#30 Trevor Hates Tom Cruise

[Applause][Music][Applause][Music]so dance dance
like it’s the last last night of your
life life
you’ve always been confident with your
yourself in that
yeah but dabadoo welcome back everybody
welcome back slapdicks this is a run
lunch table and this is a special day
because it’s episode
30. episode 30. and guess who we have
back today
trevor from if you don’t remember if you
do remember good for you from happy
endings he’s here
for some professional banter we’re
really proud of it but first of all
before i forget i wanted to say thank
our sponsor aputure oceans bringing
ideas and ads to life i was doing the
beginning because i’ll [ __ ] forget
exactly but yeah welcome trevor welcome
back
welcome trevor to episode 30 an atlt
alumni
yes welcome to episode 30 our podcast is
officially a milf
and uh yes yes nice one nice one nice
thank you our podcast has hit milf
status
yes our podcast is getting it’s aging
like fine wine baby
agent like fine wine and you have to but
i will say
um starting off this weekend trevor was
here it was
our very own cfo feed into our instagram
store it’s our cfo’s birthday we got a
party bus
we had a party it was a whole nine yards
and it was absolutely it was good
it was just chaotic yes it was it was
good and trevor was also there so um
yeah he had a good time
the uh uh trevor as far as milfs go
i mean what’s kind of the uh cut off
what what’s the cutoff is that what
you’re asking
yeah what’s the cut off from milfs and
what’s kind of like the oldest you’ve
ever
you know i’ve never had sex with them
actual milk me either really
i’m not either either but i will say the
thing is there’s different types it’s
like okay if you’re like 29 you have
that’s not yeah like just because you’re
attractive and you’re young it’s like
the thing that makes the milf is like
the 44
yeah you’re 43. some miles yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
that’s what ages you and she has a child
it’s just like well
like like in technical terms you are a
mom who’s attractive
but not an actual milf i’m talking about
who’s like 40.
i want even mid-40s i want the crow’s
feet on the eyes i want the little
the little baggy triceps you know dude
it’s a fact hey
if you’ve ever been to a cookout like do
you like
okay you’re in a cookout and the ladies
got a really
mashed potatoes in the back of the arm
that’s gonna be some fire ass food
that’s a fact
yeah anything you’d like to do
are you describing a cookout can you
describe a cookout for me it could be a
barbecue but anything but i’m saying do
you know the big
baggy back of the arms if it’s that yeah
yeah they flap
if it’s that lady cooking your food it’s
going to be fire
that’s a fact dude like uh or like the
um
what’s another characteristic you you
know what i’ve not never understood
you know when you’re like at walmart and
the girl that’s riding the scooter
has that big old fupa the big old fanny
pack you know
you know scooter oh like the oh i
thought you meant like a [ __ ] razor
scooter i’m like what the [ __ ]no nothing pissed me off more at
disneyland when the
fat people get to sit the same [ __ ]disabled line as
disabled people nothing worse yeah
we’re not fat shaming but there’s a
you’re the one who needs to walk
yeah like no but it’s it’s [ __ ] up
but i’m a realist it’s just a fact
you’re the one like
it’s it it’s an insult to people with
actual handicaps
in on the like in chalk on the line they
have the handicap
[ __ ] the the chair thing okay
you being overweight is your own
decision you weren’t hit by a car
and paraplegic anything like that yeah
no you’re not wrong
i get it i just don’t like at what point
of fatness does the fupa come in because
it’s like the last thing that comes but
the thing is i’ve seen who aren’t
but it it miss knapp for example
yeah i’m saying she wasn’t i remember
she she looked like
she looked like a pregnant black widow
yeah she was pale
do i know her no no you sure yeah
maybe yeah she uh but the thing about
i mean the the food if you’re listening
somehow i’m sorry yeah my bad
yeah the fupa is shrouded in mystery um
do you remember saturday night after you
gave your speech you were like [ __ ] miss
biller
do you remember chanting that
that was not after my speech i do
remember that but it was
it was during the night sometime but i’m
saying it was you were talking it was in
the bus it was on the bus oh yeah
because i was like to all the teachers
don’t count on him to remember things
correct yeah no i that’s it was on the
bus there was no cause
gotcha yeah the party bus was fine
it was a good time we got to get uh we
got to do that again you know
yeah we do that was a really fun time
but i will say also side note
okay okay i can’t be the only one who
thinks this
so this is more obviously now i live in
a different state than my family
yeah an extended family et cetera et
cetera but i’m saying
i can’t be the only one who thinks this
when you go whether it’s a family
friend’s house or a cookout
cookout yes or it’s someone who’s really
into your family whatever
and like they’re little kids when i’m
seeing little kids i’m not even talking
about like two years old
like six five and they’re like naked
running around in the water or something
yeah and make me it made me severely
and even well now it’s really
uncomfortable it’s like it is i’ve never
hung out with your kids and i’ve seen
their little ball bags flopping around i
don’t want to see that
and then it’s like the kid will like
come up and like try to like
play with you or something and it’s like
i don’t want you’re like laying on lawn
chairs
yeah and it’s like get get the [ __ ] out
of here it’s it makes me uncomfortable
yeah because
especially there are people that there
are strangers yeah
and you’re six year olds naked running
through the sprinkler i mean just put a
pair of shorts on him let him [ __ ]run through he won’t care
i i never get why you know how some
parents are like
let’s uh you know we let our child make
his own decisions you know
kind of thing so he’s not old enough to
make his own decisions yeah he doesn’t
know what’s good for him
exactly you don’t talk about well i
haven’t seen any naked children
but i’m talking about when i lived at
home yeah from high school
middle school whatever i’m saying it
made me feel so uncomfortable of course
if i saw that i
i i did you ever experienced that no
i didn’t
yeah it’s like come on like yeah i don’t
like i don’t care who it is if it’s
