J&Z talk about what we would do if we got fired, gay dreams, and airlines weighing people. Follow us on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/aroundthelunchtable/?hl=en
[Applause][Music][Applause][Music]welcome back celebrities welcome back to
episode
29 i think it’s 29 right it is 29 baby
we’ve gone through so many we got a
check now uh [ __ ] that’s true that’s
true um first and foremost i wanted to
thank before i forget our sponsor
aperture oceans bringing ideas
and ads to life to life reviving them
from the grave themselves
your duty is not over valor and players
valor and joke
um feels like it’s been a while but i
will say
um if you don’t see behind james spence
over here
summer collection it’s been doing great
if you haven’t got anything for the
summertime
i suggest you get on the train yeah and
the train’s about to leave
because i actually know summer just
started but because sales are really
heating up you should really buy
a shirt t-shirt t-shirt um but yeah
it’s uh it’s been going great so far
what are you doing let’s get the hair
off
um we just put some co2 in the keg so
it’s yeah it’s coming out absolutely
exquisite
yeah we uh we’ve got a little keg in
there for my b day party on saturday
yeah hey i’m excited it’s our very own
around the lunch table co-founder’s
birthday and we’re having a big old
blowout for him i’ll tell you what
there’s going to be
all sorts of shenanigans and midgets
yeah cannons you said balancing tell the
story how you asked
okay yeah yeah so uh we were uh yeah
that’s a good story uh
so you know everyone’s seen like wolf of
wall street and they toss the midgets
and
because they’re built like lawn darts
they’re built to be thrown yeah they’re
a little top heavy right
yeah yeah yeah and you can’t look at
them in the eyes apparently yeah it’s
not on pbs
it’s like medusa you just turn into
stone yeah but it’s probably wall street
but go ahead anyways uh
so the uh
i feel like it’s on every guy’s bucket
list right not every guys but it’s not
mine
yeah it’s definitely online i want to
throw a [ __ ] it seemed but yeah
the thing for me is it seems a little
degrading to be like but at the same
time we’re paying them for it
that’s what they i mean that’s their
special skills to do it
that’s true because the one thing you
found tell them about that
uh the site there was different yeah
okay
trump one yeah so there is i had secret
service with them they’re all [ __ ]one looks like lil wayne yeah that’s
[ __ ] actual size
um they know what they’re getting into
yeah so the uh
we i’m i’m looking up and i’m like how
do we do this and
basically there was a thing called uh
littlepeopledelivery.com i believe
and if it fits it ships for one low flat
rate um
um the uh and so i actually called him
um and it said 24 hours and a guy picked
up
and what do you think he was a [ __ ]the receptionist that would have been
funny
i i feel like you have to be to work
there that’s kind of funny um
but what’s funny is like how
professional he was he’s he’s like yeah
so uh i mean do you need them tonight
he’s like sir are you wearing a little
suit
[Laughter]but i’m saying the pictures you sent
they were [ __ ] hilarious i had no
idea that such a place existed i think
the funniest thing was the phone call
because it wasn’t like uh because to me
it’s like this funny thing and he was
like okay yeah
uh so do you want to like toss them do
you want them to wrestle i mean do you
want them to take their dicks out or
yeah
and so i was like oh like i want him to
toss he’s like okay okay he’s like
writing it down he’s like okay and
when do you need them for and how many
midgets they must have great insurance
yeah
so i said fully insured they must have
great insurance yeah and so they were
like uh
and so he was it was like you want a
male or female men so he was asking me
like these professional questions
and uh so i said hey can you just text
me all the stuff and he texted me
like 16 pictures and there was donald
trump midgets
slim shady [ __ ] the the funniest one i
think about what you sent me
was the donald trump one with secret
service who were also midgets
and the donald trump guy’s like it was
funny i almost [ __ ] peed my pants
anyways we got the price was like 4 800
bucks so
which is a lot but jack did make a sales
pitch to somebody for it
uh yeah my cousin i basically said
it it’s an investment in yourself really
i mean i know what’s on his bucket list
i mean let’s be honest he was here he’d
want to do it too i’m saying i don’t
think you want to come down here because
he’s a lot older than all of us
yeah but i still think he’d want to
throw one and leave i think he would
show up
and grab one and throw because guess
what even though he said no i’m telling
you what and this is like
that’d be kind of cool that’d be kind of
cool and imagine on the instagram page
oh that would be [ __ ] hilarious man i
want to get it cause i think
i think this is a thing you you get them
in a velcro suit
yeah you throw them in a dart board yeah
and they stick that would be [ __ ]amazing
i want to at our see i might be able to
get it for this at our work when you hit
10 years uh
you they throw a little party for you so
that your workplace that’d be a thing
i’d probably get fired for that yeah but
this is a perfect place because it’s
anarchy over here yeah if you got fired
by i mean
like if it was in a bad way would you
like dump on someone’s desk
or dump like [ __ ] yeah
no but i’m telling you what either way
okay here’s the thing if i got fired
my job is over have you ever been fired
no i have not either never one time i’ve
never even gotten
i mean when you’re employees like us you
know i i i’ve never gotten even like
suspended or anything i’ve really
um but i will tell you if i was to get
fired
the thing is i’m not so cocky that if i
actually [ __ ] up and do something stupid
i’m not gonna i’m not gonna do it then
exactly but if it’s like oh it’s
something dumb
it’s like hey like you should have done
this it’s one of those things where you
know
you’re already you’re an employee who
goes the extra mile yeah but then
they expected you to do something and
you didn’t it’s not like you were told
it’s not like you were told to do
something you’re like no i’m not doing
that yeah it’s more like hey
well i expected you to accomplish this
or expect
that if it’s something that’s a gray
area i’m [ __ ]absolutely going off and either way even
if it’s a bad way i’m probably still
going off
yeah we have a friend who uh who worked
at a restaurant that had a sign
and uh it was his last day and he what
did he change
so it was a barbecue yes yes it was and
that was actually the same place that i
worked at as well
and it was a barbecue joint um
i’ll just say his first name austin
austin if you’re still out there yeah
if you’re alive you haven’t heard from
him if you’re alive if we’re alive
shoot me a text because i don’t i don’t
know where you are but i will
just reply to the ones we’ve already
sent you i will tell you um
change your address because worked at a
barbecue place and once upon a time when
i worked at that barbecue place i used
to
always fantasize about putting on the
sign um
we slap army we beat our meats here
because you know you
yeah um it’s a barbecue place so you um
you get all the seasoning and you kind
of rub it on there and i would always
slap the meat he did
and i was very good at it and then i
also like
kind of [ __ ] up but some like an older
person would walk in and i knew they
they can’t hear that great i’d be like
hey do you want your because like when
you’re your sides
beans would be one of the choice i’d be
like do you want your beans flicked or
unflicked
and they’d be like what i’m like you
want barbecue beans or jalapeno beans
it’s like oh i’ll barbecue i’m like okay
cool but i would say
so it was one of those two things i
always wanted to put on the sign i
fantasized about that but because of the
fact it’s like
you do something like that you better
not care about a reference yeah you do
need to write but
so i didn’t do it i did a very formal
two-week thing hey thank you for this
um blah blah blah all that i’m leaving
thank you so much for the opportunity
you gave me blah blah blah
even though it wasn’t a great
opportunity it’s a [ __ ] fast food
restaurant almost but it wasn’t fast
food it was like in between it’s in the
it’s in between it’s like panda
yeah it’s a panda express barbecue but
anyways and actually it wasn’t bad it
wasn’t because jack would come in
and i would you would and i would
literally he would he’d buy like three
sandwiches and fries and i would just
charge him for a [ __ ] cookie
and he’d give me the military discount
which i no i didn’t do that because
the military discount is only a little
bit percentage i would just charge you
for something unrelated like you’d get
two sandwiches i’d charge you for one
then why why would i salute you every
time and i’m kidding
i come in with a little like well that’s
stolen valerie you really can’t eat it
oh then you really could get arrested
hey hey that’s actually a felony did you
know that
stolen valor you ever heard of that it
sounds like a video game stolen it does
stolen valor is a thing like people who
impersonate to get this which first of
all
if you need it if you want a 15 discount
on a restaurant
get your [ __ ] together yeah but anyways
there’s a whole youtube thing on it
there’s like thousands of videos of
people i’ve actually
and let’s be honest that’s a video you
watch at 3 a.m and i’ve done it yeah and
it’s just dudes walking around
walking around the mall et cetera et
cetera trying to get discounts i’m like
okay
if you’re going to go that far if you
want to go that far to 15
