J&Z talk about memorial day weekend, childhood memories, a teacher thought z had tourettes, and adult film actors. Follow us on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/aroundthelunchtable/?hl=en
i don’t know the lyrics it’s just a dot
girl you’re my sugar you’re my candy and
tonight i’m gonna give me some
give me some girl you’re my sugar i got
you candy
welcome back slap dicks welcome back to
episode 27.
and now we know what it is it is uh
episode 27 everyone welcome back
yeah welcome back it feels like it’s
been a long time before i forget shout
out to our sponsor aperture oceans
bringing ideas and ads to life
from the dead lazarus lazarus
um but yeah it feels like it’s been a
while um we had
ourselves quite a while
yeah surprised we came back alive we are
live
uh yeah uh i hope everyone had a
fantastic memorial day weekend if you
didn’t well go [ __ ] yourself
cause you gotta get out there and enjoy
the sunshine it’s uh it was it was good
it was good a few hospital visits
not by us yeah because we’re not idiots
a lot of shenanigans going on but what’s
more
they wake up without shenanigans exactly
uh no it was actually
we did it was however immensely
peaceful when we put our lawn chairs on
the on the
in the river yeah we kind of sat there
with our feet in there yeah shout out
little nachees
you guys said that a thousand dollars
something sick
dude that’s gonna be my rap name now lil
nachis
it’s nachi he’s not the cheese the
cheese why do you speak in syllables
who doesn’t that’s how words are formed
i don’t speak in values the values the
valiums of
just shut the [ __ ] up vowels
values oh yeah a iou and sometimes y
the [ __ ] with that it’s like we have
[ __ ] scholars out there and it’s like
oh
hey so here’s your vowels but sometimes
why
i don’t think scholars how great they
are equate to their vowel usage
value yeah this is the same guy talking
about vowels or value
valium you said valium at some point
vowels
what i’m saying is sometimes why so it’s
like saying
e equals mc squared sometimes
i don’t know it’s a e i o u those are
the vowels and sometimes y
yeah but i’m saying it’s either is or it
isn’t
i think anyways we had a great weekend
uh
a guy went to the hospital who saw my
name renamed rename
i cannot talk today [ __ ] god
i mean i need to take rosetta stone of
english apparently [ __ ]
uh might actually help but yeah um
had some cars get stuck had some
hospital visits
shut out dabs had some blackouts a lot
of blackouts
yeah i actually you know what’s weird is
when you’re on vacation you don’t feel
like [ __ ] when you wake up why is that
that is not true mexico i never felt
like [ __ ] one time
i woke up feeling like a million bucks
i’m saying i never felt hungover when i
woke up
low energy maybe yes but
yeah you’re right yeah uh shut up so
if you want vacation you could drink as
much as you want because you never feel
bad
yeah you threw up that’s good that’s
probably why i didn’t feel bad
dude i was on vacation like you can
never you never feel bad
you [ __ ] hurled bro i
excuse myself from the situation i’m
actually a big puker i like it because
then i don’t feel like [ __ ] the next day
okay yeah uh no we did have a good
weekend uh some guy did go to the
hospital
shout out uh shout out
shut out in the room but they did they
did they did um did you sign the sign
i did not you didn’t did you see they
had it they had it up
um the sign that they took out with the
four-wheeler
they propped it up on the tree and we
all signed it no [ __ ]
no i didn’t sign it i put z baby on it
[ __ ] i didn’t sign it
yeah i should have put your name i’m
pretty sure that’s a crime but
you got out there yeah out there
anything they won’t even notice it’s
[ __ ] gone the [ __ ] wild west
yeah it is [ __ ] yeah no it was it was a
good weekend just sum it up
uh guy ended up in the hospital like a
collapsed long couple ribs you know
all his ribs on the right but yeah uh
they went over
a uh a bridge you know those little
guard rails apparently those don’t
actually
okay well it was pitch black dark in
there well they were all they also
shouldn’t have been out there but um
we wish him a speedy recovery but that
was [ __ ] a crazy weekend from atlt to
you from atl to you we know you have to
hear it
any of his friends are there that listen
to the podcast that no we’re talking
about yeah let him know that uh we gave
him our best wishes and it was a fun
weekend so
it was it was uh yeah the uh
i’d what okay
um i saw something today
do have you ever like put your uh your
[ __ ] hands up to your eyes and you
see [ __ ] galaxies
yeah what is that yes i okay
[ __ ] like you’re [ __ ] your eyes
your eyes you got to put pressure on
