#22 Jack’s Trip to San Quentin

Episode 22

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J&Z talk about how long we would last in jail, Jack’s trip to San Quentin Prison, and our first girl experiences. Follow us on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/aroundthelunchtable/?hl=en  
welcome back slapdicks this is around
the lunch table episode
22. is it 22
yes no i didn’t i got hey i don’t know
about you
but i’m feeling twenty-two
um first and foremost
we wanted to thank our sponsor aputure
bringing films and ads to life shout out
to our boy jordan
all that good stuff um we’ve already
said it a couple times the show if you
don’t know by now then
you’re [ __ ] behind you’re so i’m not
really going to explain it all again but
that’s our sponsor
yeah and that’s our first sponsor first
sponsor second sponsor so uh
we did a little thing so well not
actually our sponsor we probably get a
legal trouble for saying that
yeah not on sponsors but they did they
made it very clear
i’ll explain i’ll explain but yeah so uh
for those who have watched we have been
slowly showing our nicotine addiction
our zinn
uh pyramid there if you’ll notice we got
two little nice pieces of paper up top
those are two coupons for a dollar yeah
the cans a dollar i like how they won’t
even get them for free
they’re like no you can’t because that
means i’m going there
so uh we we reached out to zinn um
i was just surprised that they answered
back they answered back in
really good time yeah actually yeah it
was very very fast i mean to think about
they’re not expanding they have all this
[ __ ] to do they’re like oh my god
yeah that’s crazy um so we reached out
to zin what are they based out of
i actually believe kentucky they started
in europe because apparently because
they’re instagram it’s only in europe
that’s all it says
zin in europe is actually wet did you
know that it’s not dry
they cannot legally sell the wet stuff
go on reddit and then in europe you can
actually try to buy it and it’s like wet
or whatever
yeah very strange like like uh i kind of
like the grit like the
two pouches are yeah like that yeah
moist that’s
that’s a good i like how all these
people hate the word moist like ew it’s
like shut up
um yeah i’m not gonna read the whole
letter basically they uh respectfully
but they actually seem somewhat
interested they just said that because
oh and they mailed you back i mean and
sent us uh cans for a dollar so
yeah uh i was hoping for like a t-shirt
or like a hat or something but you know
i’ll take this
um they uh they basically said that
you know our podcast isn’t strictly 21
and over they can’t market to like a
younger crowd
i don’t even know how we’d make our
podcast whenever basically it was just a
big fat no but they sent us stuff so
pretty cool
um but yeah so i mean in this crazy
with everything going on you know shout
outs in though we’ll follow you yeah
we’ll follow you to the ends of the
yeah we’ll uh we’ll sit in our prison
here of homes during quarantine and i’ll
chew a can of day
be great speaking of prisons
i saw this on twitter the other day so
let’s say you commit
a bad crime no of course you never would
of course who knows
yeah i’ve seen a little evilness in your
eyes sometimes you know i’ve noticed
i’ve noticed these things
um the uh
one if i’ve got if i went to prison i’d
just be [ __ ]
i think everyone who’s a person gets
[ __ ] yeah literally and
you get beat up and [ __ ] that’s pretty
much it yeah um
how long do you think you’d last in
prison like okay
but i’ll last without dying would i last
without like getting getting [ __ ]
probably a day have you seen this ass
i’m walking around with
you have cake i would walk in and
before i even put my blanket on the
[ __ ] bunk bed i’d get bent over
prison is not a place for me no it’s not
it’s not if you’re
any if you’re in any way a decent
looking dude you’re the first to you’re
the first one but i’m saying you also
are going to get your ass beat too
that’s just how yes but it’s very
strange i would not last long i’d
mentally lose my [ __ ] within like
two weeks yeah i feel like it is strange
that like
you know they’re not gay but
you know no yeah i know it’s just that’s
just because i’m perfectly fine just
jacking off you know like
they’re not obviously in the corner just
like you know closing lines there’s no
it’s weird because i’m saying but i’m
like i would never think of that but
these dudes have been in there for 15
years that’s i don’t
maybe they’re mine’s just [ __ ] ass
come here boy yeah i guess that’s how it
yeah i wouldn’t be down for that um i
remember so
summing up real quick i tried to
convince them all i had aids or
something so they wouldn’t touch me i
don’t know
they probably love aids too they’re like
i got it too oh [ __ ] yeah they’re like
you’re about to get a different strain
there’s no difference there so yeah yeah
that was my exit strategy
yeah i went to uh somewhere real quick i
went to uh
i played baseball against the inmates at
san quentin prison and
i’m not going to go into that whole
story it was pretty cool cool experience
but uh so there was this girl that was
with us okay
and i could tell that it was one of
those i told us the story
you were at a jail and there’s a you
think there’s a girl in mate amongst all
the dude inmates no
that that’s another story no there was a
girl with us our team
a real woman oh yes from where
well so her husband was on the team and
i don’t think she lets him out of the
house alone