you’re a piece of [ __ ] yeah i mean even
if it was free because 100 percent
that’s it because [ __ ] because like any
karma in life a real guy who served
would go up to him like hey
why is your uniform so out of whack and
they instantly be like okay this guy’s
obviously impossible or
or they’d be like oh oh are you in the
101st airborne bulldog he’d be like
yeah and they would just follow their
lie all the way but anyways we got
semper fi we got a little off topic but
yeah anyways
my answer is fired in a bad way or good
way i’m absolutely going off at least at
the job i’m at right now if it was a new
job
you have really not know got no ammo
yeah i have plenty of ammo at the job
event now so yeah i would go the [ __ ]off and then walk out but
how would you go out um i’ve actually
imagined this a million times so i uh
um like me and my boss we actually are
getting along great right now
uh we we’ve butt heads a lot you know um
old school versus new school yeah you
know how it is
uh and so i think so
firings at my work always happen on
fridays um
and do you remember that one time you
thought you were like you know what
happens on fridays and i was like oh
[ __ ] yeah so i have noticed like
it’s funny because my best then the
weekend goes by and it’s not like the
next day
yeah so my my boss because we kind of
had this purge at my work where like
i’ll
i remember telling you yeah i remember
that i got a lot of people got fired and
so it was like all these fridays because
you were applying to drop dead dude i
think i might get canned well
it wasn’t then i remember that that was
like a just me and him thing but when
like this whole group of people were
getting fired
uh my boss like went up to i remember i
was like outside in a bus and it’s like
two o’clock he’s like hey man
why don’t you head home i’m like oh what
which never happens
yeah and so i didn’t think of what was
going on you know
i was just like wow this is nice
thanks man and so then like me and like
dupe are
walking out and then when you’re on your
way home you’re like wait yeah well no i
got the phone call
i uh well i remember walking out and
then everyone else stole their desks
like why was i
the only one asked on the left yeah it’s
a little sketchy and then the because
the salesman that got fired me and him
were actually
like i know i’m not doing that great of
a job yeah
the the salesman they got fired he
actually called me
and he’s like he thought that i was josh
no was that the same thing was that
different thing that was a good that was
okay but uh shout out josh yeah shout
out shout out josh
we’re not gonna give a last name but you
know who you are yeah we had a great
time
oh we had a great time um
yeah anyways so when i thought i did
think i was gonna get fired a few times
um but i’ve had it all planned out so
anyways on fridays this little office
that
you know they kind of pull you into the
execution office yeah and you know they
do the whole uh you know the economy’s
taking its toll we’ve been forced to
yeah
you’re a great employee but what the old
compliment saying if you’re a great
employee we wouldn’t fire you but i’m
gonna tell you you’re right yeah i was
like you were a great employee
you sucked you’re really cute the
compliment sandwich you know yeah yeah
yeah yeah that’s actually not how it
goes i just like you
actually you’re a piece of [ __ ] but i’m
gonna say this in a nice way yeah i’m
gonna sugarcoat this but um
i have all these little like airline
bottles in my desk
i’ve they’re probably i don’t know if
alcohol hard alcohol expires or not but
um like every year for christmas you
know people give them around and
everything i just throw them at my desk
so i would grab my boss uh i will want a
crown i know he likes that
i’d grab my gin and i cheers him
drink it and then i have the baseball
bat that i
uh hit a home run with on my desk i’m
gonna grab that i’m gonna smash his
monitors
okay i thought you’re gonna say i’m like
oh okay i thought you’re gonna say
you’re gonna smash him like hit him
no i was like jesus now you’re going to
jail no i would uh
like ice cube at priority records yeah i
i i want him that’s actually
look me in the eye one everyone in the
officers be like bam
bam and then i’m gonna put like 400
bucks on the desk so we can buy new ones
and i’m gonna walk
but they’re gonna be fake bills plot
twists yes nice that’s good i’ll put a
million dollar bill on there that’s good
that’s good
that’s what i do yeah because i i have
so much ammunition
for if i was to get fired but the thing
is i wouldn’t get fired because they
need me because they were short-handed
so
that’s not gonna happen even if i
actually really [ __ ] up they wouldn’t
yeah
the uh didn’t you work with patrick
right which we need to get patrick now
oh yeah well that’s how you got that but
even before yeah i did yeah
uh funny funny story about patrick uh
my girlfriend sometimes is like dreams
are like dreams
mean things you know like oh my god like
some of them do i think the creepiest
thing about dreams is
have you ever had a dream where you you
don’t know who like who the [ __ ] is that
yes
but the only way for your brain to make
it up is if you’ve seen that person
before
it doesn’t happen often because i
remember everyone i’m saying there’s
been times i see i’m like
who the [ __ ] is this yeah and i actually
because it’s your birth you’ve actually
met that person to make a full face and
yeah that’s
that’s the creepiest thing what i don’t
get is how my brain makes sense of
things like
this obviously like the second i wake up
is like wow that was so [ __ ] like i
would never do that
and like so anyways where i was going
with patrick is i remember
aaron my uh lovely woman
uh she was uh you know she was having
like these weird dreams and she was all
like
oh it could mean this and this and
literally that night i’d have a dream
that i made out with patrick
and then i woke up and i had a gay dream
i did i did have a gay dream
here’s the thing i’ve i’ve never had
i’ve never had you’ve never had a gay
dream no
ever no you’ve never had a weird
i mean i’ve had dreams with you in it
i’m not saying with me i’ve never
[ __ ] you in my dream i’ve never [ __ ]in one of my dreams no
i’m saying i know people have had like
gay dreams i’m saying i’ve never had a
game
i’ve had weird ass dreams i’ve had weird
dreams as in like oh that was [ __ ]weird but i’ve never had like oh wow i
was
mad that guy was sucking me off no i’ve
never had that i’m just saying the only
one i’ve had was
i remember and what was weird is like in
the dream it was just like oh yeah
like it’s patrick it’s like
but then i wake up i was like what the
[ __ ] was that yeah it’s weird i i’ve
come to find out that
dreams it’s don’t mean [ __ ] i was gonna
say it’s things you dwell on that you’ve
dwelled on
and it couldn’t have never thought about
kissing patrick no but here’s the thing
not i’m not okay not necessarily dwell
down in that case but i’m saying
something that has is a reoccurring
thing whether it’s it’s a generality
obviously whether it’s a person that
you’ve been around recently
whether it’s a thing that’s happened to
you recently that you dwell on or have
not dwelled on it’s always something
that has
that is stuck whether it’s like you’ve
dwelled on it or it’s been a person
you’ve been with consistently
i will notice like if i’m like nervous
about something i will dream about that
um that night uh actually someone
something just happened la
that weekend that you were on call when
we were at ayden’s whole time i
shouldn’t have said it the next morning
because it was kind of weird
but well no no it wasn’t like bad it
wasn’t like sexual or anything
but it was a girl in our friend group
and it actually
it was one of those dreams that i woke
up and i was like what the [ __ ]so i believe i was getting face or
facial surgery or something for like a
better jawline or something like that
and she was the surgeon did you see dr
miami dude yeah
she was the surgeon and i woke up and
she cut my balls off
wow and so that’s not poetic justice
yeah i don’t know what the [ __ ] and so i
remember looking down and i was like
oh like what the [ __ ] like what is that
let me ask you this is that the most
[ __ ] up dream what’s the most
[ __ ] up dream you’ve ever had the most
[ __ ] up dream i’ve ever had um
god i don’t know i mean it’s kind of
hard to remember them i mean i agree i’d
say that’s not weird how that works yeah
you can remember the recent ones and you
can remember specific ones you’re like
oh you can remember like kind of parts
but you can’t remember the whole thing
yeah i uh have you ever like whoa have
you ever like
been in a dream woke up a little bit
like is that awoken or
a awakening is that present you just
he’s awakened he’s like right now where
you’re looking in third person awoken is
like
um when you’re telling the story right i
make sense
because in third person if someone’s
looking at you
if someone’s looking at you let’s say
you’re on operation table oh he’s
awakened would be appropriate
obviously people don’t say that okay so
i’m saying that’d be like to be honest i
have no way
anyways um i forgot what i was saying
the uh
oh like a like a [ __ ] up dream or what
we’re talking about what was the most
[ __ ] up dream ever had
i think the ball just cut your balls off
yeah i was going to say
the most recent was that and so i
remember waking up
kind of like i wasn’t like freaked out
but i was like god that was [ __ ]weird and so then like everyone
because we had all slept in the in in
the living room
and everyone was like jack you’re like
really quiet
and they were talking about dreams and
so i said it everyone laughed no one
thought it was weird was like i probably