straight not it’s just it’s just not
appropriate
yeah like obviously if they’re like one
or like two you’re
two or three it’s like okay whatever
like six and seven some of them like six
or seven i’m like hey
like if you do want to do it at home
like you’re giving your kid a bath okay
whatever that’s completely normal
it’s completely within the confines of
logic it’s when strangers come over
like if i was that father i would like
i’m like dude cover them up don’t
[ __ ] little ball bags and yeah
beavers flopping
i’d still argue you better wrap that
baby in a burrito because i don’t want
to [ __ ] see that
no we don’t want to nominate why do moms
like wrap it up so tight like he’s not
going to escape
okay here’s here’s here’s also a side
note you’ve seen too many wieners
walking down the sidewalk here’s another
thing
i know i know this is like okay it’s
like a mom thing like okay they want to
feel connected with when they’re
pregnant
oh i want to know i just want to know
this is not a dis this is not negative
i’m saying
why do all moms when they walk in a room
because if other people weren’t in there
i’m sure they wouldn’t do it
we know you’re pregnant but they put
their hand on like they sit down
oh like like like they were surprised
it’s there like oh
what did this get here you knew it was
there it’s like
oh yeah i’m a pregnant don’t worry guys
it’s kicking
yeah like no not it’s not the light oh
my god okay it’s like
it’s just the hand is always yeah like
the
hey guys like we could have seen it that
you’re pregnant yeah trevor have you
been around many pregnant women
i think they’re all selfish
i’ll be completely honest okay
oh my god i’m sorry that was so
unexpected i just
well i know i have a stroke it’s such a
curveball
you brought up the wrong topic i just
spit my beer all over my mic
dude wait please expand on this issue
women getting pregnant at all right now
they’re all selfish
the plan is too crowded
and all the children suck that’s a fact
99 of them they run around and kick you
in the shin and they like
like they don’t eat their food they’re
just
nowadays they turn 14 15 oh god help you
because they’re sitting in the back room
doing tick tocks
it’s the worst it’s the worst you know
and i’ve never you’re not supposed to
hit children but i want to
all the time you ever seen breaking bad
when um there’s this scene when the
diner and this guy’s like do you ever
see a kid riding a bike with a helmet
you just want to beat the [ __ ] out of it
yeah because it’s like
he’s like he needs to be taught how the
world is i tell caleb to do it every
time but
it seems like we never would but like
when i heard like i’ve heard
similar things that when you’re younger
you don’t understand when you get older
it’s like
i get it yeah like i had a dad who
[ __ ]listen he no i’m not saying beat the
[ __ ] out of me but like put you in your
place you put me in my [ __ ] place and
i needed it
i wasn’t a great kid but i wasn’t on a
leash you know
being like dr dragging my parents around
walmart and screaming and they’re just
like it’s fine
but the thing is if you don’t do that
that is the result if you don’t
understand that’s the result they’re
gonna have [ __ ]dyed [ __ ] neon hair with [ __ ] a
butt plug
tail and there’s nothing wrong with that
when you’re an adult butt plug tails
it’s still a little fishy you don’t want
those
what
how did that come to be well i think
because did the anime kids decide that
they wanted
the they wanted the normal butt plug has
like the little
the like the the the knuckle grip yeah
like the brass knuckles
no but i’m saying how did it evolve into
a a tail buttplug is it the anime kids
one of their own well i think they were
tired of the clip
in the shorts like uh you know like
rubbing against their
the bottom of their spines so to make it
more obvious they wanted a [ __ ] tail
well no i’m i’m talking about when they
would put tails on the back of their
clothes instead of just clipping it to
the back well there’s there’s people
that wear butt plug
tail because obviously what we’re
talking about right no raves like they
they weren’t people who are butt plug
tails to raves now apparently no [ __ ]can you imagine someone links as a joke
i’ll do some research
have you been to rave yeah i’m going i i
go all the time
really really are you a glover or like
what is your thing do you want to go to
beyond wonderland obviously well
yeah i actually wouldn’t but it was uh
it was
always like paradiso at the gorge
because the gorgeous
what year did you go to parity so uh
2014
2015 26. i was there no i
well you probably blended in with a lot
of the crowd there were you wearing a
plug that i could pull no but it was
crazy to hear a crazy story
patrick you weren’t patrick from the
other night from the weekend he came he
was the one passed out by the shed back
there
no i don’t know patrick okay well he was
here patrick like three times
okay well anyways he was here he works
at my work but i’m saying the job before
that i worked with him too
but the crazy part of it was when i met
him he had seen me at paradiso
but i didn’t know him and he recognized
me because like you know how everyone at
raves has like the signs so their
friends can
find them like the big the totem the
totems the totems
and we didn’t have one so i picked up
someone’s lightsaber that someone
dropped then i put a lemonade cup on the
top and i held it up
i have the power and here he’s like dude
i remember seeing you walk by i was like
what the [ __ ] is that and he’s like dude
i just didn’t know who you were it was
just a crazy thing what lightsaber was
it like
obi-wan’s or like a set it was quick on
jin’s green huh
but the black handle with the silver
tree yeah yeah
yeah and i just found on the ground so i
picked it up yeah liam neeson’s least
badass character did you get to keep it
i don’t know what happened to it i have
it uh on the wall at home
yeah i don’t know what i did with it but
totems are very helpful
yeah they’re very helpful you don’t
think they are but then you’re like okay
i understand why now
yeah because it’s also a good thing for
the artist oh that’s cool but also
your friends can find you yeah because
unless you’ve been to like a huge one
you really don’t understand why they’re
there but once you go to like one like
paradiso before
in the before times before corona
because there’d be like
how many people were at parity so 2015.
i’m in 2015. how many
20 30. did they take it yeah 20 30 000.