so she was like i’m not edgy i’m that’s
the next level okay i want to make sure
hey honey i’m going to a prison with all
the men
nowhere to play baseball but you’re
still going to come make sure and watch
me make sure i’m being good
yeah um which was kind of crazy because
like she went in the prison with us
that’s not supposed to be loud i’m
pretty sure i mean she did it she got an
visitor she got a [ __ ] award for it
was like i was like i’m out here
striking out my ass off
[ __ ] actually you know doing [ __ ] and
she got like uh she got one of the game
balls for being the first girl to play
it’s like and then of course every guy
was just like
wouldn’t you know stop looking at her
because it’s the first ass they’ve seen
in [ __ ]
female shaved ass they’ve seen like a
[ __ ]
well she wasn’t naked oh that was true
can you imagine it’s like braiding a
[ __ ] prime rib in front of a bunch of
lines at the zoo we’re gonna do that
i know can you imagine she just like
takes off her shirt starts streaking
they just
there would be a riot yeah it’d be bad
um but
going into that so me and my cousin are
sitting there
outside the prison like waiting for
everybody and the guy who lets us in
like this guard you could tell
he’d been there a while yeah you know he
knows how things work
yeah so mind you there’s this girl with
us okay when i’m telling this story so
this girl and her weird kind of husband
and so he’s like yeah you know these
inmates are cool you know some of them
are hella ball players but see in the
prison system
if you control the drugs you control the
sex and they’re all having sex
he’s just going into it and i’m like
there’s this girl there we’re just like
oh my god oh my god
because like we actually like kind of
got to know some of these dudes and
stand up guys yeah and then uh
where z was going with the one so i was
in center field oh yeah
and so you know you’re in the middle of
the game you’re not really thinking
you’re just like it’s like it’s like oh
i guess this is a coed
jail i mean i don’t know i was just like
oh there’s girls here that’s what i’m
talking about that’s how what is your my
it’s a prison of dude they’re
completely separate they wouldn’t put
them in the same spot i’m saying it was
one of those little thoughts that i
didn’t think about it more than a song i
was like oh there’s girls that are
saying i see a girl
that’s the first thing i’m thinking of
it’s a [ __ ] dude well it was from a
so then were uh the third day we did
like a kickball thing like there’s two
team captains and then they pick people
so like the the players from each team
were intermixed
yeah so i’m sitting down next to this
prisoners like an xmlb guy this
dude by the way we got our asses kicked
this dude threw like this is all these
guys do
and so said woman comes up
alleged woman and she’s like the whole
not even bad at doing like a fake voice
like the the hey baby
kind of thing and i’m like oh and he’s
like hey no no not now and then it’s
like dude she had like this fake like
bob haircut
and oh god it was bad but i feel like
that would be one of us
when we got into prison we just have to
fake but honestly at a certain point
it’s like you
gotta fake to get protected you know
what i’m saying what’s weird is that we
just let that happen
it’s just like prison is just known for
people get raped
and people get killed that’s what person
well they’re not exactly good people
that go there let’s just be honest well
they all claim they’re innocent
so no [ __ ] do you ever see that
after oh this was a few years after o.j
simpson um
was cleared which his lawyer what a
[ __ ] guy got him out of that
somehow but anyways and he was on it
there’s a video i have it saved i’ll
show you after but i’m saying it’s if
oj simpson’s with this newscaster lady
in the newscaster sitting in an
interview and like they’re showing the
video of her and oj walk walking she’s
asking him questions
they’re walking around town and stuff
and the ladies sitting in the studio
she’s like
and og at the end of the end of the
interview said he had a surprise for me
and i
was surprised i guess this was his way
of a joke here it is
and he knocks on her he not i swear this
is an actual video
i was [ __ ] crying oj she opens the
door he has a blast knife he goes
and he just smiles the camera goes looks
at the camera and i was
[ __ ] crying oh i got it now i know i
have to show you
i’m saying it’s so [ __ ] funny man
like that did not happen yes
it did yes it did i literally i’m not
getting i was watching it today
because i had heard about this but i
never really even until i saw the video
happen on instagram
like it’s been up it’s been a thing for
a while just to completely oj has been a
thing for a while
oh yeah no [ __ ] um well
while you’re finding that so the thing
is with oj it’s funny that like everyone
can know someone did something
but if they have enough money then just
get out of it like god must be nice to
be rich
i mean that’s true look at [ __ ]
jeffrey epstein yeah oh
there’s a that’s that’s a that’s a story
for another time yeah
which could be coming soon theater yes
very much so
i can actually plug that right now uh we
are hasn’t happened yet but we are in
the works in the making of uh
having our first non-comedy episode a
conspiracy podcast
with two conspiracy experts who shall
remain nameless like the pup
and step brothers okay you gotta watch
hold on i gotta disconnect bluetooth
after we finished filming oj said to me
that uh he had a surprise for me and i