shouldn’t have said
everyone’s like ha ha he’s kind of
[ __ ] crazy yeah and so because then
it looks like i’m like dreaming about
that you know
it’s [ __ ] i think the most [ __ ] up
dream i had was it wasn’t even a scary
movie but after i watched um jurassic
park fallen kingdom
there’s this listen
there’s this scene where is that the one
with chris pratt
he’s in fallen kingdom and the other one
multiple
players jurassic world jurassic world
there’s two there’s multiple drastic
worlds
jesus christ no shut up jc
but there’s a [ __ ] part in fawn
kingdom where basically this guy’s at
this like control panel
dinosaur comes out the helicopter’s
trying to leave they throw him out the
ladder
okay keep with me stay with me they
throw out the ladder as airpla
as the helicopter’s taking off and so
he’s running from this [ __ ] t-rex
he grabs onto the ladder and he’s like
yeah he made it and then the
the t-rex grabs the ladder so the
helicopter’s about to go down but he’s
still on it
so the pilot’s like cut it cut it and
for some reason
i had a dream that
you and one other of my friend were on
the ladder
who was the other friend tristan okay
tristan and you were on the ladder but
in the rest of the helicopter were all
my other close friends
and so basically the whole you had to
choose yeah the whole thing of this the
whole thing of the movie was
you cut this to live or you [ __ ] cut
it
you’re gonna kill both of them but if
you don’t cut it you’re all gonna die
well then i would hope you because in
the movie
in the movie actually the t the t-rex
rip the ladder they fly away yay we made
it and then the water creature comes and
eats the dude but either way
for some reason that was my dream i hope
did you cut it
no but i’m saying you didn’t you let
everyone die no if i could finish
okay but here’s the thing you and my
other vegetation on the ladder
i have a flare i [ __ ] i take
i don’t know i have a flare and i have
this you know like every movie
some marine slash navy seal guy has a
big
[ __ ] knife yep for some reason i have
a flare
i [ __ ] started climbing down the
ladder this t-rex is [ __ ]he went down the ladder shaking he’s
shaking he’s shaking i’m holding ladder
i throw the flare onto the t-rex
and it doesn’t go because i tried the
thinking was hit its eye but obviously
it’s windy there it was stormy like in
the movie and so i started climbing down
you don’t have a good arm anyways
listen here’s the worst part i started
climbing down the ladder because i was
to try to knife this thing
that doesn’t make any sense but i still
tried commando pro and it was in a dream
you’re moving super slow you’re like
[Music]you can’t [ __ ] do anything so i’m
going down this ladder
the t-rex rips the ladder like in the
movie
i fall everyone lives and i died and i
felt the pain and it was the most
terrifying thing
wait so you got below me and tristan no
i’m like climbing down to you guys
and then so t-rex me me and tristan died
too then no
i’m i’m climbing down and so you guys
are
trying to climb up because this thing’s
tugging on it so that is going
side to side i’m climbing down and as i
[ __ ]went down like this you guys were like
at the same point i was and i [ __ ]stab the [ __ ] thing and great guy
syndrome
i stab it and then i [ __ ] get eaten
you’re a hero
what i’m saying is in i’m the man on
fire i’m denzel
damn i want to get back to a different
dream uh
now i’m just going to say it there’s no
way you haven’t had a gay dream
you’re the one who wrote that down
because i heard other people talking
about it
you’ve never had one i think i’ve had
weird ones when i say it’s involving you
what we’ve actually had okay not we
[ __ ]it’s not like we [ __ ] but i’m saying
i’ve never had a gauging where i [ __ ]someone said i’ve only ever kissed a guy
in my dreams
i didn’t i kissed patrick that’s the
only thing is i didn’t kiss you in it
what did we do
we were cuddling because it was listen
it was a it was a post-apocalyptic
scenario in my dream but i’m saying we
were okay that’s different
but that’s the thing i’ve i’ve never
kissed anybody but i’m saying
but that was that was the thing big okay
well that’s kind of gay but
no and the thing is we’ve cuddled in
real life actually yeah because that’s
her party because it was freezing and we
were almost dying
there there’s a difference between
cuddling for uh for warmth
and cuddling for warmth
at that point it was very necessary
because we’re both not
big we’re not fat guys fat fat people
not like they can
they can serve warmth better yeah
because you have layers like ogres have
lame like onions
onions have layers yes speaking of um
weight
air airlines are supposedly
think this is a fact are supposedly
thinking of weighing people to balance
the plane out
yeah so which aerodynamically makes
sense
that’s the problem a lot of this [ __ ] is
like it does make sense and obviously
like i don’t wanna
okay listen i don’t wanna be the guy
that’s like hey fat ass
get on the scale it’s like the biggest
loser like
i’m not gonna [ __ ] it’s embarrassing
yeah but here’s the thing okay
picture this picture this we’ve all
gotten on flights
where there was someone who was you know
overweight slash
had a scooter they spill over the
armrest into you
yeah been there like a cascading fondant
[Laughter]no but seriously imagine okay obviously
the people at
i think those are the flight attendants
too the people that check your ticket
right
stewardess flight yeah those are the
same ones that go on the plane with you
right
so i’m saying imagine because those
people already kind of like i have to
deal with all these people it’s like
imagine like you’re like could you step
on the scale for me man yeah
this is not a fact they’re actually it’s
not implemented i’m just saying
you read an article didn’t you yeah so
it was uh apparently
i i don’t know why but apparently the
scale is just gonna be right next to
that counter so then everyone just sees
your weight
which is [ __ ] because people who weigh
like 180 are like oh my god i’m fat
yeah and imagine whether people weigh
260 feel like yeah i mean i get you know
leveling out the plane and i’m all about
safety
but okay if you think about it i think
it’s funny it actually makes sense it
does make sense because the engines are
in the middle
like where they’re so it’s like if you
have all have you ever been on a plane
where like a lot of seats are vacant
especially during covid and so they’re
really spread out so and there’s like
almost no seats in the back
they’re random so sometimes there’s like
yeah
there’s like nobody in the front i’m
saying it actually makes sense
yeah i get that i just i mean i
if i don’t vote anyways i’m not gonna
vote for i just think it’s [ __ ]hilarious like i just wanna watch
i just wanna be like i wanna know this
guy i wanna watch when someone
like their reaction because that’s
[ __ ] up like you think it’s bad at
uh oh by the way why at amusement parks
like you
that’s insulting imagine if your dude’s
like five two it’s like you must be this
tall the ride but your 12 year old can
go
yeah that’s [ __ ] yeah but i guess it
means like you can get thrown out of
there but i’m saying why is the how
because you have the little i’m saying
if anything i think it matters like
thickness
yeah because obviously for like four
seven okay that makes sense but if
you’re 400 pounds i mean you’re not
getting launched off of anything
i don’t know i don’t know yeah the uh
that’s a weird thing
it’s kind of fun it’s kind of like a
subtle roast like hey sir yeah i want to
get out of line but the thing is
is like this whole pc culture thing it’s
like yeah i get it that it’s
embarrassing but
if it if it it’s like the helicopter in
the ladder
yeah the needs of the mini outweigh the
needs of the few
that was good go on that was good that’s
a hero that’s hero talk there yeah that
is hero talk and that’s what we are if
you were an avenger who would you be
which one hm i mean you’re browns you’d
probably be the first one to die but
that’s probably true but why is that in
every movie the black guy always dies
first okay listen
the thing is and not all movies i’m
saying but in a good majority in a good
majority we just watched one where it
was uh it was with the little thingies
in the a good one it’s not all but it’s
a good majority
why and if it’s not first at some point
they do usually yeah
but i’m not saying all but i’m saying a
good majority but i don’t know but i
will say
if i was an avenger i’d probably be
hawkeye dude she’s
sexy yeah he’s good he’d probably be
hawkeye
i would want to be tony not because i’m
sexy i’m just saying because
that’s just it’s more my fit if you’re a
big guy you’d be like oh i’m the hulk
you know what i mean yeah same thing i i
don’t want to did you think i could pull
off tony stark
yes thank you but think about it think
about it
you’re very technologically advanced
okay first name basis only not last but
out of
name the [ __ ] are avengers out of our
friend group
but think about personality okay captain
america little cocky
jordan
jordan captain america that’s america’s
ass baby yeah
um i think aiden would be
the hulk when he’s a human yep
definitely the corrector
yeah hey oh actually mr actually mr
actually yeah
yeah that’d be that’d be yes um the uh
who would be elizabeth olsen bailey
makes sense yes whose vision kind of a
[ __ ] kind of a
kind of a [ __ ] caleb
how does that say you i’m just stark
star no vision he’s kind of a [ __ ] but
the thing is
in the earlier parts he’s [ __ ] a god
but then
when infinity war comes around he just
gets more time he gets the [ __ ] and
then
he becomes a [ __ ] so maybe it’s aiden
i i don’t know oh well so we have the
girls now so who’s scarlett johansson
