J&Z talk about a goose that got beheaded, kids learning about dinosaurs, and highschool BS. Follow us on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/aroundthelunchtable/?hl=en
welcome back to around the lunch table
episode
21 21 we’re fresh and we’re legal baby
we’re ready to [ __ ] hit the clock
ready this is basically 21. that’s 21
weeks
yeah yeah it is yeah and why do [ __ ]
okay
hot take off the rip why do moms
call their babies weeks like four years
into it
it’s like it’s like i don’t know if they
do i don’t know if they do that but like
oh he’s 36 weeks i’m like
just saying or he’s like oh it’s the
months it’s the months
oh he’s um he’s 18 months it’s like so
he’s a year old he’s a year old
you’re in some change yeah yeah like
what the [ __ ] dude
imagine like he’s like four he’s
48 minutes yeah dude can you no what’s
funny is like uh
that sounds like what what what like a
pedophile would say he’s like
hold on hold on it’s like well she’s 15
and a half and i just turned 36.
i don’t know what it is with that but um
first and foremost we want to announce
our first sponsor bam
aperture ocean productions um bringing
films and ads to life
um shout out to jordan one of our
friends who did our buy estate
obaya who did a bunch of our ads and
pictures and stuff like that did an
amazing job works for them
and shout out to them and him as well
yes
uh jordan obaya uh he uh
we have some ads rolling out if you
haven’t seen him um he also did our
photo shoot for our website
uh a few new and he handeds and he did a
great job he did he did amazing yeah i
thought he was gonna show up with like
just
you know just like a iphone no not like
one of the
like one of those disposable cameras
dude the dude rolls up and he’s got a
cart
he’s like dude i’m gonna need help
trucking all this [ __ ] in so uh
if you guys haven’t noticed what you
guys won’t notice um
unless you’re watching you’re not unless
you’re watching we got
uh what is it called soft light
diffusing light it’s like a baseball
field light dude yeah it is nice but
it’s not harmful
excuse me it’s not harmful to the eyes
um so uh how was that i had to burp
[ __ ] seizure um so i
uh i was scrolling through
the old phone yeah seeing what’s up and
i’ve been waiting to tell you this i saw
the funniest headline it was uh
um town rallies over beheaded mother
goose
[Laughter]
so obviously i’m thinking like we need
to get a taxidermy down here like
rallies they got the signs bring back
the [ __ ] bring that goose
bring back goose move that bus
thinking goose thinking goose wait so
why do they care about so apparently
which one by the way
wind one of the deadliest of predators
um
apparently beheaded this statue of bruce
yeah it’s a it was a statue it wasn’t a
real goose oh i thought it was a real
goose
oh good i thought it was um no it was a
uh
it was it well it’s kentucky there’s the
first thing that makes sense
yeah i i’m just gonna admit i’m not from
the south
but i am not in the south or actually
yeah it’s more in the middle
what do they call the middle united
states because we’ve got the east coast
west
what they’re not in the west mid the mid
central well i mean saying
what if oklahoma is called the midwest
the whole
like it goes down it doesn’t stretch in
the east coast that’s east coast
so kentucky could be like half of it
east midwest it could be
crazy yeah did kentucky fried chicken
actually come from kentucky
kentucky colonel sanders he was from
kentucky right yeah wasn’t he a slave
owner
i mean probably let’s be honest with
that beard always wearing white he was
definitely on the kkk
yeah he looked like uh off a django
unchained when he rolls out with the
white suit yeah that’s exactly
yeah dude you want what i want god i
want so bad
because i usually i don’t have tats or
anything but i usually wear sleeves at
work like i have a nice jacket
over oh okay
okay i didn’t i wasn’t following it
first i said i don’t have tats so i wear
sleeves
i thought you meant like those fake
sleeves
you look like that i’m like why do you
want to look stupid
you haven’t seen those because those
look they’re like calling costumes and
[ __ ] i don’t know but dude what i don’t
get have you ever seen those ads it’s
like temporary tattoo lasts for 90 days
and it’s like
i don’t want a tattoo of a musician’s
note
and then okay imagine going to work be
like nice tags like thanks thanks it’s
not real
and then 90 days later where’s your tat
i got it removed i don’t know
[ __ ] weird um but the uh the [ __ ]
no where i was going with that is you
remember in django unchained
the gun and it comes out yeah yeah yeah
i mean i’d never use it but it’d just be
cool to be like you slap your arm on the
table and they hear a little
[ __ ] you know and it’s like yeah i’m
packing i got the blinky
yeah you only got one shot i think we’ve
rallied away from this mother goose
thing
yeah so the mother goose was beheaded by