there yeah a lot
yeah but when you do it you see like
circles ah
no but like and then okay what is that i
know i know what you’re talking about
it’s on your head but i’m
in the same way if it’s pitch black
you’re you’re like you look like you’re
still it’s pitch black but you’re seeing
like little things that yeah
but you know i used to like be bored of
[ __ ] in church like god is this over yet
and then [ __ ] like i just like put
the [ __ ] out of my eyes and just be like
like i got [ __ ] allergies yeah that’s
funny you say that because i used to do
that yeah
do you remember the little uh oh squeeze
me um do you remember the little uh
the holes in the pews for the little
cups
the pens no there was the little
communion cups that you could put in
there
and the pews and you could like finger
them no i don’t
i don’t remember fingering pews like
what if i stick my dick in this
my first love was a pew no
no the uh no i just remember like
especially like the stick and she was
mahogany
and she was orange yeah the pews were
orange
orange are you telling me the pew was a
[ __ ] cheeto
the pews were orange you remember that
the cushions yeah they were all
that doesn’t make the the fuse orange
they were like and also they weren’t
even
they were like there’s like a dark shade
it was like a sunrise
yeah yeah the uh um no i just remember
like
even even at like school you know what
grace we uh we had uh
like the the blue pews and those
are the holes in them remember remember
the little cushions they had
and we would just throw them yeah do you
do you miss home didn’t you think you
had tourette’s yes
yes she did i’ll tell you oh god this is
good so here’s the thing
it’s so it it’s so absurd and it’s so
[ __ ] rude because
here’s the thing we’re [ __ ] seventh
grade i’m in seventh grade
who the and everyone in our class it’s
it’s dave and buster’s in there no one
wants to [ __ ] do anything
yeah and i there’s a lot of little
stories to go with or whatever but
long story short and of course tanner’s
in that class i mean one of my best
friends
of course so we’re just running a muck
in there and i have everyone in the
class i get [ __ ]
well i guess they all did parenting for
conferences but he my dad walks in
i’m not hearing anything about this and
most of those don’t tell you
yeah i’m i’m saying but like she
thought that there was like something
wrong with me i’m like
because i’m like because i’m like
because she’s like oh well he’s very
loud like
he’s a distraction well i’m like so i’m
every kid who’s in seventh grade
and so and she literally told my dad she
thought i had tourette’s tourette’s
yeah that’s [ __ ] up i know i’m sitting
what do you really are you a doctor
i know just self-diagnosis i know the
same the same
the same the same teacher who walks
across the [ __ ] choreo to go pork the
history teachers yeah
is the one throwing shade on me yeah
yeah a christian school no but i know
this [ __ ] is
seriously what do you think scissoring
or freaking i know tourette
that is a ver what do you think i’m
sitting there
like i wasn’t that absurd i was loud but
i’m saying like okay can you ever
imagine in your life
like you’d never be a teacher you you’d
never be qualified
neither of us would be qualified to be a
teacher it can’t be that hard yeah
probably not
but um can you imagine like
no i’m not saying teaching i’m taking
i’m talking about
what she was doing was not hard because
she was she also stirred on something it
was also
it was also she was like a part-time she
was never she wasn’t she didn’t teach
full-time well it’s because her wife
paid the bills
no but you know what i’m saying so in
that respect i’m saying it could be hard
cause i’m saying she also taught like
two classes i think she had dirt on
someone and got a free job
uh the uh can you imagine being like
i think this kid has tourette’s and i
have enough courage
to tell the parents drop this bomb like
your kid has tourette’s my dad of course
like dismissed it he’s like okay he’s
like he was like okay
you have the haircut of a six-year-old
boy
dude she looked like a [ __ ] tekken
character yeah her haircut i’m like what
the chin
and guess what no other teacher was ever
like that to me so yeah
the uh the other thing because all the
other teachers well it wasn’t the first
time with complaints about me but i’m
saying all of them were just
your son needs to get in line yeah i
need to get under control it was all the
same thing you know
oh he’s just you know he’s really loud
he you know talks a lot bubble i mean
i hope you could have been lucky and be
like he has adhd and got a script for
addie’s when i’m in seventh grade just
[ __ ]