green because apparently she can scrap
she can’t scrap
um i’ll give that one to her who would
auggie be
augie would be uh she’d be the bad [ __ ]the evil one
the bad one the evil one no no no yeah
yeah that one
sam jackson’s uh like sidekick
the [ __ ] girl that’s always there
that could be one who is who is captain
marvel
abby well no she’s not a dyke though
captain marvel isn’t either her her
[ __ ] haircut
yeah but she’s not though but i guess
they never realized that yeah
she never you know but okay now that i
think about it
there’s too many no yeah we don’t have
any friends
well i do you don’t yeah okay um
statistic
so like okay so you know you guys if
you’re for those of you watching i am uh
of white descendant uh that is a
caucasian from the mountains of caucasus
uh z is a puerto rican um so
just actually just talking here do you
like statistically which way do you skew
when it comes to women do you
go for like puerto ricans or like or
or white or like what what is your
[Music]well the thing is puerto ricans are a
very niche community
no but i’m saying i have actually okay
listen
i think i’ve only had one i was in
i was in fourth grade fifth grade
seventh grade seventh grade
freshman high school i’m saying that was
one
courtney she’s puerto rican yes no [ __ ]that’s why we matched
shout out courtney shout out courtney
matt’s been in heaven when he was with
matthew wood
nice little wayne yep but i’m saying i
don’t okay listen i think i feel like
i’m most guys on this they have their
some have their preferences it’s like
i’m pretty open-minded yeah i’m an
open-minded guy i mean everyone has
their like you know like
fantasy because here’s the thing if you
could stop at anyone’s point like okay
at this point in my life
i was with this person they’re this so i
could be this but
i’m very but there’s there’s there’s
been a couple different things so it’s
not the same i’d say statistically
speaking i skew
white but i think i could stay same
actually only white
to be honest so you’re racist
apparently no uh yeah it’s only been
white but like every guy has that like
fantasy
you know like i don’t know tell me
asians
[Laughter]aaron can’t get mad she knows about it
it’s okay um
i mean yeah i mean i got yellow fever
it’s contagious
[Laughter]some would call that a little degrading
but it’s funny as [ __ ]yeah what was yellow fever i think
that’s
i don’t know i’m saying it was a disease
but i don’t know what it was
i thought could you imagine being alive
in like colonial times like oh [ __ ] you
got the flu here’s a bottle of whiskey
bye
i feel like i gotta make a white joke
now uh what do white women make for
dinner
reservations bam bam roasted
chicken roast chicken yeah [ __ ] white
women
[ __ ] lazy asses i want to be in
staying home i don’t want to do anything
but i don’t have kids
yeah okay here here’s here’s something
here something or something
so i why is it
why is it that like
i’m saying a lot of people have
different opinions on this don’t shoot
the [ __ ] messenger i’m just asking a
[ __ ] question
why is it that
and even the 80s night that wasn’t even
that long ago it’s not
what was set like i know women like oh
yeah i want to work and that’s that’s
great
that’s amazing but like why is it that
like
nowadays i’m not saying all
don’t comment but ask dm i’m completely
neutral i’m not saying i don’t i’m not a
pc podcast just [ __ ]yeah i’m i i know about if you want pc
go somewhere else continue
yeah i’m saying why the [ __ ]is it so different nowadays in which
like
like women feel threatened yeah
if a dude’s like like not even like
talking [ __ ] but like hey like
why like would you like want to be like
especially people who have gone to
college
pursued a career somewhat and they’re
like okay why do you want to like
always like why do you want a man to
provide for you
yeah strictly strictly i’m not saying
yeah a lot of women take pride in that
and
that’s a great thing that’s a great
thing yeah but i’m saying why is it
now it’s such a it’s such a big thing
that like oh
well if he doesn’t have a big wallet
then don’t be with him why is that a
thing
because here’s the thing and you are the
one who told me this quote uh
women children and dogs are the only
things loved unconditionally chris rock
said it
a man is loved to provide on the
condition that he provides something
yeah i’m saying
it’s very true because in my mind okay
in my mind when i marry somebody
money has nothing to do with it would it
not be in the best interest for both
people to work and obviously if you’re a
kid it’s different
if you already have a kid it’s difficult
but i’m saying it’s it just makes sense
yeah it does even if both you have
average ass jobs it contributes into you
both make 50 grand a year now you make
six figures exactly
so like why does it and obviously a lot
of people that’s the case they do that
until they have a kid yeah
but it’s like why why is it such a thing
that
the dudes it’s like okay well i’m just
gonna marry someone who has a lot of
money and i won’t have to
yeah like why is it such a thing now
what’s funny is like you
like a girl like you’ve never seen like
a girl very rarely take a man like a
rich girl take a man who’s broke but a
rich guy will take a girl with no
dollars to her name as long as she’s
attractive
yeah and it’s fine and there’s nothing
wrong with that no like if you’re
attracted that much to each other but
it’s like
it’s it’s the what’s the men are based
on their [ __ ] worth
like yeah like men it’s the logic behind
it it’s like okay well you’ll
you’re a piece of [ __ ] if you don’t make
this amount of money yeah and that’s
kind of [ __ ]and that’s what i hate about like like i
think i’ve told you about this before
like would you agree with me
girls are a thousand times like if okay
say i’m a girl and a guy walked into
this room right
yeah let’s just say they’re both
attractive even though there’s nothing
to do with anything okay
they’re both just normal good looking
people right which one is easier to talk
to
the guy i was gonna say the girl 100 the
guy
because well oh easier like you want to
talk to them well no i’m just saying
just in general because
you you and i we tend to surround
ourselves with cool people so
everything’s fine
but a lot of times like i thought you
were kind of getting at
who would you get on like naturally
because guys just mingle better you
because you could you cannot prefer a
guy and so [ __ ]not even saying mingle i’m just saying
just sparkle spark up a decent
conversation with
i would say the girl will be easier
because guys a lot of times where i was
going with this is they want to [ __ ]put out their big dicks they won’t yeah
shake their dicks exactly
exactly girls don’t do that okay i get
your angle yeah yeah no i’m not saying
like becoming lifelong friends
guys not lifelong friends but i thought
you meant like who like because i’m
saying we’ve talked about this before
dudes are so simple that at one point
you cannot prefer someone but you can
squash it right there and be like all
right bro
good to see you man oh yeah 100 but
girls it’s like okay hi oh my god i love
you so much and it’s like i hate that
fit i hate that [ __ ]yeah the uh like where i was going with
it is like girls are just i’d say like
not knowing them sparking conversation
they’re way easier to talk to yeah
yeah because i mean the guys that we
hang out with aren’t all [ __ ] cocky
and gross but a lot a lot of dudes out
there are and then it just gets into
this pissing contest like
so how much do you make a year before
taxes it’s like okay time where are we
at i really have to pay
uh 35. yeah [ __ ] it whatever
uh wait anyways uh yeah that’ll pretty
much do it uh
thank you very much for watching we just
want to uh give a shout out
to no one actually um the uh check out
atltstore.com we got the [ __ ] merch
we got everything
uh summer is here summer is here summer
is here
uh we do have the apple podcast
subscriptions coming out
episodes a week early exclusive episodes
answering
questions from the fans you guys have
been great
[ __ ] i mean we haven’t even been we
didn’t even get the video for the last
episode didn’t promote it
we didn’t because we didn’t yet because
we had some complications with it we
didn’t even
post any clips but um we still had some
great downloads there we’re almost at 3
000 downloads and if some of you may
remember not too long ago we were like
wow we’re at a thousand and we’re almost
at three right now so
it’s pretty [ __ ] sexy that’s [ __ ]crazy because this episode could put us
over three so
i probably will probably will so um
thank you everybody for listening
and if you want there’s so much good
[ __ ] on the summer collection it’s great
man
and it’s summer time so it’s the perfect
time um anything else you got jack
where can they find you uh they can find
me at jack underscore spence i didn’t
want to stay on the atl t story we’ve
been plugging the summer collection
all the other shit’s still there i mean
the one thing
the best feedback i think we’ve gotten
is the dad hats are [ __ ]bad ass and mine comes in a in a couple
weeks
um yeah the dad hats are fun we’re all
we’re all gonna be sporting some fourth
of july stuff for fourth of july
because we’re going on a trip um and
we’re gonna be posting on the instagram
page so
if you follow our instagram you’ll be
able to see it exactly but i mean
i’m just saying man there’s some great
[ __ ] on there so yeah if you wanted
the atlt store so when we did the revamp
it was
you know we did launch a summer
collection at the same time but all the
other shits there
there’s still all the cool [ __ ] check it
out you’ll love it z where can they find
you isaiah underscore lesney or you can