the wind
um and so the mother goose
i just thought it was funny that the
town rallied it’s like you know like
when you know when you’re like in war
and it’s like they’re rallying the
troops through their king
you know and it’s like well what are
they doing
it’s like let’s be honest they had a
town hall meeting first of all
so they have a statue of a goose and the
wind chops its head off what is this
made out of tinfoil sounds like they did
a favor to the town
that’s a statue of a goose i guess they
do because they i
it’s our state bird i guess they really
have stupid birds
what is what is washington’s a [ __ ] i
know isn’t organs like a turkey or
something
a canary canary billy jean
even more important question why the
[ __ ]
this is an important question and this
is not very important this is not talked
about enough
why the [ __ ] are parents
quizzing their kids on the names of
dinosaurs
and like prehistoric creatures you know
what i’m
i’m 25 now it’s never gotten me out of a
jam it’s never gotten me out of trouble
it’s never i’m saying i’ve i’ve seen
people talk about this before but it is
this one this one comedian did a bit
about samurail did and he talked about
my great
dude he’s so right because why the [ __ ]
half the [ __ ] we learned like dude
samurail had a funny bit on this he was
like imagine you get
he get pulled over you get it the cops
try to give you a dui
and the cop pulls out a card what
dinosaur is this psychosource step out
of the vehicle
like it’s serious though why the [ __ ] do
it like why do why do the kids need to
know that why
why i was forced to memorize an entire
paragraph romeo and juliet which i think
did woo me my woman but at the same time
it was like i mean i still know it
but it’s we learned so much dumb [ __ ]
and
okay here’s the thing about english
class we all know how to speak english
like i don’t need to know the it’s
i’m just english composition it’s not
the language trying to learn english
but i get what you’re saying the problem
was is like
we came out you know fresh out the at
the pen
i don’t know what they call high school
fresh out the [ __ ]
dirty streets here yeah yeah yeah yeah
and it’s like oh
no idea about tax returns that’s what i
was gonna say
w-2s none of that [ __ ] no
no you know credit no anything yeah and
it’s like oh
so i got a job i made money this year
so i’m going to watch this tutorial for
taxes and [ __ ] you know what i’m saying
from this 12 year old [ __ ] kid
named january you’re not told that all
it’s like they an economics class
might might slide in a roth ira account
and that’s it yeah it’s like hey if you
put 10 of your income
into an s p 500 account when you’re
95 you’ll have 500 000 it’s like
[Music]
if everything goes well it’s so funny
because i remember economics class my
senior year this girl was like
that he mentioned like a roth ira or
something like that and then this girl
yeah my father’s been putting money away
from like ever like and it’s been
growing ever since and then this guy
that packs like son of a [ __ ]
all right sydney subtle flex yeah that’s
the other thing like
with school it was
when you leave and you enter the real
world there is very
there is a out of the big huge pile of
things
high school i used five percent i used a
pinch maybe yeah
maybe maybe i remember like stressing
over this geometry test like god can i
find the area of a parallelogram
why the [ __ ] do i need to know that am i
an engineer yeah no
i’m not going to be why do i need to
know that why why do i need one calculus
i’m not going to use it unless i’m going
to a field that requires i’m not going
to need it
like why do i need to know these
formulas
for these shapes the pentagons and
hexagons why do i need to find that why
am i gonna am i gonna be am i gonna be
the jam one day someone’s gonna mad
you better solve the area of this
parallelogram a square plus p squared
equals c squared
like so have you ever seen like a
hexagon in real life
like like on a train it’s like hey man
can you like chop this wood in a
hexagonal painted pet
it’s like no i’m not gonna [ __ ] do
that you don’t use any of that [ __ ] and
everyone can agree because it’s
it’s [ __ ] a whole nine year it’s all
[ __ ] you know we need to do
alternative schooling
i’m just kidding it’s a joke no but yeah
the uh
no the the other thing is is it’s like
oh here’s a great question what so you
and i went to high school for three
years together right
two two two years two years
um but we went to middle school in
elementary school together yeah mostly
so
yeah uh what was your go-to way to cheat
because i know you cheated your ass off
um like during a test do you mean yeah
um i think i really stuck with
the well because everyone would be
leaning over most of the people
unless the sweats would [ __ ] cover
their no one’s covering their paper at a
certain amount
so i would do the old i would course