zooted just [ __ ] cracked out of my
mind
yeah i’m just in peace [ __ ] running
around
doing 360s in dodgeball uh dude i
remember in seventh grade
we took a we took a field trip to
roxanne and
this is house this is not a great place
yeah i mean okay it’s not bad but i’m
saying
if that’s your field trip it’s like
there’s other places you can go it’s
like science works take me there so i
can
[ __ ] put my face in this needle we
went to oregon caves and i was
that was crazy yeah i would actually
like to go there now because i think i
have a little more appreciation for that
yeah
but i just remember thinking about halo
the whole time and i was like [ __ ]
because were you on that part where like
they turned the lights off for a second
yeah dude it’s scary outdoors yeah it
was like dark
because like the there’s a river in the
started swirls
and like imagine just being people in
there like
crazy yeah the uh so we we took a field
trip to roxyanne
and for some reason we had this great
idea that and this is the mind of a
seventh grader right
it’s like we were gonna run away
and so we left the group and we thought
that
if we stayed the night we would be like
in the paper and it was like
the heroes of what the [ __ ] yes we all
had this conversation
why and so and with what things were you
going to stay the night i
don’t know and so we’re like god our
parents are going to love us so much
because we like [ __ ] survive
no that you guys might have tourette’s
yeah you might have some i have
something there might be a deeper issue
yeah yeah um explains a lot but so dude
i brought my swiss army knife to be safe
yeah dude i just stole a [ __ ]
cigarette from my dad’s car
i saw a survivor man like six times the
one time he left the camera
um all you need to do is drink your pee
put it in the socks as a filtration
device um
it could work i mean
we’re gonna get on that in a second but
anyways so we decide
to so everyone’s going back to the buses
and
we just [ __ ] just start running away
and hide behind the trees
and so then obviously they do roll call
yeah before they go in there’s like
where’s jack gabe’s z
we’re just like seeing the same guys
that signed this when they came
so obviously we hold the buses up for
like an hour because we’re [ __ ] like
sitting on search teams and [ __ ] so
they’re looking for us
so they [ __ ] find uh jacob was a part
of it too of course he was
um and so
they end up finding us i remember it was
someone’s dad
which was weird you ever had those like
classmates where their dad is like 60
and it was like
damn like no i don’t think so
i had a couple and it was like where
you’re like damn i’m sitting in seventh
grade that six-year-old dad’s hot
are you kidding me no damn like you
popped a kid out [ __ ] in your 50s
oh yeah i’m like in seventh grade
yeah i’m like you got something to tell
me yeah no
hey i’m not hating it’s different
strokes different folks
anyways we uh we end up getting caught
suddenly
changed the subject yeah and we got
suspended
for not really doing anything like
we didn’t run away we were we were
playing hide and seek like hiding behind
the trees and it was speaking of going
out in the woods
so in eighth grade you don’t have the dc
trip yes so
like when i go on that no because um i
the last school and
when my brother and sister were in
eighth grade they went at the other
school i went to
so i went with them oh you’re gonna sell
you were the tag along
yeah and so my parents okay we’re not
gonna you don’t have to go again it’s
fine and actually it was fine but i’m
like okay it’s fine i’m not gonna go
again
yeah so there was like the non-dc group
but it was actually sick because we went
up into the [ __ ] woods and we went
paintballing
that’s cool um and me trish and garrett
were the only
ones i really remember that i hung out
with in on dc because everyone else was
on the dc trim
but we went paintballing up in the woods
and i just remember because it was
there’s probably like 30 or 40 people i
don’t know but like obviously
i mean it was fun until the one then all
the kids were oh this is
all the kids were being a little [ __ ]
annoying a little [ __ ] about it but
it started raining but all i remember is
me and tristan the last the last two
alive
last two live and we’re on this like and
there’s battle royale and of course
there’s [ __ ] out of bounds oh tanner
was on it too tanner was there too
and of course there’s an out of bounds
and [ __ ] i’m like we’re in the [ __ ]
woods and
miss davis 10 steps no miss davis
like a yellow big poncho like she’s like
refereeing and [ __ ]
she’s running and i think she pulled a
hamstring at some point so she’s like
she’s like and so anyways and me and