find both our instagrams at around the
lunch table instagram so
thank you guys so much for listening and
see ya
let’s get rowdy up in here
episode
29 i think it’s 29 right it is 29 baby
we’ve gone through so many we got a
check now uh [ __ ] that’s true that’s
true um first and foremost i wanted to
thank before i forget our sponsor
aperture oceans bringing ideas
and ads to life to life reviving them
from the grave themselves
your duty is not over valor and players
valor and joke
um feels like it’s been a while but i
will say
um if you don’t see behind james spence
over here
summer collection it’s been doing great
if you haven’t got anything for the
summertime
i suggest you get on the train yeah and
the train’s about to leave
because i actually know summer just
started but because sales are really
heating up you should really buy
a shirt t-shirt t-shirt um but yeah
it’s uh it’s been going great so far
what are you doing let’s get the hair
off
um we just put some co2 in the keg so
it’s yeah it’s coming out absolutely
exquisite
yeah we uh we’ve got a little keg in
there for my b day party on saturday
yeah hey i’m excited it’s our very own
around the lunch table co-founder’s
birthday and we’re having a big old
blowout for him i’ll tell you what
there’s going to be
all sorts of shenanigans and midgets
yeah cannons you said balancing tell the
story how you asked
okay yeah yeah so uh we were uh yeah
that’s a good story uh
so you know everyone’s seen like wolf of
wall street and they toss the midgets
and
because they’re built like lawn darts
they’re built to be thrown yeah they’re
a little top heavy right
yeah yeah yeah and you can’t look at
them in the eyes apparently yeah it’s
not on pbs
it’s like medusa you just turn into
stone yeah but it’s probably wall street
but go ahead anyways uh
so the uh
i feel like it’s on every guy’s bucket
list right not every guys but it’s not
mine
yeah it’s definitely online i want to
throw a [ __ ] it seemed but yeah
the thing for me is it seems a little
degrading to be like but at the same
time we’re paying them for it
that’s what they i mean that’s their
special skills to do it
that’s true because the one thing you
found tell them about that
uh the site there was different yeah
okay
trump one yeah so there is i had secret
service with them they’re all [ __ ]one looks like lil wayne yeah that’s
[ __ ] actual size
um they know what they’re getting into
yeah so the uh
we i’m i’m looking up and i’m like how
do we do this and
basically there was a thing called uh
littlepeopledelivery.com i believe
and if it fits it ships for one low flat
rate um
um the uh and so i actually called him
um and it said 24 hours and a guy picked
up
and what do you think he was a [ __ ]the receptionist that would have been
funny
i i feel like you have to be to work
there that’s kind of funny um
but what’s funny is like how
professional he was he’s he’s like yeah
so uh i mean do you need them tonight
he’s like sir are you wearing a little
suit
[Laughter]but i’m saying the pictures you sent
they were [ __ ] hilarious i had no
idea that such a place existed i think
the funniest thing was the phone call
because it wasn’t like uh because to me
it’s like this funny thing and he was
like okay yeah
uh so do you want to like toss them do
you want them to wrestle i mean do you
want them to take their dicks out or
yeah
and so i was like oh like i want him to
toss he’s like okay okay he’s like
writing it down he’s like okay and
when do you need them for and how many
midgets they must have great insurance
yeah
so i said fully insured they must have
great insurance yeah and so they were
like uh
and so he was it was like you want a
male or female men so he was asking me
like these professional questions
and uh so i said hey can you just text
me all the stuff and he texted me
like 16 pictures and there was donald
trump midgets
slim shady [ __ ] the the funniest one i
think about what you sent me
was the donald trump one with secret
service who were also midgets
and the donald trump guy’s like it was
funny i almost [ __ ] peed my pants
anyways we got the price was like 4 800
bucks so
which is a lot but jack did make a sales
pitch to somebody for it
uh yeah my cousin i basically said
it it’s an investment in yourself really
i mean i know what’s on his bucket list
i mean let’s be honest he was here he’d
want to do it too i’m saying i don’t
think you want to come down here because
he’s a lot older than all of us
yeah but i still think he’d want to
throw one and leave i think he would
show up
and grab one and throw because guess
what even though he said no i’m telling
you what and this is like
that’d be kind of cool that’d be kind of
cool and imagine on the instagram page
oh that would be [ __ ] hilarious man i
want to get it cause i think
i think this is a thing you you get them
in a velcro suit
yeah you throw them in a dart board yeah
and they stick that would be [ __ ]amazing
i want to at our see i might be able to
get it for this at our work when you hit
10 years uh
you they throw a little party for you so
that your workplace that’d be a thing
i’d probably get fired for that yeah but
this is a perfect place because it’s
anarchy over here yeah if you got fired
by i mean
like if it was in a bad way would you
like dump on someone’s desk
or dump like [ __ ] yeah
no but i’m telling you what either way
okay here’s the thing if i got fired
my job is over have you ever been fired
no i have not either never one time i’ve
never even gotten
i mean when you’re employees like us you
know i i i’ve never gotten even like
suspended or anything i’ve really
um but i will tell you if i was to get
fired
the thing is i’m not so cocky that if i
actually [ __ ] up and do something stupid
i’m not gonna i’m not gonna do it then
exactly but if it’s like oh it’s
something dumb
it’s like hey like you should have done
this it’s one of those things where you
know
you’re already you’re an employee who
goes the extra mile yeah but then
they expected you to do something and
you didn’t it’s not like you were told
it’s not like you were told to do
something you’re like no i’m not doing
that yeah it’s more like hey
well i expected you to accomplish this
or expect
that if it’s something that’s a gray
area i’m [ __ ]absolutely going off and either way even
if it’s a bad way i’m probably still
going off
yeah we have a friend who uh who worked
at a restaurant that had a sign
and uh it was his last day and he what
did he change
so it was a barbecue yes yes it was and
that was actually the same place that i
worked at as well
and it was a barbecue joint um
i’ll just say his first name austin
austin if you’re still out there yeah
if you’re alive you haven’t heard from
him if you’re alive if we’re alive
shoot me a text because i don’t i don’t
know where you are but i will
just reply to the ones we’ve already
sent you i will tell you um
change your address because worked at a
barbecue place and once upon a time when
i worked at that barbecue place i used
to
always fantasize about putting on the
sign um
we slap army we beat our meats here
because you know you
yeah um it’s a barbecue place so you um
you get all the seasoning and you kind
of rub it on there and i would always
slap the meat he did
and i was very good at it and then i
also like
kind of [ __ ] up but some like an older
person would walk in and i knew they
they can’t hear that great i’d be like
hey do you want your because like when
you’re your sides
beans would be one of the choice i’d be
like do you want your beans flicked or
unflicked
and they’d be like what i’m like you
want barbecue beans or jalapeno beans
it’s like oh i’ll barbecue i’m like okay
cool but i would say
so it was one of those two things i
always wanted to put on the sign i
fantasized about that but because of the
fact it’s like
you do something like that you better
not care about a reference yeah you do
need to write but
so i didn’t do it i did a very formal
two-week thing hey thank you for this
um blah blah blah all that i’m leaving
thank you so much for the opportunity
you gave me blah blah blah
even though it wasn’t a great
opportunity it’s a [ __ ] fast food
restaurant almost but it wasn’t fast
food it was like in between it’s in the
it’s in between it’s like panda
yeah it’s a panda express barbecue but
anyways and actually it wasn’t bad it
wasn’t because jack would come in
and i would you would and i would
literally he would he’d buy like three
sandwiches and fries and i would just
charge him for a [ __ ] cookie
and he’d give me the military discount
which i no i didn’t do that because
the military discount is only a little
bit percentage i would just charge you
for something unrelated like you’d get
two sandwiches i’d charge you for one
then why why would i salute you every
time and i’m kidding
i come in with a little like well that’s
stolen valerie you really can’t eat it
oh then you really could get arrested
hey hey that’s actually a felony did you
know that
stolen valor you ever heard of that it
sounds like a video game stolen it does
stolen valor is a thing like people who
impersonate to get this which first of
all
if you need it if you want a 15 discount
on a restaurant
get your [ __ ] together yeah but anyways
there’s a whole youtube thing on it
there’s like thousands of videos of
people i’ve actually
and let’s be honest that’s a video you
watch at 3 a.m and i’ve done it yeah and
it’s just dudes walking around
walking around the mall et cetera et
cetera trying to get discounts i’m like
okay
if you’re going to go that far if you
want to go that far to 15
you’re a piece of [ __ ] yeah i mean even
if it was free because 100 percent
that’s it because [ __ ] because like any
karma in life a real guy who served