like look at the teacher and they’re
always doing something most the time
occasionally they would look up they’re
walking around like a rooster
no i would do like the casual like not
like the far lean back but i would like
be like this
and then i’d lean straight up keep eye
on the teacher and then last minute look
and then pin bam and then the teacher
got up and like walked around
back turned good dude i remember or get
up and get a tissue
um no that was always good but that was
that’s only that you can only use that
for like
god my nasal allergies were just crazy
during testing you can only use that a
pinch but i would use that at the end if
i didn’t need it but i remember like
in my school when i went to public
because cascade private school when i
went to north
i’d better off just doing it myself
because they’re all stupid so
cause i’m saying because in most of
class in the public school classes
almost all of them were trying to look
on other people’s [ __ ] i’m like yeah
[ __ ] it’s like don’t don’t look online
i’m looking on his
well i remember uh our senior year they
came out with these like
everything was a bubble test and it went
through this like automatic greater
scantron
yep yeah lazy ass teachers great at
yourself
yeah once upon a time teachers created
it themselves yeah and
i remember so you would get an a test
and a yeah right
yeah but the thing is is you’d have the
tests and then your answers
but it was the same questions just in
different yeah
then i’d be like okay so for 13 so i
look over okay his 13 is my number two
and he put a
so i just put eight you’re so smart yeah
uh
i remember okay this is the worst thing
about private school
was okay we’re 17 years old i don’t need
to
memorize bible verses anymore and it
wasn’t just a verse it was a [ __ ]
paragraph
yeah and i do remember writing the whole
so i’d wear athletic shorts
on friday the story and it’s complete
overkill and i’d write it on my knee and
then i just
yeah i lift it up i got an a
i’ve so did everyone else congrats
unless they memorize the bible verse
no you know what they all did they
[ __ ] cheated so did i
total overkill most of them would just
look at their phone and like had a
picture of it already and just like
peeked at it every five seconds
i do have a crazy story so i actually
i started a website called cc cheats dot
tk i remember
yes i remember that and so the people so
i never made any money it was a horrible
businessman i lost all my [ __ ] [ __ ]
but uh so it was called cc cheats dot tk
and actually people used it the problem
was i could not figure out how to link
a paypal account to people to buy it but
uh
so the people in first period so it was
like anonymous remember remember the app
text him yep i do it was anonymous text
numbers the people in first period
it would have like a random number that
you can see yeah and so they would
take a picture of it and there’s always
christian cameras oh he always did it
yeah
and so he would take a picture of it and
send it to the thing just being a g like
gaining nothing yeah and then it would
automatically go on the website yeah
so people the next period could be
sitting in the hallway like oh these are
the questions
great business venture idea but zero
money made
it was definitely a tank thing but your
payment wasn’t smiles
yes you know what i i gotta put a lot of
people through
the other thing i did get caught for one
time so remember at cascade there was a
there was uh the wi-fi was like
you know you had to like agree and it
would block like social media and [ __ ]
yeah yeah yeah
so i went to the library and i noticed
underneath the outlets there was
ethernet ports yeah yeah yeah yeah
so i my dad had all these routers
because it worked oh no
so i took a router and you plug it in
just to be a [ __ ] piece of
like just let me know i was a rapper
this i actually made money on i charged
people five dollars for the password
which after like four people everyone
just shared the password yeah exactly
yeah but i hid it behind the books in
the library
and then apparently somehow it [ __ ]
with the other internet and mr booker
had to call like an i.t specialist down
and pay him a [ __ ] load of money
and they found it and they eventually
went to my mom my mom grabbed it and
said yeah this is james’s my dad
confirmed it
oh yeah yeah but you know what i was an
entrepreneur
you’re an opportunist but yeah yeah i
was i was opportunist yes exactly
uh didn’t make a whole lot of money but
i got a few focaccia bread from holy
grail
dude that [ __ ] that
friend slapped come lunchtime it was
good here’s your thing about schools man
they just ordered [ __ ] from [ __ ]
costco
and they charged us up the ass you’re
taking advantage of kids i know here’s a
[ __ ] slice of bread for eight bucks
the whole bread the whole loaf was four
dude do you remember
at our [ __ ] middle school that grace
yes
friday’s was pizza day right yeah it was
