they i’m not
they were pretty good but like it’s it’s
[ __ ] you gotta
just [ __ ] heist heist like no one wants
to [ __ ] it like i’m saying
yeah they were cool for a while and
honestly i think after the paul walker
they should have stopped it there’s like
nice cars are they blown up in that
like [ __ ] tons probably but it’s like
it it’s so
[ __ ] ridiculous like i don’t want to
see [ __ ]
i don’t want to see [ __ ] ludacris
take out a whale with a [ __ ] camaro
or it’s no i’m saying some of the shit’s
like okay it’s like a [ __ ]
like uh like here’s a chopper with a
[ __ ] minigun on it i have my camaro
like what the [ __ ] luckily i just got
the windows tinted like
it’s just so [ __ ] scary i remember i
never saw it but there was the previews
for hobbs and shaw
and like they ran out of guns or
something so then joined the rock
during the jock ronson yeah yeah yeah
he’s uh he’s like on an island and finds
like his old
this i’m just getting this from the
preview but he finds like where he’s
and so they got like spears because it’s
like family can do anything
so then they’re like like eat drink
[ __ ] going in i didn’t see that it
was in the it was the premium
yeah like i don’t [ __ ] know i’m gonna
hop in this mustang do a 360. like it’s
it’s almost like a shotgun it’s almost
getting as absurd as jason statham
[ __ ] single-handedly killing
megalodon with a [ __ ]
swiss army knife it’s just getting
[ __ ] ridiculous the problem is is bad
guys in movies have the [ __ ]
stormtrooper shots like
these people are like hitting shots
behind their back and like i’m sorry
you put me against jason bourne with a
gun and he’s got a pen you know what i
think i’m hitting you know why
that’s why infinity war was so like they
all got [ __ ] we thought they were
going to win
they lost that’s why it was crazy they
did take the cop out of like time travel
it’s all undone
yeah but it’s like come on let’s get the
writers but yeah that was dude infinity
war was
[ __ ] amazing like end game was so
good but like infinity war
like i remember watching theaters i was
like holy [ __ ] yeah
that was nuts that was crazy that was a
great movie like
holy [ __ ] i like how an endgame
[ __ ] they’re all getting blasted by
the ship and then captain marvel comes
and like
goes through the ship you could have
done that the whole [ __ ] time yeah
before all your friends got [ __ ]
pepper there’s a lot of other planets
out there that need just as much help as
you do
it’s so but yeah that’s some it’s a
[ __ ]
it it infinity war man do you think she
like went both ways i bet i think the
haircut it’s weird how a haircut can say
a lot of things but that was definitely
like we are also in a time where fashion
going to be edgy and [ __ ] fashion is an
evolving thing
of you know guys wear dresses now and
that’s fine that’s that’s great i’m not
going to wear one
i think it’s because the majority of one
you see in like hollywood’s like
for fashion it’s like they actually do
but it’s uh
smith to each their own you know i don’t
[ __ ] know
um uh the uh
i like when like captain america trades
all of his [ __ ] and just comes back old
and wrinkly
and it’s like was it worth it he’s like
that girl and he’s like obviously
talk about pussy-whipped like dude
you’re captain america you can have your
choice of
the thing is okay here’s the part i
understand he could have went back there
grabbed her and went yes yeah why did he
just [ __ ] grab her he
still could have been do you know how
much [ __ ] he probably missed he’s like
[ __ ] i i didn’t
finish breaking bad like that yeah great
show man
and it’s like it’s like you went back in
time to [ __ ]
like you don’t have an ipod like you
don’t like okay well i don’t think that
was the main sticking
i’m just saying there’s gonna be a lot
of things he’s gonna make if they could
do all this from going back in time i’m
sure there’s a workaround to get her to
come over here
i get he had the biggest blue balls in
history i like when [ __ ] uh
dude you know it’s facts you know when
he finally smashed he was like this
wasn’t worth it
yeah because i’m saying it was worth it
for those 45 seconds and then he’s like
you think it’s only lasted he’s captain
america yeah he’s captain america but
he the stamina has got to be there
stamina’s there it’s just
he doesn’t have the he didn’t have the
practice yeah because he didn’t get laid
as a kid
because you know he was like you know
like what he was a minor probably
you said you didn’t get laid as a kid no
i’m playing a minor do you remember
number one he was like a little