tris like the last one’s like it’s like
10 other kids
and i [ __ ] i lit a few people oh my
god
hannah fretts if you’re listening to
this
i remember you and i’m i i’m pretty sure
because it was really cold i i it was
her i’m 90
it was her she was like taking her mask
off because it was really no it was
fogging up
and i [ __ ] lit her ass up in the face
yeah
you’re right before you aim for it i
it’s one of those things that’s like
i’m gonna i don’t think i’m gonna hit
you it’s that one it’s like that thing
it’s like if you were to hit a ball yeah
and you see a car wreck i’m not gonna
hit that car no way
probably [ __ ] hits the car yeah it
was like that okay you know
but in my head i’m like boom headshot
and then keep going i keep going
i’m gonna kill straight away we’re on
the top of this hill and all these
[ __ ] rats are chasing after
all these kids they’re all having fun
[ __ ] little sweaty rats
running after us yeah they’re [ __ ]
slide cancelling and [ __ ]
they’re running around and me and
tristan run like out of bounds i don’t
know
like because like we were just [ __ ]
hauling asses me and him he has no ammo
so i have all my paintballs here so i’m
like we’re running and he’s he’s like
here can we see what people do
we’re taking fire i’m like i’m sorry i
dumped the balls out a little bit on the
game like five
so i’m i keep spreading i turn around
[Music]
at the top and i remember i’m sitting
behind this rock and tristan’s a rock
because it’s it’s pretty slanted
and all these little kids are coming
they’re all coming up the [ __ ] just
spraying us and we’re not allowed to
have automatics i had automatic because
i’m not
i’m not a [ __ ] yeah so i just swallowed
my spit the wrong way
so i’m sitting there and i’m spraying
these kids and then tristan’s like he
runs out of ammo so i [ __ ] i
i have it of course i give him half my
ammo and tristan [ __ ] drops it and
all the balls
are rolling down he’s like he’s chasing
trying to grab him and i’m like dressed
it was [ __ ] crazy but yeah you
weren’t supposed to have automatics i
get why because after i
probably should have shot hannah with
one in the face i start with eight so
that probably that’s probably why after
that’s why she got braces i know she
already had him but
i’m pretty sure it was her i could be
wrong i could be wrong but i’m pretty
sure it was
have you ever like hurt a girl an
accident
besides that oh yeah i’m trying to think
tons of times i feel like i have
i’ve heard a lot of people accidentally
i broke sam’s arm accidentally
in middle school andrews sam andrews i
remember that
who is that um he went to grace curly
had a kid
oh he said a girl oh no i’m saying i
broke his arm and kicked him downstairs
oh you told that story yeah i remember
oh dude i remember something
it was at your house on dark hollow okay
and the slavits were there we were
playing smeagol
no we were playing uh upstairs in the
bonus room
we were pl now it was in elijah’s nose
in your room you you were playing fable
the whole time oh great game
god great game and we decided to have a
fight club
and so elijah’s all like jack versus
jessica
what’s funny she does like mixed martial
arts now no [ __ ] well i kicked her ass
were you wearing your sean alexander clc
probably probably
dude no i didn’t i didn’t know what to
do and i’m all nervous like my
personality
at this point probably 12. and so elijah
goes ready
i just grab her hair and go laughs just
take her to the ground
and so then that’s so [ __ ] up so then
the girl’s like he’s pulling hair
and then elijah’s like forfeit automatic
win
yeah dude i walked out a little taller
there
i’m like dad dad i just beat the [ __ ]
out of this [ __ ]
did i cross your hair
story about upstairs
i remember playing games i just remember
tackling the [ __ ] out of your butt dude
no i have the
i will remember this to my day to my day
to this day because
i remember it was like i’m so glad i
didn’t say yes i remember this this day
we were upstairs i mean me and elijah
and you we were playing nerf guns
so i love doing that and so i really had
to poop so i’m like i
really had to go but it was like my
first time at your house i didn’t want
to like i don’t know blow up the
bathroom i don’t know what i was
thinking
but i remember i still don’t know i know
and so me and the lions are behind like
this blue barricade of your little pads
so i’m like the cushions that you’d
stand up this way yeah i remember i
remember
yeah it’s i’m like
just like do you have to poop and i’m
like no
and something no who’s gotta poop i
remember he not me
his exact words was like okay good
because that’d be weird and i was like
oh god
oh thank god the cool kid doesn’t know