yeah yeah yeah how much did a hot lunch
cost four dollars and fifty cents
for one slice of little caesar’s pizza
and to get like a chocolate milk you
needed a milk card
yeah how much how much is a little
caesar pizza at the time five bucks
for the whole thing they’re making a
doll of an entire pizza for the slice do
you remember outside the door there’d be
like stacks
dude they’re taking advantage of kids
100 and and it’s private school
every single one of these kids parents
are paying thousands of dollars
to go here it’s like we’re reading [ __ ]
yeah
greedy [ __ ] we’re just gonna take more
also there
it’s funny looking back because you
noticed like
there was a lot of like they would get
mad at you because like oh my god where
does all that money go
to the higher ups yeah probably i’m
saying
if i was some of them were dripping bro
yeah all the teachers made [ __ ]
i’m sorry that’s what i’m saying i’m
saying how could you be a teacher at
private school and see all that
and not be like okay i need to [ __ ]
hire like
public schools i get it because like
they have to get funding i understand
why
yeah i understand why it’s kind of hard
but private schools
each single kid walking around that
school
their parents are paying thousands of
dollars and for them to go there on top
of that they’ll start the auction and be
like we need money
i know it’s like it’s like 100 and then
or like something will happen and
like yeah something will happen hey we
need donations how about you pay for it
if you’re just
how do you pay for it if you want
something our superintendent who sits on
his desk all day needs to make 300 grand
a year so
yeah so we need this donation for kids
in africa but we’re never gonna send
anything over there
dude the funniest meme i ever saw was uh
dude [ __ ] you know how like white
girls will go to like nicaragua
and just take pictures of all the kids
like it’s like
they don’t they want money they just
need help
they want money they don’t want selfies
with [ __ ] britney
you get you you i think it’s i
i mean i get why they take pictures it’s
like a memory type thing i’m saying but
like
it’s kind of but obviously they’re not
thinking of it like that but it’s a
mission
to help people it’s just like from like
and like from their perspective like
let’s just say a parent of one of those
kids or something i’d be like [ __ ] these
people
yeah like they’re just taking pictures
with michael it’s like yeah we’re living
making them
feel better about themselves and i’m not
saying going like doing that is bad i’m
not saying that
but give them money that’s what they
want they don’t want your [ __ ]
needs yeah but yeah i don’t know yeah um
[Music]
[Laughter]
another thing so i saw
on the interwebs i’m trying to remember
i thought that’s what i’m going
actually i have something oh okay hit it
up
i have to pull it up first hold on can
you imagine if brave blades of grass
were like little tongues licking your
feet
what what would you do i’m not even
going to answer that i’d do a split
i saw that on twitter
[Music]
dude have you ever seen the thing where
babies don’t touch grass
have you seen that no no no okay okay
i’m about to read it but okay okay but
hold on
you’re not looking at me i want you to
look at me
i’m looking at you because it kiss me
back through this just do it because
you’re back to the mic
thank you you ever seen that thing where
like they take babies and their like
legs are dangling and they put them with
grass they go
they’re just like you’re talking to
their body like dude kids know something
about grass that we don’t know
dude kids know a lot of things because
there’s a lot of things they see that
people can’t see but that’s another
that’s a story for the time so here’s
the funny [ __ ] article i found this
is a
newspaper article so it’s a basketball
article for a woman’s
high school team and so i guess i’m
guessing their school name is the
lumberjacks or whatever and so their
basketball team is the lady jacks i
don’t [ __ ] know okay guys
this so the article meant to say like
the team’s off to a hot start in
conference but their name’s lady jack so
it says lady jack’s off to star
to hot start in conference there it is
lady jack yeah that’s what i’m saying so
obviously they meant like
the so-and-so are off to heart starting
conference lady jack’s off to a hot
start in conference i just thought that
was funny
it’s funny because i made it through
publishers i know and they but like
they’re stupid
but i put a will feral quote in my
yearbook and it gets denied
i didn’t make it in the yearbook my
senior year due to unforeseen
circumstances
yeah no but everyone had a senior quote
and i sent one in and i got to not like
of course like i sent it in like a day
before the deadline i was just like okay
not thinking it’s gonna because it
wasn’t bad what was the quote it was
from will ferrell um