oh yeah yeah how did they do how did
they do that did those like special
to make him like super skinny obviously
he didn’t i don’t think he cut [ __ ]
i don’t think so either but i mean he
looked like [ __ ] smeagol dustin poyer
did for that
that was an ass [ __ ] that [ __ ] i don’t
want to talk about it hey espn plus i
want my 70
back but the thing is the card was
actually really [ __ ] crazy
yeah pereira did a [ __ ] backflip on a
dude’s [ __ ] head
oh yeah yeah i was [ __ ] nuts the girl
that was the best girl fight i ever saw
she had a waterfall of blood coming out
of her yeah i was nuts
yeah i was like damn she i thought she’s
gonna bring out the infinity stones
a device yeah
the uh oh speaking of old people so i
went to
i i realized something so since we’ve
been doing this podcast
i now see the world of different lights
i look around for
okay i’m kidding [ __ ] god
i’m waiting for you to continue i now
look around for inspiration you know
so i was picking up a bus a nice shuttle
and it was uh it was at this retirement
home and i get there
and the girl behind the counter is just
as old as the other people so that it
was like all right whoo
it’s weird because retirement workers a
lot of times are younger old
no younger well like the [ __ ] chefs
well you said receptionist i’m assuming
yeah well she was like 80. anyways so
left and this guy imagine she’s like
actually someone who stays there but
she’s nuts and she’s just
think she’s the receptionist hello
it’s it’s a wonderful day at the
retirement community i know like
um so this welcome to peaceful gardens
today we’re going to be watching honey
who shrunk the kids at seven
and then four-year-old chocolate chip
cookies after the movie
and then bingo and then pills pills
pills and pills
we want you guys to date this one gives
you paralysis this one we don’t know
what it does but we’re gonna give it to
this one’s a laxative and this one’s a
stool hardener we’re gonna watch him
fight it out
anyways so this dude um this dude had a
name tag and it was like it was like one
of those hi it was like my name is it
was written
carl and so i was like oh he’s got a
name tag you know maybe he knows i was
looking for the director i think a lot
jobs have name tags yeah i’m saying yeah
exactly i thought he worked there so i
go up and i was like i was i was i was
being nice
and i was like hey hey carl can you
point me in the direction of the
director he’s like
my name’s not carl i’m like wait he had
a name tag and said carl
you just like stole it it’s not me but
i’m gonna [ __ ] wear it oh i didn’t
tell you this yet so the funniest [ __ ] i
wanted to snap it to you
so these two old ladies almost got into
it so you know how they had their little
and so these they obviously it was kind
of like your ants they obviously didn’t
like each other
yeah they had like their little like
mail room and that’s where i was sitting
outside of
and so the one so the mail room is on
this girl’s left and so she turns on her
or she says she she was like blinker
and then the little lady keeps going and
then and then she’s like i ran over
i ran a red light better call the cops
and then the other girl is like call the
call the police call the police and then
the [ __ ] director comes out so i
found her
i got the girl to [ __ ] calm the [ __ ]
down over that
and that made me realize that i do not
want to get old well
yeah because that’s what you care about
i know it’s it’s actually crazy yeah
and how you’re how it changes you know
even even now i’m saying like it just
it just changes over time i did say it
was nice that apparently i looked like
everyone’s grandson
so that was cool it’s like you look just
like migrants i’m like well i’m not him
she’s like i can’t even see yeah well
he’s not here he’s dead
jesus christ yeah
the uh like when do you think old man
goes away like i’d say 50 or yeah
upper upwards of 50. yeah because when
you get 60s and you start getting those
is it weird how their faces kind of
swell up the heads get
bigger on men i’ve noticed i have not
found that to be the case
i i have observed many of well i’m
saying a lot of things happen when you
get old
some people have conditions some that’s
what you know what i mean so
yeah oh i know what i’ve always wanted
to do like find
like two old people that hate each other
kind of like my grandma but
like and make them fight to the death no
like have [ __ ] like a walker race
oh that’d be good like whoever wins gets
to slap the other one in the face yeah
you know if i had to kill an old person
i just unplugged the oxygen and just
that’s so