genuinely was surprised
i think it was this idea of a joke and
this is it
he actually did that and then the camera
looks he’s like
dude he’s just flexing the fact that he
just beat the [ __ ] system
that he stabbed her that takes a lot
dude that dude i mean there is okay
obviously killing someone
in any way is horrible but there’s a
difference between like uh obviously we
don’t know for sure but that’s the thing
the court could prove certainty that he
yes wasn’t like a glove or something
like no that was the infamous thing he
was trying on
first of all i know it’s back i know
what’s back in like what was it the 80s
was maybe
the 90s
and this this is how we’re gonna we’re
gonna just try on this glove
if it fits he’s guilty if it fits it
first of all if it fits he should small
gloves can fit anybody of all sizes like
one size fits mostly it could be too big
and it still can fit on your hand
before the [ __ ] thing he’s just like
doing those hand things trying to get
his hands as big as possible
that’s so dude it’s so funny because
like you know in the wild west
you just got like a wanted sign that’s
crazy too
that was like the dream of [ __ ] bad
dudes is back that you go you can go in
a bar get mad at you shoot him in the
head and then walk
and be fine yeah and oj’s trying on
gloves can you imagine being that person
that’s like hey so we need like six
different gloves
you need to try them all on and then
it’s like prepare the witnesses
it’s a box of gloves and i’d like to put
the glove on the stand
i don’t understand that but i mean
that’s just funny as [ __ ] though like he
literally made a joke out of it dude
that’s funny remember oj’s [ __ ] truck
was on pawn star yeah bronco the bronco
and he wanted like what like a half a
million his ex
manager wanted like a hundred something
thousand yeah that’s crazy
i mean but the it makes sense but who
wants that who’s like dude i want that
bronco that the same people who like
want to buy babe ruth bat or something
you know
for an insane amount of money oj’s not
exactly a icon anymore
you could be an icon in a bad way i
guess al capone’s pistol
oh yeah i mean al capone’s alcohol
exactly but he wasn’t a positive icon
but he was still an icon
icons and icons what era was that like
the 40s and 50s yeah yeah yeah yeah
do you think we would have been like
mobsters yeah i would have i would have
was that still around the racist thing
yeah they like different bathrooms and
[ __ ] yes that was the thing well what’s
wrong with the riots movements like the
that’s nuts like that’s not that long
ago yeah
like like dude that’s like
50 something 60 years dude dude in the
60s when my dad was born
yeah that explains why a lot of old
people are racist yeah
that is true they say a lot of
interesting things you know what’s funny
okay she’s not but a little bit
like my aunt my great my great aunt
oh yeah really old said some questions
like she said some questionable things
like one
i think one time i walked into her house
and i mean okay mind you she’s really
old but i’m saying
and it was the times it was it was yeah
she walked in it’s like she’s talking
about like
um all these like
latin american and uh black commentators
on news and stuff i’m like do you not
see me
i’m like hello i’m like my dad
is married to like
hello can’t see the forest through the
trees um hello
hello did you hear that did you see so
like you know we have all these illegal
immigrants coming in
the cartel is now sitting on the mexican
side of the border
and is charging people to get through to
try to sneak into america opportunist
god and when opportunity knocks you
better open that door wide open they do
yeah that’s actually okay it’s [ __ ] up
kind of smart because they realize
people are going to get in regardless
let’s [ __ ] make it away they
guaranteed can but they have to pay
did you ever see that thing where like
they were in a [ __ ] submarine
and the marines come on top yeah yeah
and they had dude that’s so
like they made their own [ __ ]
i believe they bought him from like
russia like old world war
ii russian subs already and they
modified it to carry coke and [ __ ] it’s
like and where would he get that’s like
they’re having an auction down there
they’re selling some subs like
like it’s smart but i’m saying imagine
being the poor saps i have to drive that
thing across you could call it’s like
i don’t know we’re gonna go but dude
that that is like getting into like
it would be like like for us like a
garbage or something you’ve never driven
before and then just like i guess
it used to work because of the fact back
everyone knows back in like the 80s
you know the 80s 90s like most [ __ ]
didn’t even get caught because of the
technology and [ __ ] we didn’t have we
weren’t patrolling all that [ __ ] yeah
nowadays that like
like oh there’s a submarine out here
well there was a recent video it was
like recently no i know i’m saying
that’s why they all get caught now but
back then it was probably fine but now
it’s like
can you ima because like obviously these
guys don’t have like [ __ ]
submarine training like can you imagine
being that guy you’re working right
through the car tell us like hey
i’m so coked out of my [ __ ] mind i’m
gonna hop in this
oh it’s the only way they’re hopping in
that thing in this day and age
like you are you are lucky as [ __ ] if
you don’t just get shot down right there
that’s a mistake because like if it’s
some in in foreign waters they see
something they’re going to [ __ ] shoot
it if they don’t