there’s that many people
it’s very crowded wow that’s good that’s
that’s what that’s why i’m skeptical
because
i’m thinking like a [ __ ] nfl stadium
but everyone’s on
the grass and you’re trying to find your
friends wearing [ __ ] fishnets they’re
like stay six feet apart and everyone’s
tongue [ __ ] each other
yeah it’s craziness it’s absolutely
anarchy
would you guys ever go to like burning
man or something like that i do that
[ __ ]i don’t know if i have the mental
stamina i’ve been i’ve been to raves and
i’ve been to like chris stapleton all
right
so like it doesn’t matter what where i’m
at i’m going to enjoy myself
i agree with alcohol and i’m with my
friends and my boys or girls or
i agree with that but for example like
when you see things like edc
when i was i would be like oh that would
be fun but like it’s just too i i almost
feel like it’d be too much
yeah like especially because it wasn’t
too much that’s what i’m saying too
because there’s been friends of mine
like oh we’re going to easy las vegas
and i like that i’m like
it just seems like too much it goes to
do you start because it gets so [ __ ]it’s more than one day it starts at like
7 p.m
and because it’s just cooling down
you’re there to four in the morning and
i was like i
i was like i don’t want to be here the
majority of people stay up all night
until the next day
yeah they’re like like i’ve seen a
couple like documentaries on burning man
or something like that the problem is a
lot of it is like
i’m not saying most like everyone but a
lot of it is like older
like biker gangs and [ __ ] and [ __ ]like
a good portion of them are people who
are like like not like
kids just going to have fun they’re
there to like just [ __ ] anything in
sight and
well they’re there i’m going to [ __ ]find myself exactly for the 20th time
yeah it’s a nice relaxed
place for people to just be weird i
guess yeah
there’s a lot of weird [ __ ] yeah that’s
what i was saying there is a freedom to
do whatever
there is a lot like i i’ve seen some
[ __ ] you’re like oh god that guy
he’s like does he have a job like
probably not i’m a little worried about
it but we’re not like sitting on an
underpass waiting for this day to come
it’s like 98 degrees and then wearing
like little wookie hats and they’re like
the looks yeah
you talked about naked children you saw
i saw a naked man try to fight
my [ __ ] campsite and it was weird his
dick was flopping around
and everyone was unhappy i’m a [ __ ]and he was from texas and we well i
didn’t kick his ass because that
that’s just not how i roll yeah but
someone else in my camp kicked his ass
and he left his wallet and he’s from
texas and we’re like good luck getting
home but
the crazy thing is about how do you find
a naked man is you know what’s illegal
and that and it’s crazy because they
have signs but you’ve come to realize
they only have the signs that say no
because they have to yeah but
everything’s allowed
no and like in parodies for example like
i went to hard summer in california that
they have response teams it sounds
stupid but i’m saying
that handle people who have taken too
much drugs who are tripping the [ __ ] out
yeah i’ve been in the med tent for that
you have
yeah medted yeah i’m saying i’ve never
but like good time good [ __ ] time
why is that oh i just uh i blacked out
one day
and then woke up and my brother was
pulling me out of a tent and i guess i
was hitting on the [ __ ] nurse for
like two hours
did you close no she was like okay
guy number 12 yeah yeah exactly
it was a good time though i think it is
interesting how like um
like even like smaller things like uh
like little tiny concerts things like
that
or it’s like they have those people they
were like [ __ ] the freaking pens and
[ __ ] ready to [ __ ] stab you if you’re
going nuts but you’re not supposed to
have [ __ ] there
so yeah it’s weird how everyone knows
that they do that but
yeah yeah exactly actually they’re they
even like have security not even
checking people’s [ __ ] anymore at this
point because
like especially when when like a dj like
hosts the entire event
yeah yeah they’re like don’t don’t
because they’re gonna
they also employ 19 year olds who need a
quick buck so they’re not gonna pat
every one of the 20 000 people down it’s
like
okay you’re good i remember like being
so scared trying to get get my [ __ ]jewel through the metal detectors at a
concert
one time i my buddy [ __ ] put all of
his drugs into a can chew and it like
melted because it was so hot it
dissolved into his chews so he had to
take a
oh that’s right but he would get high
off of his [ __ ]dude my friend a hard summer taped um
i’m gonna say first name alex you
remember
yes alex a hard summer because they
wouldn’t there were so many people there
they wouldn’t pat everyone down but
occasionally they would like
have someone take their shoes off
whatever so you want to be safe so we
tied his
drugs to his [ __ ] penis that’s like
his game with duct tape with his shaft
you could have at least put like saran
wrap around it so you don’t have to play
well to his shaft it’s not his it’s not
his pubes didn’t take it to his shaft
did he shave before
well the thing was because their
capsules it was it was kind of like a
missile launcher
here’s the thing the missiles are right
oh okay the missiles the missiles are
lined around
like an apache helicopter yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay and so
they were tied
they were tied ready for attack gotcha
and i actually popped one that was on
this penis but that was when we had so
good how would you like if you like
would you ever smoke with something in
your butt if it was the only way
it depends what it is yeah 100 depends
what it is
i don’t know like i’d be scared it would
like if someone was like hey
you need to smuggle this in your butt or
someone you know is gonna die
well i meant just like getting into like
a concert like if you were it
it depends what if security was real
like an airport
okay here’s the thing here’s the thing
airports can see like what’s through the
butt
not if it’s far up but i’m saying here’s
the thing
it depends yeah if it’s far enough up
they can’t detect that like cut off like
sorry this is kind of like right i did
read this one thing
this guy got a hip replacement and this
cartel hired him and they put drugs in
his hip replacement
genius so then he had to get it out
again yeah
[ __ ] we didn’t figure that part out
crazy they’re ahead of their time but
anyways as i was saying i’m just saying
like it depends how much i had spent
yeah
but the thing is if i had spent a ton of
money it wouldn’t fit in my butt
i mean a lot of things can fit in a butt
not if i’d be surprised
i’m saying if i dropped a lot of money
on it and a lot was writing on it
i would i would have a meeting in my own
head i’d be like okay what are we
getting to lose here
you know exactly i mean i think but in
my own in my own experience
i wouldn’t even take it there to get it
taken i wouldn’t i wouldn’t risk it
yeah i think the uh penis is a good play
because if they grab your junk i mean
it’s like the same way girls would what
are you okay dude
i mean i wouldn’t i wouldn’t be like
surprised if he
grabbed my [ __ ] but you know
sometimes they do brush it yeah they do