[ __ ] up yeah come at me i was gonna
say like push him on the stairs or
something but
like hide behind this bingo in 10
i would never do that but okay it’s
funny to think about yeah
yeah the uh oh i didn’t i didn’t know
another situation the new rick and morty
season came out shout out season five
sponsored by them uh watch no we’re not
trying to get sued
we’re not sponsored [ __ ] yeah adult
swim’s gonna find around the lunch table
uh anyways
you know when they’re like in those
movies when they have a clone situation
and it’s like they’re like pointing back
and forth like family guy did one too
still we had like a clone and then
yeah yeah yeah so say it’s you and me
okay you’re holding the gun and they’re
they’re i have an evil clone right like
an identical one what are you going to
ask me to identify so you guys are
fighting and i have like a gun trying to
decide which one’s which exactly and
then the other guy’s obviously being
convincing he’s he’s like bro it’s me
it’s me and i’m like dude
it’s me off the top of my head i’m
probably um
from one of the rings you’re late and
then wait
no no no no no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no no no no
with you he arrives precisely and then
whoever didn’t get i’d shoot him in the
head yeah but what if he watched lord of
the rings
i’m saying if you’re identical then
wouldn’t you know like what is something
that like
let’s see your dicks you you could
identify me probably
i think my evil twin would have a bigger
but if you have identical it doesn’t
well you know how in family guy his
overalls were the other color i feel
like i’d be wearing like the opposite
but when they were fighting it was the
same because remember and they fell off
and when they were in diapers
yeah yeah that’s right um to you i think
what would i say i don’t know i think so
there’s two z’s one
sounds like a good time uh it’s a lot of
actually i just realized that sounded
very sexual when it did so i was like oh
hey two z’s
um the uh but if i didn’t have a clone
i’d have them go to work for me
we’d switch days i only work half the
amount of time yeah would you
oh here’s a good question so say
you know a long story short you end up
in the mad scientist lab and they make a
clone of you but it’s a
girl okay
i mean technically she would know
everything you like
so your question is am i closing am i
like yeah
i mean you would know all the right
things to say i would yeah
is that it’s not incest is it or no
if it’s a clue it’s it’s you but i’m
okay if it was if it’s a girl though
yeah the reason i thought of this is the
loki show we were playing okay
on one hand but it’s not him you know
what i mean it’s so it’s the girl
version of loki
on one hand about the girl version of z
my turn my turn my turn
on one hand we would get along
so well and that is what you want yeah
you know what i mean and then
oh that’s tough okay i i have another
okay so say say that that that situation
happens right you run into a clone of
yourself and it’s just pure bliss
okay are you going to bring her home and
introduce to me as her
as your clone or are you going to try to
pass it off as like a normal girl i’m
going to pass off as a normal girl
you would never tell me like hey bro i’m
[ __ ] my clone oh i would tell you
yeah yeah i’d be like okay
good good yeah good because i want to
know because i’m sure you’d be able to
know if it was like looked exactly like
me but a girl
well i mean you’d have you know girl
features yeah yeah do you think you’d
have like tiny tits or like big ones
i think i’d have not tiny but they’d be
i think i’d have a small ass but big
boobs i think i’d have like they’d be
small but like
very perky and very nice and then like
some cake
i think you’d have a bigger ass than
boobs definitely probably
yeah the uh like if i had a clone of
recipe for disaster two yeah it would be
i mean i tell you
but like one perfect relationship i mean
it’s just like hey we know what the
other other needs to do
we know our place in the world no
arguments because you know it just is
what it is
but like here’s a question if i had a
clone of myself would you would you try
to close with her
wait what say there was a clone of me
and she’s like
but you knew it was a clone of me but
it’s a girl and she’s smoking
and okay well so here and i go to bed
you guys are having a few drinks in the
living room
gets a little frisky the [ __ ] i’m saying
are you
are you [ __ ] the girl version of me
or not but the thing is it’s not you
no so there’s parts of me there no it’s
it’s a girl i’m saying okay listen
you’re you’re you’re sugar coating if