you know like you’re going to be a bag
you’re getting man
bags in their nose they’re so they’re
just you imagine they do the driver’s
can you imagine the little red thing
they still got missiles in it they
actually fire one off and they don’t
know next thing they’re going next to
you know these guys these [ __ ]
cartels are gonna be
sailing over in the [ __ ] black pearl
stop it
jose the colors
they have they have the the american
flag going
and then when when the marines get too
close they change a little pirate plug
now that’s an era would kind of been
like obviously it’s [ __ ] terrifying
because they’re on a wooden [ __ ] ship
in the ocean but
how did they make it not rock they
didn’t i’ve always wondered that like
they didn’t have like
primer and sealants and i mean maybe not
like we have now but i’m saying they
used things for that you know what i
barnacles or something and they like
and they like burn parts of it like the
surfaces like solidify it so wow
that’s so funny so like the united
states is where you are in the united
the uh the the [ __ ] people leave
england or whatever and it’s like we’re
gonna get you just give us
18 weeks [ __ ] hop on these big ass
boats and wigs hey we’re gonna go see
our old aunt
um we don’t know if she’s alive uh we’ll
take three months to get there but
interesting fact i’ve told you this
before louis v actually was known
and especially in the victorian not
victorian but the [ __ ] my time i think
and like like pretty old in times like
50s whatever
for luggage that was their thing like
they sold suitcases like
in briefcases like wardrobes that you
could take or whatever but on pawn stars
actually had like this big
it was kind of like a portable wardrobe
it was really big and it sold for like
five thousand dollars or something
because it’s like really expensive yeah
it has like the same insignia and [ __ ]
it was kind of crazy damn that’s not
like on the titanic they’d take like
louis vuitton lexington i like how
i like how so we’re like dude we need to
build like the biggest boat ever and
then we build the biggest boat and we
see a [ __ ] yeah we built the biggest
boat and we hit
the biggest iceberg it has no glass
though so we can’t see
it’s like dude i saw this thing it was a
[ __ ] 7-eleven
and it had tv screens on it so you could
see what was inside and someone come in
it’s like wow we’ve gotten to the point
where we can
not have glass and we can see through
things yeah
it’s like it’s a 7-eleven and it had
like animated like you know coke
pepsi and [ __ ] and it’s just like with
glasses what are some funny speaking of
stuff 11 i went into 7-eleven
two days ago and um
not saying it makes it happen makes it
happen saying this
trans guy was just tweaking dick
obviously and he walks in and he i was
literally just trying to buy a gatorade
i’m buying a gatorade i’m in line he’s
do you guys have any glass glass bottles
of coca-cola
i’m like was the australian i don’t i
don’t know what the [ __ ] it was
it’s a glass bottles glass bottles
like we have coca-cola yeah he’s in
glass bottles
like well everything looks better in the
glass bottle i mean yeah but what the
[ __ ] this is that we don’t see
and he wouldn’t leave because they
didn’t have glass bottles of coca-cola
i’m like
if you want coke it’s right there yeah
it’s like it’s not like you can’t go
into a 7-eleven expecting like a [ __ ]
you know a nice ass i mean they are nice
now i saw mcdonald’s with a [ __ ]
fountain in it
dude mcdonald’s is like dripping like
they got [ __ ]
they got glass [ __ ] like walls you
know the mcdonald’s i remember
you walk in yeah it just looks like a
there’s a turd in there no you go to the
play place and kids are sliding
cheeseburgers down the slide that’s what
i remember yeah i just remember turds
everywhere there’s some swastikas drawn
you know i mean though those were the
times those were the times yeah they
yeah i did you ever like go into a place
like like you’re at that age where it’s
like you’re not sure if you should but
you really wanted to
what are you talking about i know you’re
like eight or something you’re like god
i want to go to the play place but
everyone here is like six and it’s like
like i’m a little old for that now but
i’m not too old so i was like
but the thing was i i just remember
going in i there was only a handful of
times my entire life i’m like yeah i
really want to go
and i was traumatized because this
little girl
was slapped too no she
had my first kiss in the pool took a
[ __ ] ton of food up there and she was
sliding cheeseburgers down the slide
i wasn’t kidding when i said that and i
was like seven six
six why would that traumatize you
cheeseburgers going down this line it
smelt i was scared and i was at the
bottom and there’s a bunch of kids
stacked up getting one gal away
and i look up in this evil demonic [ __ ]
it’s just and she’s sliding
i’m stuck on the top and she’s just
sliding all these i’m like where are you
getting all these patties
is the kitchen running you up patties
what’s going on and she’s sliding all
these patties and i’ve
i’m not kidding you after that day i
never once entered a play place
yeah i i never did i think once you hit
puberty you kind of go
when when did you hit puberty like when
did you know like
it was like yeah this is happening like
i don’t think you really even when
you’re in it you don’t really
yeah this is puberty looking back though
but when things like something’s going
on here
yeah i would say like i’d say like 13.