[Laughter]
what he said why
i just remember like oh my god it was
the
it was the nerf guns a little pullback
thing i had to [ __ ] so bad i just like
do you remember those nerf guns okay
those were some of the coolest toys i
ever had
it was the double barrel nerf guns with
the actual shells you put the actual
darts in
yeah and you and you it’s like it’s like
a ranger yeah
you [ __ ] it down you pull it down with
the springs you put the shells at the
darts in the shells and
dude that was toys were sick back then i
had so many
toys yeah do we used to have like i’m
saying even like the pot like the
the toy guns just make the popping noise
they were metal with wood like they were
actually like [ __ ]
leather they were made to last back then
yeah now we got louis v
dark guns and [ __ ] i want one of
those [ __ ] yeah
yeah the uh but no i remember louis v
dart gun i i don’t [ __ ]
some kid on i don’t even watch tick tock
but uh aaron was like scrolling through
last night and there was this dude you
know like like the [ __ ] tick tock
guys this is exactly what he said you
know he’s got like the jawline and
everything and the like the hair
popped up yeah and so he was like hey if
you
asked me for chapstick and you could
give me kiss
a guy so it cuts to this dude and he’s
got the little swiffer duster
he’s like i’ve
dude i was [ __ ] crying you know what
here’s the thing
i’m gonna say it i’m just gonna say it
do it because i agree
we need to bring back bullying yes we
need to bring back
[ __ ] these [ __ ] i’m sorry you don’t
like it stop listening i haven’t
posted a selfie of myself since i was a
sophomore in high school dude you know
why because i got flamed
can you imagine can you imagine if one
of us did something like that
oh and i would never get as many texts
in my life i would get at least plenty
[ __ ] [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] dude what
the [ __ ]
like yeah i’d be happy i’d never do it
in the first place be like huh la mao
you [ __ ] goober
yeah i would get a bunch of texts but
the thing is and really have to
understand
that’s what friends do friends roast
each other yeah and
we need to bring back bowling because
some of these kids need to be bullied
they need to thicken that skin a little
bit
yeah [ __ ] dude i just like oh my god
the [ __ ]
like the tick tock boys it’s like bruh
no self-awareness no that’s why kids
need to do drugs
earlier self-awareness i wasn’t gonna
say that but i’m kidding
remember the dare thing the one dare
with the lion is like drunk
oh yeah i dare to do drugs yeah dude i
oh
i remember miss remember those remember
those ones shows don’t do meth
not even once the guys was like not even
once i’m like
you could’ve just said i i get the point
yeah you know
dude i remember how many commercials i’m
seeing i’m starting to think i should do
it yeah it’s like oh this looks fun
um dude i remember to to this day to
this day
yeah miss swope oh so it was the drug
awareness class in seventh grade
oh i remember that and she
i could never imagine doing this she’s
like by the way coke’s the best
she’s like yeah if you put it in this
home’s butt she really gets them buzz
um the uh is that possible i mean wolf
of wall street did it
oh yeah but here’s did he put it in her
butt or did he store it out of her butt
because i want to try both well for
there’s only what i’m saying because
obviously there’s blood vessels in there
that’s
that’s why boofing is a real thing yeah
no i’ve never put anything in my ass
because i could get drunk through my
mouth yeah so
i only had to go that far but i mean you
can [ __ ] a [ __ ] too but some guys like
but
dude okay how about this do you think
this is actually very interesting i’m
glad i thought this
so in shameless there’s this part where
where um
frank is obviously a really he’s a
raging alcoholic and basically his liver
is failing
now it’s rejecting alcohol he cannot
drink anymore because he’s literally
dying
but he starts [ __ ] boofing it does
that is that a workaround
i mean in life there are cheat codes is
it though because i’m saying if you go
the butthole is the ultimate
because that’s saying if you’re
swallowing it it is going to your liver
but it’s just going in your bloodstream
so i guess dude the the butt is the
ultimate cheat code it’s like if the red
river’s flowing you take the dirt road
like it’s like if you don’t want to get
pregnant put it in the butt
yeah this is not the same if you’re two
dudes you want to [ __ ] put it in the
butt
well we’re also gonna put it in the ear
all right there’s nowhere else to put it
you only got two options
the mouth that’s the second oh
i’m not even talking about that i’m just