she was just
bad as [ __ ] we wouldn’t even know have
you ever have you ever used the guilt
girl filter on
yeah i like my sisters what does it look
like my sister
okay well i actually know it looks like
my mom kind of
people say i look like my sister with a
girl filter on dude you are your sister
yeah exactly okay what
yeah what i mean you guys do look very
so you oh
but so you would [ __ ] my clone of myself
if i look at my sister
if i’m a girl if yes you would
you rats i’m just saying rat
i mean it would definitely put this
living situation in a better place
would it yeah because then we could
share one room and have the other room
activities i guess we already have an
extra activities
yeah yeah so anyways uh
no that was good you know it’s good to
know what’s what’s going on in that
brand of ears
well yeah it’s nice to know you’d [ __ ]
up my girl version so
i mean your hesitation told me
everything i never confirmed tonight
i’m just saying it’s one of those it’s
one of those things you don’t know what
you do
until you’re there and you know maybe a
couple drinks happens you know
maybe things happen you know
yeah i i i get that there’s only one
blanket it’s like hey just come over
yeah might as well you know might as
well i want to show you something come
like she’s a [ __ ] dog what is the um
worst [ __ ] cereal
uh kashi tastes like cardboard what the
[ __ ] is that
akashi seven whole grains on a mission
kashi yeah they have like they have like
cereal bars and [ __ ]
i’ve never seen okay a cereal that
everyone would know everyone knows it’s
seven whole grains on a mission i don’t
know what the [ __ ] it is okay fine
uh rice krispies
not actually bad not in a rice krispie
treat no i’m singing the cereal they’re
not bad
i would say the plain the yellow box of
plain cheerios trios suck
honey nut cheerios are good
i mean i guess he only likes unhealthy
things i know that it has like coq10 for
your heart that’s why old people eat
them or whatever the more they’re
getting i was so good
it’s pretty good cheerios honey nut
cheerios are good but what about the
regular church
no that’s what i’m saying oh i thought
okay i said honey nut cheerios are good
the yellow box of like the plain plain
ones this one’s like i’m eating [ __ ]
dead grass
yeah [ __ ] the point i know it’s like
healthier but it’s like dude [ __ ]
at some point you got to live like if
you’re uh
like oh here’s a good one what’s your
last meal like say you know
you got caught oh okay okay rob in the
bank yeah
you’re on death row they’re like yo z
one last minute all right so
i have one thing you wanna know what’s
funny is if they asked a girl that she’d
be like i don’t know what you choose
i would probably pick like a huge ass
prime rib
oh damn it i wanted to see if i could
guess it i was gonna say fettuccine and
oh well kiss my last one i would like
starve myself up to it and then get some
and then like some [ __ ] fire ass
mashed potatoes with it
and then you’re a mashed tater guy and
then some like
texas roadhouse rolls oh yeah the
you wanna know what’s funny is they have
people at the prison who just make the
most craziest [ __ ] just for people who
are done but apparently i don’t know if
this is true they don’t
apparently like they’re like you used to
be able to request anything
you can’t do that anymore well that’s
the shitty thing about a lot that’s
it’s your last meal like at least no i
know but i’m saying like you can
you have a selection but i’m saying you
could do [ __ ] anything of any amount
a waiter comes out with a menu like
would you like any appetizers today save
room for dessert
it’s like i i’d say i’d say do you want
to get some for your family but you kill
them all yeah
i won’t be running around for the
hangovers yeah of course i would get
[ __ ]
shit-faced yeah yeah i would get [ __ ] if
they give you alcohol do they
probably not but i mean i i’d request a
nice glass of some bordeaux
wine and what would you get i feel like
you get like a primary reporter i’d get
the porterhouse
with a sh as much uncut horseradish as
possible what is with you in horoscopes
that’s good man
[ __ ] it’s like painful but like yeah
exactly like what that’s like eating
you know like you know like in the
sexual world pain is pleasure i’m not
like that is not the same thing i’m not
[ __ ] the steak but i’m saying it’s
like it’s one of those like
like oh that’s good i guess yeah
yeah i like all i can say is if
like you know we’ve talked about this
like if you were a woman if i looked
down at myself and saw a vagina like i