talladega nights um i’m the best there
is i wake up in the morning i piss
excellence that’s what it was you were
you put the word piss that’s why yeah
piss but then other people were putting
disregard females acquire currency
because like the [ __ ] [ __ ] get money
let’s see the proper version
like so many people do everyone’s like
dude that’s so sick i’m like no it’s not
disregard females or the choir currency
that’s so
stupid my quote that was gonna be my
quote was life is a beach i’m just
playing in the same
little way now yeah that was mine that
is good i remember uh
like it would have been mine but i got
the boot i remember i
yeah the big old fat boot i remember i
got a i had to turn it in so andrea was
in a
yearbook i had to turn that into her and
no it was mrs boyd as well and they
thought it was like
weird or wrong and it’s like there’s
something wrong there’s nothing wrong at
all
it’s like it’s wheezy one of your guys
employees is [ __ ] some others
mrs pokenogan didn’t she like didn’t she
like
it was emotional cheating
what the [ __ ] is that um
like sexting uh we’ll cut out the part
where you said her name but so we had
this person
no we’re not gonna we’re not gonna cut
it out okay perfect i love that
hot take it’s wrong it’s raw [ __ ]
content
um i’m sure when the staff was ratting
me out they didn’t they didn’t refrain
from using my first name yeah exactly i
remember
what’s funny is like these are grown ass
adults
yeah people in their 40s yeah
y’all are [ __ ] or y’all are not
[ __ ] you don’t want just going to a
movie theater and
i know talking like like high schoolers
you maybe could pass so i’m like oh we
just hung
but that’s not what goes on when you’re
an adult y’all are 40 you have two kids
you know what sex is
obviously yeah yeah you guys know what
it’s like well we just hung out at a
taco time and had [ __ ] quesadillas
and it’s like no it was wait wasn’t it
just some other employee or something or
was it
it was someone in the church because it
was like the church was like crying with
the thing
it’s ironic because then they would get
on us for i remember do you remember
when oh wait you weren’t
okay you didn’t so like it was my
sophomore year or whatever like
sophomore year you were at cascada yeah
it was my first party i’m saying
that’s the drew’s we went to a party
obviously at someone and we in the
school was like interviewing people
about my
this has nothing to do with school at
all
dude what’s so funny about that is like
looking back on it now
like at the time we’re kids or thinking
like oh my god i’m gonna get in trouble
you could just say no
yeah i know but i’m saying we all we all
got together like me brandon like all of
us got our jake got our stories together
and [ __ ]
because we were like we’re all just
going to say no you know we were just
hanging out and we just you know
and then then levi [ __ ] it all up and
then
we [ __ ] we all had the same statements
like oh yeah we were just
we were just chilling and then uh yeah
we just hung out we didn’t do anything
we said basically we said we didn’t do
anything yeah
and then levi goes in there just i got
really drunk and i had fun
i’m like what the [ __ ] what are you
doing dude you know what’s crazy that
those people
actually like i’m saying who the why the
how the [ __ ] can you punish someone for
that like you know what i mean why did
they give a [ __ ] i feel like they got
off on it it’s like you got nothing else
going on in your life i’m gonna
yeah i’m just gonna stop these teenagers
and see what the [ __ ] they’re up to to
get them in trouble
but it’s like dude looking back on it
it’s like there’s so many times i could
just say no
and they’d be like well this person said
that okay prove me wrong
yeah exactly yeah yeah like there was
like what are they gonna do put me in
front of a court of law yeah
i’m saying because you’re teenagers and
you’re just you don’t think that like
they’re authority you’re a little more
you’re a little more successful
intimidated a little bit you know what i
mean [ __ ] they broke me
i could have just been like nah i wasn’t
there i’m gonna call greg starscission
i’m gonna run it in yo shout out uh not
our sponsor but greg sarciskin
that’s jack’s lawyer yeah uh dudes got
me out
dudes got me out of three traffic
tickets now
that dudes whatever he’s got whatever he
whatever he’s doing over there and i was
with him i was with him on one of them
there’s no way he gets out of that
without paying anything and he got out
without paying i don’t know
what he charged me for was like 80 85
and a 60 65
and he got out of it the funniest thing
was z z so
me and z are going down to a bachelor
party in oregon
and it’s like five minutes yeah five
minutes into the drive we were jammed
into a control big sean kendrick lamar
and
jay electronica um we were jamming
where’s that song
it was that’s how i was and so we’re
going like 85 and a 55.