kind of they never finger your [ __ ]though
yeah they never give the reach rounds
either if they do you’re in for another
surprise
you’re you’re at the wrong line yeah
yeah i am like oh
i went they have like a line that says
we’re going to check your [ __ ] yeah
and there’s one that says we’re not just
playing
like that rick and morty we have the new
machine yeah
he’s got the [ __ ] uh those acorns up
his ass
another thing i want to talk about uh
we’re actually talking about this uh
when we were dropping woody off shout
out woody for coming to the birthday
thing
um you know how like in weddings
you know they have the normal thing they
do where like each one has the other
shoe and they like
one person throws a bouquet yeah all
that [ __ ]you know when like the girl lifts up her
skirt and the guy’s just got to go
on the [ __ ] yeah on the little silk
thing she has around here yeah
it’s like oh now that we’re married i
wanted to dad
that was i feel like that i feel like
that was created
just because you’re married it’s like
under matrimony you’re able it’s
it’s fine now amongst friends and family
it’s like hey i’m taking this off we
[ __ ]yeah it’s so weird because it’s like the
dad still doesn’t want to know that yeah
i mean they already knew you were
[ __ ] but it’s like it’s like the same
thing when he like
hugs his daughter go to college oh [ __ ]i hope yeah
i hope they use condoms i hope to god
just nothing about that
yeah it is interesting like i
if i’m ever a father of a girl it’s
gonna be weird when like uh she brings a
guy home because like i know exactly
what this is
yeah that’s the crazy thing and it’s
nuts because when you’re younger you
don’t have that sense of
like you don’t have you think you’re so
sly you think you’re so serious
and you think he’s gonna think i’m
completely upstanding and wanting
nothing else to do with this daughter
yeah but they [ __ ] know yeah and it’s
crazy because i’ve like
met dads and i’m just like oh yeah i’m
like i might say i’m like oh my god he
thinks i’m [ __ ] cool but you know in
the back of my
this little [ __ ] yeah it’s like hey
you guys walk in the room and i put a
pillow on my crotch because
i’m uncomfortable yeah it’s like no
because it’s a tp in my [ __ ] pants
man
this this all comes into perspective of
who you are marrying because
i have date my first girlfriend in high
school her dad was five foot two
i wouldn’t give a [ __ ] what i did at
that wedding because guess what you’re
not going to do anything what are you
going to beef about
old man strength is the thing old man
strength is but the reach is not there
if he’s five too
yeah the guy was like he was super
overweight too have you ever gotten
really [ __ ] up and
i’m not a violent person i’m saying but
ever
in your head like there’s someone you’re
talking to whatever you’re like i could
beat the [ __ ] out of this guy
yeah i know i told you with a [ __ ]mom joke that
happened or no it wasn’t a mom joke but
i was talking to someone’s mom
and then the skinny guy walked up and i
was like listen guy you can
you’re not that guy you know
you know the tick tock it’s the same
thing with the now i have
that video hey you’re not that guy pal i
have met dads that are
i i’m like all right i’ll behave myself
because the majority of them could beat
your ass
yeah yeah majority of course but there
was one particular
probably the girl i should have married
because she’s smarter than me i’m not
very smart but she was beautiful it’s
all about perspective
i miss her so much
her dad was a train conductor a mustache
shorter wait wait wait wait wait wait
are you the trade conductor
what did you have a whistle you drove
the sounder
i don’t i don’t know if it’s a train
conductor anymore but
he [ __ ] all the boys he probably just
presses start
he’s like he’s like he’s not gonna
instagram live dude this train’s pushed
to start you know what i’m saying
dude i was not scared of that guy is
what i’m saying did he have the uh
the eminem hat on you know but with the
stripes on it yeah look good like are
you a prisoner or a tranquilizer
honestly honestly if he wore all red
he’d look like a bunch of eggs
he’d look like mario oh okay mario
batali or mario
mario from [ __ ] nintendo 64. oh yeah
super super really fat version of it
gotcha so he’s like fidel castro with
weight
yeah so are you saying you could take
him or not
i could just kick him in the gut and
he’d fall over oh okay
yeah so you’re gonna resort to the kick
then
i feel like kicking is somewhat frowned
upon in a fight it’s underrated
unless you like know the martial arts
you know what’s on it frowned upon is
head butting and you know
you knock them out and yourself out yeah
jason statham has mastered the art of
headbutting
can we also okay speaking of jason
statham this has nothing to do with it
but i’m saying
is that mike tyson saying jason listen
okay here’s the thing
this is not even the jason say this just
made me think of vin diesel now that i
thought i’ve been diesel
what the okay i loved the first few fast
and furious
i’ve never seen a single one i like no
they were good movies
they were they were good movies rest in
peace paul walker really
we haven’t seen him i saw the first one
here’s the thing got out let me finish
they were pretty good movies but
afterwards i’m saying it gets to a point
to like you’re just overdoing it at this
point it’s like let it die in a good way
it was like national treasure or like
you know go out with a bang
the best the best version i can think of
is going out with a bang is how mac
miller
did his like how his team did his last
album yeah it was a masterpiece
and like not like the other people have
passed away they did 85
songs in albums juice world does 1200
songs i mean they were most of them were
good but anyways yeah but i’m saying
the same way it has the same thing it’s
like after a certain amount of time in a
franchise it’s like okay
you guys have made it this far it’s time
to end it i don’t want to see [ __ ]ludacris kill megalodon with a [ __ ]camaro
i don’t want to see it i don’t want to
see some ridiculous [ __ ]then diesel saves a guy hanging from a
rope
that’s in a helicopter where he jumps a
railway and the camaro somehow [ __ ]saves i don’t want to see that [ __ ]it’s it’s it’s coming remember like
hobbs and shaw or whatever
and then like the rock has to go back to
his like native roots and they got like
spears
it’s like bro just go get some guns man
yeah it’s like
they overdo the story at that point and
there’s plot holes it’s like dude just
i didn’t leave the franchise yeah tell
you what okay listen
i have i have not seen all the thousand
fierces but the first couple i did see
and they were good they were good movies
but i’m saying after that it was like
okay is it going to end
how many cars are we going to total here
like yeah exactly it’s like how
how good can vin diesel be after a few
years there’s no way that’s his real
name it’s a stage name it is
vincent diesel the best comparison that
was made
he said that national treasure which
there are two people
and everyone loved not now
[Music]he nailed it on national treasure man it
was a great movie nicholas
give him all the academy awards
seriously that was a great movie
i will be honest that’ll be honest like