would go up to him like hey
why is your uniform so out of whack and
they instantly be like okay this guy’s
obviously impossible or
or they’d be like oh oh are you in the
101st airborne bulldog he’d be like
yeah and they would just follow their
lie all the way but anyways we got
semper fi we got a little off topic but
yeah anyways
my answer is fired in a bad way or good
way i’m absolutely going off at least at
the job i’m at right now if it was a new
job
you have really not know got no ammo
yeah i have plenty of ammo at the job
event now so yeah i would go the [ __ ]off and then walk out but
how would you go out um i’ve actually
imagined this a million times so i uh
um like me and my boss we actually are
getting along great right now
uh we we’ve butt heads a lot you know um
old school versus new school yeah you
know how it is
uh and so i think so
firings at my work always happen on
fridays um
and do you remember that one time you
thought you were like you know what
happens on fridays and i was like oh
[ __ ] yeah so i have noticed like
it’s funny because my best then the
weekend goes by and it’s not like the
next day
yeah so my my boss because we kind of
had this purge at my work where like
i’ll
i remember telling you yeah i remember
that i got a lot of people got fired and
so it was like all these fridays because
you were applying to drop dead dude i
think i might get canned well
it wasn’t then i remember that that was
like a just me and him thing but when
like this whole group of people were
getting fired
uh my boss like went up to i remember i
was like outside in a bus and it’s like
two o’clock he’s like hey man
why don’t you head home i’m like oh what
which never happens
yeah and so i didn’t think of what was
going on you know
i was just like wow this is nice
thanks man and so then like me and like
dupe are
walking out and then when you’re on your
way home you’re like wait yeah well no i
got the phone call
i uh well i remember walking out and
then everyone else stole their desks
like why was i
the only one asked on the left yeah it’s
a little sketchy and then the because
the salesman that got fired me and him
were actually
like i know i’m not doing that great of
a job yeah
the the salesman they got fired he
actually called me
and he’s like he thought that i was josh
no was that the same thing was that
different thing that was a good that was
okay but uh shout out josh yeah shout
out shout out josh
we’re not gonna give a last name but you
know who you are yeah we had a great
time
oh we had a great time um
yeah anyways so when i thought i did
think i was gonna get fired a few times
um but i’ve had it all planned out so
anyways on fridays this little office
that
you know they kind of pull you into the
execution office yeah and you know they
do the whole uh you know the economy’s
taking its toll we’ve been forced to
yeah
you’re a great employee but what the old
compliment saying if you’re a great
employee we wouldn’t fire you but i’m
gonna tell you you’re right yeah i was
like you were a great employee
you sucked you’re really cute the
compliment sandwich you know yeah yeah
yeah yeah that’s actually not how it
goes i just like you
actually you’re a piece of [ __ ] but i’m
gonna say this in a nice way yeah i’m
gonna sugarcoat this but um
i have all these little like airline
bottles in my desk
i’ve they’re probably i don’t know if
alcohol hard alcohol expires or not but
um like every year for christmas you
know people give them around and
everything i just throw them at my desk
so i would grab my boss uh i will want a
crown i know he likes that
i’d grab my gin and i cheers him
drink it and then i have the baseball
bat that i
uh hit a home run with on my desk i’m
gonna grab that i’m gonna smash his
monitors
okay i thought you’re gonna say i’m like
oh okay i thought you’re gonna say
you’re gonna smash him like hit him
no i was like jesus now you’re going to
jail no i would uh
like ice cube at priority records yeah i
i i want him that’s actually
look me in the eye one everyone in the
officers be like bam
bam and then i’m gonna put like 400
bucks on the desk so we can buy new ones
and i’m gonna walk
but they’re gonna be fake bills plot
twists yes nice that’s good i’ll put a
million dollar bill on there that’s good
that’s good
that’s what i do yeah because i i have
so much ammunition
for if i was to get fired but the thing
is i wouldn’t get fired because they
need me because they were short-handed
so
that’s not gonna happen even if i
actually really [ __ ] up they wouldn’t
yeah
the uh didn’t you work with patrick
right which we need to get patrick now
oh yeah well that’s how you got that but
even before yeah i did yeah
uh funny funny story about patrick uh
my girlfriend sometimes is like dreams
are like dreams
mean things you know like oh my god like
some of them do i think the creepiest
thing about dreams is
have you ever had a dream where you you
don’t know who like who the [ __ ] is that
yes
but the only way for your brain to make
it up is if you’ve seen that person
before
it doesn’t happen often because i
remember everyone i’m saying there’s
been times i see i’m like
who the [ __ ] is this yeah and i actually
because it’s your birth you’ve actually
met that person to make a full face and
yeah that’s
that’s the creepiest thing what i don’t
get is how my brain makes sense of
things like
this obviously like the second i wake up
is like wow that was so [ __ ] like i
would never do that
and like so anyways where i was going
with patrick is i remember
aaron my uh lovely woman
uh she was uh you know she was having
like these weird dreams and she was all
like
oh it could mean this and this and
literally that night i’d have a dream
that i made out with patrick
and then i woke up and i had a gay dream
i did i did have a gay dream
here’s the thing i’ve i’ve never had
i’ve never had you’ve never had a gay
dream no
ever no you’ve never had a weird
i mean i’ve had dreams with you in it
i’m not saying with me i’ve never
[ __ ] you in my dream i’ve never [ __ ]in one of my dreams no
i’m saying i know people have had like
gay dreams i’m saying i’ve never had a
game
i’ve had weird ass dreams i’ve had weird
dreams as in like oh that was [ __ ]weird but i’ve never had like oh wow i
was
mad that guy was sucking me off no i’ve
never had that i’m just saying the only
one i’ve had was
i remember and what was weird is like in
the dream it was just like oh yeah
like it’s patrick it’s like
but then i wake up i was like what the
[ __ ] was that yeah it’s weird i i’ve
come to find out that
dreams it’s don’t mean [ __ ] i was gonna
say it’s things you dwell on that you’ve
dwelled on
and it couldn’t have never thought about
kissing patrick no but here’s the thing
not i’m not okay not necessarily dwell
down in that case but i’m saying
something that has is a reoccurring
thing whether it’s it’s a generality
obviously whether it’s a person that
you’ve been around recently
whether it’s a thing that’s happened to
you recently that you dwell on or have
not dwelled on it’s always something
that has
that is stuck whether it’s like you’ve
dwelled on it or it’s been a person
you’ve been with consistently
i will notice like if i’m like nervous
about something i will dream about that
um that night uh actually someone
something just happened la
that weekend that you were on call when
we were at ayden’s whole time i
shouldn’t have said it the next morning
because it was kind of weird
but well no no it wasn’t like bad it
wasn’t like sexual or anything
but it was a girl in our friend group
and it actually
it was one of those dreams that i woke
up and i was like what the [ __ ]so i believe i was getting face or
facial surgery or something for like a
better jawline or something like that
and she was the surgeon did you see dr
miami dude yeah
she was the surgeon and i woke up and
she cut my balls off
wow and so that’s not poetic justice
yeah i don’t know what the [ __ ] and so i
remember looking down and i was like
oh like what the [ __ ] like what is that
let me ask you this is that the most
[ __ ] up dream what’s the most
[ __ ] up dream you’ve ever had the most
[ __ ] up dream i’ve ever had um
god i don’t know i mean it’s kind of
hard to remember them i mean i agree i’d
say that’s not weird how that works yeah
you can remember the recent ones and you
can remember specific ones you’re like
oh you can remember like kind of parts
but you can’t remember the whole thing
yeah i uh have you ever like whoa have
you ever like
been in a dream woke up a little bit
like is that awoken or
a awakening is that present you just
he’s awakened he’s like right now where
you’re looking in third person awoken is
like
um when you’re telling the story right i
make sense
because in third person if someone’s
looking at you
if someone’s looking at you let’s say
you’re on operation table oh he’s
awakened would be appropriate
obviously people don’t say that okay so
i’m saying that’d be like to be honest i
have no way
anyways um i forgot what i was saying
the uh
oh like a like a [ __ ] up dream or what
we’re talking about what was the most
[ __ ] up dream ever had
i think the ball just cut your balls off
yeah i was going to say
the most recent was that and so i
remember waking up
kind of like i wasn’t like freaked out
but i was like god that was [ __ ]weird and so then like everyone
because we had all slept in the in in
the living room
and everyone was like jack you’re like
really quiet
and they were talking about dreams and
so i said it everyone laughed no one
thought it was weird was like i probably
shouldn’t have said
everyone’s like ha ha he’s kind of
[ __ ] crazy yeah and so because then
it looks like i’m like dreaming about