probably freak out a little bit too
as a kid did you were they ever scary to
yeah horrifying like it was absolutely
and i can
i can recall one time i was swimming um
and i was probably like i don’t even
know i was like 12 11 maybe
somewhere around there maybe younger
than that so you’re not you’re not
prepared for this yeah yeah it was
probably younger than that yeah and so
i’m swimming i got the goggles i’m
[ __ ] just you know
exploring underwater just [ __ ] doing
the little shark fin on your back to
like scare them
no just goggles and i’m doing my thing
underwater just [ __ ] enjoying it it’s
[ __ ] summer day
and so there’s a girl swimming also um
in our pool and i’m like looking because
i like goggles on so i’m like and i’m
like going and she’s right in front of
and she i don’t think she had a swimsuit
or some [ __ ] so she like
borrowed some huge [ __ ] trunks are
way too big on her
had nothing on underneath and so i’m
swimming behind her and like
it goes up like and i just [ __ ]
i just see coochie
and i’m like i’m like i don’t know what
i thought it looked like but it wasn’t
did you ever yeah i remember thinking it
was on the front
like we’re like you know like where are
our boots yeah yeah yeah it was like on
the front i used to think there was just
nothing there
like just nothing there’s like a hole
it’s just a gooch or they peed out their
yeah yeah i don’t know what i thought
but yeah it wasn’t it wasn’t that what’s
weird is we have a gooch like it’s
almost like there should be something in
there because it’s just it’s just blank
there has to be space between there’s
not a lot of space between people i’m
saying there has to be or else what the
[ __ ] else you gonna put something else
in there
i don’t [ __ ] know i mean if i design
a human body i mean i’ve
i change a few things like what what
would you change uh
noses noses noses would you want
voldemort no noses no holes in your face
you ever just seen a nose it’s just it’s
very there are no no
it is just something sticking out of our
head it’s very interesting i’m just
saying i just find it interesting
so would you cut it off no nose but look
how imagine how we were look if we
didn’t have noses
and then we couldn’t do uh eskimo kisses
yeah sure it’s a [ __ ] bug what are
the different kind of kisses there’s
butterfly kisses
that’s from a song i don’t think that’s
a thing yes it’s where you put your
eyelashes together oh my
god it’s like pudding
oh yeah i didn’t know that was it
do you remember that girl we know saying
uh what was it
i don’t [ __ ] know it was uh got a
couple rips in my finger
got a couple rips in my jeans it wasn’t
oh parody trying to put the pieces
together the perfection is my enemy
on my own i’m so clumsy
what’s the last part on your shoulders
do you think like dad’s like oh okay
wait wait wait wait wait time out time
so okay hey listen listen listen i can’t
do this
so like it’s like end of the world
scenario let’s just say there’s like a
[ __ ]
mile high [ __ ] wave like a tsunami
tsunami coming towards you
and vin diesel’s outside
and family like or like
i guess running from some danger or
whatever and like in old lady falls
everyone’s running by her are you re are
you leaving
be on it don’t don’t be that guy oh i’m
picking her up you’re sprinting like
you’re this is life or death are you
gonna stop and risk it for
i feel like she’s halfway on her way out
and she she wouldn’t
she wouldn’t want me to like if i was 80
i would be like
you’re a young man no go but you
wouldn’t if you were in that situation
because you’d be scared remember in
hunger games when she just ran into the
mist oh the missus like
evaporated but hey she was a g for that
i mean she didn’t really have to do that
because okay the thing is she
to stop knowing that she would probably
die she just didn’t want the little girl
to volunteer so she did it instead
why but she didn’t stop the mist by
running into it
but they couldn’t carry both of them
because then he got hurt it was either
one or the other and she’s like
so what’s funny is they didn’t need to
carry her because she ran into the mist
but she could she’s old she can’t just
run [ __ ] oh she’s only good
i think honestly honestly i think she
could have just kept running and then if
she couldn’t run out you know what i
mean she could run the other way
but yeah she could maybe she was just
done she was just i think she was just
like [ __ ] this man i’m sticking a
[ __ ]
metal piece into a tree to drink water
i’m out yeah [ __ ] it yeah does that
actually that doesn’t work does it
that’s how you get maple syrup right