i actually have watched that movie
multiple times
the full way through it’s a good movie
all right i like how the password and
the recollection of independence it’s
all lowercase
one word and i like how i like how
access into a federal government
building required
eight clicks of a key and they clamp
onto a wire because you remember the
part
where he’s like in the van the guy he’s
like oh there you are and he sees the
wire and he clamps on the wire
and he has all their video cameras green
wire every time i’m like how the
[ __ ] that’s not real every camera has
their own wire like he didn’t even do an
sql injection
he didn’t even do he didn’t go in he
didn’t get into the firewall he didn’t
do anything
you know how to break into [ __ ] huh yeah
that’s what he’s saying
yeah are you down for a heist well i
couldn’t pull it off i’d be drunk with
soon
we already hey we just need a crew yeah
hey if you guys have
anyone have you ever ever
yeah i could be a grease man if i
[ __ ] pull that off do you remember in
national treasure when
they get the declaration of independence
and the other crew is after it too right
and they shoot at them and he blocks
with the deck right because it has bull
crew glass and then the feds afterwards
obviously someone else wanted it too
it’s useless at this point we’re gonna
have to have you ever seen that movie
two thousand okay this is what i wanna
say one more thing about
decoration independence this is about
that um i like how there’s [ __ ]uh drywall screws with a phillips head
screwdriver
it’s like oh i just need this dewalt
drill and on but here’s the thing
okay they have all these security
measures to keep them stolen
but what’s someone gonna do if they
actually steal it hey
on ebay i have the actual declaration of
this is the black market
you know like thug art collectors
i guess but i’m saying if you have the
actual one i’m saying what are you gonna
be stealing it for the treasure map i
bet
there’s one person on the planet it’s
like hey guess what i have [ __ ]there was a map on the back they go in
[ __ ] cotton swabs and lemon juice and
are able to find
unforeseen treasures piss on it right
who would have known john hancock was
drawing a map
the entire time he signed his big-ass
name on there
and then he was like in reality this is
just a map to some truth
they haven’t missed her
the kid just pulls out his dick now we
got a piss on it and it’s just i’m just
sitting around the [ __ ] tables but no
in all real in all reality
this is not right nick cage nailed it in
national treasure man
obviously everything else was kind of a
flop ghost writer this writer was kind
of
ass french lord of war was good lord of
war was good
that’s what war dogs was based off of
very good i love nicholas cage for the
memes he’s a [ __ ] hilarious
i like how he’s oh what’s the nicholas
cage movie
it was on alcatraz island i forgot what
it’s called he’s in that one that was
also a good movie
also a good movie dressed in the wrong
crowd here yeah we’re not
i mean i’m saying nick whatever hap
obviously we
we actually he’s in a new movie don’t
say whatever happened he was never
good no he lost there’s a new movie the
whole trailer is about him losing a pig
whenever we did that research where
nicholas cage
he got kind of blackballed and then like
he lost a lot of money went bankrupt
kind of off the deep end and then he had
to do all these shitty movies to make
money
so he was i believe it was a trust fund
baby and he
lost he basically blew all his money so
then he took every shitty role possible
yeah cause he’s in a lot of movies
hey anyone listening you want to see
something [ __ ] hilarious and stupid
but it’s actually
it’s not a good movie but it’s [ __ ]hilarious look up on who i think it’s on
hulu still it’s called
parents with nicholas cage it’s
in this is example of one of those
movies he probably needed just to get
extra money
and the movie the premise of this movie
is that
a another country launched a chemical
warfare attack on us
that was it was to engage in pheromones
in the same way that animals kill their
kids they engage that pheromone so all
the parents try to kill their kids
that’s that’s the purpose of the movie
that’s the premise of the movie yeah i i
what i don’t get about the nick cage
thing is like imagine showing up on like
at an audition and like doing that whole
thing and it’s like people don’t
watch movies but the thing about acting
is i feel like because coming off fresh
off national treasure it’s like
it was a very successful movie it was a
high life yeah
and actually there was multiple actors
on the girl in that i forgot but she’s
in a lot of other movies yeah
she was same with the guy the guy riley
riley he’s in tons of movies
the guy who plays the guy who played
nicolas cage’s dad
is oh he’s in he’s in every form he was
a president
yeah he’s a president he was the
president yeah i’m saying but like it’s
crazy
it’s a prime it’s a prime example of if
you’re in a great movie
get every [ __ ] job you can after that
because everyone wants to hire you often
you can’t hate the hustle but you can
you can laugh at it yeah yeah yeah what
are you googling
uh i was googling the beautiful young
woman who was a national treasure i was
gonna ask you you guys just said
actors and actresses and what what i
don’t get is after that
like he’s driving like a corvette or
something like where’d they get the
money
who where what well because they found
the treasure like they sold it that like
who’s buying like gold cups well it’s
it’s well let’s be honest he’s it’s not
taxed he has to fly low
well no i’m saying he they were already
like he had that big house in the
[ __ ] thing like who bought like these
oh yeah
it’s the same it’s the same thing as you
ever seen someone shoot off 60 bullets
in a and then like a
like a machine gun or something yeah
you’re like yeah that that’s not
realistic
they probably didn’t consider those they
have a [ __ ] revolver and they’ve shot
55 times yeah they’re like that guy
didn’t reload
why is it that in movies okay listen
when the good guys getting shot at
and this is we thought we had lost this
thing with star wars when stormtroopers
never hit one shot
yeah but i’m saying in modern movies the
main character
where if dudes are spraying with machine
guns and they’re running and didn’t get
hit by one
just make the dudes not be shooting yeah
like make it somewhat realistic like do
you remember in
the avengers end game when thanos [ __ ]up the van
yeah and he’s like it’s dead i just
gotta hot wire it it’s like he
just threw away [ __ ] harpoon at the
[ __ ]and if the car is dead that doesn’t give
you more electricity like that’s to
start it without keys yeah
like what i think we’re overthinking
this but it’s okay but
at the same token they’re a billion
dollar movie make it make sense
yeah they made lots of money on that
they could have they could but i will
say thanos is a genius
like maybe he had a jump pack in the car
you just could have put positive ones
well that comes back i
i agree with thanos views because i said
it wasn’t women or something
me and jack have actually talked about
this a lot in the movie
like thanos it was an extremist point of
view it was extreme but it
made [ __ ] sense everything is finite