yeah i remember 13 like about to turn
14. kind of like
like right before my freshman year high
school maybe it really became relevant
but like 13 what i was like okay
something’s happening here i’m not sure
what it is but i’m gonna get to the
bottom i remember when like girls were
just girls and it was like
oh like i feel funny like yeah but you
weren’t gonna do anything about it no
but you’re like i didn’t know what to do
you’re like there’s a weird energy
that i’m feeling it you used to used to
be like you girls
it’s like i want it’s like i want you
close but i don’t know what i would i
know i want to
hug you yeah for a very long time i want
you close to me but i don’t know what i
would do
but yeah i yeah i remember um
yeah i’m actually not going to say that
wait come on well no it was uh oh story
story time so like what was the like the
first time you ever [ __ ] like jacked
off like
did you know
you just went right into it yeah did did
you know what you were doing
no i didn’t either i had no idea i had
no it no one ever told me
no because think of it from a parent’s
point of view how do you sit down and
tell your 12 year old hey one point in
the next year
you’re going to start you know what i
mean yeah you don’t really know whatever
tells you but you kind of wait for it to
come up it’s so weird that everyone
figures it out yeah it is we all figured
it out we all figured it out it was like
this feels okay and then i was like oh
my god i’m going to pee
that’s what probably you thought it was
like what is happening yeah i remember
first time i was like
oh this feels good i would stop cause
i’m like something’s gonna happen i’m
not sure what it is
but like i’m not you know i’m not
sticking around to watch yeah and then
as time went on i got bolder you know
and then finally
you were just you were edging for a
whole year
i was walking i was towing the line and
then finally i’m like you know what
today’s the day i’m going in i went i’m
and i swear i’m like i need to call
9-1-1 oh no
something’s up something’s going on you
don’t know yeah i don’t know i just
think it is hilarious because
you know when dudes are talking you know
sometimes how do we get on this [ __ ]
i don’t know what’s the first time you
jacked off
jesus but um it’s funny because like
every dude does figure it out
yeah it’s like it’s it’s not it’s
something not well girls figured out too
they can’t be taught
there’s always been a bad stigma about
girls doing it but i’m glad it’s not bad
yeah well no because like i don’t know
for some reason like guys
like it’s more it’s more of a thing with
dudes because they i feel like they do
more anyways but
or at least when they’re younger at
least or we talk about it more i feel
like girls probably do it a lot
we don’t know they do but i’m saying at
a younger
point i feel like that definitely the
dudes do that first yeah 100
remember in like seventh and eighth
grade or whatever it was like that’s all
you talked about and it was just like oh
yeah we would have
every lunch time yeah yeah so weird at
lunch every time brandon had some story
brandon had a wet dream story about it
boris and we all ate it up
we’re like no yeah we’d sit down with
our paper bags or
friday’s pizza day oh we got pizza i got
my milk card it’s filled up i’m like oh
i’m getting three milks today
i get three chocolates and they’re like
brandon what do you got man what do you
everyone would go around telling these
books i know it’s so weird
because it’s like but what’s funny is
like every guy goes through that it’s
yeah that’s crazy but that those are
some fun lunches though yeah i do miss
that around the lunch table
yeah that’s what that’s where it
actually all started for those who don’t
know yeah with seventh grade
yeah the uh i just remember like like on
like when we would play football
and like i sucked so i didn’t play and i
was always just like on the sideline
that’s all we talked about like yeah
that’s what it is you know yeah
it’s all on your mind you know yeah i
remember just kind of like the first
yeah i’m saying like
you were never gonna do anything about
it but i think for me
okay in my head like i’m saying i think
this could be attributed to a lot of
people even though some may disagree i
still think this is a fact
in your mind that first time you like
kiss a girl
like in your mind sticks out more than
the first time you had sex i’m saying
at the time what you felt you know what
i mean how how like you’re walking on
[ __ ] clouds like
the sex thing like you knew it was
coming like oh my god i’m finally gonna
finally get out of finding
the kissy thing you had no idea what it
was gonna you know what yeah you had
no experience or no dude i remember the
sentence of reference because i’m saying
when you first time i have sex yeah
you’ve kissed you you’ve maybe done
other things
you don’t just walk yeah yeah you gotta
walk before you can run yeah obviously
if you if you had that good for you and
i i took my hat