yeah yeah basically yeah yeah the uh
like is there a point in your life where
it’s like
how bad does it have to be where you’re
just like you know what
i’m done honestly i crosses my mind
right now
sometimes i’m like i’m [ __ ] done
right now i’m saying it
are you telling me you haven’t had like
a shitty like i’m [ __ ] done i’m done
i’m not gonna off myself
no but i mean like i just give up i’m
[ __ ] done like i don’t care
you ever just had those days where it’s
just like you’re so pissed you give no
[ __ ] about anything and then the next
day you’re like i probably shouldn’t
have done it
yeah yeah yeah but at the same time it’s
like and then i’ll do it again the next
week so
humans i’m perfectly perfect am i right
let it make something that didn’t make
sense at all it could have been a thanos
thanos wise man spitting game spitting
yeah the uh why do why
okay why do girls
i’m i i have to ask i’m saying why
first of all like why do they say like
i’m saying i’ve noticed this in almost
all of them and i thought it was just
maybe like okay a couple but like
i cut all my hair off yeah it’s like but
it’s like a couple inches like but it’s
so long i’m like i’m expecting a [ __ ]
navy seal to walk up to me and you’re
telling me you cut all your hair off so
i’m like what the [ __ ] you mean you cut
your hair off oh i just took a couple
inches off
yeah you know okay then tell me you took
a couple [ __ ] inches off
you know how they like won’t tell you
they got their haircut they’re like hey
notice anything different and it’s like
makeup like like yeah i’m saying i’m
trying to watch the ball game yeah cause
it’s still [ __ ] long what am i going
to see you back oh my god my [ __ ]
tape measure out and see the [ __ ]
[ __ ] compass obviously if you take a
lot you can tell but i’m saying it’s
like it’s still long
why is it it’s always i cut all my hair
off yeah no you didn’t
aaron did she buzz cut it
i mean it was like down to here and now
it’s like you know she likes
but i would say like i cut a lot of my
hair off it needs to be noticed the
i don’t like the little test the little
games like i don’t test you
like i get a new haircut she’s like
doesn’t notice it for like six weeks
until i get a new one because your hair
is short enough to where it’s like it’s
always looks like i’m saying
done with the tests we don’t need tests
we’ve already proven ourselves like
you know those girls who wait until
their first kiss to get married
which by the way is not in the bible at
all but we know a few of them
like it’s like you know i’m not like
hating on that
but it’s like the promise of is like you
know what we’ve been dating
for eight years and now now i know that
you respect me
and then they get divorced and you’re
like why the [ __ ] did i do that yeah
that was a lot of girls like uh
like we grew up with because we went to
like a christian okay let me get this
straight there’s nothing wrong with that
like that’s
hey nothing wrong with it i mean if you
find a guy that’s down for it
keep an eye on that guy because guys
should be horned up
all the time yeah well yeah yeah imagine
waiting like eight years
like then that kiss happens you’re just
you’re just bricked up i’m gone like
just i’m gonna
i’m gonna destroy yeah i just don’t
i guess okay it’s like if that’s your
decision i cool good for you
but it’s like the oh well like i’m gonna
look down on other people that
uh decided to have fun and enjoy
themselves exactly like
say at some point you get married okay
are you giving her a little little peck
are you just doing the
no i’m pecking who okay you could do
like a couple in a row like
like maybe a few seconds are you adding
tonight like no no no no no no not in
front of the whole [ __ ]
i like i’ve seen i know i’ve been to
plenty of weddings
and they’re sitting there just tongue
punching their [ __ ] throat i’m like
there’s grandparents and everyone’s like
i’m like two years ago you guys were
trying to separate them and keep the
door open
and now you want to watch them like [ __ ]
but i’m just saying what the [ __ ]
i’m saying no it’s a keep it like
not like a peck but like a little more
affectionate make it look like a living
hold it a few seconds we’re not [ __ ]
homeless yeah hold on a few seconds but
guess what you guys just got married
you’re gonna pork later
why are you in front of everybody else
yeah and i like how some people have to
i like how we some families are like we
have to hide it from grandma that you
guys are boning but it’s like
grandma got some dick back in the day
let’s be honest
she’s no inside cat i know it is true