resource is fine like it needs
correction too many mouths
it’s like the women and children thing
you told me this quote it was like um
uh only women children and pets are
loved unconditionally a man is loved
provided given that he provides
something what does that have to do with
thanos i don’t know he was talking about
women and children now
what does that have to do with [ __ ]thanos i’m kidding if anyone is
listening
and chris rock said that you’re not
selfish but i think you are
so just just a heads up yeah okay
so let’s just say the end of the world
however you think the end of the world
is gonna happen
happens tomorrow okay okay what’s your
first move
trevor come on i’m telling you the end
all happens government collapses
it’s anarchy people are killing each
other in the streets for food etc etc
what’s your first move
i’m killing tom cruise
there’s he’s a scientologist he plays
the same
[ __ ] character in another movie
that’s really true
that’s a good point
you know he’s like crazy short dude i
had my roommate in college told me that
i
would i would literally roll over my
sleep rip ass and then say
kill you tom cruise you really ate him
go back to sleep so if there was a purge
you’re going for him
yeah he deserves to die
sorry did i did i catch you by surprise
there i mean i wasn’t
it wasn’t my second guess because you
filled me up was it yeah like halfway
halfway i don’t need the full thing
you a little bit okay
i’m killing tom cruise find and kill tom
cruise it’s in my bubble bio
you could look at it no seriously
there’s literally a question they asked
on bumble what’s your zombie apocalypse
plan finally okay
seriously though what is it
not besides obviously seriously like a
backup plan
no like if this is an issue of survival
all right okay so if i don’t care about
it by the way wait wait side note side
note side note i actually have a
question
so okay i agree with you he plays
everyone in the same movie
but but i wouldn’t kill him over it no
that’s what i’m saying have you seen the
last samurai yeah i actually like that
movie
thank you but he’s outstanding that’s
him
he’s he’s that last samurai guy in
mission impossible one through seven
yeah he’s how’s it from the last samurai
and it’s a white dude from connecticut
yeah
who’s the [ __ ] last camera also he
gets the super nice [ __ ]asian woman japanese woman very
beautiful young lady
don’t ask me how i remember her yeah he
gets to slam those cheeks after all that
and he’s the one who doesn’t die all the
other guys died
i was like i forgot the guy’s name
but he’s in the last samurai he’s also
in the new mortal kombat
he’s that japanese he’s in every samurai
movie he’s in everything there’s this
you know there’s very few
you know japanese characters i’m talking
about yes he’s the best guy
he’s like he’s like the left hand he’s
like the right hand man of the guy last
time right
that did you know he’s in the memorial
comment i’m saying he’s in every samurai
induced thing that dude is 60 years old
he does
all his own stunts he was an inception
too dude yeah he’s got the ponytail
let’s be honest he’s a good-looking guy
yeah he is
he’s 60 and he does he does he does his
own stunts
he’s a badass [ __ ] i forgot what
his name is let me look at his name
but i’m saying he is a [ __ ] badass
he’s a badass i agree no
okay so also the japanese iron chef i’m
still going to kill
tom cruise i’m still going to kill tom
cruise but the the thing is
i want to get tom cruise on this podcast
you and him duke it out if people love
war movies where it’s just like
tragic ending there’s watch lives well
every war movie is a tragic ending
not if your side wins
but i’m saying most the time because the
time it’s over it could be a happy
ending but a lot of the good characters
died i’ll be honest
i went and saw hacksaw ridge drunk to
shut up i killed the great
i killed a fifth of fireball before i
went in there and i was crying my
goddamn eyes out
great movie but mel gibson put on a
goddamn he did and
held me up there dog i couldn’t pick
the funny thing was when i saw vince
vaughn firing an mp40
i couldn’t take him seriously because
i’m like wedding crashers spread claws
and then the list goes on
and i couldn’t take it seriously he was
he made it he made a great
commander guy who’s [ __ ] on everyone
though in the beginning i was
actually left with all the vin spawn
movies those were your trip to
the melody and fred claude claus was a
good movie
and guess what it was a clean movie and
he was still it wasn’t that dude from
home improvement
listen listen listen always like santa
[ __ ] tim allen i’m saying yeah
here’s the thing he ruined santa claus
okay this is how you know if someone’s
funny
they can be in a clean movie and still
be funny yeah
that’s a fact that’s a fact mark
wahlberg that’s a fact
will ferrell kicking and screaming
hilarious didn’t cuss one time
elf was funny too elf was funny vince
vaughn fred claus was a funny movie
didn’t cuss once
i think that’s the defining factor if
someone’s actually funny or not
cussing’s
just funny i’m saying if you can be in a
clean movie and still be funny that’s
hilarious
i don’t think we i don’t think we could
do it because most of the time
who did it i didn’t i don’t i haven’t
taken this in anyways we had to go on a
little piss break there uh
no we were talking about uh [ __ ]vince vaughn fred claus the
well the thing is like christmas is
always like a easy money maker you know
you got the mariah carey christmas album
you got the typical santa movie that
comes out but at what point because
you have the home alone on repeat you
have the christmas story on repeat yeah
home alone great movie there’s no one i
wanted to marry more than mariah carey
really is that your celeb who is your
celeb crush
it was her for the most she’s it was
she’s hot so who is it now still still
mariah
i switched day by day but um
all the new ones pop up and it’s like
okay well now we got the instagram
thoughts [ __ ] velma from scooby doo
yeah
bro she’s so busy filming with them
yes she played um hawkeye’s wife in in
the
movies that’s the only movie that’s the
only movie she uh
played someone that wasn’t super
attractive even though i found her
attractive
really well sometimes when they’re in
their like
not attractive state it makes them a
little you know okay it makes it more
realistic
okay here’s here i’m gonna throw
something out there and i’m gonna throw
something out there on the ether you
guys tell me if you’re picking it up
okay
courtney cox who plays in friends she’s
a milf now i’m i’m actually kind of in
love with cordycocks
she’s hot now wait a lot of botox or a
lot of surgeries
like every [ __ ] person well no i feel
like
she’s hot i’m not there no i respect it
i’m not there with you on that one
because it kind of looks like
the the joker a little bit i watched her
when david spade was a guest hosting
on jimmy fallon dude she’s bad she’s a
milf
hey i understand the question because i
was asked i just okay
i like older women i’m saying if i
i know i’m a fan i’m a fan of milfs i’m
saying am i like wow
well no i had someone look you like
gwyneth paltrow she looks terrible and
sometimes i love
yeah she looks terrible sometimes
exactly the same way
same thing it’s when she has the bangs