i’m saying most people have a kiss first
and then like way but i’m saying the
kiss though
i was on cloud nine i walked a little
taller that day yeah
i did i really dude i remember the first
time i held hands yeah that too
dude i swear it was like an out-of-body
experience i’m like looking down at
myself i’m just like
i couldn’t because you are in the middle
i couldn’t sleep that night i’m like
it’s just like [ __ ] racing but then
like when the guy because in my mind i
had made it i had succeeded in life oh
yeah it was like i could die today
yeah yeah i remember it was during
chapel and so like you know everyone saw
you know and everyone’s like oh my god
and so then like all the guys are asking
me about it later
and then like to you know i try to like
play girls like yeah i was like i’ve
actually held hands
so my first time back like eight minutes
one time yeah
but it’s not crazy like back then like
that was like the most important thing
here like that was the biggest thing
that was huge like i remember you
getting in trouble a lot for that
in chapel because you when someone who’d
be renamed nameless
um you and her always did and you guys
were like dicks about it and we just do
it in front and then mr finnell was you
oh or miss beale miss biller caught us a
few times yeah and then he’d be like
we would always walk through the gym
because the gym had the lights off so
we’d hold hands for our 45 seconds
i remember like couples would would like
you know because there’s that big
[ __ ] yeah the curtain they have a
curtain so people the couples walked in
and they’d hold hands for
20 seconds and then at the end then they
let go and then they never would be back
yeah i did get caught quite a few times
but i don’t think we cared after certain
amount of time
yeah it’s funny because like miss bieler
was just jealous
yeah because she was single 50 yeah
nothing but a lot of cats and ghosts
yeah god she was a mean teacher she got
she loved girls she hated guys
the thing was with her i mean
if i’m looking at everything i every
class i took
i would say i actually remember
quite a few things from her class like
the reason i know the difference between
similes and metaphors
was because of her class yeah she was
the one that made us
memorize romeo and juliet and i still
remember that to this day that’s what
i’m saying
yeah so it just got me out of a lot of
sticky situations okay no it hasn’t no
of course not
but i’m just none of that [ __ ] dude yeah
literature i don’t know
literature finds its ways yeah the uh
that is funny like the i remember the
first time it’s so
funny being so innocent not knowing what
you’re doing because the first time
i when i had my first kiss i uh
i was wearing boxers and basketball
shorts that was your first mistake
yeah well i didn’t no was this the same
oh this isn’t the same story but
[ __ ] what story was it
what story is it i [ __ ] it was the
funniest thing you
you kissed a girl and you said something
you were in the pool
wait what was the line you got to tell
that story you got to let’s see he got
down i thought i told this on the phone
you might have but i’m saying you have
it okay i’m going to tell it again it’s
too good
okay so no i did tell the story yeah
yes just a line given the summary in the
line because i forgot what
i forgot what the line was i panicked
okay i know
so this uh this guy is a dude
no this dude my friend was hanging out
with this girl and she had a friend
a friend was pretty hot and i show up
chains on ymc and b hat just freshly
and uh minute made orange juice baby
no pulp coming from this guy damn
and so i show up and it’s like we’re in
the pool thinking you’re just the [ __ ]
well dude she was eating it up and it
was just going great
yeah and so i mean there was like no
offer give us a line stop stalling
okay yeah so we’re in the pool and then
they come in the pool so we get the hot
and then they’re going to then we go
back to the pool and finally they stay
in the hot tub so we’re alone
like all right cool so we’re getting
that point of the pool where you’re kind
of like
like with your toes yeah trying to like
stay up and so i put like my arms around
and we like kiss for a little bit in the
deep end
yeah and i’m gonna try to like stay
like like kiss kiss
and so like you know a little make out
thing whatever and then so we stop
and like you know like what did you say
i forgot
so i was like you know like the body’s
like 90 water
i don’t think she heard it because she
was like what i was like no i was like
dude that is so [ __ ] and i’m pretty
sure i got the fact wrong too it’s like
i don’t it is but it is a majority but
the fact that you said that because like
[ __ ] hilarious
like you you you back away and then
you’re like okay what i talk about now
you’re just gonna i got
to throw something out i was like water
boobs uh water is this yeah
but um yeah i could picture too like
you’re looking like
did you know that our bodies are better