it’s like okay
now that you just have nothing to look
forward to you’re gonna judge everyone
yeah but it’s kind of [ __ ] up but
you’re saying grandmas act like they’re
oh i’m saying okay once you get like
real like older senior citizens you get
older like the only things that matter
to you are [ __ ] that just is so [ __ ]
little because you have nothing else
exactly like it’s just like holy [ __ ] at
that point dude just
i’ve told you this before put me in a
white suit take me to the beach put a
nice cigar in my hand a porterhouse and
just true
yeah put one in the back yeah i’ll sign
them like let me finish everything first
and then yeah
but um back to the wedding thing i’m
saying like i have actually been
i’ve been a lot of weddings i love
weddings by the way i’m such a fan great
time literally
if someone listens to this like and
they’re like if they’re getting married
and i i would literally [ __ ] go i’ll
go if you invite us like
hey we love your show could you come to
our wedding even though i would [ __ ]
as long as i’m like the east coast i’m
down still okay yeah
if i had an option like enough time and
i could do it i would [ __ ] do it done
seriously i’m not even kidding you
spying by atl i
love weddings they’re so [ __ ] love
them but anyways
yeah i’m just saying it’s it’s a little
much when you’re sitting there
or when they you know bite the little
things especially nine times out of ten
when it’s like
it’s holy matrimony or you’re in a
church it’s like okay relax i’m not
getting married at a church
everyone’s already when they’re walking
out the door throwing flowers yeah
you’re gonna go [ __ ]
yeah i know yeah on your honeymoon
exactly i’m saying you could do that
i like how dads sometimes pay for the
honeymoon it’s like i’m gonna pay for
this six day
sex conquest okay well obviously it’s
more than that afterwards it’s like they
they got married so it’s a big thing
okay what are people doing their
honeymoon i have a question yeah
they [ __ ] by the way why
why is it more than more than the guy
it’s it’s it’s the
it’s the it’s the chicks big day it’s
not the it’s not the guy’s big day yeah
like what is her day you know i’m saying
it’s like because that’s what we’ll say
hey this is her day no
it’s their day yeah you guys want
equality we do too
yeah they uh saying i never i have
noticed that because i’ve never
understood that it’s like
i’m the one marrying this chick like
like it’s a big day for both of them
i’m not taking credit away from the i’m
just saying like you both are getting
it’s huge two become one
i like also like plan like the wedding
no dude wants to [ __ ] no that’s right
it’s more of the chicks mom or the
dude’s mom that [ __ ] do it all yeah
like yeah my my big thing is
for my like whenever if i ever get
married like when
like you do okay you do realize
you’re gonna have to cut some people off
the list it’s coming out yeah and
i have like a lot of friends i would
want to invite but like it’s like
can’t invite them all i guess i better
hope that the girl i’m marrying
doesn’t have a lot of friends so then i
can invite all mine because i’m saying i
have like
friends like their parents like i would
want to invite a [ __ ] ton of people
but obviously that’d take a lot of
resources to put together yeah yeah so
the uh like i would want hopefully
sponsored by papalez
yeah shout out i would
hope that like my woman
has a lot of bridesmaids so i can have a
lot of because she chooses you know like
yeah yeah if she is because she’s like
10 then i have like 10 of the homies
yeah yeah but it’ll be like fine there’s
no no disrespect to the people who like
want a small private wedding
nothing wrong with that nothing wrong i
want to [ __ ] blow out i want
i want a [ __ ] massive wedding
back-to-back [ __ ] banger yeah a
bumper-to-bumper banger i want
i want a huge wedding i’m getting like
i want jacobs was [ __ ] so funny i
want paramedics on the [ __ ] scene i
don’t know about that
yeah i want i’m going so hard like i
i am like okay because obviously the
reception and then
a lot of the people leave 10 minutes
after the music and dancing starts
everyone i don’t care like it’s gonna be
taped you’re staying
until [ __ ] midnight i don’t know what
sucks is the send-off it’s like i kind
of want to stay for the rest of the
yeah jacobs we stayed super [ __ ] late
but no i’m saying like when they send
off the
the husband and the wife to go or
whatever they’ve done that at most every
wedding i’ve been to
you know it’s like later in the night at
tanner’s he left and we [ __ ] stayed
and danced