i get pulled over and i try to do the
whole you know like
but you’re not a girl and you don’t have
tits so yeah i don’t have tits so he
gives me a ticket
and so i’m like and so instantly i’m
like this guy’s got me out of two
already so i hand z my phone like take a
picture send it to greg he’s in my
contacts
z types in fresh off the press i press
send
dude that’s what’s funny about like the
[ __ ] legal system is it’s like
so i got two tickets for when we lived
in south hill yeah yeah
so if i took the carpool lane i got to
work in 20 minutes if i didn’t i got to
work in 45
so i just took the car pooling every day
right so one
or twice there was a motorcycle so there
was like this curve on i-5
there was a motorcycle cop sitting there
so he goes around like oh [ __ ] so i turn
to the other lane obviously he pulls me
over he doesn’t even say anything he’s
like
you know what you were doing yep and i
said yep and he hands me the ticket
sent it to big old greg and he’s like
yeah we uh we proved that you didn’t
do the interaction it’s like how like i
was obviously in the floor because
listen to this because i’m saying
it actually is true like if you go
because i’m saying there’s not a single
cop that will go to [ __ ]
court when they pull you know what i’m
saying but if it’s proven because they
never go
and you never go i’m saying if you show
up that like there’s a good chance you
could [ __ ] get it removed
the great thing about greg again not
sponsored but i’m plugging you greg
uh i didn’t have to show up yeah he just
did it for you he was like yeah i’ll
i’ll appear in your in your honor i’m
like all right cool
he just takes care of it big dick greg
big dick greg dude he sends me back a
thing he’s like yeah i proved that you
didn’t
was it like the next day yeah i was just
like what well no no the [ __ ]
that evening they sent me back okay your
court date isn’t like a month or
whatever greg will appear in your honor
i’m like all right cool and then
like i have it on my calendar and then
then like the next day after the court
date
yeah we proved that you didn’t commit
the infractions like i was going 85-55
like but the thing was
let’s be honest here that’s the thing i
[ __ ] hate
i’m on the freeway flowing with traffic
slash there’s [ __ ] maniacs
speeding past me going way faster than i
am and i’m the one that gets pulled over
yeah how the [ __ ] does that happen did
you get slapped on a hood one time
on my hood yeah i did i believe that was
in our apartment parking lot wasn’t it
and i watched it i mean it’s
oh that was no i ain’t something at that
time but no i was oh
that’s a good one that i was thinking
another time but i’m saying
i got off work because i used to work at
dickies so like i shout out dickies shot
diggies
dickies we’re not plugging you yeah
we’re not fans unplugged
but if you have any actual mashed
potatoes running around like sitting
around i’ll take them
um those brisket sandwiches um no
they’re the fries
the fries are good anyway did i used to
come in you just served me i’d give you
i was under 21 i’d just be like i’d show
him like my real id i would i’d be like
this
because it’s got cameras and then he
tried he’d give i don’t know if i want
to say this but he give me
give me the military discount i’d pay
like four dollars for forty dollars
or like he’d get like two sandwiches
well like
i took and i would just charge like a
medium frame
no you charged me for a slider that’s
what it was i remember yeah it’s like a
dollar or two i remember me and aaron
went there
and dickie was kind of expensive and it
was like 38 dollars in food and you
charged me like three bucks yeah like
i went there with austin once and he’s
charged me full price
no but because at that point in the
evening it’s like i’m i’m the big guy on
campus at that point anyways
so i’m i drive home and i’m sitting in
my car
like i was like have you ever you’ve got
home from work and just like got
distracted on your phone for like 10
minutes
so like and obviously that apartment was
just sketchy all around anyways but
i’m literally sit i pull into the drive
i pull in the parking lot i park
i’m just on my phone like just texting
people back on twitter i just got
distracted for like 10-15 minutes damn
all the hoes then all of a sudden i just
there’s a flashlight just in my [ __ ]
face i’m like
what the [ __ ] and i was so i opened my
door i’m like hello
it’s a [ __ ] cop he’s like it’s your
car sir i’m like so yes this is my car
that i am sitting in
this is the one i watched for yeah yeah
yeah on the top there because you said
you were home
yeah i was home and i’m sitting there
he’s like this is your car i’m like yes
this is my car why would i
break into someone’s car then sit on my
phone why would i do that and he’s like