and the little it’s like exactly
you’re trying to look like a samurai and
it’s not working exactly so don’t hang
on courtney cox
okay i won’t i won’t okay i i had
someone ask like
eight years ago chelsea handlers should
be hot too okay um literally one time
just once only time ever they were like
who are you weirdly attracted to and i
was like defined weirdly like you have
like a childhood attraction to or
like they’re just ugly and you’re
attracted to but somehow you
i get that i get that completely i get
that completely well i didn’t know i
i was like i don’t have a good answer
for you because i was like i saw a meme
one time you know ray from the new three
like star wars
she’s actually she’s attractive i know
but but i was like it’s
it’s weird because i the only reason why
i was a tractor is because like the meme
was
four things i want to get inside of and
it was like an atst
a speeder her and like some other
[ __ ] machine in star wars and i was
like
you know what that makes sense isn’t it
atsd the walker yeah yeah
the ata well you want to get inside of
right now i would love to write one of
those
battlefront i would hop in those all the
time i was like it’s not weird but
yeah do you remember the family guy
where uh i don’t know
where uh peter’s in the million falcons
and he pulls up
because yeah he’s like hey he’s like hey
ladies one of us like oh but we only
have 12
parsecs and he’s like hoppin
the castle run this made the kessel run
in twelve parsecs a parsec is a museum
as a unit of measure of like measurement
light years of distance not time so kind
of
light year that’s [ __ ] awesome yeah
that guy that guy
[ __ ] george no but the weird
attraction the weird attraction thing is
a thing
yeah because it’s also she’s gorgeous
she’s like
i mean i want to be inside her
regardless
i i will say sometimes it’s like the you
know they’re gettable
kind of thing it’s like hey
if push came to shove i might be yeah i
might be able to close yeah
do you have any weird attractions james
like a person like yeah
when i say weird attractions i’m not
saying someone who isn’t like
i’m just playing someone you wouldn’t
think of it’s like oh that’s kind of
weird but like
that’s what i’m saying mine would be
grunter paltrow that’s not weird she’s a
crush of
millions of people you said she looked
like [ __ ] sometimes yeah exactly yeah
i would never say that about my mom i’m
saying the same way he was like courtney
cox excuse me i’m saying
everyone who’s aging in hollywood they
look
sometimes good sometimes not as good
yeah because when they look really good
the next time he seems like oh they
looked way better last
exactly maybe they had botox maybe they
had a little bit of extra things you
know a weird one
i know yeah it’s a heart because it’s
like what is weird yeah
but the girl the girl came through and
sent me some like rock star with like
long hair and he just looked like a
pedophile oh you were talking to a girl
about this well she asked me the
weirdest and i was like
what was her weirdest one russell i’ve
never been stumped before you usually i
come up with something it’s
a russell brand a poem it’s his accent
man forgetting sarah marshall bro it’s
his accent i mean
it says it’s his rep partway man what
was his name
[ __ ] what was his name in that movie um
honey and forgetting sarah marshall what
was russell brand’s name
she’s in that movie peter or something
no that was the main guy
aaron russell brand’s name oh
uh something snow all the stone aldous
knows how this is yeah yeah yeah
he was so funny in that movie play that
same character and get him to the greek
yeah it’s insane he’s so funny in that
he only has one character like tom
cruise
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you’re right
yeah
i mean you’re never going to see him as
like a sophisticated ceo of a but
okay crazy thing i’m saying now he’s
very yeah if you see him nowadays i’m
joking like he’s a sophisticated guy
actually he has a
good head on his shoulder i just feel
like he’s always on acid so he was
though he talks about
he talks about how like anyways that’s a
different topic so rabbit hole her
answer
of her weirdly attracted to was anthony
kitus
who’s that i looked him up and i was
like that guy looks like he
was children let me see let me see well
what’s he in what’s he in like i think
he’s a
rock star or something i was like all
right well let’s just say rock or not
star
[Laughter]i already forgot his name that’s my
boyfriend wendy started a band
anthony
i think mine america in a weird way
because and it’s not even weird but i’m
saying it’s more of just i’m like oh i
don’t know sarah silverman
okay i randomly was just like ew
ew that looks like the walmart version
of legolas i’m man
enough to admit when i like a man is
handsome and i just did not
i was like all right that he’s not that
people know from me dog
yeah he’s creepy looking yeah he looks
like i told you pedophile
but yeah i’m just saying yeah i think
the weirder it’s hard to explain but i’m
saying
for me it’s it’s sarah silverman really
she’s actually kind of hot
her voice is but i’m saying i’m not gee
i actually
like sarah silverman a lot sarah
silverman
sarah silverman and she’s a comedian
which normally girl comedians suck amy
schumer
i hate
amy schumer is not funny amy schumer’s
not funny i hate you i hate you
i hate you sarah silverman come over any
time amy shimmer you’re not allowed
you’re not funny
what was that movie she had about like
being fat
i don’t know but i know you’re talking
about it it was so like i’m special too
there’s also a big thing about her
stealing people’s jokes yeah she does
it’s like drake of the [ __ ] comedy
world but the thing is drake i think
paid for all those
yeah amy schumer didn’t pay [ __ ] yeah
she’s just well there’s nothing she’s
famous she’s not funny she’s not good
looking she’s like you know that song
who do you know
who do you know [ __ ] it’s because
she’s a spaz and falls over on camera
i don’t she’s not [ __ ] chris farley
okay
who was a pioneer got pine yeah he was a
pioneer recipe’s chris farley man rest
in peace
amy schumer is just a little entitled
[ __ ] [ __ ] who thinks she’s funny
she’s australian too and they get all
the beautiful men kangaroo
that’s a jack rabbit i think she’s
australian am i getting that okay she
don’t got the accent i don’t give a [ __ ]who she is she can go to hell
the only australian i care about steve
irwin yeah rest in peace that’s a bloody
wallaby
his daughter looks like sarah that’s
kind of crazy sarah who basketball we
should hear her
she does ben she does bindi
you know how much fun i would have
coming home shout out sarah shout out to
me like bindi
bindi where you at
and then the the sun what’s his name
mindy
cindy i forgot his name yeah i hope he’s
something
he’s on jimmy fallon and he grabs all
these animals for kevin hart to hold and
kevin hart refused it’s so funny
really do you have a choice you need a
funny youtube video to watch
[ __ ] watch the one where steven
roman’s son was trying to give kevin
hart animals to hold and kevin hart was
[ __ ]he’s like no no have you seen that [ __ ]on i was like turning on twitter how
kevin hart’s not funny
i think he’s funny so here’s the thing
so i’m not saying it’s not funny someone