i know i’m saying there’s only like 15
of us like that state bob i don’t give a
[ __ ] it was fun
um i remember dalton palmer dancing like
donkey kong that was [ __ ] like
dalton yeah but like that was a fun
[ __ ] time that was
but it’s like i don’t i also drink way
too much way
too many napkins way too much like i was
swaying on stage as a [ __ ] and then
we went to [ __ ]
uh howie’s after that oh we we did and
that’s why i saw brian there oh yeah we
did go to howie’s
yeah i remember taking uh i was so i was
black when i walked in there chris
stover was in ireland stuff
aaron was dding it was dalton chris and
me in my car
and then chris is drunk as [ __ ] and he’s
like dude it’s like what he’s like
animal style fries in and out yeah so we
stopped by in and out one time
nice yeah do you remember the um after
jacob’s wedding because we went to sleep
at this house and then we like walk
cause like
his house is here but his parents like
where they had the venue was like i
don’t know like
800 yards a walk or whatever we were
like just i’m wearing
no socks my feet halfway in my shoes my
jacket on my shoulder i’m just
stumbling six shots i’m just stumbling
and we look at each other like
[ __ ] yeah that would have been like if
there was a drone shot like if i could
get a drone shot any time in my life
it would be that walk cause we both have
our like uh or i had a suit jacket
that’s the part of a movie when they
zoom out and the music starts playing
yeah yeah
i had a suit jacket i think you were
carrying your shoes i was kidding no i
had my shoes like halfway on like my
feet were dangling out i just was
so [ __ ] hungover i just didn’t give a
[ __ ] anymore okay bless you bless you
thank you yeah that would have been a
that would have been a six shot there
were some interesting things that
happened that night
yeah it was it was a fun [ __ ] night i
just love [ __ ] weddings man
yeah like i wish i just and we closed it
did we sh dude jay and z show up to town
closing dude back in the 80s that would
have shut the club down yeah
wait we’re at uh 42 [ __ ] well uh
um yeah well [ __ ] a
thank you everyone for listening and uh
holy [ __ ] man it’s been a hell of a rant
so far
james uh where can they find you uh
uh jack underscore spence
family fans twitter and omegle isaiah
underscore lesney but both of our
instagrams are on
around the lawn staples page um and also
you want to touch on the subscription
[ __ ] real quick
yeah so we’ve been talking about this
for [ __ ] six weeks we’re finally
gonna do it uh free but okay
we are subscriptions are coming out
apple podcast
spotify we just got invited to the
amazon podcasters
thing everyone’s got their own it’s like
paramount plus
i know just give me one
anyways uh yeah subscriptions are coming
i get episodes a week early exclusive
content we’re also gonna do
little like uh side video not even like
a podcast related like uh
other [ __ ] you know like uh like the
basement yard did that hot ones thing
yeah yeah yeah so we’ll do [ __ ] like
that which will be fun like roasts and
[ __ ] yeah
yeah so it’ll be uh exclusive content
the patreon as well uh we haven’t
launched any of it yet but we’re very
excited too so just stay tuned for that
and remember uh all the merch
atltstore.com the summer collection is
god it looks if you guys would follow
our instagram page we posted a couple of
the girls were in the bikinis they
looked fabulous
yes a couple of the dudes wearing the
shirts looked sexy and also
because i mean i mean i guess it’s
middle of summer right now but
because i’m saying and then after like
the summer’s over
will we still have that i’ll probably
get rid of it and then bring it back
because it’ll say so it says summer 2021
so we’ll probably get rid of it and then
bring it back
yeah i mean some of the surfboard [ __ ]
will slap you yeah we’ll see we’ll have
our fall collection coming out
scarves leggings the uh the little cuffs
that girls put on their boots
sure yeah maybe decorative buttons but
yeah so yeah that’s bro
get it while it’s still hot yeah it’s
hot for the press but uh yeah anyways
thank you everyone for
3 000 plus we’re making way and we’re
not stopping
seriously we’re slippery little
salamanders and we’re climbing in
okay you ain’t stopping this freight
train let me tell you you’re not
stopping it no not in our dojo
do you think anyone wants a roundhouse
get to the face while wearing these bad
forget about it anyways you guys for
listening we’ll see you next week and
see ya
let’s get rowdy up in here

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Episode 33