saying with that technically
if you were to boof it does that mean
your liver would take
it would take some pressure off the
liver if you were in that case well i
think it goes
to the stomach yeah bloodstream then the
liver flosses out the blood right
i think but i’m saying if you do that
though it doesn’t
even go we need to interview a doctor
yeah we do
can you imagine if we had like a real
doctor on here we should dude
i have a lot of questions okay have you
ever imagine okay here’s the thing i’ve
met doctors like in a public setting but
yeah
once you see you’re not gonna be like oh
doctor i have so many questions for you
yeah i’m saying
it would actually be very interesting to
have a [ __ ] actual doctor and just
have free wrong questions
yeah and i’m telling you dude what’s the
[ __ ] craziest thing you’ve ever seen
or something dude i had the coolest
doctor one time so do you remember
remember when i’d always go um like that
all the time because i was hitting the
jewel of shitload
um apparently i was just dehydrated as
[ __ ] [ __ ]
yeah [ __ ] ripper yeah [ __ ]
dude dude jackie should be cool dude
used to rip jewels anyways no i just
puffed a lot
and then i was i didn’t know i was
dehydrated but anyways i couldn’t stop
going like
and i ended up getting always done that
still do it
when i’m like smoking but i don’t know i
think you always do it
but anyways uh it got to the point where
like at work we would listen to my phone
calls and every five seasons like
and so lane’s like dude [ __ ] just go
get it checked out like take work
just go get it checked out i was like
okay fine because he’s like dude like
you got to stop doing this like all
right cool
so i go down there and it was like a
throat
ear nose and throat specialist is what
it was and so this guy
he asked me so like on the form it says
like do you do any drugs or whatever and
i put no
of course and so this guy closes the
door this guy was the [ __ ] g
i looked up to him forever he puts the
clip through and he’s like hey
so if you write it on the forum it’s in
your file but bro
bro you’re doing a little you do you’re
doing a little coke
i’m like no no he was like dude dude
this won’t go on your record just i need
to
i need to diagnose you like you’re doing
a little coke i’m like no he’s like okay
well
so then he proceeds to put a [ __ ]
thing up my nose
and it wouldn’t go up because there was
no [ __ ] lubrication and he’s like
dude you’re just dehydrated as [ __ ] go
drink some water and then that was it
and i was like dude that’s my kind of
doctor right there yeah just go yeah
yeah yeah
just straight yeah exactly he’s like
he’s like give me the old run around
yeah he’s like hey if you’re doing a
little something something just don’t
put it on the forum tell me i’m your boy
yeah that’s that’s good yeah you know
doctor patient confidentiality can you
imagine if i actually was and i said yes
and then he’s like
he calls 911 calls your boss hey by the
way your employee he’s a [ __ ]
crackhead
[Laughter]
yeah [ __ ] i mean there’s like hippo
hippo
hippopotamus laws or whatever it is
hepalase
oh yeah yeah yeah you can’t say that
[ __ ] but you know
yeah yeah of course you can’t but i mean
interesting
um i you know how there’s like guy
gynecologists yeah
we’ve talked about it we have oh yeah i
just i feel like that’s not
it’s that sounds like a physical from a
woman
yeah and i was already like ugh yeah i
just remember
being like never mind
i know exactly what you’re thinking yeah
and it’s just like come on because
here’s the thing i have
and a couple times in my life actually
and one was in high school
lady what it was just like an older lady
i’m like oh [ __ ]
it’s not mileage it’s just because then
the other time
i had a fairly attractive oh late and it
wasn’t like
oh dude something’s going to happen here
it was more like
okay i need to not get a bonus yeah
because i’m also 17. i’m like okay
dude i’m like dude [ __ ] gets you a
boner at 17. so i’m sitting there i’m
like thinking of like
puppies grandma i don’t know yeah and it
was
it was hard to hide i didn’t get a full
i got a half job at least because i was
trying so hard well because you also
don’t want to look small so you’re like
please
because the half chub is the best medium
exactly because but if you can get it
before the
pants comes it’s like yeah damn look at
this guy okay
like this guy’s packing all right but
yeah it was it was
it was definitely i was i was sweating i
mean it’s not a 44 mag but it ain’t a 22
like you know
i mean he’s gonna grow into it you uh
here’s a personal question do you do any
exercise in your head to last longer
i’ll tell you guys like what do you