someone made a good point like he was
funny when i was in high school
and since then like i haven’t seen it it
was a stand-up that was funny not his
movies
yeah the thing was that the rock’s
carrying his okay here’s the thing
i agree with what you guys are saying
but that’s why i think he’s funny
because all the things that i thought
was funny
was his interviews for example when he
was on sportscenter with stephen a smith
and skip bayless and he was debating
and [ __ ] roasting them i was dying
because i’ve been seeing them have you
ever seen that okay no
if you look up kevin kevin hart roasting
um tv hosts in specifics
when he’s on sportscenter on first take
with steven a smith and skip bayless
he is so naturally funny on that that’s
what made me think he was funny
for example there’s also another
interview with dwayne the rock johnson
kevin hart where they switch and they
pretend to be the other guy
and it’s so [ __ ] funny that’s the
[ __ ] i’m not talking about some of the
i’m saying that’s the [ __ ] that i
made me think he was funny was the
natural the interviews
he was on he was a guest he was a guest
on stuff i think the rock is funny in
the same
sense uh um who’s the guy from 21 jump
street with jonah jonah hill no no with
jonah hill
i think he’s funny because they’re like
always like
he’s okay they’re [ __ ] no no but i i
find he’s in a lot of
like i find him funny when he’s not
trying to be funny exactly
but exactly like there’s nothing the
rock says it’s just like he’s he usually
plays an idiot like
have you ever seen pain and gain where
he’s just like a coke head and he just
[ __ ] gets his
toe blown up oh he’s playing himself
yeah well i don’t
i don’t know what that guy does but i’m
i’m just making it but i think that’s a
catch-22
the same way i was saying kevin hart was
the funniest
was something funny about that kevin
hart was the funniest when he wasn’t on
screen and like i don’t like his movies
but
in my opinion it was awful it was it was
something he didn’t plan yeah yeah he
probably didn’t script it
yeah yeah because he’s very quick-witted
he he just naturally has like on what
did anyone watch wilden out when kevin
hart was on this
and he roasted the whole i’m saying he’s
just naturally has that yeah
you ever see the video of him roasting
meek mill backstage it was [ __ ]hilarious
no i didn’t see meek mill has his fat
friend he’s roasting the [ __ ] out of him
it was hilarious
that’s funny he just naturally oh
there’s a skeeter in here kill it
yeah sorry we’re at
ref city 50 minutes 50 minutes
[ __ ] time flies when you’re a piece of
[ __ ] but i will say
hey listen here it’s been a good session
wow time really does fly
i will say trevor where can they find
you on instagram
uh trevor cartwright and they can find
me at
isaiah underscore lesney where can they
find you james you can find me at jack
underscore spence or you can find both
of me and jack’s instagrams at around
the lunch table instagram
page um a quick thanks to trevor
cartwright
for being on the episode it was
completely unplanned by the way
so he just came by and we figured might
as well do it so and guess what we will
be seeing a lot more of trevor
in the future and guess what i think
this is also a great time to announce
the subscription
yes uh so apple podcast came out with a
subscription
that came out so we are going to be
releasing some uh
basically for subscribers you get
exclusive episodes like the conspiracy
one we’ve been talking about for a while
uh also you get episodes a week early
some other cool little things
answering questions and [ __ ] um so yeah
i’m excited about that it’ll be cheap
and i’m gonna
break your wallet but also supports us
because this does take a lot of time
a lot of resources and you know we have
full-time jobs and you know
girlfriends and which is also a
full-time job am i right i don’t have a
girlfriend
um it’s all right i mean trevor
is single if anyone’s uh i don’t either
but i am dating trevor
yeah so um but yeah i also want to talk
about the
summer collection 2021 uh
summer collection is out flying off the
shelves guys it’s a really bad t-shirt
sales are really heating up uh summer
collection’s out check it out i actually
added i just bought a [ __ ] ton of stuff
over there for the fourth of july so
for our trip we’re taking so i’m just
saying everyone should go get something
so we uh
they’re good prices actually it’s not
that bad yeah we have been uh i added a
few more things on there i’ve kind of
been like slowly updating it
so there’s a lot more stuff check it out
guys i really appreciate it
support the show because once we make
enough money i’m going to zuckerberg
jack and take control of the podcast
yeah so everyone keep buying [ __ ]exactly atlt llc is actually uh
yeah yeah so anyways but anyways thank
you everyone for listening
um we decided to do a little bit of a
longer one here because this is our 30th
episode
um and this was a little bit of an
impromptu one but hope you guys enjoyed
it and we
and also listen to this this is actually
an interesting fact that you didn’t know
we’re close to three thousand we’re
about to be at 3 000 downloads and this
is our 30th episode
so that’s kind of cool it’s kind of cool
because
we were getting excited over 100
downloads 200 downloads only a few
months ago
yeah so it’s kind of crazy where we’ve
gotten um it’s kind of a small stepping
stone in comparison to other people but
for us that’s a [ __ ] cool thing man
yeah it’s pretty cool so thank you guys
for listening um like jack said there
are gonna be subscriptions rolling out
where we’re gonna do the normal episodes
that
everyone for free will have access to
but we’re also gonna do some
hilarious crazy things in the ones that
you subscribe to
along with the ones you get just for
[ __ ] fun because it’s
and it’s gonna get crazier yeah okay
listen and you get the episodes a week
early yeah you get the episodes a week
earlier
shit’s gonna get crazier guys and we’re
this is the beginning of a podcast man
and we’re gonna
we’re steamrolling this thing 30
episodes [ __ ] yeah 30 episodes man
i feel like we just started [ __ ]crazy so all you guys have listened and
if even you’re on this podcast and
you’ve listened this [ __ ] long
shout out to you man yeah and we’re fans
and by the way last thing
if there are there is something on our
website you can ask questions and we
will answer them we’ve had a few and
we’ve answered a few throughout the
episodes but like if you want to ask
something we will [ __ ] answer it and
i’m sure
with the subscriptions we will have an
official like
maybe episode dedicated to q and a’s or
funny topics
that you can submit and we will talk
about so exactly yeah or you can find us
on the instagram page and message us
about [ __ ] if you want so
yeah that’s about it so anything else
trevor i’ll talk about anything
doesn’t matter everyone thank you guys
so much
for everything it’s actually it’s pretty
cool
it’s been a way greater road than we
would have thought so thank you guys all
for tuning in
um you guys are the you guys you guys
are the reason we’re keeping we’re
keeping at it so
you guys are the real mvp so um thank
you guys for listening
we’ll catch you next week and see ya
let’s get rowdy up in here