he’s questioning he’s like okay would
you step on the vehicle then please arm
like what the [ __ ] so i like
i reached in the glove box so i was like
okay i’m obviously gonna grab the title
and just [ __ ] show him
he’s like he’s like whoa whoa whoa keep
your hands up sir i’m like like you got
a blinky i’m like
oh my god so i step out he’s like he’s
like inspecting everything what are you
out doing tonight i’m like
i just got off work he’s like where do
you work i’m like well judging by my
uniform i work at dickies
he’s like okay he’s like well you have
the title or a proof of insurance or
anything i’m like
so i pull everything it’s amazing all
right sorry about this there’s there’s
been a lot of carjackings around here
i’m like
yeah yeah yeah i’m just sitting here
brown that’s why [ __ ] you
son of a [ __ ] get just like your father
you’ll never be [ __ ] duck i uh
so i have a story with that so there was
this there was this girl that worked at
safeway
and when i was working there in medford
and so i finally got to like hang out
with her you know
was how old was she she’s older than me
but yeah but i’m saying
we’re like 19 you’re at 19 right it was
17 and she was like 25 or something i
don’t know
james hanging out with the old girls
hanging out with the oldies
jay and the oldies i remember i used to
always hang out my sister’s because my
sister’s few years older
yeah at our house she’d always have her
friends over and i was like it’s my time
you’re like i always forget sophie i
always flirt with all her friends
i mean it is some good some good i felt
cool 100 100 i was walking
you know the next day i woke up i walked
a little taller that day yeah that’s
good
yeah my sister never had friends over so
yeah never got that luxury actually she
didn’t have a hot friend her name
was uh hey oh my god speaking of which
do you remember when your sister
had that foreign exchange student from
france marie marie
and my cousin richard tried to like get
with her well that’s not surprising but
i’m saying shout out richard i don’t
know where you’re at okay well at the
time she was like 13.
no 15 15 16. yeah richard was like 17.
okay one there you go maybe i think she
was like 14 richard was like 17 so it
wasn’t no
either way i’m saying if i recall
correctly
she was very good-looking she wasn’t bad
the only thing is is that her accent was
oh dude her voice dude she drew me
uh so she always saw me playing halo so
she was an amazing artist
amazing and she drew the halo cover out
of pencil and put it in a frame for me
that’s actually you know and she bought
me a scarf and i’m like damn i’m about
to bang this [ __ ]
you’re like 12. yeah i was like oh my
god
dude she was and she was really quiet
but like
the quiet ones
those are the freakiest you gotta watch
out for those ones no but i’m saying i
remember because i think i was like
13 or 14 but i’m saying like she was i
was like damn she’s cute
yeah i uh hello she’s like hello my name
is murphy yeah i’m marie i’m like
i was like hello i will meet you in
france
yeah uh i forgot what i was gonna say um
what were we talking about before that i
don’t [ __ ] know
no uh yeah marie was bad
[Laughter]
like we’re like i like because at that
age when you’re that young like
you think you could pull anything i know
you’re like remember like like you’re 12
years old it’s like a 30
32 year old milf in the story like i can
pull that yeah easily it’s like yeah
she’s definitely staring at me and i got
like [ __ ] zits all over my face
and a [ __ ] like a halo team you wear
like shorts down your shins yeah
and i’m [ __ ] barefoot yeah i can pull
this boots
dude i got the game i can do it i’m
spitting game right now
remember i thought i could get one on
one of my teachers
you know what’s crazy i think okay
listen
i think those scenarios were not so
out of reach yes for one because now
that i look back i’m saying there was
tons of instances still flirting and
yeah i’m saying
that me or other classmates that i’ve
had seen or like kind of
now that i look back i’m like that was
definitely like a flirty-ish yeah it was
like
it was like you would come off a summer
break jack my goodness you’ve grown
first of all i had this teacher
was my freshman year at north anyone
who’s listened to this who listened this
far
who went to north who remembers miss
neely
she was hot i don’t care she was hot
i she wants some of that brown but she
was single and so miss janse was single
too but i’m saying
they weren’t like overly with but i’m
saying i definitely
seen or like observed some very
situations i’m like
huh but like back then i was like 14
something is a lot of
women like that they’ll never cross the
line yeah they’ll just
they’ll they’ll tell the total oh they
will ride that fence post off we know
some people