so [ __ ] stupid dude i was like 16 but
she did
she did call me back so i didn’t i
didn’t destroy it
nice she probably didn’t hear the line
then no because she was like what i was
like nothing
like you yourself yeah i knew that was
critical oh it was bad i was like why
did i let that come out of my mouth
dude that’s so [ __ ] yeah but yeah i
know the uh the thing with the
basketball shorts it was
like i sat down and like it was one of
those things you’re on like kick
and you guys talked about kissing
recipes cake yeah and so like we knew it
was gonna happen but we didn’t know who
was because i
rode my bike to her house and uh real
og’s did that i’ve done that
i did that a few times yeah and so and
then i’m like sitting there
and i mean i’m at full ascend because
like my heart’s just going
like you just did a [ __ ] line of coke
or something yeah but not realizing like
you know i got a [ __ ] tent yeah yeah
so it’s probably really weird for her
but i remember kissing her and it’s
being like bye
and then i just left he was like wow
that was awesome then i just i wrote
back home i’m just like
he’s got the basket up front you’re
driving in the lanes that’s how company
you were done
i took the helmet off and hung it on the
handlebar yeah i was like i’m dangerous
in the back on your pegs dude did you
ever do that
what when people would like it was the
cool thing like have people around like
your bike pegs
not all bikes had them but i’m saying
like i don’t know it was like the middle
school version of like
a biker and the girl’s like holding his
because the girl has to like hold him
yeah yeah yeah but that just looks way
yeah but and then you have to pedal
twice as hard you’re tired in like six
pedals and you’re like yeah i’m here
i have to keep going though cause i
can’t just [ __ ] stop yeah that’s
what was your first kiss thing i feel
like we’ve talked about this
we have talked about it but i don’t care
i already did mine mime wasn’t
oh yeah you said she [ __ ] like bit
your [ __ ] lip off no that was not
yeah don’t listen that was not my first
kiss but i did have a girl that
it actually episode like three or two i
think we talked about this or something
like that yeah
yeah there’s one [ __ ] bit my damn lip
off and it’s not the scars on the
outside it’s the scars who’s the inside
that never heal
and like i didn’t again because i was
like because it was twice in a row it
was twice in a row
yeah draw blood yeah at that time you’re
not into the pain
i’m not into the pain thing now i’m not
even yeah i’m i will be
never no it’s like yeah i want you to
put on stilettos and [ __ ] step on my
balls yeah i want you to [ __ ]
slap me with a spatula yeah like why how
do you find out you’re into that
i think i feel like that happens by like
mistake or so like it’s like
the other person is really kinky and
maybe you’re just not there
and they just pull something out of the
repertoire and you’re like oh i guess
into this too yeah or like either way or
like i’m a simple guy i’m not
yeah you know you know the birds and the
bees he made the birds
and mazes and all these trees yeah the
i think it’s like the golden shower
okay never yeah yeah yeah never no
it’s like we gotta have a [ __ ] tarp
on the damn bed
like we gotta [ __ ] slip and slide
slip and slide jack and more’s calling
me should we put them on here yeah put
them on there
all right this is our friend jacob more
calling us 100 i’m going to bet hey do
you want to play that he’s nasty what
are you doing
oh nice nice nice gonna play some
ballard all right here we go
uh hold hello yo what are you doing um
just chilling with jack
oh so jack doesn’t want to answer me and
that’s interesting to me well my phone
is currently unavailable but it’s okay
we are actually doing a podcast right
now and you’re live on air you’re live
on air so say hi
hello i was you know what
let me let me say something okay you
first you first do first let me say
something to the viewers push me on
speaker you’re on speaker it’s jacob’s
world we’re just living in it
observation okay that uh isaiah
is obviously a better friend than jack
thank you thank you
oh well guess what it was like one ring
and you were there
and guess what hey i was there and not
only that i was there watching the
hunger games with you this week on the
you dude okay hold on sorry i don’t want
to interrupt but listen i watched it the
other night
like two nights ago or whatever the last
one so good dude i was on the edge of my
seat dude
when she sniped the [ __ ] coin oh yeah
oh my god oh yeah dude i forgot about
that it was so
sick by the way i just want to say for
all the viewers out there
my phone is the one that’s recording the
why don’t you call me back later and you
put together a proposal to apologize to
and i’ll read it over and we’ll see what
happens yeah because i think
me and me and jacoby had a great weekend
but we did it
we definitely bonded i think maybe you
know jeff is a little left out and