that you know
it’s [ __ ] i think the most [ __ ] up
dream i had was it wasn’t even a scary
movie but after i watched um jurassic
park fallen kingdom
there’s this listen
there’s this scene where is that the one
with chris pratt
he’s in fallen kingdom and the other one
multiple
players jurassic world jurassic world
there’s two there’s multiple drastic
worlds
jesus christ no shut up jc
but there’s a [ __ ] part in fawn
kingdom where basically this guy’s at
this like control panel
dinosaur comes out the helicopter’s
trying to leave they throw him out the
ladder
okay keep with me stay with me they
throw out the ladder as airpla
as the helicopter’s taking off and so
he’s running from this [ __ ] t-rex
he grabs onto the ladder and he’s like
yeah he made it and then the
the t-rex grabs the ladder so the
helicopter’s about to go down but he’s
still on it
so the pilot’s like cut it cut it and
for some reason
i had a dream that
you and one other of my friend were on
the ladder
who was the other friend tristan okay
tristan and you were on the ladder but
in the rest of the helicopter were all
my other close friends
and so basically the whole you had to
choose yeah the whole thing of this the
whole thing of the movie was
you cut this to live or you [ __ ] cut
it
you’re gonna kill both of them but if
you don’t cut it you’re all gonna die
well then i would hope you because in
the movie
in the movie actually the t the t-rex
rip the ladder they fly away yay we made
it and then the water creature comes and
eats the dude but either way
for some reason that was my dream i hope
did you cut it
no but i’m saying you didn’t you let
everyone die no if i could finish
okay but here’s the thing you and my
other vegetation on the ladder
i have a flare i [ __ ] i take
i don’t know i have a flare and i have
this you know like every movie
some marine slash navy seal guy has a
big
[ __ ] knife yep for some reason i have
a flare
i [ __ ] started climbing down the
ladder this t-rex is [ __ ]he went down the ladder shaking he’s
shaking he’s shaking i’m holding ladder
i throw the flare onto the t-rex
and it doesn’t go because i tried the
thinking was hit its eye but obviously
it’s windy there it was stormy like in
the movie and so i started climbing down
you don’t have a good arm anyways
listen here’s the worst part i started
climbing down the ladder because i was
to try to knife this thing
that doesn’t make any sense but i still
tried commando pro and it was in a dream
you’re moving super slow you’re like
[Music]you can’t [ __ ] do anything so i’m
going down this ladder
the t-rex rips the ladder like in the
movie
i fall everyone lives and i died and i
felt the pain and it was the most
terrifying thing
wait so you got below me and tristan no
i’m like climbing down to you guys
and then so t-rex me me and tristan died
too then no
i’m i’m climbing down and so you guys
are
trying to climb up because this thing’s
tugging on it so that is going
side to side i’m climbing down and as i
[ __ ]went down like this you guys were like
at the same point i was and i [ __ ]stab the [ __ ] thing and great guy
syndrome
i stab it and then i [ __ ] get eaten
you’re a hero
what i’m saying is in i’m the man on
fire i’m denzel
damn i want to get back to a different
dream uh
now i’m just going to say it there’s no
way you haven’t had a gay dream
you’re the one who wrote that down
because i heard other people talking
about it
you’ve never had one i think i’ve had
weird ones when i say it’s involving you
what we’ve actually had okay not we
[ __ ]it’s not like we [ __ ] but i’m saying
i’ve never had a gauging where i [ __ ]someone said i’ve only ever kissed a guy
in my dreams
i didn’t i kissed patrick that’s the
only thing is i didn’t kiss you in it
what did we do
we were cuddling because it was listen
it was a it was a post-apocalyptic
scenario in my dream but i’m saying we
were okay that’s different
but that’s the thing i’ve i’ve never
kissed anybody but i’m saying
but that was that was the thing big okay
well that’s kind of gay but
no and the thing is we’ve cuddled in
real life actually yeah because that’s
her party because it was freezing and we
were almost dying
there there’s a difference between
cuddling for uh for warmth
and cuddling for warmth
at that point it was very necessary
because we’re both not
big we’re not fat guys fat fat people
not like they can
they can serve warmth better yeah
because you have layers like ogres have
lame like onions
onions have layers yes speaking of um
weight
air airlines are supposedly
think this is a fact are supposedly
thinking of weighing people to balance
the plane out
yeah so which aerodynamically makes
sense
that’s the problem a lot of this [ __ ] is
like it does make sense and obviously
like i don’t wanna
okay listen i don’t wanna be the guy
that’s like hey fat ass
get on the scale it’s like the biggest
loser like
i’m not gonna [ __ ] it’s embarrassing
yeah but here’s the thing okay
picture this picture this we’ve all
gotten on flights
where there was someone who was you know
overweight slash
had a scooter they spill over the
armrest into you
yeah been there like a cascading fondant
[Laughter]no but seriously imagine okay obviously
the people at
i think those are the flight attendants
too the people that check your ticket
right
stewardess flight yeah those are the
same ones that go on the plane with you
right
so i’m saying imagine because those
people already kind of like i have to
deal with all these people it’s like
imagine like you’re like could you step
on the scale for me man yeah
this is not a fact they’re actually it’s
not implemented i’m just saying
you read an article didn’t you yeah so
it was uh apparently
i i don’t know why but apparently the
scale is just gonna be right next to
that counter so then everyone just sees
your weight
which is [ __ ] because people who weigh
like 180 are like oh my god i’m fat
yeah and imagine whether people weigh
260 feel like yeah i mean i get you know
leveling out the plane and i’m all about
safety
but okay if you think about it i think
it’s funny it actually makes sense it
does make sense because the engines are
in the middle
like where they’re so it’s like if you
have all have you ever been on a plane
where like a lot of seats are vacant
especially during covid and so they’re
really spread out so and there’s like
almost no seats in the back
they’re random so sometimes there’s like
yeah
there’s like nobody in the front i’m
saying it actually makes sense
yeah i get that i just i mean i
if i don’t vote anyways i’m not gonna
vote for i just think it’s [ __ ]hilarious like i just wanna watch
i just wanna be like i wanna know this
guy i wanna watch when someone
like their reaction because that’s
[ __ ] up like you think it’s bad at
uh oh by the way why at amusement parks
like you
that’s insulting imagine if your dude’s
like five two it’s like you must be this
tall the ride but your 12 year old can
go
yeah that’s [ __ ] yeah but i guess it
means like you can get thrown out of
there but i’m saying why is the how
because you have the little i’m saying
if anything i think it matters like
thickness
yeah because obviously for like four
seven okay that makes sense but if
you’re 400 pounds i mean you’re not
getting launched off of anything
i don’t know i don’t know yeah the uh
that’s a weird thing
it’s kind of fun it’s kind of like a
subtle roast like hey sir yeah i want to
get out of line but the thing is
is like this whole pc culture thing it’s
like yeah i get it that it’s
embarrassing but
if it if it it’s like the helicopter in
the ladder
yeah the needs of the mini outweigh the
needs of the few
that was good go on that was good that’s
a hero that’s hero talk there yeah that
is hero talk and that’s what we are if
you were an avenger who would you be
which one hm i mean you’re browns you’d
probably be the first one to die but
that’s probably true but why is that in
every movie the black guy always dies
first okay listen
the thing is and not all movies i’m
saying but in a good majority in a good
majority we just watched one where it
was uh it was with the little thingies
in the a good one it’s not all but it’s
a good majority
why and if it’s not first at some point
they do usually yeah
but i’m not saying all but i’m saying a
good majority but i don’t know but i
will say
if i was an avenger i’d probably be
hawkeye dude she’s
sexy yeah he’s good he’d probably be
hawkeye
i would want to be tony not because i’m
sexy i’m just saying because
that’s just it’s more my fit if you’re a
big guy you’d be like oh i’m the hulk
you know what i mean yeah same thing i i
don’t want to did you think i could pull
off tony stark
yes thank you but think about it think
about it
you’re very technologically advanced
okay first name basis only not last but
out of
name the [ __ ] are avengers out of our
friend group
but think about personality okay captain
america little cocky
jordan
jordan captain america that’s america’s
ass baby yeah
um i think aiden would be
the hulk when he’s a human yep
definitely the corrector
yeah hey oh actually mr actually mr
actually yeah
yeah that’d be that’d be yes um the uh
who would be elizabeth olsen bailey
makes sense yes whose vision kind of a
[ __ ] kind of a
kind of a [ __ ] caleb
how does that say you i’m just stark
star no vision he’s kind of a [ __ ] but
the thing is
in the earlier parts he’s [ __ ] a god
but then
when infinity war comes around he just
gets more time he gets the [ __ ] and
then
he becomes a [ __ ] so maybe it’s aiden
i i don’t know oh well so we have the
girls now so who’s scarlett johansson
green because apparently she can scrap
she can’t scrap
um i’ll give that one to her who would
auggie be
augie would be uh she’d be the bad [ __ ]the evil one