think about if you’re like oh i’m about
to be there and you gotta like last
longer
grandmas puppies i think about
baseball so like i’ll be like okay i’m
i’m playing shortstop
there’s a there’s a runner on first okay
so i gotta turn two if it’s usually it’s
usually something like
like the puppies thing i’ll just think
of dogs and i’ll just completely forget
about what i’m doing
yeah and then grandma grandma’s you know
what’s weird okay pick your grandma
naked you’ll never get the boner
yeah the baseball thing works for me
because i’m like or i’ll like
you know like when there’s popcorn
stealing i start counting the dots
what if you’re not on your back
[Laughter]
have an exorcism on your top
you know what sucks is
what it’s hot in here man i know [ __ ]
[ __ ] cooking
why is it in pornos how does the guy
just
last it’s so long they’re drugged up you
think they are
jfps they do they have documentaries
about
the porn industry they are drug why do
you think they’ve never seen one
really there’s a lot of interesting
things about it obviously a documentary
about the porn
they have document okay well they’re on
um one of the drug incorporated slash
one of the drug
documentary things they talk about in
like the adult film industry and
dude that’s it’s what do they take
asking for a friend
i mean [ __ ] everything so they’re
just like they’re
they’re [ __ ] drugged up man yeah i’m
saying
not like everything else not in every
single thing but i’m saying like it’s a
big
thing there it’s a big thing and you
made it i can honestly make sense why to
be honest
because i mean [ __ ] sex so job
in the sex is your job so it’s like god
you better do you ever think there were
you’re not i don’t really watch porn but
like
do you can you imagine like having like
your out you know like you have an off
day at work
you get home honey what’s wrong i only
came twice today i know
or i couldn’t get hard after i couldn’t
get hard today or imagine or yeah
that or like what if like you just i
came really quick and there’s like a
whole camera crew and you’re just like
oh no like it’s okay i would have done
the same thing yeah
what’s even more weird is the camera
dudes yeah okay i’m not kidding you
the weirdest part isn’t the [ __ ] it’s
the dudes recording and getting like the
close-ups of the gooches and [ __ ]
i’m like dude who’s this guy he’s just
got a [ __ ] tp in his pants recording
these
[ __ ] creeps
[ __ ] creeps that’s the part that’s
weird to me
how does somebody i mean obviously sex
on cameras itself is kind of it’s a
little bizarre but i’m saying
it’s legal it’s like prostitution’s
illegal unless you’re recording it
i don’t know how that all goes down but
either way i’m saying it’s the camera be
it’s the camera crew in there it’s like
so you know how like you and your
co-workers will sometimes go like
i have drinks can we share that one yeah
um
do you think like when they’re done
they’re just like hey like you want to
go grab sushi or like
i don’t think that i would ever look at
each other again
i feel like there’s a mindset of like
this work
oh it is 100 because after a while like
anything else you can get used to it and
it’s like okay it’s worth it they’re
just like oh
like you imagine the intern comes in
with the top with this coffee she’s like
holy [ __ ]
just [ __ ] bricked up yeah [ __ ]
the camera crew like you got lighting
you got audio yeah like
yeah he’s holding the game yeah you’ve
got guys that we’re following
you guys scream moan and then there’s
the fluffer
oh yeah fluffer oh yeah
oh yeah oh yeah like oh yeah maybe
[ __ ] tony the tiger dude can you
imagine like on your linkedin
fluffer fluffer for pornhub
fluffer for [ __ ] backstreet boys
i don’t know if you wanna know something
i’ve never
like every guys watch porn i’m not in my
old age i’m not too into it anymore
but the uh like you know when it’s like
the gang bang [ __ ] yeah how do you i
don’t know
how do you okay better question who
signs up who watches that
i don’t know it’s just too many dicks
one’s good
max it’s like like the camera’s here but
round you just see like
yeah it’s just it just it just looks
like 12 roman soldiers with their spears
out
you know that scene in the 300 spot dude
that’s what it looks like when it was
like [ __ ]
muslim execution
i’m saying in the thumbnail and the
thumbnail i’m like oh my god that poor
woman
she’s about to get [ __ ] harpooned oh
no
dude i just how do you do that how do
you do that and then go home with a
straight face
and not look at yourself i [ __ ]
went to a soup kitchen like come on
what decisions do you have to make in
life to get into that room
and how do you know how do you not look
out the window when it’s not when you’re