that’s why he’s acting
up but that’s okay that’s okay that
could be it i understand my place
no no no spotlight a lot of attitude
exactly he needs a spotlight that’s why
he’s gonna
record all right
all right i’ll text you after we’re done
all right
oh good did he want to play ballerina he
didn’t actually say
he was he that’s where he was going i’m
sure well we’re at 36 minutes [ __ ]
that’s a good one there i think there
yeah i’m down to call it uh thank you
for everyone
for watching uh
yeah again we got merch we got some new
stuff coming out we got a brand new
website check out the website uh brand
new stuff
i put a bunch of merch there jack didn’t
put it on the store but it’s okay
um currently uh i’m currently cleaning
it out
currently uh remember that video no we
first moved to eugene i sent my mom
oh yeah we are currently cleaning it out
remember when you would put that chair
do the outro i’m gonna find that
remember when you put your chair on your
back and pretend you’re like a
it was a turtle but close i guess you
were doing the jurassic park theme song
you’re like
yeah but i’m saying that one i guess
could have been i don’t know
um anyways thank you for checking out
around the lunch table uh yeah so i do
want to plug we are
we are currently cleaning it out
so stupid are you like you actually
nailed that
we are currently cleaning about um the
hips and everything
yeah so we are we do have a uh we’re
planning something a little conspiracy
podcast thing it’s gonna be just like
an exclusive exclusive yeah what are we
where are we at it’s exclusive what are
we drinking
it’s exclusive who are we with it’s
yeah this podcast episode it’s exclusive
yes it is um yeah so we do have that
coming out uh we do have some
experts in the field and they’re such
big experts that we
they actually have need to be named
remain nameless
like not on cam so the one i mean we
don’t know when this is going to happen
it’s not going to be um it’s not going
to be video that’s going to be audio
yeah but i’m guaranteeing you this we
actually are pretty conspiracy
nuts ourselves but this is obviously a
comedy podcast that we don’t want to
rant on for a [ __ ] hour and a half
about [ __ ] but we have other people with
us might do a side thing just a
conspiracy you could check it out if you
if you’re into that then just listen to
another episode there’s 22 other ones
you listen to and i’m sure by that time
there’ll be a few more so yeah so uh
that is one we got coming out um
just you know to switch things up a
little bit um
so yeah uh check us out yeah i know um
like a news guy pulling a [ __ ] dad
joke you ever see those news guys you
like rap
and it’s like dude you’re 35 you’re not
gonna be the neutral remember that one
dude um when
roddy rich came up with the box and then
weatherman and when the rain’s about to
better get your socks it’s about to get
it’s gonna rain the whole dang day it’s
gonna get rainy
i applaud his showmanship i mean he’s
he’s taking
he’s doing the best with what he’s got
i’ll give him that i think the best one
i ever saw was
that one newscaster that did the weather
because you know how it’s like a green
screen behind him
and there’s nothing actually on there
and he wore like um
a skin suit all green and then skeleton
so look at the skeleton he’s like
in the picture for halloween i applaud
yeah that’s good you know bring a little
comedy to work it’s great
yeah anyways yeah uh
yeah uh anyways new website new merch
coming out soon we got the conspiracy
podcast in the works coming out soon as
um it’s gonna be a good time uh but yeah
check it out z where can they find you
they can find me at isaiah underscore
lazy on instagram
where can they find you is it fine at
jack underscore spencer you can find us
at around the lunch table on instagram
no thank you ma’am
on instagram uh pretty much every other
platform and if you
like to watch we’ve actually we don’t
get that miss me forever
no i driving alone
thank you my master danny kim was a
[ __ ]
dude two seconds into killing his and
he’s just like my master it’s like dude
don’t you want to like think about this
decision for a while
what what will what guys will do i don’t
understand that star wars scene when
he’s like
like shocking when the lightsaber was
bouncing at him don’t let him kill me
you’re shocking yourself
i know you dumb ass and it made your
[ __ ] face look like a ball sack
what happened there it was just like oh
by the way we need to make his face
well he electrocuted himself it’s like
wow he was really determined to turn
yeah god you got to plot a showmanship
um yeah you can check us out both out
yada yada yada rental and stable.com
check out the new website let us know
what you think
pretty cool spent some uh you should
really buy a t-shirt sales are really
heating up
they are um yeah that’ll pretty much do
it so
uh yeah so thank you everyone for
let’s get rowdy up in here

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Episode 22