the bad one the evil one no no no yeah
yeah that one
sam jackson’s uh like sidekick
the [ __ ] girl that’s always there
that could be one who is who is captain
marvel
abby well no she’s not a dyke though
captain marvel isn’t either her her
[ __ ] haircut
yeah but she’s not though but i guess
they never realized that yeah
she never you know but okay now that i
think about it
there’s too many no yeah we don’t have
any friends
well i do you don’t yeah okay um
statistic
so like okay so you know you guys if
you’re for those of you watching i am uh
of white descendant uh that is a
caucasian from the mountains of caucasus
uh z is a puerto rican um so
just actually just talking here do you
like statistically which way do you skew
when it comes to women do you
go for like puerto ricans or like or
or white or like what what is your
[Music]well the thing is puerto ricans are a
very niche community
no but i’m saying i have actually okay
listen
i think i’ve only had one i was in
i was in fourth grade fifth grade
seventh grade seventh grade
freshman high school i’m saying that was
one
courtney she’s puerto rican yes no [ __ ]that’s why we matched
shout out courtney shout out courtney
matt’s been in heaven when he was with
matthew wood
nice little wayne yep but i’m saying i
don’t okay listen i think i feel like
i’m most guys on this they have their
some have their preferences it’s like
i’m pretty open-minded yeah i’m an
open-minded guy i mean everyone has
their like you know like
fantasy because here’s the thing if you
could stop at anyone’s point like okay
at this point in my life
i was with this person they’re this so i
could be this but
i’m very but there’s there’s there’s
been a couple different things so it’s
not the same i’d say statistically
speaking i skew
white but i think i could stay same
actually only white
to be honest so you’re racist
apparently no uh yeah it’s only been
white but like every guy has that like
fantasy
you know like i don’t know tell me
asians
[Laughter]aaron can’t get mad she knows about it
it’s okay um
i mean yeah i mean i got yellow fever
it’s contagious
[Laughter]some would call that a little degrading
but it’s funny as [ __ ]yeah what was yellow fever i think
that’s
i don’t know i’m saying it was a disease
but i don’t know what it was
i thought could you imagine being alive
in like colonial times like oh [ __ ] you
got the flu here’s a bottle of whiskey
bye
i feel like i gotta make a white joke
now uh what do white women make for
dinner
reservations bam bam roasted
chicken roast chicken yeah [ __ ] white
women
[ __ ] lazy asses i want to be in
staying home i don’t want to do anything
but i don’t have kids
yeah okay here here’s here’s something
here something or something
so i why is it
why is it that like
i’m saying a lot of people have
different opinions on this don’t shoot
the [ __ ] messenger i’m just asking a
[ __ ] question
why is it that
and even the 80s night that wasn’t even
that long ago it’s not
what was set like i know women like oh
yeah i want to work and that’s that’s
great
that’s amazing but like why is it that
like
nowadays i’m not saying all
don’t comment but ask dm i’m completely
neutral i’m not saying i don’t i’m not a
pc podcast just [ __ ]yeah i’m i i know about if you want pc
go somewhere else continue
yeah i’m saying why the [ __ ]is it so different nowadays in which
like
like women feel threatened yeah
if a dude’s like like not even like
talking [ __ ] but like hey like
why like would you like want to be like
especially people who have gone to
college
pursued a career somewhat and they’re
like okay why do you want to like
always like why do you want a man to
provide for you
yeah strictly strictly i’m not saying
yeah a lot of women take pride in that
and
that’s a great thing that’s a great
thing yeah but i’m saying why is it
now it’s such a it’s such a big thing
that like oh
well if he doesn’t have a big wallet
then don’t be with him why is that a
thing
because here’s the thing and you are the
one who told me this quote uh
women children and dogs are the only
things loved unconditionally chris rock
said it
a man is loved to provide on the
condition that he provides something
yeah i’m saying
it’s very true because in my mind okay
in my mind when i marry somebody
money has nothing to do with it would it
not be in the best interest for both
people to work and obviously if you’re a
kid it’s different
if you already have a kid it’s difficult
but i’m saying it’s it just makes sense
yeah it does even if both you have
average ass jobs it contributes into you
both make 50 grand a year now you make
six figures exactly
so like why does it and obviously a lot
of people that’s the case they do that
until they have a kid yeah
but it’s like why why is it such a thing
that
the dudes it’s like okay well i’m just
gonna marry someone who has a lot of
money and i won’t have to
yeah like why is it such a thing now
what’s funny is like you
like a girl like you’ve never seen like
a girl very rarely take a man like a
rich girl take a man who’s broke but a
rich guy will take a girl with no
dollars to her name as long as she’s
attractive
yeah and it’s fine and there’s nothing
wrong with that no like if you’re
attracted that much to each other but
it’s like
it’s it’s the what’s the men are based
on their [ __ ] worth
like yeah like men it’s the logic behind
it it’s like okay well you’ll
you’re a piece of [ __ ] if you don’t make
this amount of money yeah and that’s
kind of [ __ ]and that’s what i hate about like like i
think i’ve told you about this before
like would you agree with me
girls are a thousand times like if okay
say i’m a girl and a guy walked into
this room right
yeah let’s just say they’re both
attractive even though there’s nothing
to do with anything okay
they’re both just normal good looking
people right which one is easier to talk
to
the guy i was gonna say the girl 100 the
guy
because well oh easier like you want to
talk to them well no i’m just saying
just in general because
you you and i we tend to surround
ourselves with cool people so
everything’s fine
but a lot of times like i thought you
were kind of getting at
who would you get on like naturally
because guys just mingle better you
because you could you cannot prefer a
guy and so [ __ ]not even saying mingle i’m just saying
just sparkle spark up a decent
conversation with
i would say the girl will be easier
because guys a lot of times where i was
going with this is they want to [ __ ]put out their big dicks they won’t yeah
shake their dicks exactly
exactly girls don’t do that okay i get
your angle yeah yeah no i’m not saying
like becoming lifelong friends
guys not lifelong friends but i thought
you meant like who like because i’m
saying we’ve talked about this before
dudes are so simple that at one point
you cannot prefer someone but you can
squash it right there and be like all
right bro
good to see you man oh yeah 100 but
girls it’s like okay hi oh my god i love
you so much and it’s like i hate that
fit i hate that [ __ ]yeah the uh like where i was going with
it is like girls are just i’d say like
not knowing them sparking conversation
they’re way easier to talk to yeah
yeah because i mean the guys that we
hang out with aren’t all [ __ ] cocky
and gross but a lot a lot of dudes out
there are and then it just gets into
this pissing contest like
so how much do you make a year before
taxes it’s like okay time where are we
at i really have to pay
uh 35. yeah [ __ ] it whatever
uh wait anyways uh yeah that’ll pretty
much do it uh
thank you very much for watching we just
want to uh give a shout out
to no one actually um the uh check out
atltstore.com we got the [ __ ] merch
we got everything
uh summer is here summer is here summer
is here
uh we do have the apple podcast
subscriptions coming out
episodes a week early exclusive episodes
answering
questions from the fans you guys have
been great
[ __ ] i mean we haven’t even been we
didn’t even get the video for the last
episode didn’t promote it
we didn’t because we didn’t yet because
we had some complications with it we
didn’t even
post any clips but um we still had some
great downloads there we’re almost at 3
000 downloads and if some of you may
remember not too long ago we were like
wow we’re at a thousand and we’re almost
at three right now so
it’s pretty [ __ ] sexy that’s [ __ ]crazy because this episode could put us
over three so
i probably will probably will so um
thank you everybody for listening
and if you want there’s so much good
[ __ ] on the summer collection it’s great
man
and it’s summer time so it’s the perfect
time um anything else you got jack
where can they find you uh they can find
me at jack underscore spence i didn’t
want to stay on the atl t story we’ve
been plugging the summer collection
all the other shit’s still there i mean
the one thing
the best feedback i think we’ve gotten
is the dad hats are [ __ ]bad ass and mine comes in a in a couple
weeks
um yeah the dad hats are fun we’re all
we’re all gonna be sporting some fourth
of july stuff for fourth of july
because we’re going on a trip um and
we’re gonna be posting on the instagram
page so
if you follow our instagram you’ll be
able to see it exactly but i mean
i’m just saying man there’s some great
[ __ ] on there so yeah if you wanted
the atlt store so when we did the revamp
it was
you know we did launch a summer
collection at the same time but all the
other shits there
there’s still all the cool [ __ ] check it
out you’ll love it z where can they find
you isaiah underscore lesney or you can
find both our instagrams at around the
lunch table instagram so
thank you guys so much for listening and
see ya
let’s get rowdy up in here