waiting your turn
just like what am i doing like how do
you not like
i don’t know like go like go home after
a long day and you come like and look at
yourself and
be like what the [ __ ] and why is
there’s only a couple logical
explanations one they actually [ __ ]
enjoy it which i don’t know how either
but whatever
yeah i’m a little camera shy i’m a
little
i can’t even pee if someone’s next to me
i know i do multiplication in my head
because i think it helps
but the uh the other thing is is it’s
like why is every black dude just
jacked and every white guy has a beer
belly and a ponytail
that is not the case i mean i know
i don’t think so i haven’t done my deep
research on gangbang wait what’s that
what’s that one thing well honestly i
don’t know enough about the field
i forgot we were talking about that was
the funny thing you said drake to be
honest
i don’t know enough about the field no
there was oh
we haven’t told the story uh we were at
dinner with some friends
and uh we were in bellevue
and so this was that on bellevue
it’s bougie i don’t know i don’t know
and so
this girl [ __ ] zoolander
ben stiller in a suspense thriller um
melanie no melanin animal give him the
enema no melanin
you’re using way too many napkins and
patrick in the back of the four door
harrison ford
uh and so this girl so like we’ve had
a few drinks and this girl goes she’s
like yeah so like
my brother is like a marine i’m like
i like to say i’m like i was dying she
was having like a series
because the thing was it was a serious
thing and then all the girls looked at
this but i didn’t care i was [ __ ]
dying the other one that happened the
other day was uh
someone it was at ayden’s birthday and
this girl was like yeah it’s actually
really simple and like a simple spell
but quite unbreakable
from avengers
and we didn’t even like know her oh he’s
like it’s a simple smell but quite
unbreakable i was [ __ ]
girl playing flip cup and this girl is
like talking [ __ ] to big country
oh i remember who the [ __ ] are you
because he was the last one and she was
like i think she’s talking [ __ ]
he was the other one of the other
persons on that team was struggling to
flip it
and then he good coach jordan’s like
chicken she’s like talking [ __ ] to me
he’s like
who even are you and then nails the cup
great because he nailed it right out i
know and he nailed it dude the ball’s on
him man
the ball’s in his court he’s just gotta
grab it dude it’s hot man
yeah we’re at 36 we’re cutting it um
okay i’m i’m [ __ ] cooking in here it
was really hot today
and i guess washington a lot of a lot of
houses don’t have ac it’s how it works
because it’s cold most of the time so um
anywho um
any horror so anywho uh
yeah if you guys haven’t uh heard or
checked out yet the summer collection is
officially out
[ __ ] wait i’ll show it off so yeah jack
is actually wearing yeah he’s wearing a
little bit of the
one of the t-shirts with the surfboard
on the front look like a worship leader
here
okay we’ll put it down so you can see
the surfboard huh can you hold it for me
hi my name is jack spence uh so here we
have uh the atlt surfboard on the front
okay and then the [ __ ] pink on the back
more of a purple but yeah that’s just a
t-shirt there’s there’s a lot more [ __ ]
on there but yeah the summer collection
is officially out
um there’s also stickers and shits yeah
i i do want to make something very clear
the site’s pretty easy to navigate but
there are some shirts
with just a front and it’ll say front
like the summer 2021
and there’s some with just the surfboard
and there’s some with the front and
back yeah so like what he’s wearing yeah
so we kind of gave you different options
because the back print costs a lot more
it’s like
eight dollars more so if you guys don’t
want the back so there’s like a lot of
different options check it out
um yeah so it’s a summer 201 collection
2021 collection has dropped and it’s uh
it’s pretty [ __ ]
sexy and we’re going to fourth of july
and all the girls in our group are
getting the atlt bikinis
me too i am also getting i’m getting an
atlt banana hammock
yeah and we’re going to come out with
beer bongs we think we’re yeah
he’s been in the lab and we’ve been you
know drawing some initial sketches
but you know yeah but anyways um but
yeah it’s good to be back so thank you
guys all for listening
um jack where can they find you they can
find me at jack underscore spence and z
where can they find you
i say underscore lesney or both of our
instagrams at the around the lunch table
instagram page
but anyways slap dicks that was it for
this week hope you enjoyed it we’ll see
you next week and see ya
let’s get rowdy up in here