oh we do we do people like that
but they never because the thing is if
they cross that line they can get in
trouble but if it’s up to them it’s like
oh i’m just being nice like i know what
you’re doing yeah yeah it’s just you
gotta
how close you can get to the line you
know what i mean exactly but where who
sets the line
i hope that line gets pushed further not
by me
because i don’t want to be the but the
thing is you don’t want to be that piece
of [ __ ] but you’re still going to be
responsible if it’s not you
so the thing is is like when it’s a
teacher
they’re the ones who get it it’s like
russian roulette it’s like someone’s
gonna like you went back and forth
someone at some point’s gonna but it’s
not hopefully it’s not me
one one out of six i’ll take those
chances yeah yeah
[ __ ] yeah the uh teachers
i never like i remember
the problem is when you’re like 12 13 14
there’s just a million thoughts
you’ve also just discovered that your
weenie gets hard too there’s a lot of a
lot of thoughts and a lot of weird
things going on
i remember like actually thinking this
and i’m not even kidding
because i had no idea what anything did
i was like wow like my penis gets hard
when i think about women why is that
it’s like oh you start going through
you’re like okay okay what’s going on
here and it’s like all right well i
learned math from mr getman so let’s try
to put this into one
let me find the area of my wiener yes
next time i get to choose where where
the base is
yeah the uh have you ever met me
have you ever have you ever measured
your penis no
i don’t think so i have i think when i
was like 15. yeah it was when i was very
young yeah like 15. now i don’t want to
because i want to just like yeah i’ve
grown
yeah it’s like yeah look at me yeah it’s
funny you can imagine someone like you
know how
when you’re little kids like i don’t
know who by the way who the [ __ ] did
this i don’t know
they draw like pencil marks of
everyone’s height yeah let’s ruin the
[ __ ] wall anyways
and they’re drawing pencils like okay
i grew one inch since two years ago it’s
like well going in the garage my dad’s
craftsman
[ __ ] fat max [ __ ] tape measure
your gas leaks probably like 12. easily
yeah
easy yeah and then you go on hot or not
and be like yeah it’s
hot or not oh my god or you would put
the tape measure like
really far down and then be like yeah
it’s nine and then take a picture
i don’t think i ever did that but well
can’t say the same
dude hot or not was like the og tinder
well yeah
yeah yeah yeah that was like tinder
stole it you swope let you swoop
you swept left if it were well the thing
is i don’t it
it’s all within like legal things you
can’t like
put a patent on a ability to swipe
unless it’s in your you know i’m saying
it’s free game if
it’s not like you know what i mean if
it’s not stated that this is your thing
or you get a patent
it’s free game that’s pretty game yeah i
get that
anyways we’re about about 35 minutes
we’ll uh
yes we are call it we’re yeah we’re at
that point um by the way
we are within 50 downloads of
2 000. i don’t know what the [ __ ]
happened on monday
yeah something happened on monday we got
like a [ __ ] ton of d7 downloads from 77
different
devices yeah i don’t know what the [ __ ]
happened but
thank you um and i’m telling you what it
feels like
a month ago ish ago we were we
were like oh a thousand and we sell
february actually it wasn’t even yeah it
was a month yeah
that was like yeah we were celebrating a
thousand and we’re almost at 2 000. so
let’s [ __ ]
go thank you everyone for listening and
we’re definitely going to roll out some
new merch come summertime we’ve talked
about this in the last podcast
where there’s going to be two-piece
high-waisted bikini atl t’s coming out
champion with champion fanny packs
embroidered atlt with champion
champion sweatshirts long sleeves
etcetera etcetera taken all that [ __ ]
shortly exactly the uh iphone cases
so we had a new website roll out check
it out around lunchtable.com and with
that new website we’re integrating we’re
currently working on it
our development team is working non-stop
day and night uh
wait which is me but uh we are
uh the development team jason jerry
maker of cc cheats
yes i got from cc cheats around the
lunch table you know
you just know what you’re good at the uh
we are
i am currently integrating our store
into the website uh and we have a lot
more merch coming out thank you for
everyone who’s been buying the merch
and listening to the podcast so and
james where can i find you
they can find me at jack underscore
spence on instagram and you find me
isaiah underscore
lesney and or on the run lunch table
instagram find us both there
but uh that is gonna be it for episode
21. um
we will see you next week and
see ya
let’s get rowdy up in here
